#finding stillness

Sometimes the water chooses where you belong.

(Photo: d.)

Be Still and Know

Feeling overwhelmed by the noise and chaos swirling around you?

In a world that never stops moving, God whispers the most counter-cultural command: "Be still."

Psalm 46:10 says: "Be still, and know that I am God."

Be still doesn't mean sit quietly for five minutes. The Hebrew word means "cease striving" - stop trying to control everything.

Stop trying to fix everyone's problems. Stop trying to manage every outcome. Stop trying to be God in your own life.

And in that stillness, KNOW that He is God.

Know means to experience intimately, not just understand intellectually.

When you stop striving, you start trusting. When you stop controlling, you start connecting. When you stop managing, you start marveling at His sovereignty.

That situation you're frantically trying to fix? He's already working on it. That person you're desperately trying to change? He loves them more than you do. That future you're anxiously planning? He's already there.

Today, practice the sacred discipline of being still. In the quiet, you'll discover what your soul has been searching for.

I don’t really like admitting this out loud, but there’s this flicker of satisfaction that creeps up on me when I hear bad news about people who’ve done me dirty. It’s not loud, not vengeful, not some grand celebration in my head. It’s quieter than that—more like the tiniest spark, the kind you almost miss if you blink too quickly. A quick second of happiness, a sudden rush, as if the universe whispered, “See, balance still exists.”

It feels human, but it also feels guilty. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it’s real. Like I’m holding a forbidden fruit in my hands and sneaking a small bite, then quickly hiding it before anyone notices. You taste it, you savor it for a second, then you push it aside and act like nothing happened. That’s how it feels whenever I hear they messed something up or life finally caught up with them.

These are the people who betrayed me; who walked all over me when I was at my lowest. I carried that weight around for so long. Their betrayal and character-bashing didn’t just cut me—it etched itself into how I move through this world now. And so when the ground beneath them cracks, even just a little, it’s like the universe is throwing me a wink, reminding me I wasn’t the only one bleeding. For a split second, it feels fair.

And yet, I’m not blind to the shadow side of this feeling. Because after that fleeting second of sweetness, there’s the aftertaste. The quiet ache of realizing that my spirit still remembers the wound too well. That maybe I haven’t healed as much as I thought I have. If a piece of bad news can still make me smile, then maybe a part of me is still tied to their story, even if I act like I’ve let it go.

It’s such a tricky spot to be in. Because half of me just wants to level up, keep it classy, and not let them live rent-free in my head anymore. The other half is my wounded heart still lingers on the quiet moments when karma speaks. And maybe that’s the tug-of-war I wrestle with every time. I want to be the bigger person, to walk away and not look back, but there’s this stubborn part of me that still wants to see things even out. It’s not about wanting them ruined or destroyed. It’s more about wanting to feel like the scales aren’t permanently tipped against me. That the universe hasn’t turned a blind eye to what they did. It feels like quiet reassurance, a small reminder that justice shows up in ways we don’t always expect.

The truth is, those little bursts of satisfaction don’t stick around for long. They pop up, give me a lift, and then fade just as quickly. What stays is me, still piecing my life back together, still showing up for myself, still calling back all the power they tried to strip away, and still moving forward without dragging their shadows behind me. And that’s the real work—the messy, exhausting, everyday choice not to let their voices, their actions, or their mistakes call the shots on how I carry myself now.

I do feel lighter when I hear something goes wrong for them. And I don’t like to label it as “evil” or “toxic,” because that just makes it harder to face. I’d rather call it what it is: me being honest about the parts of myself that aren’t polished or saint-like. Recognizing it without judgment gradually takes away its power, making it easier to carry.

Maybe healing doesn’t mean never flinching, never smirking, never feeling that tiny spark. Maybe it means being able to hold that moment in my hands, acknowledge it, and then let it softly drift away. To look at it without shame, without rushing to cover it up, and just accept that it’s part of me. Healing, in its truest form, isn’t about scrubbing away every trace of what hurt me. It’s about letting those traces move through me without weighing me down, noticing them without judgment, and then letting them go with grace... knowing they don’t hold any power over my spirit anymore.

Life has a funny way of keeping us on our toes, doesn't it? From the moment we wake up to the hustle and bustle of the day, it feels like we're constantly swept up in a whirlwind of tasks, responsibilities, and never-ending to-do lists. But amidst the chaos, it's easy to lose sight of the little moments that make life truly meaningful.

As I find myself caught up in the hustle of daily life, I can't help but yearn for moments of stillness amidst the chaos. It's in those quiet moments, when the world slows down and the noise fades away, that I find clarity, peace, and a sense of grounding. And amidst it all, I find solace in my passions: the vibrant world of manga fandoms and the electrifying energy of Stardom Joshi.

Whether it's diving into the pages of my favorite manga series, losing myself in the captivating storylines and dynamic characters, or immersing myself in the exhilarating world of Stardom Joshi wrestling, these are the moments that ignite my spirit and fuel my soul. They remind me of the importance of pursuing the things that bring me joy and fulfillment, even in the midst of life's chaos.

Lyrics: I keep searching for you Everywhere I go Trying to find your face In every place Cuz there’s something that you need to know

You didn’t break me But you know you tried And now you get to watch me Swim through the tide

I-i, I-i I’m living again

Creating a mandala is a way of creating stillness within.