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Menstrual cramp-induced insomnia. I know what you're thinking... is that a new shitty Nu Metal band? And the answer is... maybe? I don't fucking know, but what I do know is that I hate everything and everyone in this moment of weakness and I will not apologize for it. Fucking uterus, you bitch.
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It’s not even half past eight this morning, and my day is already officially over.
I couldn’t sleep last night; there’s no way I will survive an eight-hour shift today. The stuff I had to do has either been done or transferred to other people, and the info I would need to write that press conference information – well, the person I need it from isn’t in today.
Seriously considering to email my boss ant telling her that I’ll leave early today and stay longer on Friday to make up for it.
Plus, as soon as I stepped into the office building, the underwire of my bra snapped on the left side.
Wish I could say Dylan's the only thing that's got my head spinnin, but nope... it's ear-infection induced vertigo!
UGHHH....
it's 100 FUCKING degrees out and I don't have AC.
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so because my physical health is deteriorating I decided to like, try to clean up my room because I tend to hoard things a lot and I don't know why I do it, and I don't even think it's a hoarding disorder. I just think it's a bit of a problem, because I see a shiny thing or a cool thing, and I want to collect it, and I'm pretty sure I shouldn't do that, so I sorted out some of my glass bottle collection because I found a live cockroach in one of my bottles, so I'm getting rid of half of my collection, which I don't want to let go, but I know is for the better. But I also decided to sort some of my meds because there is one specific type that I have gotten multiple prescriptions from multiple different doctors but neither time have they prescribed multiple boxes, they just give me one box and then a pack, I don't know how to describe it but I hope you know what I'm talking about, so I chose to put it all in one box. so I was looking in the boxes and I haven't read the safety/ side effect pack it in a while because they already have that conversation when we were getting me on those meds and BRO WHY is the paper so big??? And it's also double sided, and has that really thin paper that you only really see in like a form of holy book like the Bible. And I know that pills don't taste as bad as like liquid medicine, which is good, but you know the pills that taste so bad like not grape liquid medicine bad but pretty bad. And it leaves this aftertaste of it far in the back of my mouth, like dude, that is so annoying.
By now I should have had at least half of the Sceo vampire fiction written out, but, house drama turned into having to move drama, still not knowing if a hotel is going to be needed for a week because conflicting closing dates drama.... and my writing vibe has mostly been killed for everything. Was a struggle to even get the last two chapters of "built for Sin" posted (....mightve waited until last minute to finish those edits for those two). October and November and probably Dec are looking to be crap. Maybe ill be wrong. Just not sure about editing or posting anything soon. If anyone is wondering 🤔
there's something weird I can't put words to around the tendency to gesture at conspiracy to explain something understood much better from emergent forces (e.g. AI as a tool to devalue artists politically instead of increase profits, homework as a way to train students to accept long working hours instead of a consequence of underpaid teachers pressured to teach more students more things in less time).
this seems to transcend particular ideologies, often even showing up in people who profess to practice one where understanding things as consequences of real behaviors is at the center (e.g. dialectical materialism).
is it a bias toward assuming things are controlled at some level? is it that that framing makes existing moral stances easier to justify (not vaguing any particular example here)? is there some comfort in viewing the world as "evil forces out to harm the common folk" rather than the fuzzy and complex net of incentives it often is? where is this coming from?
