ftm steve, established steddie. contains detailed descriptions of periods.
(ao3)
Steve spends the first day of his period absolutely miserable. His emotions are all over the place. One minute he's this close to lashing out at the first minor inconvenience and the next he's ready to bawl his eyes out.
He knows Robin can tell that something's up. She keeps asking if he's alright and Steve tries to brush it off, tell her he's fine, it's just a little headache, he couldn't sleep last night. But then that sends her into another spiral that makes Steve want to scream and throw something just to get her to be quiet.
Those are mean thoughts, Steve knows, but his body's all out of whack, and his knees and lower back are killing him and he swears he can feel his fucking hips shifting. Add in the cramps that are steadily rolling through his uterus and he's so fucking close to committing homicide.
He's in the stacks, dead-eyed as he stocks the new animated releases, and shifting from foot to foot because now those also hurt and he can feel the beginnings of a migraine that'll have him calling off the next day, and he just wants to go home and lay on the couch with his heating pad and his boyfriend while some shitty TV show plays in the background.
"Steve?" Speak of the devil.
Steve makes a noise of acknowledgement and continues to shelve the tapes. He ignores the pang in his chest that makes him want to reach out and pull Eddie closer and burrow into him.
As if he can read his mind (or tell by the look on his face), Eddie steps closer. "You got Robbie real worried, sweetheart," he says gently, hands in his pockets. Steve can tell he wants to reach out for him the same way he does.
"I'm fine, Eds," Steve says. More like he tries not to snap at the only person who knows about his "condition." He can feel his agitation rising, though, with another wave of cramps that are accompanied by nausea and a sick feeling of something gushing from down there.
"Is that why you look like you wanna blow chunks all over the place right now?"
Steve maybe puts a tape on the shelf a little too hard. "It's been a shit day, Eddie, I really don't need sarcasm right now."
Eddie puts his hands up. "Sorry, sorry." He comes a little closer and lowers his voice. "Talk to me, baby. What's the matter?"
Steve sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "It's the first day," he mutters behind his hand.
"Hm? I couldn't hear you, Stevie."
"I said–" Steve sighs again, harsher this time, and his hand falls to his side, his gaze firmly locked on the tapes in front of him. "It's the first day, and the first day is always shit. It feels like a rock's sitting in my stomach or something and I can't take more than two steps without feeling like I'm gonna puke."
He doesn't mean to unload it all onto his boyfriend, but he asked for it. His perfect, wonderful boyfriend who takes it all in stride without a single hint of judgement or disgust.
"I'm hormonal as fuck, man, and it’s like customers chose today specifically to be even more annoying than they usually are, like they made it their personal mission or some shit."
Steve looks to the front of the store where Robin is still at the counter and then back at Eddie. "Robin keeps asking me if I'm alright, and I love her, Eds, I really do, but if she keeps it up, I'm gonna end up snapping at her and then she'll cry and that'll make me feel even worse."
Steve takes a deep breath, holds in it for ten seconds, and exhales. "I just need a break," he says, sounding defeated, and so so tired. "I just need to be alone for five minutes, and–"
Eddie, who has been quiet this whole time, like a saint, letting Steve rant until he runs out of steam, tilts his head and looks at him with those big Bambi eyes Steve loves so much.
"And what, Stevie?" he asks gently.
Something in Steve's chest snaps and his bottom lip wobbles before he can stop it. The back of his throat burns like it always does when he's about to cry, and– yep, here come the tears.
He takes a shaky breath and his voice breaks when he says, "I need you."
Eddie's expression falls into something Steve absolutely hates. "Baby–"
Steve clears his throat and the tears are gone as quick as they came, though his eyes are a little red rimmed and shiny.
He shakes his head and waves Eddie off, putting more tapes on the shelves like he didn't just have a mini breakdown in the middle of his shift. "It's fine, Eddie, really. I'll just, I don't know, take a painkiller and tough the next couple hours out."
The tape he's holding is gently taken from him and set on the shelf for him. Eddie levels him with a raised eyebrow.
"Is that really what you want to do?"
Steve bites his lip. He doesn't. Work is the last place he wants to be at today, or this whole week for that matter.
He shakes his head with a soft, "No."
"Okay, then."
