#fullplate

A full plate of YUMMINESS 😋

like a hotel patron in your bed a postcard, no return address it’s nothing like you said you wanted nothing like you’ll get

Two months ago, I told my therapist, “I am so overwhelmed. I don’t even know what to do. I wish all of my plans for the next month could just be cancelled so I can breathe again. But obviously that is not realistic or possible.” Well... here we are, in the COVID-19 pandemic, with all of my plans cancelled for a month. (P.S. SORRY for apparently jinxing everything!)

At heart, I am an extroverted introvert. I love going out with friends and doing fun things in the city, but I also need to balance that out with “me” time and self-care. I get excited about new opportunities in both my personal life and professional life; when an opportunity comes up to hang out with friends or meet new people or take on a professional extracurricular, I tend to say yes, because I thrive off of these things - they make my life feel full. My life is full of so many wonderful things and I feel so thankful for that. 

But here’s the thing... before the COVID-19 pandemic, it’s like I was at an all-you-can-eat buffet that had all of my favorite foods - I had been getting a huge scoop of everything, and eating it all until I felt sick. I took on too much. Even though they were all good things, too much of anything is too much. 

I thought what I needed was cancelled plans in order to focus on myself, so when COVID-19 came around, I thought to myself, “at least one upside is I’ll have more time! I will finally be able to breathe!” 

It’s been two weeks since Chicago essentially shut down due to COVID-19 concerns, and honestly, I am just as exhausted as before.

The texts and calls from friends and family who want to check in, are seeking support, or are just plain bored. The new virtual events like live stream concerts or virtual brunch. Having more time to spend with my partner in a relatively new relationship. The new projects that I finally have time for. These are all good things, right? But see where I am going here? I have been filling up my plate again, eating everything in sight, and I am sick.

In a time filled with anxiety, uncertainty, grief, powerlessness, fear, anger, and loss - I want to fill my life with good things. But if I fill my plate too full, I end up in the same cycle. 

The key to finding time to breathe is allowing myself to take time to breathe. Even if I want to FaceTime my friend, attend a live stream concert, join Houseparty app, take up a new hobby, etc. - I need to give myself permission to say no sometimes in order to take care of my mental energy. I do not have to say “yes” to everything just because I can. I need to learn some portion control.