Month 20 - Leaffall
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Barleybee had been right. Floodstrike didnât feel any better.Â
He had watched the light drain from Sardineâs eyes and the only thing he felt was cheated. Maybe if he had been able to sink his teeth into that monsterâs neck, tasted his blood and felt his throat collapse between his jaws, he might have been satisfied but the kittypet had practically hung himself and Floodstrike still felt hollow and rotten inside.Â
Heâd gone with the others to the Cornerstones, knowing that alone was the last thing he needed to be right now, but that hadnât helped much either. Fernspeckle had run off to fetch prey for everyone and Boldmoth and Fishtrick had gone back to their camp with Stormwhisper. He had no idea where Barleybee and Sparrowsway were. Despite being in a crowd of people he was entirely by himself. It was awful.Â
He was just about ready to call it quits and go home for the night when Fogpaw appeared beside him, a big bloody smile on her face.Â
âFloodstrike!â she purred. âI was looking for you!â
âYou were?â he asked, one brow rising above the other.Â
âYeah,â she nodded, settling down next to him. âScorchplume said I had to go hang out with people my age and youâre the only cat here that I know.â
âIâm like six moons older than you,â he laughed. âI remember when you were born.â
Fogpaw rolled her eyes. âYeah, well, Slatepaw isnât here and the EarthClan apprentices think Iâm weird. Besides, weâre close enough. I like hanging out with you.âÂ
That managed to cheer Floodstrike up just a bit. âYeah, I like hanging out with you too.âÂ
Fogpaw beamed. She ran her tongue over one bloodstained paw and started trying to groom the rest of the blood from her fur which was difficult, given how white it was.Â
Floodstrike chuckled and started grooming his own pelt. âHow are you doing? Like, with the battle and everything.âÂ
âIâm okay,â she said and seemed to mean it. âIâm really glad Scorchplume let me come help. It was kind of scary but also really exciting, you know?â
âYeah,â he nodded, remembering the battle where Ospreymask had killed a cat right in front of him. How young and naive he was back then. âIt can be a lot to get used to but youâll get the hang of it.â
âDo you think Iâll get my warrior name for it?â asked Fogpaw.Â
âI donât think so,â he snorted, rolling his eyes. âYouâre probably gonna stay an apprentice forever.â
âIâm serious!â she laughed. âI wanna be a warrior so bad!âÂ
âYouâll get there eventually,â he said, cuffing her ear lightly. âJust be patient.âÂ
âFloodstrike!â the call made him sit up straighter. Fishtrick came out of the crowd, her own white fur stained with blood and dusted with bits of straw.Â
âFishtrick!â he grinned and jumped to his feet. âHowâs Boldmoth?âÂ
âHer leg is broken,â said Fishtrick with a wince. âStormwhisper says we probably wonât have to amputate it but it's probably gonna heal crooked.â
âDamn,â he pursed his lips, ears wilting. âIâm so sorry. I was right there, I should have grabbed her.â
âYou saved Erminepaw, didnât you?â Fishtrick twitched her ear. âYou canât be everywhere at once.â
âYeah, I guess,â he sighed.Â
Fogpaw inserted herself into their conversation. âIf you want, I can give you a charm to help her leg heal properly!â Floodstrike tried not to wince.Â
Fishtrick looked Fogpaw up and down with a scathing quirk of her brow and said, âA charm?â
âYeah, like an item with a spell in it!â Fogpaw continued, seemingly unaware of the warriorâs disdain. âItâll help the bones grow straight!â Fishtrick glanced at Floodstrike with a tiny laugh through her nose.Â
âSheâs just goofing around,â he covered for Fogpaw, wrapping an arm around her neck and giving the top of her head a ruffle with his nose. âAlways telling jokes about spells and stuff.â
âNo, Iâm not,â Fogpaw frowned, throwing his lifeline away. âIâm serious, itâll help.â Floodstrike wanted to scream.Â
âI think Iâm good,â said Fishtrick in a way that made Floodstrike's skin crawl with embarrassment. She smiled at him with a look that said âcan you believe this?â and he laughed instinctively.Â
Fogpaw frowned and looked between them with an earnest, âWhatâs so funny?âÂ
âNothing,â he said quickly. âUh, why donât you go see what Branchbark is up to?â
