#five tags

Rules: Go to your AO3 “Works” page, to the sidebar with all the filters, and click the drop-down arrow for “Additional Tags.” What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits?

… ngl- i thought they were going to be a LOT worse lmao

Thank you so much for tagging me @unohanadaydreams!

The timing of this tag game wouldn't have come in more ironic timing than it did, since just recently my one friend asked me about my own comfort characters. To be honest, I think when I move to a new fandom, my comfort character changes along the way. Though, at times I notice myself going back to certain fandoms and reading about certain characters or ships, so maybe those in a way comfort me. But then I read about other people's answers, which made me realize the definition of comfort character differs from person to person. Yes, there are some similarities, and even in some cases, the definition can vary between characters. It's all about how one views and handles them. So, I've tried to make my own list with explanations of why these characters are my comfort characters (which was very hard. Not just because of the explanations, but also just listing only five of them!)

Tomoyo-hime (from Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle). Probably my oldest blorbo. Writing her is extremely easy for me. Not to mention she reminds me of all the good and pure things in the whole world with that glint of mischievousness. Just thinking about her calmness and beautiful smile soothes me. Not to mention she is the other part of my ultimate OTP, so when I talk/write about her, I can talk about my OTP. (And oh boy. I have a lot to say/write about them! And things concerning them and around them.) She is just extremely comfortable to me.

Yoruichi Shihoin (from BLEACH). When you don't know what to draw, either draw Tomoyo or Yoruichi, my brain whispers to me when I'm stuck on which anime/manga woman to draw. Yoruichi is extremely easy for me to draw. Not to mention there is just something in her character that draws my attention in art-wise. I really like to both draw Yoruichi and look at the art of her. It brings me a sense of serenity and makes me want to draw something cool or amazing. She is a very great character. I also like the fact the manga didn't reveal everything about her, so there is room to write about her if I so want. Not to mention she is a very layered character underneath her cattish attitude. But to me, she is mostly my art blorbo.

Shinji Hirako (from BLEACH). This feels very random, even to me. But after I mulled over this matter a good while, I realized Shinji is my comfort character. Each time when I've been away from Bleach fandom and I want to read a Bleach fic, I unconsciously start to look for fics where is Shinji. There is just something about the piano teeth man who brings me a sense of security, despite the fact he is a goofy mess. Not to mention he is an extremely layered character, which makes him just a delicious character to read about. (Sadly, I still can't read fics where he and Hiyori appear as main characters as usual in such fics their slang/dialect is so strong, I get lost in translation...)

Furina (From Genshin Impact). One of my newer blorbos. I can't help but just feel most about her. Even before the big revelation about her, everything about her made me root for her and feel this kinship that is very hard for me to explain. More so, after the big revelation about her. There is something about Furina that brightens my day and makes me feel reassured. Especially when I think how she can mess up badly or be a bundle of anxiety, yet still keeps going on despite her many failures and faults. Not to mention she is a very complex and pretty character. I definitely want to make art about her at some point~.

Lucifer Morningstar (from Lucifer). My newest, shiny blorbo. I must admit I'm not sure why he is my blorbo. The fact he is such a layered character? The fact he looks drop-dead gorgeous? He has more issues than one can count with two hands, yet still chooses to ignore that all? The huge angst potential? The fact despite the fact he can (and will) act like an absolute a-hole yet is the sweetest thing ever? Or he knows how to live, but can still be very insightful and all that more? Haha, I don't know, but I sure do know underneath that wild party animal, he is the most lovable guy ever and that's magnetic. Plus, he is what he is and is (mostly) unapologetic about it.

Honorable mentions: Juushiro Ukitake (Bleach), Tobirama Senju (Naruto), Madara Uchiha (Naruto), Thrawn (Star Wars, Penelope Eckhart (Villains Are Destined to Die), and Riruka Dokugamine (Bleach).

i don’t think some of these will be true but it will be funny if they are, and also i want to be outrageous on main and have something to laugh about in a year’s time or such! so the thing is, everyone wants new elites with new weapons for new aesthetics but what if the new elites are armour types instead? infuriating! anyway i am ready to receive my game design award. but with three professions per armour class, they would repeat! that’s not fun and snazzy. i guess i’ll have to give some of the elites a weapon instead:)

revenant: it’s time they finally get a greatsword. we are all thinking it, and it has to happen. it probably won’t be the Trahearne legend people want though... oh well :(

warrior: something with medium amor OR a dumb magic weapon like a scepter or a focus, but not a staff because that would basically just be a daredevil. don’t @me

guardian: light armour for an almost mesmer aesthetic but more blue. i don’t have good ideas about weapons - a warhorn would be bland but fitting therefore unlikely

thief: an axe (maybe two) and the ones you get from the spec itself will look like kama. with the expansion being Canthan i would be shocked by anything else tbh!

engineer: light armour or some sorta magical weapon - perhaps a staff. ultimately engineers are nerds and i hope for something scholarly for them this time around?

ranger: heavy armour. there aren’t really nice weapons left that vibe with rangers. i don’t know which one i hope for less, hammer or rifle... anything but those, please!

mesmer: with absolute certainty dual daggers. the mesmer is going to graduate to be the ultimate magical assassin with tiny magical assassin knives. i will cry if not.

necromancer: fashionable leathers. i know we all want swords, and at this point necro is the only class that can’t use them -- and, i’m sorry to say, it'll stay that way

I sound like a bit of a jerk, but this was a discussion I had with my mom. Keep in mind that I never once yelled back at her.