Eddie tells him to go grab his things from the break room. Steve is too exhausted to argue. He comes back to the front counter but before Robin can launch into a lengthy apology, Eddie interrupts her with a minute shake of his head.
Steve holds his arms out and pulls her in for a hug anyway.
"I'm sorry for being an ass all day," he says and plants a kiss on the top of her head. He feels awful about keeping this huge of a secret from her, but coming out as bi is one thing. Coming out as trans is a whole different ballgame he isn't willing to play just yet.
Robin hugs him back and kisses his cheek. "I'm sorry for being pushy." She pulls back and takes Steve's hands in hers, lacing their fingers together. "Hope you feel better soon, dingus."
Steve can't leave his car at work overnight so he follows Eddie's van to the trailer. He grabs one of Eddie's pullover hoodies out of his closet once they're inside and a pair of baggy sweatpants before making a beeline for the bathroom to pee and change his pad.
Soon enough, Steve comfortable and cozy on the couch, covered with at least two blankets and even more pillows, his hood pulled over his head and mussing his hair up even more. Eddie's got My Best Friend Is a Vampire playing on the TV, but Steve's saving grace is the heating pad that's covering his waist under the blankets.
Steve groans softly as he's hit with more cramps and shifts his hips against them.
"Here, sweetheart." Eddie comes back from the kitchen and hands him a cup of hot chocolate. He reclaims his spot next to Steve, boxing him between his body and the back of the couch. "How you feeling?"
"Like shit," Steve grumps, taking a sip and reaching back to set the mug on the side table. "I'd rather take being gnawed on by demobats than have to deal with these cramps. At least I can see the bats and try to stop them." He winds his arms around Eddie's waist and rests his head on his shoulder.
Eddie crinkles his nose in distaste. "Frankly, babe, I'd rather you not go through either." He rubs his thumb over the skin of Steve's hip. "What's stopping you from using all that government money to pay for your surgery?"
Steve hums and turns his nose into Eddie's neck, smiling against the skin. "I wanna get at least one kid out of you before I do that."
They've talked about this. In length. Eddie was there for the Winnebago conversation. Steve wasn't lying back then, but he's since realized he was wanting all those things with the wrong person.
"Yeah?" Eddie's voice is amused. "You want a couple Harrington spawn running around the trailer park?"
"Nah, was thinking more along the lines of a Munson brat."
Eddie stills against him.
Steve comes out from his hiding spot and grins at the look on his boyfriend's face. He leans up and kisses his cheek. "Did I break your brain on that one, honey?"
Eddie shakes himself out of his stupor and cups Steve's face, pressing him into the couch so he can kiss him silly.
"I'm gonna give you so many Munson brats, baby," he promises between leaving kisses all over Steve's face and Steve's giggles. "You won't even know what hit ya by the time I'm through with you."
Steve guffaws and lets Eddie cover him with kisses and love.
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Billy fingerfucking trans!Steve's pussy telling him to be a good boy and be quiet, just for Steve to moan helplessly when Billy shoves his fingers into Steve's mouth and makes him suck off his own juices. He gets punished by Billy with that hand firmly closed over his mouth and the other slapping his clit and hole till it makes the most nasty, wet squelches and he comes so hard he sees stars.
Author Tags: FtM Steve, Transgender themes, mlm author, Trans Steve Rogers
Our Tags: Stucky AU, Canon Divergent AU, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Post-serum Steve Rogers, Captain America Steve, Trans Steve, FTM Steve, Winter Soldier Bucky, Flashbacks, TW: Body Dysphoria
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2247549
Author Summary: “If there’s a girl I’m meant to be mourning, I want to know,” Bucky persists, as though Steve hasn’t had a close brush with asphyxiation right before his eyes. His foot twitches against Steve’s under the table.
“There wasn’t a girl,” Steve coughs. “Why…?”
Bucky’s gaze is sharp and discerning as his eyes flick back and forth between Steve’s.
“There was,” he says, right hand gripping the counter behind him in a white-knuckled grasp. “A girl. A small blonde girl.”
Review:
I’d like to start out this review by saying that, as a person who is not trans, I have no personal knowledge of the trans themes of this story. I hope that I don’t inadvertently do/say something awful while rec-ing this fic, if I do I swear it’s not malicious, just me being an uninformed idiot. That being said and calling upon the knowledge that I have gathered from fics with trans characters I’ve read, I feel like this was a good take on this subject.