âBut I thought we were gonna hang out,â she said, ears falling backward.Â
Floodstrike was acutely aware of Fishtrickâs eyes on him as he replied. âYeah, well, now I wanna hang out with Fishtrick. Iâll hang out with you later.â Even as he said it he felt guilt wriggling in his stomach and Fogpawâs pained frown only made it worse.Â
âOkay, fine,â she said, stepping backwards out of his embrace. âI didnât wanna hang out with you anyway.â Floodstrike had to clench his jaw to stop himself from apologizing right then and there. Fogpaw turned away and stormed off into the crowd, hunched low, tail twitching. Once she was out of earshot, Fishtrick laughed.Â
âWow, some cats just canât take a hint,â she said and the guilt in Floodstrikeâs stomach writhed.Â
âYeah,â he swallowed. âI guess.â He would have to apologize to Fogpaw later.Â
Fishtrick was already moving on. âDid you hear the kittypets are bringing catmint?âÂ
âNo,â he said, frowning in confusion. âWhat for?âÂ
âFor fun,â she said. âLike, just to roll around in.â
âWoah, no way.â He couldnât believe it. His dad had always been so precious with the stuff. The idea of using it so casually was alien to him.Â
A sudden cheer went up from the southern edge of the crowd and they both turned their attention towards the sound.Â
âThat must be them,â Fishtrick sat up taller, grinning. âCome on, letâs go get some!âÂ
âOkay,â Floodstrike said. He still felt hollow aside from the guilt in his belly but he was willing to try and have some fun. Sticking close to Fishtrickâs tail, he followed her through the gathered cats, weaving through the gaps wherever they could until they hit the thick wall of bodies at the front of the crowd. They could smell the heady smell of the catmint now and the kittypets who had brought it.Â
The cats closest to them were eagerly waiting for a chance to move forward but, with his height, Floodstrike could see cats peeling away around the edges of the crowd like water parting around a stone. Their eyes were all blown wide and their energy was higher, more unruly. Excitement started to build in the hollow space within him.Â
A cat at the front of the crowd caught his eye and he said, âNo way, is that my dad?âÂ
âWhere?â Fishtrick reared up on her hind quarters to follow his gaze.Â
âThere,â he said, leaning in to point with his nose. âIt totally is!â There was Oddstripe, laughing with a face covered in catmint particles. Aldertail was leaning heavily on him as they made their way deeper into the clearing.
âDamn!â laughed Fishtrick, dropping back onto her paws. âGet it, Floodstrikeâs dad!â He laughed at her phrasing and shoved her with his shoulder.Â
âDonât be weird,â he said, âHeâs still a healer.â
âSo?â she flicked her tail in his face. âEveryone knows Stormwhisper broke the code with somebody, whatâs stopping your dad? Itâs not like heâs never fooled around before.â She jerked her nose at him as if to say âyouâre proof of that.â
Floodstrike grimaced. âDo not make me think about that.âÂ
âAbout what?â she smirked, âabout your dad getting all hot and heavy with some handsome stranger?âÂ
âStop!â he nearly gagged, âWhat is wrong with you?â She laughed heartily and he couldnât help but join in.Â
âIâm just teasing, Floodstrike, loosen up! Youâre too easy!âÂ
âYeah, yeah.âÂ
By now they had reached the front of the group and the smell of catmint nearly burned his nose. There were several kittypets, each with their own little pile of it, making sure that everyone got a good roll but didnât take more than their share. Floodstrike recognized Wes and Schmidt among them but the rest were all strangers. He and Fishtrick shuffled towards a kittypet with a similar pattern to Fishtrickâs -- all white with a rich, chocolate tail -- a flat nose, and a cobby build.Â
She waved them forward with a wide grin and said, âYou two look like hell!â Floodstrike didnât know what âhellâ was but he glanced down at himself regardless, suddenly reminded of all the blood in his fur.Â
âThe curse of a white pelt,â Fishtrick laughed.Â
âWish Iâd been there!â the kittypet sighed wistfully. âIâm Binx, by the way.â
âCool,â Fishtrick said in the same voice she had used with Fogpaw. âCan we get some catmint now orâŚ?â
âOh! Right!â Binx shook her head with a bashful laugh and swept a paw invitingly over the buds spilled out before her. âHelp yourself!â Fishtrick glanced back at Floodstrike before flopping onto her side to roll in the herbs indulgently.Â
