send me a “👀 + a question” and my muse has to answer honestly! - accepting!

👀 which song on fatalism was the hardest to write? which one the easiest?

“That depends on what you mean by easy and hard. The songs I write the fastest are often ones that come from a very real and overwhelming emotional place in the moment. I made the first draft of D (Half Moon) in under an hour, I think, but that has a lot to do with the bad place I was in at the time, so I wouldn’t call it an easy song to write. I struggled more with the first five songs on the album from a being happy with it standpoint. Some of them, I ended up accepting in the long run, but some, like Romanticism, I’m still not totally sold on. I like what we did with it musically, but lyrically? I’m not satisfied with it. Same with I Fancy You in a way, but I got to make more changes to those lyrics. I Love It was the same at first, too, but it’s grown on me. I did write all of my parts in that song, which I can’t say for the other two, so that might be why.”

👀 how much would you be willing to sacrifice to end your exclusive contract with bc in this exact moment?

“Almost anything. Anything material for sure, but… I might have pause if it cost me my reputation for good or the reputation of people I love. I know if I ever tried to do something to end my contract prematurely, that’s what BC would go for. I saw it with Goeun. Going back to a non-celebrity life a little earlier would be hell if I had more baggage to my name I can’t leave behind if you Google me.”

👀 what’s your go-to song to listen to when you can’t sleep?

“It’s not one song, but Hozier’s self-titled album is a good to listen to when I can’t sleep. It doesn’t put me to sleep, but it does have a certain feeling to it that I don’t know how to explain. Take Me To Church is on my list of all-time favorite songs, but Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene and From Eden… the whole album, really, is a masterpiece.”

“either the atlanta stop when i started crying on stage like a little bitch or the last show of our north american tour in vancouver on my birthday. i know the first one is kinda a weird pick because well i cried like a little bitch but that was a really important moment to me, made me realize a lot of stuff, about how grateful i am for unity and stuff like that. and my birthday because well i’m not too big on celebrating it but it was a very memorable way to spend it, it meant a lot.”

“not to sound full of myself but not too long ago i read back a bunch of the drafts for songs that never made it onto biorhythm and that, struck a cord to be honest. it’s been what? three quarters of a year ago i did the bulk of the writing for the album but the difference between the headspace i was in now and then is… huge really. i made a lot of big steps forward, more than in the last few years combined. so reading back my thoughts on how was i feeling and thinking back then was, harrowing really. i really just hope i will be able to say that progress didn’t get lost if the next bad episode hits.”

“let it go gan seyeon. we made out once, and truly it wasn’t all that mindblowing that i felt the need for a do-over. we’re not friends and i’m not going to hang out with you because your grandmother wants us to.”

the day passes by in a blur.

it’s partially because it’s a same-old schedule of soundcheck, rehearsals and getting acquainted with the stage they are going to be performing in for the next couple of nights. it’s something hwan is already used to do, could probably do it in his sleep — all the boys have been through this enough times that it’s difficult by now to find any thrill in the experience. the excitement comes when the seats are filled and they can see all the fans screaming, singing along and having fun to what they are doing on stage. when the place is empty, the sound going back to their ears, it’s about as exciting as recording new music in the studio. so it’s easy not to focus and let the hours go by. yet most of the reason for the time to go by so fast is because hwan is not fully there.

forcing himself to look away from the calendar, joohwan passes most of the day somewhere else, locked away in his head and going through the motions without giving them much thought. if the boys notice they don’t comment anything, don’t force him to come back. perhaps they’ve known each other long enough for them to know hwan will come back down eventually but he still needs this moment. it’s surprising, probably for the boys but mostly to himself, that hwan approaches seyeon when they are done and the sun is setting. “ wanna come with me to the museum of modern art? it’s open until late tonight. ”

when? april 7th 2019 where? ahreum’s new apartment ( seoul, sk ) with who? @fmdseyeon​ warnings? thread for claims verification of ahreum’s solo release track, ladi dadi ( ft. seyeon of origin & jia of mars ).

the apartment he bought in one of the nicest areas of gangnam ( tenth floor, cityscape view, with plenty of room ) felt still far from feeling as safe and warm as a home would be, but at least most of the boxes were emptied ━except the ones in the bedroom and some things in the living room, but besides that the kitchen and the studio were already well put together and he even had started working on both. sure, cooking on his own was weird and he almost burned himself twice, but he hoped things would adjust soon. he had to. he couldn’t keep counting on others for anything ━the people pleasing, the codependency━, the departure from the dorms should be a sign for ahreum to actually start getting a grip and fend off on his own. it’s not that he didn’t do it before, right? it was just going to be like when he was underground... just well, with money and some success in his pocket, he guessed. 

he really hoped seyeon was going to come soon, though, and that he didn’t get lost when he gave the directions for his new place. he was sure that cooking for him too and getting to speak about music while looking at the cityscape of his place, well... he hoped it would help starting to create a sense of care for those walls. he hoped the song he wanted to put together with his best friend’s presence and heart would make things infinitely better.

🇦🇳🇸🇼🇪🇷  🇭🇴🇳🇪🇸🇹🇱🇾  —  🇴🇵🇪🇳  !

      ❝  i  think  both  the  title  track  &  make  it  right  ,  i  feel  like  it’s  been  a  good  minute  since  we’ve  had  songs  with  those  specific  vibes  ,  and  frankly  it’s  my  favorite  types  of  songs  to  do  .  dionysus  isn’t  bad  either  ?  it  sounds  like  the  opening  of  an  anime  .  ❞