If They Call Me a Slut, You Know it Might be Worth it for Once
Ch. 10 Car Fries
Left you sleeping, borrowed some clothes. 😘
I send Bizly the text and a selfie in one of his big t-shirts from the back of the Uber.
It was late afternoon by the time finally I made it out of Biz's place. I'd made myself up some leftover pasta, washed the dishes, and found something to wear. He was still sleeping, butt-naked and sprawled out in his bed when I figured it was time to go.
I start a warm bath and a coffee when I make it back to my apartment. Humming as I prepare for a relaxing day and letting my good mood carry me through the self care. My legs are stiff, and my whole body aches like a bitch, but damn do I feel great. The water in the tub soothes my muscles nicely.
It's late in the day when I finally have the wherewithal to check any messages.
Grizzly
Dude you sooooo owe me a drink next time we're all out. jk. Unless? ????
No but for real we should catch up soon sounds like you've got a lot going on.
me:
Next weekend man, I drank so much last night.
Jaiden
Saw you on the dance floor. Didn't know you knew Tina. 👀
me:
Met her last weekend at Schlatt's. 😊
Hey do you know if she's into girls or like, just having some fun?
Charlie
Still up?
My heart skips a beat seeing his name. I respond without thinking.
me:
Yeah!
Wait I mean no, it's tomorrow now.
But I'm up, what's up?
There's a missed call from him as well, and a voicemail waiting. At the time I recieved it I would have been in Bizly's garage. I hold my breath for a long second, attempting to stave off the guilt creeping through my chest. Then I listen.
"Hey!" He sounds excited, "Hey, hi. I tried to find you tonight but I think you left. So like um. Are we okay? I mean, it seems like we're not, but also I miss talking to you. Dude, I ate a whole thing of fries in the car by myself and man it was weird as hell. Also I'm sorry I said I love you. I know that's like a crazy thing to do. But also, I do love you. You're for real the coolest person ever. We don't have to be together, or like anything at all. But you're my best friend, my ride or died, die? But died rhymes that sounds better. I think we should hang out. Maybe not tomorrow I drank a lot. But yeah I love you, full homo, get fucked about it, peace out, get friend zoned loser. Okay bye. Oh fuck how do I end the-" BZZZ.
Tears form in the corners in my eyes as I laugh from my belly in a way I haven't in at least weeks. I have to listen to it again, and then a third time before I can hear it without losing it a little. Holy shit, I was not gonna let him live this down. There's a reply from him when I'm done with the voicemail.
Charlie
Hey what's up?
Oh I texted you first lol.
me:
Dude you were wasted last night. Left me a spicy voicemail.
Charlie:
I WHAT
me:
How hungover are you? Pick me up for fries tomorrow?
Charlie:
Okay???
Still sore, the laughter hurts my stomach and I need to lay down. Without meaning to, I fall asleep in the coziness of my pillows before the sun had even set. I dream of peaceful nonsense and wake in the middle of the night.
There are more messages from the evening before, and I work on replying to them.
Bizly
Lookin good in my shirt
come back soon and I'll take it off for you
me:
Dude my insides need a break. 😅
Grizzly
Yeah man! Bunch of us are doing kareyoke on Friday if you wanna come.
Caryoke? Karaoke? Idk.
me:
Hell yeah, send me the location.
Jaiden
No idea man, good luck!
me:
Thanks lol
I figured I should say something to Tina too, and really mull over whats gonna sound right. Jaiden seeing us together, and asking me about it, really had me wondering what was up with the pretty girl I've been kissing while drunk. If I really am just someone she wants to kiss at parties, she's definately got the right girl for the job. Maybe she's just nervous for more? Maybe she likes to move a little slower? I settled on something short and simple:
Thanks for inviting me out, had a great time last night. I'd love to see you again soon.
Last night? Was it really just last night?
Since I'm talking to Charlie again I better send him the first edits for the photoshoot we did. Email sent. Okay cool.
Now what? I pace my living room, try to find something to watch, scroll TikTok from various uncomfortable positions on the couch.
Tina, Charlie, and Bizly. Somehow in one night I had gone from no prospects to three suitors. I giggle to myself, suitors was a strange way to put it. Maybe it's all a little too much. Too much making out, too much sex, and way too much in the feelings department.
I let out a heavy sigh as I try to distract myself with various apps. Maybe I need a vacation. Why not? I sit up, excited by the idea. I can edit from my laptop, take a break from streaming. Ah shit streaming, maybe I'd already taken a long enough break. No. No! I deserve a Holliday. Suddenly I'm browsing travel sites, checking flights, looking for sunny beaches and all-you-can eat buffets. What if I find like, an adventure package?
It's the wee hours of the night and I've eaten, gotten ready for bed again, and settled under the covers all while planning out the details for a next-month solo getaway. By the time reservations are made and flights are booked, my heavy eyes sink closed. Before I fall asleep, one fleeting thought, does this count running away?
In the late morning, confirmation emails remind me of my new plans, and the thought of running is long gone. A message from Charlie sits in my notifications while I start my day. I update my discord, "Streaming tonight, 7pm, dunno what we're playing yet," and close the app before replies flood in. Then I check the message.
Charlie
Hey lmk when you're ready
me:
Dude how do you wake up so early?
But yeah, ready anytime.
I feel nerves build as I wait for him to arrive. The new hickies down my neck are a bright red and I debate trying to hide them, but I don't want to lie. I still haven't promised anything to anyone, but hurting Charlie is easily one of the things I've started to hate the most. When he pulls up I have to fight the desire to lock myself into my apartment.
