petrified, cold hands, chain bracelets on both wrists.

Each one of them hangs over my hand, they weigh, they burn, they hurt.

each chain in my brain, each one, an emotion, some feeling, several goodbyes, a lot of pain.

I used to dance to the rhythm of the wind, I used to be that petal that shone when that ray of hope reached me.

The ray of hope stopped being warm, the wind stopped being comforting, now only dark light... spiders instead of courage, blood instead of purified water.

darkness, rubble, all in one place... my mind, me... that beautiful place, which was a refuge, a beautiful house, is just a collapsed and dark house .

Denial is something that few understand, happiness neither, fear will always be surrounding me, pushing me away, I saw it face to face, I kissed it.

Every time I whisper it becomes a sentence, one more cut, a cut so deep, that at times it terrified me.

The sentence is sometimes so strong that all my air leaves me... the air I kept in a safe... my life supply, Vitamin A, a cleansing drink, warm light, everything I didn't have.

I hide, I run away, used to rejection... it's not rejection, it's not fear... maybe it's my way of surviving.. People are so inhuman, incapable of feeling, of seeing beyond... Could you break through that wall for me?

I could have immersed myself in drugs, really, they breathed down my neck... for so long, several Christmases... several Halloweens.. Could drugs revive me, allow me to escape, be able to breathe, escape from the void, rise to the surface... If I try them, will I be sure I can breathe?

At least I will see the sunlight run over my skin, illuminate and reflect on the bracelets on my wrists..

Now I'm standing in front of a black railing, next to the stairs, the sun shines on them, there are dark parts that the sun doesn't touch.... But why? Why don't they light up that elegant color? ... You only see what you want to see, what I want you to see... and yet, I don't see myself, you don't see me..

They're thinking of banishing me... to hell... in fact I'm already there... I'm exploring the cavities, the tunnels, its bowels, it's so "beautiful..."

It's beautiful, I love it, I would like to stay here forever.. Hell has burned all my skin, left me scarred, and blinded me... but it hasn't killed me yet? But why?

I've walked for days here, in some places, I've seen the sunlight, and I've stayed, but then the lights go out, the oxygen turns to acid, and every time I think it's going to be okay.. it withers..

I managed to reach the tower... I went up with her, I saw the devil... he's kind, comforting, but such unusual behavior...so unusual, I live with him.. I've fought with him, he burned a certain part of hell for me... something the angel in golden armor didn't do.

The devil is so stupid... so stupid, but no one understands him, he pretends to have dominion and understand everything... You may be the devil, but you don't know your demons...

In my nightmares I left the tower, I left... but still the lack of emotion, of air, of white clouds, clear sky, sunset, and birds flying...

nothing was easy, not for me, this is about me... about me either, It's about my soul... I can't purify myself... there's no one here, I'm alone, no grey days or in-between, just black...

with love and kisses... there's nothing left to live for.

(Writing this was so... refreshing, soothing, taking a break in a tropical forest. I wrote this in just 3 hours. I wrote an extra one, but I'll post that one after this one.. 💓)

“To have and to hold...” seems so meaningless when you’re so far away. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think of the breathtaking music our bodies could be making. You could make me forget about my most important thoughts with a simple “I love you”. The light in your eyes could eradicate all the darkness that tries to take me over. Your smooth skin could even out my roughest days. I can’t believe you’re all mine. “To have and to hold” doesn’t seem like enough, when your smile makes me want to be as perfect as you think I am. I can’t believe I fell in love again. So hard and so fast.

The rays of the sun passing through the bus window

Sitting by the edge of a crowded vehicle

Filled with crowded thoughts and crowded dispositions

Suffocating. My mind cannot breathe.

I looked past the outlines of the sceneries

Past the faces of pedestrian souls

Past the rough edges of distorted street signs

Existence. Past my very soul.

Lost in thought of nothing in particular

Dreaming nothing yet something wildly in general

Then the waff of some skin's familiar smell filled my chest

Air. Lost all it's meaning.

I remember your body on me

Your sweet wet words grazing it's way in me

To the inches deep of my very being

I smelled you. An acid to my heart.

Scents do that to humans, make them remember

Flashbacks of memories, of you sitting beside me cuddled in your arms

You towering me over me, hands clasped, eyes closed

The smell of my innocence. The smell of your shirt.

I remember you

The smell of your lips when you kissed me goodbye

The smell of your hand wiping my tears away

The smell of your breath moving farther and farther

Away. Until it fades.

Found myself in something particular and everything in general

Looked up to see the persona of this putridness of lost love to be

My eyes inched its ways to see whose unfamiliar soul carries my broken memories

Distaste. This aroma, who are you?

My heart blacked out.

My chest stopped.

And I couldn't breathe any longer.

Some live in the darkness

Survive in the hues too mysterious

But have the tendency to, if they want

Turn dead nights into sparkles

 Some live in the spotlight

Breathe in the fragrance of money

Lingering is the richness in their style

In their manner, fame and hypocrisy resides

 Some acquire ways out like both

Sincerity in the light and peace in the shout

Rich but humble, feeble though stout

These some are elegant but dangerous of all.

I am in the physical world with no true face

In the search of true soul I found a maze

So decided who treats me good is the best to me

There is no nothingness in severity

As mercy delivers and coexists

Wave the goodbye between your suffocating emphasis

Nocturnal bless between a crowd of torn

A joke will always soothe the crisis at stake

There is no madness to find

What friends do you have that will get burn for your skin?

Show them to me and make me see the truth you so fiercely hold

Little to speak

I understand

Find me an answer to the problems tonight

I swear I put my head on the cleaver if I’m wrong

Your weak and I don’t stand the lies anymore

A crisis need’s to be mock by a man such as you?

Just die and leave me alone

I will not die

Not by the likes of you

I’m ready to die

Not for you