Floodstrike felt awkward just staring at her so he met Binxâs eyes again. âYou fight much, Binx?â
âNah,â she shook her head. âI want to though. I think itâs so cool that you wild cats let girls fight just like boys.âÂ
âCity cats donât?â he asked with a frown. He went over the battles he had seen in his mind, thinking, surely that canât be true, and realized with a sudden shock that he hadnât fought a single female kittypet since they ambushed the hunting encampment.Â
âNot really,â Binx shook her head. âYouâve really got to prove youâre tough for anybody to respect you as a fighter if youâre a girl.â
âWeirdâŚâ Floodstrikeâs gaze fogged distantly only for Fishtrick to startle him out of his thoughts with a playful swat to the face.Â
âFloodstrike, youâve gotta try this!â she said, her pupils big and round.Â
âOkay, okay,â he laughed, giving her a shove and she batted at him until he surrendered and dropped into the catmint. The smell was intoxicating and he quickly lost himself to the simple pleasure of rolling back and forth in the little pile. When he finally remembered himself and sat up, he shook his head sharply.
âWoo!â he cried, a laugh burbling in his chest.Â
âWhat did I tell you!â Fishtrick grinned. âCome on, I bet you canât catch me.âÂ
âOh, yeah?â he smirked, dropping into a crouch in preparation.Â
âYeah.â She dashed around the edge of the crowd, heading for the Cornerstones themselves and he tore after her, laughing.Â
Over his shoulder, he distantly registered Binx calling, âO-okay, bye!âÂ
He wasnât concerned about that for long though. He felt intensely alive, like he could run to the city and back without stopping, like he could catch a hundred mice or jump the river in a single bound. Fishtrick seemed to feel the same and she led him all the way up the Cornerstones to the top of the leadersâ perch. He pounced for her tail as they reached the summit, giddy and out of breath, and she sprang back at him, knocking them both off the back side of the structure.Â
âWoah!â he cried, twisting to land on his feet and she landed right behind him.Â
âFox-dung!â she hissed under her breath, âI think I twisted my paw.â
âOh, yikes,â he grimaced and leaned in to sniff at the ankle she held tenderly by her chest. âYou need to go home?â
âNo, itâs fine,â she shook her head. âIt's fine. Letâs just take it easy for a bit.âÂ
âAlright,â he nodded, âfine by me.âÂ
Another cheer came from the crowd on the other side of the Cornerstones and Snowstarâs voice barely carried above the din. âEat your fill! Tonight itâs all on SkyClan!â The crowd cheered again, louder this time.Â
âThat must be Fernspeckle with the prey!â Floodstrike said.Â
âOh, Iâm starving,â moaned Fishtrick. âLetâs go get some.â He nodded and they made their way back to the throng which was now clustered tightly around a cluster of SkyClan cats. Eventually, they bumped into Fernspeckle who had a patch of cobwebs over his eye and a heavy perch in his mouth.
âThere you guys are!â he grinned, âI was just coming to find you!â
âGive me that!â Fishtrick purred hungrily and snatched the fishâs tail in her teeth, shaking her head and swatting at his face to make him let go. Floodstrike laughed and flopped sideways against her, too overcome with enjoyment to stay upright.Â
Fernspeckle dropped the fish with a mildly concerned smile. âWoah, whatâs gotten into you two?âÂ
âCatmint!â Floodstrike grinned, licking the dust of it from his whiskers. âYou should try some.â Fishtrick pulled the perch close to her chest and started greedily picking its flesh from its bones, unconcerned with the mass of cats shifting around her.Â
âWhat,â Fernspeckle laughed, âyou guys steal some from Stormwhisper while Boldmoth was getting patched up or something?â
âNo,â Floodstrike shook his head, âthe kittypets brought a ton for everyone!â
âReally?â Fernspeckleâs jaw hung open in surprise.Â
âYes,â Fishtrick said after gulping down her mouthful of food. âSouthern side. Go get some.â
âFox-dung, okay,â Fernspeckle said, backing up towards the southern side. âSave some of that fish for me!â
âNo promises!â Fishtrick shouted after him and Floodstrike snorted with laughter, dropping down to have a few bites of his own.