Climbing into his car, a million things go though my mind, and in the last second I decide on finding another new nick name, "Hey Char... lie, no wait that's just your name. I'm running out of these."
He smiles at me awkwardly, hand nervously readjusting his hair. "Hey," is all he says.
"Fries?" I turn the music up as we pull away. It's still the playlist I shared with him. Thankfully the songs fill the space so we don't have to, and inspite of everything neither of us can resist singing a good song. "I'm working late, cause I'm a singer. Boy you look so cute, wrapped round my finger," I sing the part of the song we'd long ago decided was my line.
"Your twisted humour, makes me laugh so often, My honey bee, come and get this pollen," he continues before we both join together for the pre-chorus. Inspite of all the ways I like to bug Charlie, I always let him have the melody when we car duet. He loves showing off in song and I could never deny him that. We do our goofy dance moves and add our weird vocal quirks, and by the time we've made it to the drive through were laughing at eachother uncontrollably. Charlie has to stop and calm himself before we pull up to order.
Down the road, music low again, I make an attempt at normal conversation, "You know I've never asked, are you okay being the one whose always driving us around?"
He glances at me, raw emotion on his face. Fear, or maybe closer to worry, is plain in his eyes. We don't usually do deep conversation. Even me asking him how he feels about something I expect, it's definately off course.
"Y-yeah, its our rhythm, we just do it this way," he replies.
"Hmm," I barely respond, lost in my own thought. It's quiet until I speak again, "I don't ask you how you feel about a lot of things,"
It's not a question, and he doesn't answer. But after awhile he sighs, "Soo.... You saw Bizly again,"
This isn't a question either, but I sigh back, hand darting up to my neck. "I did," there's a sadness in my own voice that I don't dare call attention to.
"That's fine," he says it so quiet.
"Is it?" I hear my own voice demanding the question.
"It's-" he pauses for a long time, "let's go somewhere and talk."
Charlie takes us to a parking spot near some old baseball diamonds. They're mostly empty today. We pick at the fries for an unbearably quiet few minutes.
"I, uh- look if you'd rather be with Biz..." He trails off.
"That's not it," I shake my head. "It's like, just sex,"
"I know. I can't do that," he looks out over the diamonds through his windshield.
"No, Charlie I-" I hear myself getting defensive and take a breath, "I'm not trying to choose between anyone, I don't want him more than you,"
"It's fine-"
"No, listen!" I cut him off, anger showing its head again. I close my eyes and take several deep breaths this time. "I want you Charlie, and I like you, a lot. Not just as friends,"
His head turns to me and he looks confused.
"I'm sorry I got so mad at you. I'm sorry I freaked out. I'm sorry I haven't been talking to you." Tears immediately start falling from my face and I feel like an idiot. Charlie deserves an apology, an explanation, even if it means I have to experience my own emotions. "I'm scared, Char. I don't think I can be what you want- that I can handle something serious again. And now it's out there, now I'm having feelings and you're having feelings and we can't put them back where they came from. It scares me,"
"It's okay," he tries to sooth me, but I'm not having it.
"It's not okay. You're sad. I'm sad. Everything's fucked," my words come out softer now, the anger and frustration disappearing with my confession of fear.
"We really don't talk about our feelings," he says, looking back out the front window, "I guess this was going to boil over at some point,"
Coldness creeps over my skin as I anticipate him saying he doesn't want to see me again. Instead he takes my hand. We sit there, and he lets me cry. It's uncomfortable, but it's a start. If we've got all these stored up emotions, they have to come out somehow.
"I've been scared too, I don't want to lose you," he says when my tears slow.
"I'm not going anywhere," then I remember the vacation I booked, "except actually, I've got a trip coming up in about six weeks, and I think like maybe, that also counts a little bit as running away." I look at him and smile, exaggerating my discomfort in a toothy grin.
He laughs. This fucker looks at me and laughs. I start to laugh too, doubling over in his car until I have to catch my breath.
"Oh my god, you're so dramatic," he teases.
"You're the weirdo who likes me," I poke fun right back.
As the scarier feelings subside for us both, he asks, "What now?"
"I think maybe we talk about it more," my face scrunches at the thought, "but like later, because I haven't done this whole communication thing in years, and I missed you, and I want to make you listen to the message you left me,"
"Oh gaawwd," he groans, "I was hoping you forgot about that.
"It's really sweet, and I want to make you blush again," I wink at him before pulling up my voicemail.
As he listens his face and ears get red and I watch him in adoration. There really is no going back now. We've opened the door to something strange and new, and will just have to see where it takes us.
I can't help but laugh as the voicemail ends. "Full homo?" I ask.
"Shut uuuup," he complains, shoving fries in his mouth.
"It's cute. Made me laugh," I take a fry as well. "Charlie, I-" it's hard to say the words. The red in his face is still present, making it so easy to look at him. I lean over the center console and kiss him softly in the cheek. "Me too, full homo,"
The blush creeps up his ears and an easy, goofy smile lights up his face. He turns quickly to look at me and the moment feels so right, so much like us. He kisses me softly, slowly. I kiss him back. The heat starts to build between us and I pull away before it can get any further.
"Third time's the charm?" He says it lightly.
"Hmm?" The kiss transfered his blush to my cheeks. I was bright red as well.
"For a first kiss? Third time's the charm,"
"Yeah, Charlie, third time's the charm." I lean back in the passenger seat with a little grin as he pulls the car out and drives off.
