Why do you do what you do?
Beth: [age 9] "Give me your hand. I'm going to tell your fortune."
Me: [gives her my hand] "OK. What's going to happen?"
Beth: [closes eyes, feels my palm] "In the next week..."
Beth: [slowly] "...you are..."
Beth: "...going to turn into a llama."
Beth: "A llama. A fire-breathing llama."
Me: "I'm going to turn into a dragon llama?"
Beth: "No, it's a dragollama."
Me: "You sure it's not a llamagon?"
Beth: "With two humps to store water. And wings."
Me: "Llamas don't have humps. You're thinking of camels."
Beth: [shrugging] "No, you're going to be a llama with humps."
Me: "So I'm going to turn into a flying fire-breathing llama-camel hybrid? I don't want to turn into a llamagon."
Beth: "It's not a llamagon. It's a dragollama."
Me: "Maybe it's a dragollamagon?"
Beth: "And you will have turtle shells on each hump, up above your wings."
Me: "So it's a turtellamagon?"
Beth: "No, it's still just a dragollama."
Me: "OK, look, this isn't really telling my fortune. You're supposed to tell me events that are going to happen, or people I'm going to meet. So, besides turning into a fire-breathing winged llama-camel-turtle with a crippling sense that I have no idea what I am or why I exist, what else can you tell me about the future?"
Beth: "You're going to help people."
Me: "Oh, good, that's better."
Beth: "You're going to set things on fire because you're a fire-breathing llama, but it will be an accident, and because you have water in your humps, you will be able to put out the fire too."
Me: "So I will help people by putting out the fires that I started by accident???"
Me: "Why don't I just NOT START THE FIRES to begin with?!?"
Beth: [shrugging] "Hey, you're the dragollama. Why do you do what you do?"
