#fuglyidjits

He isn’t really sure how silence had seemed like the right solution, but it had ended up working in its own strange way. They didn’t have to worry about any sensitive subjects coming up in conversation, and they certainly didn’t have to confront the elephant in the room. Gabe knew that the last thing he needed to do was bring up the moment the man he loved had torn him down and left him to wonder what he had done wrong, to wonder who would ever be with him…

Stop that, Gabe reprimanded himself quickly. He couldn’t keep focusing on that moment- it would likely drive him insane by the end of the night.

When his apartment finally came into view, Gabe let out a much-needed sigh of relief. He had never been happier to see his dingy excuse for a home in his entire life. It would be simple. All he had to do was get Sam upstairs, lead him to his living room (or his bedroom, whichever the other man preferred), and let him sleep there for the night. Oh yeah, so easy. 

He pulled along the sidewalk as he always did and hurriedly parked the car, eager to escape its confining walls before Sam could speak and ruin the illusion of tranquility he’d managed to create on the way over. Although the youngest Winchester was known for his exuberant and compassionate personality, the guy still fucked up just like every other human being. And saying the wrong thing at this particular moment would completely redefine the phrase, “fucking up”.

Gabe was out of the car in seconds, unceremoniously slamming the car door shut behind him. He didn’t even turn to look at Sam. Confidently, he strode toward the front door, attempting to pour every single ounce of determination he had left into his gait. Sam couldn’t know how truly frazzled and pathetically frightened he was about the situation at hand. If he seemed vulnerable, the son of a bitch would take advantage of him again.

“Hurry up, Sammy!” Gabe called out, turning his head slightly to glance back at Sam’s stumbling, gangly form as he climbed out of the tiny sedan.  If he hadn’t felt like he may vomit at any moment, he probably would’ve laughed at the sight of such a large man struggling to get out of such a small car.

“Yeah, yeah, hold your damn horses!” Sam cried, shaking his head and laughing good-naturedly. He quickly tried to catch up to the sprinting shorter man, nearly tripping over his own feet in his haste.

But Gabe was surprisingly fast and the nervous energy fueling the adrenaline pumping through his veins was only making him faster. He couldn’t stop laughing, Sam’s exuberance and contagious laughter assaulting his senses, filling him, pushing every negative thought from his head.

He reached the steps and was about to quickly ascend them, perpetuating the pleasant feeling spreading through his body, but instead, he froze. The memory of Sam running up these same stairs, his hand wrapped securely around Gabe’s wrist, dragging him along behind him- no, it was all too much.

“Gabe, for the love of-“

Sam nearly ran into Gabe as he quickly came to a halt by his side. He hesitantly glanced down at his heavily breathing companion, his gaze filled with pity and confusion. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked softly, resting his hand reassuringly on Gabe’s shoulder.

“I… I’m sorry. I just…” Gabe trailed off, tilting his head back to look up into Sam’s concerned hazel eyes. The taller man looked genuinely worried. He couldn’t do that- he shouldn’t do that. “It’s fine. I just got a little… lightheaded because I guess I-I was running too fast or something.” Smooth.

 “Okay,” Sam drawled, obviously not convinced, “let’s take our time then. It’s no rush, right?”

“Sure, sure,” Gabe muttered. He flashed Sam a weak smile and then gasped. Here he was again, being led up the steps by the taller man’s secure grip on his wrist, surprisingly still able to lift his legs and carry himself up the flight of stairs that separated he and Sam from his apartment.

How the hell was he ever going to make it through the rest of the night?

~~✿~~ 

Castiel couldn’t believe it. Somehow, he was lucky enough to have found someone with the same passion for the Star Wars saga that he possessed, someone that didn’t mind spending the afternoon curled up on Cas’s bed watching every single movie- in order, of course- until Dean drifted off to sleep.

However, unlike Castiel, who liked to argue about certain aspects of the movie and didn’t mind interrupting by whispering comments every now and again, Dean remained silent the entire time. He stared intently at the television screen throughout, acknowledging Cas’s comments with one or two words before turning all of his attention back to the movie. It was like he had never seen them before, which Castiel knew he most certainly had.

“I always liked Han’s character,” Cas mumbled at one point, trailing his fingers lazily up and down the length of Dean’s forearm. They were nestled together on the bed, both stretched out, with Cas’s head resting comfortably on Dean’s chest. It was an awkward angle for the younger man, but he was willing to make sacrifices when it came to Dean.

