#findingromance

Today, well.

I don't even know where to start. I was called a cunt by a stranger I just started talking to. Let me explain. So I am currently on the dating venture I guess kinda. I don't really know the ins and outs of what my generation really even wants when it comes to this concept of dating.

I know one thing. I am vague in the information I give to people, but completely open and honest with what I know I want and don't want. Now life wasn't always like this for me. I never thought about this or what I currently need from my partner I would have someone hanging onto me in some manner. I would date and get pulled into some of the most odd situations. The amount of times I've been blocked for just not speaking for 24 hours. I am not always available and nor should you be...we have lives people...at least I do.

I cried because I couldn't understand why he was so angry at me for just asking him to lay off the sexual stuff. I hadn't met him yet. I started speaking to him briefly over the weekend. He was "with the boys". I'm a woman that respects those times in a man's life. They need a social life as much as I need a bitch fest. (Girls get together). I kept the conversation when he had time. Was honest with what I was looking for and why I feel the way I do about this dating thing. I told him also about the male that I was meeting on Sunday night. Maybe that is what started shit, but you know what I haven't met you yet, and I even offered a cool date at Casa Loma that is the kicker. I was myself. Honest and continued to be. And in the end I should "go suck a dick". If this is the way men are going to act towards me after 48 hours of communication I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do.

It was triggering to read those messages. I don't like being spoken to like I'm not worth it. I very much am. I make better choices and because of that my eyes are completely opening up to the fact that many people are not what they seem. It becomes lonely when you see how dysfunctional the world has become. I went to Burger King for dinner and I just wanted lettuce added to a cheese burger I don't like onions etc. They told me I had to pay for a piece of lettuce. ITS BURGER KING. ugh. I paid the damn .32 cents. Absolutely nothing went how I needed it to go today.

Every day is going to be different. I have accepted this. I am okay with this. Living each day and reflecting. That is the key to life.

Good night 😴

You’re gone now, and all that’s left in you is a monster. It pains me, but i guess the old you would never come back.  

“History repeats itself.”

I never really thought I’d hate this statement ‘til now. God, I swear I can kill whoever said it. Am I being too overacting? Sorry but I guess that’s just how I feel.

My quest to find my Romeo yet again came to an uncertain end. I may hate to say it, but yes, I’ve come once more to that hateful scene denoted by the lexicon SEENZONED.

I’m totally sick of all these. I’m sick of waiting for Cupid’s arrow to hit him. I’m sick of being JUST FRIENDS. I’m sick of having this awkward feels whenever we’re both in the same place. Strangers-friends-strangers… I’M SICK OF THESE THINGS HAPPENING ALL OVER AGAIN.

All I want now is someone who can break this vicious cycle of my romantic whatnots. Someone who can stay for real. Someone who’ll text me first thing in the morning. Someone who’ll think of me before unconsciousness takes him to dreamland. And alas, someone who, even in dreamland, would want to be with me.

But I guess that someone hasn’t found me yet. One way or another he has to hurry up. Move faster. Notice that he’s taking so much time. I mean I’m not much in a hurry, but I’m getting tired of waiting.

Please don't do this all over again. I don't wanna be friendzoned and seenzoned anymore.I'm sick and have had a lot of experiences with that.Please don't remind me of the pain again.

I'm turning 17 and still had no boyfriend since birth. Not that it's a bad thing-- cause I swear it's not even close to being one-- but hey, thinking about it, I'm the only one in my circle of friends who have never had a Romeo. Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror and look back at myself. No one has actually been attracted to me, or if there were any, they were cowards. I see a strong, confident girl in the mirror. Easy to anger but easy to sway emotionally. Sometimes I wonder if it's my physique that make Cupid's arrows elope when it comes to me.

I've been shot by that arrow, several times, though Cupid preferred to shot me alone and leave the one I've fallen to unharmed. I've been friendzoned, seenzoned, hahazoned and all. I'm sick of all these zones. I'm sick of wondering. I'm sick of waiting.

I don't really know what to do. Sometimes I know I'll be studying hard and will be foregoing all thoughts of romance. But now here I go again, wondering why no one has even tried to win my heart. It's cheesy and stupid, but admit it, all of us thinks about the same thing in some parts of our lives. The only difference is that these uncertainties are answered for others, while mine still remains on air.

I know I'm not ugly. My attitude is not that bad either, though sometimes I can be a nagger and may curse time and again. But why, I ask once more, has no one even dared?