#fordprefect

Inktober 2024 Day 15: Guidebook

Ford: Foi o que eu sempre pensei sobre aquela história do Jardim do Éden.

Arthur: O quê?

Ford: O Jardim do Éden. A árvore. A maçã. Essa parte, lembra?

Arthur: Lembro, claro que eu lembro.

Ford: O tal de Deus põe uma macieira no meio de um jardim e diz “Vocês dois podem fazer o que vocês quiserem aqui, mas não comam essa maçã”. Obviamente eles comem a maçã, então Deus pula de trás de uma moita gritando: “Peguei vocês, peguei vocês!”. Não faria a menor diferença se eles não tivessem comido a maçã.

Arthur: Por que não?

The shuttle landed in the water on the large, dark blue planet. The back door opened and a small deck extended into the water. Two men stepped out on the deck.

The pink sky was clear, without a cloud to be seen. "Hello," a high, melodious voice called. "You're human, aren't you?"

Arthur smiled at the small, slick gray creature. "I am. I came to find you. I just wanted to, um, check in I guess. Nice planet you've got here. Are you happy here?" 

"Oh yes." the being grinned widely. "It's a lovely planet. Clean oceans, lots of room to swim."

Arthur smiled. "Good. That's good. "Oh! I brought you some fish." The creature bobbed excitedly. Arthur reached for a cooler behind him and tossed a fish at the creature. It gobbled the fish down excitedly. Arthur tossed the creature another. 

"Yum! Thanks for that. I'd better go."

"Okay." Arthur agreed. "It was good to see you."

"So long" the creature trilled. It did a complex jump and backwards summersault, then swam away. Arthur waved. 

"Oh, and thank . . . whoever . . . for the fishbowl." he called. The creature waved a fin in acknowledgement.

"Was it what you expected?" Ford asked Arthur.

Arthur frowned slightly "Not exactly, but I suppose I got what I wanted. It's good to know the dolphins landed on their feet . . . er . . . fins?" 

****

The problem was one of engineering. In order to take advantage of the complex theories of bistromathics, the ships required an AI or equivalent at least advanced enough to employ the conceptual framework of restaurant physics. However, any such AI or equivalent eventually got tired of trying to divide up the check according to order and instead began dividing it up evenly among people at the table, even if everyone quietly seethed and judged Peggy for getting an appetizer and dessert and two beverages when they only got water. This would slow down the drive, but other uncertainties including trying to split hard credits among the people at the table still allowed for a fairly efficient drive.

The biggest problem became known as The Brunch Problem. No matter how meticulously programmed, the AI would eventually happen upon the idea of brunch. This would start as a minor delay in ship functions for a few hours on Sundays, but then brunch would spread to Saturdays too and once the concept of bottomless mimosas and bloody marys was introduced, brunch would never end, starting one Saturday or Sunday and continuing indefinitely. The ship would grind to a halt and become almost entirely useless, except as a new brunch spot for any locals that happened to be nearby.

****

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26112655/chapters/64353886

Sometimes you want something more than your towel to keep you warm at night.

Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect have been best friends for years. Ever since his planet (literally) and life (figuratively) got blown up, Arthur has been searching the galaxy for a place he belongs. No matter where he goes, nothing quite fits. Meanwhile, Ford has been running for most of his life, never stopping long enough to get to know anyone. Well, except for those times he got stranded on a backwater planet and found someone worth taking with him. But no matter how fast he runs, he never quite finds what he is looking for.

Given the chance to travel without the looming threat of being thrown out of an airlock or turned into a penguin, Arthur and Ford are discovering that they just might be looking for the same thing.

Set vaguely after Mostly Harmless, but they are alive. Somewhat canon compliant to the books with the caveat that elements of other sources are picked and chosen at the author's whim.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26112655/chapters/63928735