I believe this fic an intriguing look at what it would be like in an AU wherein Steve was a trans man. Because, how would Steve go about telling Bucky (who’s memories are already in turmoil) that not only were they in a relationship in the past but that the “girl” Bucky remembers is him? Either one of these are big things to tell someone let alone at one time and, considering that the Bucky that is drinking coffee with him in the present isn’t the same Bucky from the 40s, Steve had no way of knowing how he would react. The author does a very good job of showing the anxious feelings Steve has as he’s deciding what he should do.
I liked how this big moment took place during what would normally be a quiet moment and that it had other quiet past moments woven in. It made for a very touching, sweet, and beautiful story that I think needs to be read.
Ftm Steve Rogers aus give me life, i fucking love it. I thought I loved the mtf stories before but holy shit. Now that I'm trans it's completely flipped. <3 story links are always appreciated too.
a little snippet from my teen dads au: tiny hands, little feet
The bell on the counter dings. Steve tilts his head back with a sigh and gives Robin a sidelong look across the table.
“Nope,” she says, flipping through the only magazine they have in the place. They can probably recite the whole issue from memory by now. “I got the last three people. Go work your Harrington charm so I can add another ‘you suck’ tally.”
The bell dings again and Steve groans, kicking Robin’s foot as he rounds the table and opens the door leading behind the counter.
The lobby is empty. Great, they’re getting ding-dong-ditch’d now. Fan-fucking-tastic.
He rolls his eyes and is about to snatch the bell off the counter and hide it when a tiny hand reaches up and taps it again. Steve holds back a snort, because he knows that tiny hand.
He steps up to the counter and sure enough, there stands a toddler with wild chestnut curls pulled into little pigtails, wearing a pink My Little Pony t-shirt and bright blue shorts.
Steve glances around the lobby and doesn’t see anybody else in sight, which means…
He puts on his best customer service voice and gives the girl a smile. “Ahoy there, little lady. How’d you like to set sail on this ocean of flavor with with me?”
Of course, she doesn’t completely understand any of that. She just blinks up at him and points at the pictures of ice cream.
“St'awb'y, p'ease.”
Steve nods. “A wise choice, m'lady.” He slides the cooler open and gives his scoop a twirl, making her giggle.
The door opens and Robin slowly peeks her head out, looking flabbergasted. “Who in the world are you talking to? Why are you talking like that?”
“Careful, Buckley,” Steve nods towards the child. “There’s a princess in our midst. Wouldn’t want her to throw you in the dungeon for disrespect.”
Robin looks at the tiny child who is watching Steve with rapt attention.
“I think she’s more interested in the ice cream, actually.”
Steve gasps as he puts a couple scoops into a small bowl. “Hearsay, Buckley. She’ll have your head for that.” He takes the bowl around the counter and kneels on one knee as if he’s a knight, presenting it to her with a bowed head. “The finest strawberry ice cream in all the land, your highness.”
She claps her hands and her shoes light up as she stomps her feet. “St'aw'by! T'ank, Da'y!”
Robin’s eyes widen and her eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. “Daddy?”
“Sailor!”
Eddie Munson comes sliding into the lobby, his shoes squeaking on the waxed floor. He catches himself before he face plants and gasps like he’s ran here from the other side of the mall.
“Sailor, honey, you can’t run off like that!” he says around gulps of air. “About gave me a heart attack.”
Steve picks the child up and scrunches his nose. “I think it might be time to give those backpack leashes a try,” he tells him. “She’s getting too curious for her own good.”
“Wayne said I did the same thing at her age. Said it used to drive my mama crazy, trying to keep track of me.” Sailor’s chin is sticky with ice cream and Eddie wipes some of it off with his thumb. “You’re taking after your old man a little too much, bug.”
Sailor holds out her spoon. “Da'y try?”
Eddie can only huff a laugh and shake his head fondly. “Thank you, baby.” He leans forward to take a bite of the offered ice cream and then turns to Steve to give him an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, I swear I had a hold on her. She saw the Scoops sign and then took off before I could catch her.”
Steve sighs. “It looks like we’re gonna have a little Road Runner on our hands.”
“She definitely takes after you in that department, sweetheart,” Eddie grins.
A throat clearing interrupts them and they both look at where Robin has been silently watching the three of them.
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