#fuckibsproblems

So I’ve been having a really rough time lately between IBS and lupus affecting everything. It’s a struggle just to walk down the stairs to get a shower and go to work.

My boyfriend and I have been fighting non-stop about the dumbest shit and it’s just taken a toll on me emotionally... 

Last night he got called into work (he works as a Systems Ops Manager) he was out until 5:45 this morning when he packed my lunch. and told me not to open it until lunch time. 

After this point I got working on some random stuff and didn’t have time to open it, but when I did I started crying....

“Nichoe,   Have a wonderful day!  Enjoy your chili and sweet tea.  I love you, the spoons are a gift from me to you. Josh” 

My friend who has MS was sitting next to me and we both started crying. 

If you don’t understand the reference you should read this http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

When you have to take a shit in the morning before work or school...but you’re running late...

You’ve officially mastered: doing your hair without a mirror, doing makeup while on the toilet, and brushing your teeth.

This site is so liberating for someone like me, who has had IBS for 10 years, and I’ve only ever met 2 others with it. It makes me see more that I am not alone. 

My story is pretty rough, but could be worse. I started having issues when I was six, going to the bathroom 7 or 8 times a day at school, not knowing why. By the time I was 10, I had gone through a year of gluten free dieting, along with lactose free. I stumbled and struggled through elementary and middle school, and last year was my worst yet. It started with the stress of soccer tryouts, which I was anticipating in my mind. Two weeks before the tryouts, I felt flu like symptoms, with a constant queezy ache. I was gone from school for 2 straight weeks, and over a month total that year. We then figured out I had acid reflux, along with my lactose intolerance, slight gluten intolerance, and IBS. Vacations and road trips seemed impossible, and I over medicated many times on Imodium, just to get through the day (stops you up) - which takes me about 3 days to recover from. I’ve had a girlfriend for 9 months now, and frankly, it is the hardest thing to date with IBS. 

Possibly one of my best traits, but worst curses when it comes to IBS is empathy. There’s nothing like the guilt, and sadness you feel when you spend 20 minutes in the bathroom while on a date. This just adding to the cramps, fucked up bowl movements, and mental exhaustion. I’ve also quit soccer and drumming, my two favorite things in the world because the stress is too great. Traveling to games, and performances was so stressful, I was often unable to perform well, or at all. 

I’m from Sweden so exuse my Spelling and grammar, heh.

I fucking hate IBS. I probably have it better than most sufferers, but I hate it. I miss the days as a child when I could eat what I want without worrying. I have to accept that as much as I want to travel; it's a very slim chance. I'm sure my terrible lifestyle habits have contributed. I'm sure I should exercise and I will be starting to get more exercise this summer. But dammit I just want consistency. That's the worst part of this. Consistency. I'm typing this after having an attack after eating a meal that I was perfectly fine having for lunch!

It's gotten to the point where even seeing food can upset me. Watching my parents eat things I'd never eat. Watching friends at parties gorging themselves on delicacies. Watching Anthony Bourdain (terrible choice if you have IBS, trust me) and dealing with the inherent sadness that comes with knowing you'll never be able to things like that. 

I hate the randomness. Even my two medications, anti-depressants and digestion helpers, have failed me. It started out great, like a miracle. And now it's gone down again. I don't want to get into a cycle of just taking more and more dosages and awaiting more and more failures though. I just want something consistent, dammit.