It wasnât long before Fernspeckle returned and the three of them started reducing the perch to bones in earnest. Floodstrike had never laughed so much in his life or felt more like he belonged than he did in that moment. He wished that Boldmoth could have joined them but knew that navigating the crowd would likely have been a nightmare for her broken leg.Â
He was about to suggest they go visit her when a new voice called his name over the noise of the crowd.Â
Gaping, he turned and said, âLuna.â There she was, trying to smile at him despite her obvious nerves. She held one paw close to her chest, glancing this way and that whenever a cat bumped against her or spoke too loudly. Floodstrike blinked a few times, trying to make sure he wasnât imagining her.
âWho?â Fishtrick yelled, trying to hear him over a group that had started singing nearby.Â
âUh,â that galvanized him into action, âguys, this is Luna!â He hopped up and moved to bump his forehead against hers in greeting. Luna smiled and pressed herself against his side so tightly he could feel her heart thumping madly against his ribs.
âThereâs so many cats here,â she said, barely audible above the noise.Â
âWhat are you doing here?â he asked at an appropriate volume as he guided her back over to sit with him and his friends.Â
Luna cleared her throat and stood up taller as if she had to in order to raise her voice. âI wanted to see you!â
âOo-ooh!â Fishtrick taunted and Fernspeckle joined in.Â
âShut up,â he laughed, smacking Fernspeckle hard in the face. He rolled away from the strike and swatted lazily back at Floodstrike.Â
âWow,â Luna breathed, âyou wild cats are so rowdy!âÂ
âYou kittypets are boring,â Fishtrick snapped back and Lunaâs silky soft fur fluffed up around her.Â
âLuna,â Floodstrike said, hoping to move past that, âthis is my friend Fishtrick. That idiot there is Fernspeckle.âÂ
âWho you calling an idiot?â Fernspeckle frowned jokingly.Â
âYou, moron!â Fishtrick rolled her eyes and swatted at him. Floodstrike laughed, settling down onto his side.Â
âItâs a pleasure to meet you,â Luna said politely, still struggling to raise her voice.Â
âHow did you two meet?â asked Fernspeckle.
âShe was there when we went to find Songdust,â said Floodstrike as he laid his tail gently against hers. Luna blushed and preened under the touch, sinking down to lay against his side. He purred, struck with how amazing it felt in that moment. He even leaned over to rub his head against hers.Â
âWow,â Fishtrick grinned impishly, âyou RisingClanners sure love your kittypets, huh?âÂ
âDo not,â Floodstrike blurted immediately, then, remembering Luna, added, âI mean- I donât know what youâre talking about.â Fernspeckle laughed outright.
Grinning smugly, Fishtrick sing-songed, âFloodstrike and Luna down by the river, give âem two moons and she will deliver!âÂ
âWhat are you saying,â Floodstrike blustered, ears pressed back against his head. Was that a common song in EarthClan or was she just loopy on catmint?
âYou know what Iâm saying,â she said, leaning in with a snarky wobble of her head. âFirst Russetfrond, now you. Stars, Goldenstarâs got her own kittypet too, doesnât she?âÂ
âYou donât know what youâre talking about,â Floodstrike dismissed her with an annoyed flick of his ear.Â
âIsnât that weirdo, Fogpaw, half-kittypet too?â she pressed. Floodstrikeâs stomach dropped into a pit of guilt again.
âNo, just half-city cat,â Fernspeckle said, squinting as if he was thinking very hard. âTheyâre not all kittypets.âÂ
âGuys, stop being horseflies,â Floodstrike said, wanting to squirm. âWeâre just friends.âÂ
âOh,â said Luna, sounding like she was trying to sound unconcerned. âYeah. Yeah, weâre just friends.â
That caught Floodstrike off guard. âOh, are we- Did you not-â He searched her face, suddenly worried he had been a jerk and she waved him off with a paw, blushing shyly.
