#friendshipissues

three hours of sleep. 

math test. 

One of my best friends said we can’t be friends anymore over him (mis)interpeting a belated birthday gift that I made for him as something romantic,(its a gift of friendship but wtf this hurts. alot.  Then he left me by saying I hope you have a nice live and then have a nice day. 

I’m a wreck already, guess three years of friendship meant NOTHING TO YOU. 

It gets worse. the next class I get another friend who I helped out recently a message that he’s not interested in being friends with me anymore and bye for good.

Usually, I consider myself a nice person, today, I totally kept myself in check to not have a freaking panic attack by going to the bathroom, hiding in a stall for ten minutes after the first friend did this and hit my head against the wall and tried to breathe. With the second friend thing came through, well....

I lost it in math.

How would you do it? Suppose that this is someone you love and they keep breaking boundaries, breaking promises, and taking back things and yet they somehow make the hugest positive impacts in your life at the same time. I’m in this situation and... after about 6 months of this I’ve decided to look after myself. To tell him that he either gets his shit together and be a friend or to not be one at all. I haven’t told anyone that before. I’m kind that way.  I have no idea how this will pan out but I’m positive that he’ll be hurt and probably take it personally. I’ve rarely taken chances like this to stand up for myself because I care about other people’s well being above my own.  I wonder what will come from all this. 

Sag nie wieder egal zu mir, I am caring for you  

The annoying friend I had but still pleased to see your name pop up on my name, though I was waiting for someone else. But after some time, I kept wandering away from you, which I sure do regret but yet when we saw each other face to face, you were there, at the congress wiping my tears and sweat away, visiting me at work even though it was just 30 seconds I really was glad to see you. True I sure did like you for some time, maybe I still do. But was it necessary to forget how much time you invested to actually make sure I am okay. And I did not. I deeply apologize for the friend I was.

hätte ich mich auch nicht so wohl gefühlt..

er hat ein herz wie meins sis..

er is wirklich wie ich..

Tja fast wäre ja was gewesen zwischen uns..

I am sorry for hurting you, without even realizing I did. I did know, but  I did not want to make the effort to tell you that I am not able to give those feelings back. I sure do know that if I wouldnt have had Mr. I would be as drawn to you like all the other chicas, not even denying it.

Now that I’ve read through our conversation, I realize, that I was the one who messed it up by not being the friend, I actually am. If I could just rewind. 

Oh Well 

Times passed, And here I am wondering what this friendship should be to me. I really really felt so flattered the way you introduced me to your friends as your #1 and told them that I always had you back, which I hope I did. But I really try not to think about what everybody is saying about you, now it all makes sense what you told me that night. And I would never judge you in any way, because I always stood behind you and never cared about how much they other didn’t like you. But if it is true, that you treat everyone else like you treat me, I actually don’t know what to say to that. I love you, but I hate don’t like being misled thinking I actually am an important part of your life as you said years ago.  But is some aspects, you never changed and I absolutely adore that. You may still be the same kid, but grown more in certain areas of life, which actually (surprisingly) makes me look up to you. Aber wirklich jetzt.. wo steh ich in Wirklichkeit bei dir ? 

Ach komm jetzt..Du weisst your(’re) the first be eff