well you see there was a really fun scene where everybody had guns pointed at river and an order to shoot to kill and i was like huh wouldn't it be a shame if-
16. Is there any written scene that you think about a lot?
oh probably this one :)
Every time he tries to talk it makes this horrible gurgling sound, wet and muffled and devastating. And he won’t stop, no matter how many times Louisa tells him to shut up. There’s something desperate and panicked in River’s eyes and he just keeps fucking talking. It’s more than his usual stubbornness, it’s frantic. But he isn’t begging for help, not anything like that. No, it’s like he knows he’s already past that point, that no one can help him now and there are things he needs to say anyway.
Blood trickles down the corner of River’s mouth as his lips move, trying to form words. Air whistles like it was supposed to have been shaped into something with meaning, damp and inadequate.
“Stop it,” she tells him, ignoring the thick sound of her own voice, the burning in her eyes. “Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up, River.”
“L- Llll-”
It’s just a letter at first, maybe her name, and if this stupid motherfucker dies any faster because he was trying to say her name, a word that she very much already knows thank you, then Louisa is going to bring him back so that she can kill him herself.
“Shut up,” she says again. River’s head moves. It’s just a twitch, not even anything close to a shake, but he still tries it. Pain crescendos in Louisa’s chest and she shakes her own head in response, and then hates herself for it just the smallest bit. He was too weak to manage it, and she’d gone and done it right back, like rubbing it in, making sure he knew how far gone he was. And then River is trying again, choking letters, syllables out of his bloody mouth, and it wasn’t her name he was trying to say at all.
It’s a mess, hardly intelligible at all, but Louisa can tell exactly what River is trying to say and it makes her feel like someone has gone at her with a rib spreader like they use in heart surgery. It’s the worst thing anyone has ever said to her, and she will never forgive him for it.
“L-llllll— lov— v— ve you,” he gasps. Again, slightly more audible, “Love you.” Then, horribly, “S’rry.”
“Fuck you,” she tells him, and she can barely feel herself say it. “Oh, god, fuck you, River.” There’s no coherent reaction on his face, not past the contorted mess of panic and the way he just keeps staring at her like she’s the only thing left on earth that he can make any sense out of. Fuck you for saying that right now, Louisa thinks, his heart pumping his life away moment by moment against her palm. A droplet falls from her chin, hits his cheek and spatters, and he doesn’t react at all. I’m not saying it back. I won’t fucking say it back, you asshole, I’m not giving you the fucking satisfaction. “Stop acting like you’re going to fucking die. We’re not doing that shit, we are not doing any ‘last words’ shit right now.”
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12. How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?
Bwahaha, I'm so bad about starting and briefly vibing with WIPs that I try not to even count them 😂 I have draft notes for six further chapters of my Meryl and Milly fic, a short little Meryl and Milly rom-com oneshot, some WIPs for Ladies' Week and Sapphic Week, and potentially two multichapter projects I'm trying to get up the nerve to draft and write. Oh, and a Vashwood piece I've had in the works for a hot minute but that keeps getting delayed by stuff for event weeks and such. Beyond that, innumerable little things that will hopefully one day become big things!
17. Your favorite character to write this year?
I don't think it's going to shock anyone who's been subscribed to me lately that it's Meryl, but can I just say she came out of goddamn nowhere with a steel chair? I knew as I was reading Trigun that I had a lot of thoughts about her and that I related really strongly to the core of her arc (thank you, crying breakdown I had at the end of the Little Arcadia chapters; goddamn you, Nightow), but somewhere along the way something clicked into place hard and now I'm so honored to be someone whose iteration of Meryl people really seem to appreciate and have kind things to say about. It means so much to me people love what I do with her.
19. What's one pairing you want to explore next year?
There are definitely pairings I want to write more of, like Meryl/Milly in a romantic sense and Qifrey/Olruggio, but one pairing I have tried out privately but never posted anything for is Harley Quinn/Poison Ivy, and I hope that next year I'll finally get something out there. I love the two of them and that ship means a whole lot to me and brings me a lot of comfort, so I would love to write something for them.