#gildie

@suldreen-saga described this as the “Shakespeare Modern Version.” Enjoy! Thank you to her and to @when-all-hope-feels-lost for their feedback!

 Sophie is big brain.

*Fork Man has joined the chat*

*Hot Teal Boi has joined the chat*

Hot Teal Boi: u don't belong here. come to paradise.

Sophie: hahaha—r u n

*Pole has joined the chat*

Pole: D I E

Sophie: hard pass my dudes

Hot Teal Boi: l i s t e n  u r  ELF

Sophie: lol ok as long as u hold my hand

Hot Teal Boi: fair

*Teal Boi Senior has joined the chat*

Sophie must pass The Test

Sophie passes The Test

*Della has joined the chat*

*Glitter Girl has joined the chat*

Glitter Girl: that dress it’s mine

*Cowboy Dad and Cowboy Mom have joined the chat*

*Tech Boi has joined the chat*

Sophie starts The School

*Destruction has joined the chat*

*Ice Ice Boi has joined the chat*

Ice Ice Boi: lol u r dead meat

Sophie: ._.

Ice Ice Boi: AWAY TO THE HEAL WE GOO

*Elwin has joined the chat*

*Destruction has left the chat*

*Verminion has joined the chat*

Verminion: die

Cowboy Dad: NOT UPON THE WATCH OF I

Cowboy Dad: ok now Sophie pick up the dead things kthx

Sophie: but wait.... THIS ONE IS A L I V E

*Iggy has joined the chat*

*dramatic music has joined the chat*

Sophie: THIS CREATURE NEEDS MORE LIFE

Cowboy Mom: ok

Sophie: smells bad but I want it

Cowboy Mom: ok

*Splotch has joined the chat*

Splotch: ok now throw things at each other

Sophie: I am UNDEFEATED I am CHAMPION

Hot Teal Boi: oh no u didnt

*Destruction has rejoined the chat*

Elwin: lol I thought u didn’t like me

*Destruction has left the chat*

*Midterms has joined the chat*

Sophie: I AM SMOL BRAIN I HAVE NO BRAIN CELLS

Tech Boi: here, have some brain cells

Sophie: thanks but it’s not enough brain cells

Sophie: *cheats*

Sophie:

Sophie:

Sophie: oh no that was big dumb.

Teal Boi Senior: never fear. i am here!

Sophie: no but like I was really big dumb

*Detention has joined the chat*

*Sir Astin has joined the chat*

Tech Boi: ok so we need to find stars and steal their light

Sophie: sounds legit

Sophie: i feel like we should steal light from this completely blank spot in the sky

Tech Boi: what could go wrong?

*Destruction has joined the chat*

Elwin: GET OUTTA HERE

Sir Astin: YEAH

*Destruction has left the chat*

*Terik has joined the chat*

Terik: ok lemme just creepily decide if you have the potential to be a good person

*Finals have joined the chat*

Finals: lol have fun

Tech Boi: Sophie since you’re low on brain cells, this elixir will give you more

Sophie: sounds good

Sophie: *takes elixir*

*Destruction has rejoined the chat*

Elwin: Seriously??? Sophie? How???

*Destruction has left the chat*

*Gildie has joined the chat*

Gildie: FLAPPITY FLAPPITY SMACKITY SMACKITY

Cowboy Dad: WUT NO BAD BIRD

Sophie: no dad you just need some fire

Sophie: *sets bird on fire*

Cowboy Dad: Sophie literally u are so dumb and yet ur dumb always works out

Sophie: yes

*Black Swan has joined the chat*

Black Swan: Sophie your parents are dying do something illegal

Sophie: um I’ll think about it

Cowboy Dad and Cowboy Mom: *make the worst decision ever a.k.a. adoption cancelled*

*Entire fandom has joined the chat*

Entire fandom: *sobs violently*

Tech Boi: y u ignoring me??

Sophie: BECAUSE MY LIFE SUCKS

Tech Boi: WELL SO DO U

Entire fandom: *sobs violently*

Sophie: GUESS IT’S TIME TO DO THE ILLEGAL

Sophie: *bottles fire that’s impossible to put out* i’m so big brain! the Council must listen to me!

Sophie: *gets yelled at* *gets the sads* *run to cave*

*Kidnapper has joined the chat*

Kidnapper: GOTCHU

Tech Boi: hi Sophie

Sophie: AJIFJ;ESI WHY IS MY LIFE LIKE THIS

Kidnapper: heck well i guess i’ve got u too

Much very bad torturey stuff happens.

Fork Man: *sigh* i guess i’m here to save you

Sophie: “you” better be plural, idiot, or imma yeet myself back into the Neverseen’s arms

Fork Man: what is your problem i’m trying to save your life

Sophie: bold of u to think i need saving

Fork Man: i’m done here’s some abilities and i’m yeeting out of here finish saving yourself. also here’s a vague note.

Sophie: oh no i’m poor

Tech Boi: oh it’s okay lemme just make the money machine do the money

Sophie: ???!!!!

Sophie: i cant deal with this when i’m hungry

Sophie: *eats food and does helpful research*

Tech Boi: lol humans so dum

Sophie:

Sophie:

Sophie: okay let’s just get out of here

Sophie and Tech Boi arrive at the bridge.

Sophie: I spy with my little eye literally nothing

Tech Boi:

Tech Boi: *keeps searching*

Sophie: *finds lantern* AND I OOP

Kidnapper: sksksktop right there *zappy zappy much sads*

Sophie: RAWR

Kidnapper: *falls down*

Sophie: TECH BOI IS WEAK I MUST BE STRONG

*Destruction has rejoined the chat*

Sophie: teal... boi.... i... need... you

Teal Boi: lol u don’t exist

Ice Ice Boi: wait no i think she does

Teal Boi: oh ok

Elwin: SOPHIE WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM PLEASE WHY

Destruction: i’m done avoiding u, Elwin. We duel at dawn.

Elwin: ok

*Destruction has left the chat*

Teal Boi Senior: ok so here’s your very own guard that does tough things

*Scaly Boi has joined the chat*

Sophie: ah i’m scared. RAWR

Scaly Boi: *falls down*

Teal Boi Senior: Sophie I said that was your guard you absolute idiot

Sophie: skskskorry

Something that has been prowling my brain recently, an idea really.

Say hello to Gildie and her new husband, Corset. Gildie’s tribe took the goblin treasure and one snuck into their encampment to try and get it back and ended up getting caught and for some reason, Chieftan Gildie had the thought process of ‘Yep, this small scrawny rabbit thing will make a decent husband, nobody else in this clan seems to be able to give me children, this thing will do.’

Little does she know, Corset has the thought process of ‘You have spared my life, I am eternally grateful’ and is more than happy to indulge in the cushy lifestyle of not being YEETED constantly in exchange for producing a few kids with a woman TWICE his SIZE AND WEIGHT CLASS. He absolutely adores her even though she did take his treasure.