Got my first "but you're pretty high-functioning" today, from a friend. I gestured vaguely around her living room and said, "it's really hard." --I was too tired to explain why that term didn't make sense. I meant: Going places and managing to both look and act social is hard My hair looks nice because I got it done Friday and have been careful not to touch or wet it since, except to smooth frizz from my curls, and today it needed to be washed, but I couldn't manage tasks enough to wash it last night or this morning, so I used dry shampoo and was super careful to only finger comb the obvious tangles This is the first makeup I've worn since Friday I was almost two hours late to work today because I couldn't get out of my bath because it's my safe place and hot water soothes me so I just kept adding more when it ran out or slowly drained I cry almost every day because sitting at my desk is overwhelming I bought you expensive wine because I was too anxious to try and pick the "right" thing to dip into cheese at your fondue party and it's too hard to message everyone else and ask what they're bringing, so I asked a wine store employee what to bring that pairs with fondue because I have a script for getting help choosing alcohols I hear and watch myself do scripts and sometimes I'm amazed at how I can turn them on if I must and sometimes I'm bewildered that they're so predictable, that I do the same thing each time It took me hours to understand when your husband said he was celebrating the anniversary of aborting his suicide attempt he meant he took the day off and you did, too, not to celebrate but because he is afraid on those days and the bad feelings come back -- how could I understand easily when you both kept not saying what you meant I haven't eaten anything but dry food for days except when someone makes a dinner, and even then it's hard to eat much, food seems wrong this week I am a mess at home, very often I had a quiet meltdown at work this morning on chat with my girlfriend, and thought about killing myself, and she had to wait for me to do a puzzle to calm down enough to even answer her questions You mostly only see what I let you see -- why do you think I only come around once every few months?