âOh, no, no, itâs- itâs fine I just thought, since we were having kits together, you know-â
âWeâre what?â Floodstrike gaped as his friends hollered wildly at his expense.
âYo!â Fernspeckle bellowed, holding back laughter.
Fishtrick cackled and rolled onto her back, pointing a vindicated paw at Floodstrike. âWhat did I tell you! Theyâre crazy for kittypets out there!âÂ
Floodstrike tried to tune them out as he asked Luna, âCan we talk for a minute?â
âYeah, of course,â she nodded and they both stood.Â
âIâll be right back,â he said distractedly to his friends, wrapping his tail over Lunaâs back to guide her away.Â
âDonât take too long!â Fishtrick jeered.
âOr do!â snorted Fernspeckle. Floodstrike ducked his head, cheeks burning, and shoved his way through the crowd until they broke out into the chilly woods.Â
Luna spoke first. âOh, Floodstrike, Iâm so sorry! That wasnât how I wanted to tell you, I- I hope I didnât embarrass you too much!â
âItâs- Itâs fine,â he said, trying to force his racing mind to focus on her face. âBut, wait, are you serious?â
âYeah,â she nodded, pursing her lips against the smile spreading across her face. âIsnât it wonderful?âÂ
That hadnât exactly been his first thought. âI- yeah, I guess so- I just- I feel like-â Like she was springing this on him? Like they had both understood that they were just friends? With a sinking feeling, he realized that he had never had that talk about expectations with her like Goldenstar had suggested. âI didnât realize you felt that way about me.â
âYou didnât?â blinked Luna. âI thought I was being pretty obvious.â She pouted and dragged her paw through the pine needles on the ground despondently.
âWell- I mean,â Floodstrike blushed and smoothed his chest fur down with his tongue, âI knew you wanted to have sex with me, I just didnât realize you wanted more than that.âÂ
âWell, of course I do!â Luna looked hurt. âThatâs what sex is for, isnât it? Having kits?â
He puffed up at her tone, extremely confused. âI thought the twolegs- err, your Folk took them away! Itâs not like weâre going to raise them together.âÂ
âItâs still a big commitment!â she said, eyes big and round and glistening with the start of tears. âYou made me a woman, youâre supposed to take care of me now!âÂ
âI what?!â He couldnât help but laugh at the absurdity of the statement.Â
âI thought you were honorable,â she sniffled. âI didnât think you were some- some ruffian who would use me up and leave me behind!â She was starting to cry now, her expression crumpling with despair and he stepped in to rub his head against hers despite his confusion.Â
âHey,â he said, âIâm not trying to abandon you or anything, Iâm just confused, okay?â She pressed her head firmly against his, seeming to take comfort in his touch which was a relief.Â
âOkay, Iâm sorry,â she sniffled wetly.
âItâs alright,â he sighed. After another moment he sat back and said, âIâm gonna go grab Goldenstar real quick, okay?â
âGoldenstar?â she sniffed hard to pull a bead of snot back up into her nose. âWh-why?â She fluffed up again, looking suddenly very worried and he shook his head to reassure her.
