But my god ive been here 3 days and im already being given some whimpy silent treatment bc i got frustrated that i kept being like, 'go for two years' 'dont do that you cant handle it' 'try this' 'you can do this?'
Like obcessing makes me anxious so im like angry but im also like guys i just need to cool off you transfer your anxiety of my future onto me then i get fixated and panic for like weeks and you guys wonder why im panicking. My brains dumb and i am too pls ahhh
And then its like 'im sorry didn't know i was doing things wrong' thing is you arent, you're just kinda pushing my buttons man, like, cool down
Anyway silent treatmenty sulky crap, no eyecontact
Im just so tired b/c like ive been frustrated over something daily and ive admitted im a bit of a bitch but like, sometimes i just. Dont want to watch you gamble or whatever. But asking to do something else often results in 'oh gosh i messed up' sulk town which is also liek afdklsjasfk
And the constant 'move back here ;3' like
'Have ya'll considered i have plans made out several states away and dont want to move back, im enjoying myself, i live w someone ive dated over 5 years'
'They arent more important than me, your MOTHER'
'No but mom being away from you means i have grown up'
'Mom your overprotectiveness was a big barrier in me growing up'
'No, you're 22 so that's why you're better now'
I walk into this house, all my enegry is gone. BEING HERE makes me tired. I want to do nothing all day, and not be around them, b/c it's TIRING. I dont want to talk all the time, sometimes, i just want to listen to music. I know i dont see them often but
First day i was here noises of the home triggered my anxiety. Thankfully due to therapy and meds i didn't panic or spiral but like
Before id be hiding in my room unable to breathe and crying.
I just. Leave me alone, please, ill visit but stop guilt tripping me into staying, it's horrid....
