#getting lean

Had a real ass talk with myself last night and asked myself simple questions that require straightforward answers and it went like this:

Do you wanna diet down to 125? No. I don’t want to feel frail and lose the little muscle I’ve acquired. Dieting to lose all the weight I had gave me the flabby body I have now and it won’t give me the results I envision.

Do you wanna maintain? Lmao maintain what? This flab? Nah fam something has gotta change.

Do you want to put on weight? Noooonono. If I put on a few pounds of muscle okay but straight making gainz and eating at/above my TDEE? Not quiiiite there mentally.

But no matter what the solution at the end of every mental corridor is exercise. Lack of exercise is what got me to this low weight/high body fat state I’m in now, and it’s the only thing that can get me out. But god, it feels like starting from day one all over again.

SO as a endomorphic chick who has been eating at 1200ish for a few months THE PLAN IS to have my macros be 30% carb, 35% protein, and 35% fat, work out 3 times a week, and gradually increase to ~1400 cals to feed my muscles and sloooowly lean up. And I need to stop looking to the scale for approval. I want to have the stamina to rock out at all my bf's shows/every concert I attend.

Pre-quarantine to now. Been a rough time keeping the weight down since it's been impossible to hit the gym. First photo I'm roughly 170ish lbs. Now I'm roughly 185-195lbs (it's been like a week or so that I've weighed myself.)

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