“Mhm,” Dean muttered distractedly. He glanced quickly down at Cas’s wandering fingers, smiled softly, and turned back to the television.

Normally, Castiel would’ve made a snarky comment about how Dean seemed to care more about the movie than his own boyfriend, but he decided now might not be the time. The guy had had a pretty shitty day, what with recalling the most painful moment in his life. It only made sense to let it go for now- he’d settle for pouting.

When Dean did finally drift off to sleep, Cas couldn’t help but be somewhat relieved. At first, he had considered doing something else to pass the time. But he didn’t believe that sleeping with Dean at a time like this was the best idea. He had stopped crying, but Castiel could still see the pain in his eyes, carefully hidden behind a calm and collected façade, cocky smirk and all. Asleep, he looked far more peaceful and true to himself. Just… Dean.

Careful as to not accidently wake the sleeping man, Cas made sure that he leaned back slowly. He cautiously reached in the small bedside table, thankful that it was on the same side of the mattress as he was, and pulled out a plush, white blanket. It was Castiel’s personal favorite, and the idea of the two of them sharing it for the night seemed surreal, as if it belonged in one of his crazy fantasies as opposed to the shockingly cruel reality he had become accustomed to.

Cas gently laid the white blanket over Dean’s body, causing the other man to flinch, twist his fingers in the soft fabric, and turn so that he could nuzzle his head into his pillow. Dean let out a heavy sigh and drew his legs up closer to his chest. Castiel watched the entire thing with a childishly excited grin on his lips, thrilled by the way the brunet appeared to immediately take a liking to the blanket.  Your favorite one, too, his mind quickly reminded him like the little shit that it was.

Although he had only ever shared a bed with Dean once, Castiel knew that he was secretly a little spoon. It had happened naturally the last time they’d slept together. In the middle of the night, Cas had found the other man’s back pressed up against his chest. The development had positively thrilled him, and he had eagerly wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist, pulling him in even closer.

Castiel lifted the blanket slightly and crawled underneath, curling his body around Dean’s as he had done the other night. He buried his nose in the tiny, golden brown hairs at the base of Dean’s neck and inhaled deeply, breathing in the delicious scent of clean cotton, peppermint, and leather. Castiel loved the way Dean smelled, especially the heavenly scents that lingered after he took a shower. He hadn’t quite worked up the courage to climb into the shower with him yet but he had been there when Dean had climbed out of the shower- that was close enough, right?

You better stop thinking about Dean in the shower, Cas’s mind chastised him, or you’ll lay here fantasizing about him instead of actually sleeping. You can’t even do anything with the poor guy right now because he’s trying to sleep. Something you should be doing right now.

Had he really just compared Castiel- sweet, shy Castiel- to Benny? He knew what an awful time that had been for his older brother, and yet he had still brought it up anyway- to protect him. Because bringing up something that ruined his fucking life is always a good idea, Sam thought bitterly, burying his face in his hands.

Since Dean had driven away, he hadn’t even made a move to go back inside, and he certainly hadn’t tried to go into work. He couldn’t imagine being in the house alone, knowing that Dean was out there somewhere, tears streaming down his face as every negative aspect of his past that he’d kept buried away now pushed its way to the forefront of his mind. And there was no possible way Sam would be able to confront his coworkers either with that kind of overwhelming guilt bearing down on him.

So he was left here, sitting on the steps outside of he and Dean’s “mansion”, occasionally glancing up into the swaying branches of the weeping willow several feet away. As a child, the tree’s presence had offered him a sense of comfort, had grounded him. And it still did, but nothing seemed to be able to completely calm him down after what he had just done.

Then, out of the blue, he realized that there was someone who might actually be able to make him feel better.

Hesitantly, he pulled his cell phone out of the pocket of his pants and stared down at the lock screen, biting his lip. Should he? Would it be right to just… Before he could change his mind, he quickly typed in his password and searched through his contacts.                           With shaking fingers, he pressed the call button and held the phone up to his ear. The ringing sound on the other end as he waited seemed to mock him, hissing its disappointment, laughing at his optimism. As he sat, listening to the unending and obnoxious ringing, he realized that he hadn’t even considered the possibility that they may not even answer. It’d make sense, really. It was about time that-

"Hello?"

Sam nearly dropped his phone, choking on his response. He had actually answered. Chill out, Sam, he silently begged.