âNo, it's okay, weâre not in trouble or anything, sheâs just really good at this kind of stuff -- talking about it I mean -- and I think sheâll be able to help us like⌠actually communicate, yâknow?âÂ
âOkayâŚâ Luna nodded slowly. She was definitely unsure but Floodstrike was certain that bringing Goldenstar in on the conversation would make everything so much easier.Â
âJust stay right here, Iâll be back in a flash.â He gave her one more firm press of his head and then bounded back towards the crowd to try and find Goldenstar. It took a bit of time, some asking around, but he eventually found her lounging near the area where the catmint had been given out with Scorchplume, Yarrowshade, and a pair of kittypets, including Wes. The other was a chocolate tortoiseshell who seemed to have fallen asleep.Â
Goldenstar was purring loudly against Scorchplumeâs side as Floodstrike approached, Yarrowshade flopped against hers. He almost felt bad interrupting them but he knew he needed her help right now.Â
âUh, Goldenstar?â he asked, hovering closeby. âCan I borrow you for a little bit?âÂ
Goldenstar paused her purring to sit up and stare at him. It took a long beat before she managed to speak. âOh, Floodstrike. Sure, whatâs up?â She stood, dislodging Yarrowshade who moaned in protest, reaching out for her with his forepaws.Â
âItâs Luna,â he said, âshe came to see me and I, uh, need your help talking to her.â
âLuna?â Wesâs ears perked, his expression suddenly focused. âIs somethinâ wrong?â
âUm, itâs complicated,â he said, shuffling his paws. âItâs about the stuff we were talking about earlier?â He winced at Goldenstar, hoping she got the message.Â
She seemed to, understanding dawning in her massive pupils. âOh. Alright, sure. Iâll be back in a bit, guys.âÂ
âAww, okay,â Yarrowshade pouted, scooting to snuggle up against Scorchplume instead.Â
âYou big baby,â Scorchplume shoved half-heartedly at his face.Â
âIâm cominâ too,â Wes said, rising to his feet. âI need to make sure Miss Luna is okay.â
âOkay,â Floodstrike said, his mouth suddenly very dry. âSheâs just out behind the cornerstones right now.â Wes started off towards the forest immediately and Floodstrike glanced at Goldenstar worriedly before hurrying after.Â
When they arrived, Luna flushed with embarrassment. âWes! What are you doing here?â
âI heard you were here,â he said, moving to sniff at her. âIs everythinâ alright?â
âItâs fine,â she said, clearly still a bit upset from earlier.Â
âWhat did you need my help with?â Goldenstar asked Floodstrike, blinking sluggishly at him.Â
âWell, you know how you said I ought to talk with Luna about, like⌠expectations and things?â he said. âI kind of⌠forgot. And now weâre kind of talking past each other and I thought you could help.â
âExpectations?â Wes frowned.Â
âYes,â Goldenstar nodded, âfor their relationship.â She seemed mildly disappointed and Floodstrike felt his shoulders sagging apologetically.Â
âTheir relationship?â Wes repeated again, this time sounding suspicious.Â
âMhm,â said Luna. âFloodstrike and I are mates now.â
âWhat?â Wes looked at her in shock before he quickly pivoted to fixing Floodstrike with a stern glare.Â
âThatâs the problem,â Floodstrike said, âI thought we were just friends!â
âBut we-â Luna pouted on the verge of tears again. âWe were⌠intimate. Just friends donât do that!â She blushed again, glancing at Wes. His presence seemed to be extremely uncomfortable for her. Wes scowled at Floodstrike as if he had threatened her. Â
âSure they do,â Floodstrike felt extremely confused again.Â
âI think I see the issue,â Goldenstar sighed. âThe city has very different ideas about intimacy than we do so you both have very different understandings of what it meant when you had sex.â Luna blushed brightly at the phrase.Â
âMiss Luna,â Wes said, âif this young man took advantage of you-â
âNo, no!â Luna shook her head fervently, âIt was my idea, I promise!â She reached up on her tiptoes to try and get onto Wesâs eye level. âI practically had to beg him, please donât be mad.âÂ
Wes frowned, his eyes twitching over her face for a good long moment before he sighed and said, âAlright. I just wish youâd thought about this more. This kinda thing, it has- itâs not to be done lightly.âÂ
âSo, Luna,â Goldenstar cut back in, trying to smile invitingly, âIâm gonna start by asking you about what you think your relationship with Floodstrike means, then Iâm going to ask him what he thinks. I want you both to try not to interrupt the other while theyâre talking. Iâm going to help you sort things out once youâve both had a chance to talk, okay?âÂ
âOkay,â Luna nodded, chewing her lip. Floodstrike nodded too, trying to take a deep slow breath. Goldenstar was here. It was going to be alright.Â
âGreat,â said Goldenstar, settling down and curling her tail over her paws. âSo tell me, when you imagined how things would go, what did it look like?â
Luna sniffled and shuffled her paws and said, âWell, I mean, I thought he was going to be there for me, like a proper mate, especially since⌠umâŚâ She glanced sidelong at Wes with big wet eyes.Â
âSinceâŚ?â Goldenstar prompted.Â
âSince Iâm⌠wellâŚâ Luna looked away, blushing again.Â
âPregnant,â Floodstrike said, just wanting to get this awkwardness over with already. Wesâs scowl darkened again.Â
âI see,â Goldenstar frowned too. Now it was Floodstrikeâs turn to wilt in shame. âWhen you say âa proper mateâ what does that mean to you?â
âI donât know,â Luna shrugged defensively, âHeâd bring me food, protect me, weâd be best friends. And Iâd raise the kits and support him.â She shrugged again. âAnd, I donât know, maybe he might eventually come to live with me and my Folk.â
That hit Floodstrike like a monster. âWhat?!â The idea was borderline offensive! âIâm not gonna be a kittypet!â Lunaâs lip quivered and Wes laid his tail protectively over her back, still scowling.Â
âFloodstrike, letâs calm down a bit, okay?â said Goldenstar. âWhy donât you tell me what you were picturing?â
Floodstrike shrugged. âUh, I donât know,â he said, looking guiltily at Luna, âI thought we were just having fun. I didnât realize it was, like⌠serious.âÂ
Wes sighed. âThese things are very serious, son.â Floodstrike balked at the term but Wes continued. âIt ainât honorable to take advantage of a lady like that.âÂ
âBut I didnât take advantage of her!â he protested, âShe said so already!â Goldenstar laid her tail over one of his paws but it wasnât enough to stop him from getting worked up. How was he the bad guy here?
