#gappies

I think that this would be the most appropriate site to post this, this is after all where most of this year's efforts would be going or aimed towards.

So, pardon this large chunk of words and allow me to pour out my woes.

"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."

Dumbledore

People always tell me that I'm brave for taking a gap year, I've never seen myself as that before. Some have even told me that they wished that they've done the same, and I'd thank God that they didn't. However, what remains unchanged, would be my reply.

"It's brave?", I'd laughed. "It would be foolish, if the "results" of this year's effort didn't change a single thing."

And that is genuinely how i feel.

Taking a gap year isn't easy. It's like an uphill battle that we "Gappies", for the lack of a proper term, are facing every single day. We're fighting with time as it slips, ever so preciously, from our grasps. Trying so hard to make this year worth the risk we took. Trying so hard to cram things into our portfolios and resumes, that'll hopefully get us somewhere with our admissions for the following year to come.

But just beneath all these clauses and terms, lays that fine print that we've all overlooked.

That baggage of insecurities that lurks.

It's like a persistent pimple on your face, It's always with you, through your days and daily go abouts. You'd forget it's existence (I mean, pray tell, WHO fusses over their pimples 24 hours a day? It's bound to be forgotten, even for a moment, with some laughs and company at hand.) But when you take a look at your reflection, it's there. And it always will be. (Well, till the end of the gap year that is.)

Which... offsets, a bout of anxiousness and insecurities.

And, I hate this feeling.

I hate the feeling of taking a gamble with this gap year I'm taking to try to get myself towards the course I want for University next year. Everything lays in the dark and I'm just desperately trying to find a way out before it's too late and i'd have to give i to what is expected of me. The fear that this year's efforts would go down the drain and i'd end up where i started off, or worst, back to where I came from. There's so much limitations that's stopping me right now.

Money, skills, talent?

I can't help but scoff and laugh at  this incredulous situation I'm stuck in.

Being fearless of taking this leap of faith? Or was I just being a fool holding too much expectations and ideals for my situation back then?

It doesn't help when the decision I made three years back haunts me everyday. Did I made the right choice to not appeal out of it?

I hated yet loved that decision.

Equally so. 

But, I can't help but grab at the lights that're shining out at me. That one percent of odds with me, not against me.

I'm just praying so hard for myself and the other "Gappies" out there, who're feeling the same as I do right now, that we'll see the shores or even signages that leads us to our dreams soon.

I really do.

If anyone of you who're taking a gap year, is reading this, please don't lose faith.

It's okay.

It really is. We've come this far from taking that first step out. We have more in us to go further and higher. Your courage to do this has already indicated you to be someone who walks down the unbeaten path. So heads up warrior, we've already set ourselves apart, we can do more.

This year isn't just about getting to our goals, it's about finding and learning more about ourselves.When you look back on this year and think it through properly, I'm sure that there's much to be grateful for. For the things that we've learnt, people who've inspired and encouraged us, for understanding and embracing this bag of insecurities and, of course, US for taking this step forward to what we want or seek for.

I pray that each and everyone of you would find this year(s), worthwhile.

It's time to turn on the lights now.

aaaa this is so cool

I was originally going to tumbl something else today, but then I realized that it would be better done later on as a repost across everything.

So instead... imagine a Touhou/Himechan's Ribbon crossover where Hibino Hikaru is the one brought to Gensokyo (I don't particularly want her to be a gappie, especially since one could easily replace Weekly Ocus with Bunbunmaru News).