"Uh, hey," he answered weakly, "how’s it"- he cleared his throat- "going?"

His pathetic greeting was met with silence. For a few seconds, the line remained quiet, leaving Sam to stare down at his feet as his one leg began to shake. Why had he thought calling Gabriel was a good idea?

"Fine, I guess," Gabe sighed, "I was just about to head into work and see what kind of trouble Cassie has gotten himself into."

Sam laughed, shaking his head. He couldn’t imagine Cas doing anything remotely reckless.

"Oh yeah," he snorted, "you might want to go make sure he hasn’t burned the whole place to the ground."

Sam expected Gabe to at least attempt to laugh, but it was as if he hadn’t even heard him. He didn’t reply in any way, which definitely wasn’t a good sign.

"Why are you calling me, Sam?" Gabe eventually replied with another heavy sigh.

Oh God. Sam felt as if he had been punched in the chest, the defeated way Gabe spoke pulling him apart, leaving him exposed and vulnerable. Of course he would have to ask the one question Sam desperately wanted to avoid.

"I… I fucked up with Dean, " he confessed, his voice cracking as he uttered his brother’s name, "and… you were the first person I could think of when I was trying to figure out who I should call to… talk about… it.”

The other man scoffed, catching Sam off guard. It wasn’t really the reaction he’d been expecting.

"What?" he asked, frustration seeping into his tone. After what had just happened with Dean, his patience was practically nonexistent.

"Sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh. It’s just that I’m not all that surprised."

"You had a feeling this would happen?" Sam cried, his voice coming out much more shrill than he’d anticipated, making Gabe laugh even harder.

"Of course, you stupid jackass. You’ve been worried about his obsession with Cassie so, naturally, you brought up that bastard, Benny, to scare some sense into him," Gabe explained as if it were the most logical thing in the world. 

Okay, he was right. But Sam couldn’t let him know that or he’d never hear the end of it, that’s for sure.

"Whatever," he mumbled, shaking his head, "I’m a pro at bringing up painful shit from Dean’s past. Awesome."

"Oh, c’mon, Sammy, that’s not what I-"

"Can you come over?" Sam blurted, quickly silencing Gabe. The youngest Winchester’s heart pounded in his chest, slamming up against his rib cage with enough force to burst from his chest if it so desired. It wasn’t often that Sam suffered from the same kind of "word vomit" that plagued his older brother, but, as usual, his brain decided that now would be the best time to say the worst possible thing he could.

"Sam…" Gabe finally rasped, one simple word laced with enough pain to make Sam flinch, feeling the ache as if it were his own.

"It’s alright if you don’t want to. I mean, I completely understand. You’re busy, I’m busy. You have to go into work, I have to go into work. You’re the boss, I’m a boss-“

"Sure."

Sam gaped, his mouth continuing to move without a single word slipping out. He was sure that he looked like a fish out of water, frantically trying to pull in the oxygen he needed, completely unaware that he was no longer submerged in water.

"Wha- Really?" he gasped, sitting up a little straighter. 

"Yeah, why not?" Gabe chuckled, "I don’t have to go into work with a great guy like Cas working. He can handle the shop on his own, especially on a slow day like this.”

Although he should probably protest, insist that the other man go into work, Sam couldn’t bring himself to do it. The idea of he and Gabe hanging out like they’d done in the past- way too fucking long ago, for that matter- was absolutely intoxicating.

"Wow, okay," he trilled, excitement slowly working its way into his voice, "see you soon, then?"

"Yeah, Sammy," Gabe sighed, "I’ll see you soon."

~~✿~~ 

Dean continued to cry for another hour, clinging desperately to Castiel, face buried in the younger man’s chest. Of course, Cas didn’t mind, and, with Ash manning the counter, he would be alright to stay with Dean as long as he needed. And, once he’d heard what Dean had been through, he had started to sob anyway. 

There they were, two men sitting together on the cold bathroom floor, cheeks stained with the residual moisture of tears, eyes swollen and red. Cas could only imagine what they looked like to the outside observer, curled up together as they were.

"We should probably get out of here," Cas whispered, pressing his lips softly to the top of Dean’s head, "before someone walks in and wonders what the hell happened. I have no idea what I’d say."

Dean chuckled, lazily trailing shaky fingers down the length of the younger man’s leg. Cas shivered and shifted, the thought of standing up and leaving behind the comforting warmth of Dean's touch holding no appeal whatsoever.