âYou might not have meant to,â said Wes, âbut usinâ a girl for pleasure and then leavinâ her tâdeal with the consequences on her own, it ainât right.âÂ
âLike I said,â Goldenstar seemed to be making an effort to stay the calm one in the situation, âI think thereâs been a misunderstanding. In the Clans, thereâs no shame in having casual sex like that, especially not shame that falls more on any one gender. Plenty of cats raise kits on their own and are happy to do so. Stars, Ospreymask has been trying to get pregnant for moons and sheâs never had any interest in a long term partner.â
âWell, thatâs swell for her,â Wes said, starting to bristle, âbut it ainât like that in the city. Havinâ kits is a commitment. Cats who fool around areâŚâ he stopped himself, as if heâd just remembered Luna was listening to him. âItâs irresponsible to treat somethinâ so sacred as a⌠a cheap thrill!â He twitched an ear to shake off the idea which had clearly unsettled him.Â
âSacred?â Floodstrike was even more confused now.Â
âYes, sacred!â Luna sniffled, âItâs a holy bond! A gift from the Folk!â
âThatâs crazy!â Floodstrike laughed in disbelief.Â
âFloodstrike,â Goldenstar didnât manage to interrupt him in time and grimaced. âLetâs be respectful. Clearly this is very important to them.âÂ
âIt is,â sniffled Luna. âI thought you were gonna take care of me a-and our kits!â
âAnd Iâm sure Floodstrike is very sorry that he didnât communicate his intentions clearly from the start, right?â Goldenstar looked back at him with a prompting nod.Â
âYeah,â he said, feeling like a leaf drifting down the river. âIâm really sorry, Luna.âÂ
âBut youâre not going to step up and do the right thing,â Wes said, a statement more than a question.Â
âThe âright thingâ is subjective,â Goldenstar frowned. âIf thereâs something specific that Luna needs, maybe Floodstrike can help with it, but he shouldnât have to commit to a relationship just because he got her pregnant.âÂ
Luna started crying again and Wes pulled her close against his side with a defensive glare at the Clan cats. âIâm disappointed in you,â he said, âboth of you. I thought you were better than this.â
âFloodstrike was careless,â Goldenstar said firmly, âbut he isnât being cruel. Relationships are messy. Itâs an unfortunate situation but you canât expect him to agree to a commitment he didnât realize was expected of him.âÂ
âI guess not,â scoffed Wes. âCome on, Miss Luna, let me walk you home.â
âO-okay,â Luna cried into his shoulder, staring at Floodstrike with the most miserable expression heâd ever seen. Despite Goldenstarâs insistence that he wasnât doing anything wrong in the moment, his stomach still writhed with guilt like heâd swallowed angry snakes. Goldenstar let out a disappointed sigh as the two kittypets disappeared into the undergrowth.Â
âIâm sorry it went down like that, bud,â she said.Â
âItâs my own fault for not talking about it beforehand,â he sighed.Â
âWell, she should have done the same,â said Goldenstar. âYou share the blame equally and you shouldnât beat yourself up about it. Theyâre making this into a way bigger deal than it has to be.âÂ
âWhy, though?â he looked at her with pleading eyes. âWhy are they so⌠weird about this stuff in the city?! First they have rules about only being mates with âopposite gendersâ and now theyâre acting like we broke some kind of code just because I donât wanna become a kittypet or whatever!âÂ
âI donât know, bud,â sighed Goldenstar again. âTheyâve got some⌠complicated traditions, to be sure. Come on, letâs go back to the celebration. Youâll feel better when youâre with friends.âÂ
