Why I compete (Hint-it’s not to win)
I was planning to write a bunch of blog posts this weekend, because I had signed up for NorCal Masters 2-day CrossFit competition. The level of competitors is extraordinary-many of them CrossFit Games competitors, and some are even former Champions. The programming is much more challenging than most of the competitions I enter, and I have to work really hard to be able to even master the weights and skills required to participate (helllooo 115 pounds power cleans for reps and 16 kg weighted pistols).
For me, the great challenge is to be able to participate fully, and I know that, whether I do my best or my worst, I will come in near the back of the pack. And I often have a fair amount of feelings when I push myself that hard.
It can be anxiety provoking, while I’m wondering how I’ll do on the workouts, and if I’ll embarrass myself.
I can get down on myself, seeing how much better all these other athletes are.
It can be inspiring too, when I burst through my old expectations of what I had thought possible.
But I won’t be posting about any of those feelings this weekend. Why? Because that lingering cold that wouldn’t go away turned out to be pneumonia + flu. Yes, both. I don’t know how I didn’t realize I was that sick, but somehow, I thought I just was tired and had a cough.
So, I’m obviously not participating in the NorCal Masters competition this weekend. I’ll be watching avidly on FloElite’s live stream. And, as an extra bonus, I have also been spending my bedrest watching FloElite’s excellent documentaries about some of my favorite athletes-Sam Dancer
But I’m really sad, as you might have guessed. NorCal Masters is a highlight of my year, maybe even more than the Open. When hubs first started doing NorCal Masters, I wanted to play too, but the standards were just too hard for me. I waited two years before I was strong enough to even get to the starting gate. Last year was my first year, and I had to PR in numerous areas just to get to the starting gate (95# thrusters, 16 kg kettlebell snatch, 16 kg weighted pistols, etc.). I had an exceptional weekend of growth and competition, and I was really looking forward to getting back for a second crack at it, one year stronger and better.
I will watch the heats from my bed (or maybe even in person if I’m feeling up to it on Sunday). I will cheer my little heart out for my friends --a couple of them are poised for the podium, and I’m stoked to watch them shine. I think that once I’m feeling better, I’ll probably take a crack at a couple of those workouts (especially the one with the weighted pullup and double unders--I think I could have rocked that one). And that will be fun.
Not being able to participate this year made me realize that there’s one piece of the experience that I can’t recreate. Some of my favorite people on the planet will be there this weekend, and I’ve been looking forward to hanging out with them. Coach Tim, my mentor and friend and all around CrossFit beast, is making his Masters debut, and I was super fired up to watch him destrominate. Even if I can watch all the action from my laptop, even if I can try out all the workouts in my driveway, nothing can replace the friendship and camaraderie of struggling together and cheering each other and strategizing and shooting the breeze over the weekend.
People ask me all the time why I put myself through the stress of competition and challenges, especially when I know I have no shot of winning. I often struggle to answer. But my silver lining of having to miss this weekend’s competition is that I think I know why I compete.
It’s for the friendships. It’s for the connection built by battling together. It’s for cheering and being cheered. It’s for showing ourselves at our weakest and strongest and being celebrated either way. If it makes me a better athlete, if I finish higher on the leaderboard than I anticipated, that’s cool, but that’s not what I go for. I go for the friendships, for the deep and rich human connections.
There will be other competitions, and other opportunities to build these moments. I will try to remember these priorities when I prepare for the next one. I’m not a professional athlete (thank goodness!), and how I rank on the leaderboard will make no difference in the quality of my life. But I love my friends. I love deep, honest, loving connection. I love taking risks and growing while being supported by amazing people. And my success rate on achieving those goals through competition? 100%, and none of these friendships can be taken from me, even if I can’t compete this weekend. Those are mine to keep. I’ll be back. And to my friends competing at NorCal Masters? Go out there, do your best, support others, and let others support you, and leave with lots of new friends! See you next year.