"I think it would’ve been pretty funny to watch you try and explain, but whatever," he laughed weakly, continuing to casually stroke Castiel’s leg. It was awful having to look into his gorgeous emerald irises, marred by the redness creeping its way steadily closer, quickly replacing the usual white that made the green stand out in such a breathtaking way.

"Yeah, yeah, you’re so funny. But I’m serious, we should go somewhere else.”

"Like where?"

"I don’t know," Castiel sighed, entranced by Dean’s fingers playing with the fabric of his pants, "I guess we could go back to my dorm, but-"

"That’s it!" Dean cried, suddenly sitting up. He hardly looked like the man who’d been crushed against Cas’s chest, sobbing uncontrollably, body shaking with the force of his cries. Every ounce of sadness seemed to have left his eyes, and his classic, mischievous smirk- that fucking smirk- was back. 

"What?" Cas asked hesitantly.

"We’ll go back to your dorm! Hang out there tonight!" Dean trilled excitedly, bringing his hands up to cup the younger man’s face, "We could watch a movie! Like... some shitty action movie! You know, with a crappy plot but awesome special effects?"

"Dean…"

"Or maybe an old western!" he interjected, his smirk quickly forming into a wide grin, "Those things are fucking perfect! Especially on a day like today."

"Dean, I-"

Without warning, Dean leaned in and pressed his lips firmly to Castiel’s, swallowing his response. The younger man's eyes widened, glancing down at Dean's lips as they hungrily moved against his own. It was clearly a kiss fueled by passion and desperation, a last ditch effort to get his way. The bastard knew Cas too well. 

As much as he wanted to push Dean away and let him know that this whole "using kissing to get what he wants" thing wouldn't always work, it didn't take long for him to give in and hesitantly kiss back. The world- as it always seemed to- transformed instantly into a warm blanket, banishing every single one of Castiel's worries with the incredible healing power of soft flesh against his lips and calloused hands cupping his face. 

Dean crawled into Cas's lap, eagerly pulling himself closer and wrapping his legs around the younger man's waist. The man who always seemed to exude a ridiculous amount of confidence almost appeared to be... vulnerable, more vulnerable than he ever had been as he strutted into the coffee shop and leaned against the counter with a mischievous grin on his face. 

At that moment, Castiel realized something that almost took his breath away. This was the real Dean Winchester. He wasn't the cocky, wealthy lawyer that always knew just the right thing to say. He wasn't the ladies man, happily welcoming a new woman into his bed every night. And he certainly wasn't the insensitive, vapid jock that Benny must've assumed he was back in high school. No, Dean Winchester was the compassionate and understanding older brother, the boss that every employee respected, and the man that deserved every ounce of love Castiel had to give. 

"Dean," Cas managed to mutter as Dean pulled away briefly to draw in a breath.

"Yeah?"

"My dorm, remember?" 

Immediately, as if someone had shocked him, Dean leaned back With a wildly excited glint in his eyes, he reached down and grabbed Cas's hand, pulling him to his feet. 

"Of fucking course I remember!" he snorted, dragging him towards the door, "It's not like I forget about that when you did that damn thing with your tongue, not at all."

Castiel laughed and shook his head, but he didn't pull his hand away, allowing himself to be whisked away from the bathroom. He felt like he may vomit, overwhelmed by the pure joy flooding his body.

"There's more where that came from," he chuckled as Dean shoved open the front door to the shop, and the cool chill of autumn assaulted their senses.

~~✿~~ 

Gabe couldn't believe it. He had made a promise to himself, and yet here he was, already going back on it.

Ever since Sam had left him on that awful night three years ago, he'd decided that he would never allow him back into his life the way he had before. There was no way he could possibly handle that kind of suffering again- it would kill him.

But no, he was in his fucking car on the way to the Winchester Mansion. The place where Sam, the only man- and person, for that matter- to ever pull the one-night stand act with him, waited eagerly. Worse yet, the way the youngest Winchester had sounded on the phone led Gabe to believe that his phone call was purely an act of desperation. The son of a bitch didn't know who to call so, of course, he just had to call him. 

You know that you still want him, his mind insisted sadly, speaking the cold, hard truth he had constantly been denying from the moment he had seen the tall, cheerful man set foot in his coffee shop once again.

He had missed the warmth Sam seemed to give off, the feeling that everything was alright in the world. And who wouldn't? Anyone would miss that kind of sensation if, suddenly, it were no longer a part of their lives.