Floodstrike hesitated. âI dunno. Fishtrick and Fernspeckle are gonna tease me so bad. I think Iâm just gonna go home.âÂ
âIf youâre sureâŚâ she said with a sympathetic smile.Â
âYeah, I am,â he said. The break in festivities had left enough room for thoughts about Lakepaw to slip back into his mind and the idea of going right back to pretending like everything was fine just felt wrong.Â
âAlright,â she said, rubbing her nose against his ear. âYou let me know if you need anything, okay?â
âI will.â He took the long way around the crowd, tail dragging in the dirt. The laughter and celebration around him only served to make him feel more alone. He had no doubt Fishtrick was going to tell every cat she could about the news. He wanted to peel his skin off in embarrassment.Â
And he wanted to make Luna understand that it was gonna be okay. He didnât want her to think of him as some kind of deadbeat like Ghost. He liked her! He just didnât like her enough to be exclusive or anything. Was that so wrong? Should he at least try it, for her sake?
The thoughts were clouding around his head as he walked through the ferns until a voice shook him from his stupor.Â
âFloodstrike? Why are you sad?â
He looked up to find Fogpaw trailing after him. âOh, uhâŚâ He swallowed and said, âI dunno. Lots of reasons.â
âOh.â Fogpaw said. There was a pause, then, âDo you want me to walk with you?âÂ
âYeah,â Floodstrike said, realizing he did as he said it. He stretched out his tail in invitation and she trotted quickly to affix herself to his side.Â
âMan, when did you get so big?â he groaned.Â
âIâm almost twelve moons old!â she laughed. âWhy does everyone keep forgetting?âÂ
ââCause we donât wanna think about how old weâre getting.âÂ
âYouâre not that old,â she scrunched her nose in confusion. âYouâre barely half a year older than me.âÂ
âEw!â he groaned even louder. âDonât remind me!âÂ
She laughed again and rammed her head against his shoulder fondly. They walked in silence for a moment, the noise of the celebration fading behind them.Â
His smile faded too and he eventually managed to say, âHey, Iâm sorry about earlier, with Fishtrick. I shouldnât have sent you away.â
âWhy did you?â she asked quietly.Â
ââCauseâŚâ How could he say this without hurting her feelings? ââCause Iâm dumb and I didnât want you to embarrass me in front of Fishtrick.â
âWhy would I embarrass you?â she frowned.Â
He grimaced again. âI dunno, Fishtrick just likes to laugh at people and I didnât want her to laugh at me because Iâm friends with you.â
âBut why would she do that?â Fogpaw pressed. âIs that what was funny before? Were you guys laughing at me?âÂ
âYeah,â he said and cleared his throat to try and get rid of the lump in it. âIâm sorry, Fogpaw. That was fox-hearted of me.â He couldnât look at her, only on the stones that were starting to replace the undergrowth as they neared the river crossing.Â
After a long quiet moment, she said, âItâs okay. I forgive you.âÂ
He let out a sigh of relief. âThanks, kiddo.â
âIâm not a kid,â she huffed and he laughed again.Â
âMaybe not technically,â he said, âbut youâll always be younger than me and that makes you a kiddo.â
âThatâs dumb,â snorted Fogpaw. âIf Iâm a kiddo, then youâre an elder.âÂ
âEw! Do not call me that!â
âWhatever you say, old man,â she smiled innocently and he shook his head with laughter.
âDammit, your mentor taught you too well.âÂ
âYeah,â Fogpaw sighed fondly and they fell into silence together, walking back to camp under the stars.Â