Me: "Mom, I'm gone during the work week! I can't help out in the yard on those days, because I'm gone for nine hours that day." Mom: "All I'm asking for is a little help and neither of you (me & bro) will help me." Me: "Who does the dishes every day? Who takes out the trash at five am every morning? Who scoops the litter boxes every day? Who vacuu--" Mom: "Girl. Stop!" Me: "I pay rent. I clean the house. I pay the electric bill. I do work in the yard just about every Sunday and Monday. I'm the only one of us that has a job." Mom: "You think you're better than me? You know I'm disabled! I have a di-sa-bil-i-ty!" Me: "That's not what I meant!" Mom: "Who f*cking drives you everywhere?" Me: "Mom. I take the bus. You literally drive me one mile from the stop home." Mom: "I buy groceries, I pick up medications--" Me: "When was the last time you actually went in a store?" Mom: "F*ck off." Me: "Mom!" Mom: "You always use the job thing like it's so important that you--" Me: "No, I was only using it to say I'm not at home, so obviously I can't do things at a place where I'm not at." Me: "(my bro) is home all day.' Mom: "Yeah, but I can't get his lazy @$$ to help me with anything anyways." Me: "So why are you yelling at me? Why are you putting pressure on the person who actually does stuff around the house." Mom: "Leave." Me: "Mom. I never said I *wouldn't* help, I just *can't* help because I'm physically not available during the week." Mom: "Just leave me alone." Me: *near tears* "Okay."

*7 minutes later*

Mom: *knocks on door, asks, smiling like nothing happened,* "Would you make some chilli dogs for dinner?" Me: *still frustrated because we literally* just *had an argument* "For everyone or just like me and (bro)" Mom: "Three dogs, your dad just wants chilli." Me: "Not a problem."

Also of note, I also have a disability. Multiple if you factor in PTSD and my hearing aid. I’m very much coming to terms with the fact that my mom treats me differently than when I was a little kid. Almost as soon as I graduated high school, I became a person in her eyes, and she hates people. She started yelling at me, and doing this sort of thing. I am a very stubborn and strong-willed person, but I love and respect her, so I never stand up for myself when she does things like this, because I am well aware that I’ll come off feeling like a jerk. I still do after this, because I said some things more flippantly than I meant (who does x, who does y).  What’s going on here though is something I just recognized as happening to me. I never thought of gaslighting as anything a person does unintentionally. It always seemed malicious and narcissistic. My mom doesn’t actually want to make me feel “crazy” or hurt me, she just...is like this. She has Borderline Personality Disorder, which means she only views things in black and white. Even if our house is spotless, it’s actually filthy to her because the cat’s scratch post is kinda ratty (from the cats using it). She yells at me for napping after work (I work from 7am-4pm) instead of raking up the yard and using the wheelbarrow to deposit bark into out dump pile. For not immediately watering the garden. For not pulling weeds, and all that before taking my nap. I’m still cooking dinner about half the time, I still vacuum, sweep and do the dishes every night after my nap, and by the time I finish I have about an hour to relax or shower before bed. 

I don’t have children to take care of like she did at my age, I know it could be a lot harder, especially if I worked full-time, but you choose to have children. I’m living at home out of necessity because even if I was working full-time at something that wasn’t barely over minimum wage, I couldn’t afford an apartment yet. I don’t even have enough saved up for a security deposit.

What Bothers Me Most is the Gaslighting. How she yells at me, and tells me how lazy I am, and tells me to leave me alone, and then a few minutes later acts like everything is fine and dandy. How she ignores what I mean for one or two specific words I use out of a sentence. It’s terrible and awful and I know she is this way because of her disability but I just can’t continue to excuse it. I’m also terrified that I’ll become used to this. That I’ll end up with a guy who’s just abused me but then makes popcorn to watch a movie with me a half hour later. Or worse. I’ll start doing it myself. I don’t want to become her. Every single one of my coworkers I’ve had is impressed with my work ethic. Every single one of them thinks I work too hard, and thinks it’s sweet that I help them with work once I’ve finished mine. The office ladies at the two schools I work at are always telling me I’m a sweetheart even though I only see them a couple minutes a day. One of them told me today that I’m the only one in my position that actually keeps an accurate log of my hours, and how I could fudge the hours up a bit. I’m way too honest to do a thing like that, though, in addition to how hard I work at what I do. This is both because I always give my mom 120% and it’s still not good enough, and it also feeds into my ADHD in the most awful of ways  

“ …people with adhd cope with this huge emotional elephant in two main ways, which are not mutually exclusive.

1. they become people pleasers.  they scan every person they meet to figure out what that person admires and praises.  then, that’s the false self they present.  often this becomes such a dominating goal that they forget what they actually wanted from their own lives.  they are too busy making sure other people aren’t displeased with them.”                                 https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-and-adhd/