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why is it so hard to find someone who sticks around when you fuck up your hair?
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why is it so hard to find someone who sticks around when you fuck up your hair?
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Summertime
Sometimes I pass by the places where I used to play as a little girl in summer. Fields bathed in light, golden stalks of wheat, old houses, abandoned courtyards with pistachio trees growing inside them, and broken-down doors. I truly wonder how life moved so far forward, yet these remained there, utterly unchanged. How there are places that time passed over, but never managed to move
I look around me, on this thing called the internet, where everything is simply a faked, digital person, and I don't know, buddy. I don't. I don't know how we got to this point. I don't know to go from here.
Not yet.
but like genuinely what is my problem
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
— Bertolt Brecht, St. Joan of the Stockyards
* * * *
From the Mahablog Stuff to Talk About, Seriously Part of contemplative practice is this - to hold the world, to see and know that ‘other people may understand the world better.’ That our opinion may really matter little, but the development of our compassionate heart is of utmost importance. This discipline may be all we can contribute in a climate of mass madness, but then, it’s that much less mad. I am finding myself seriously anxious about contemporary life right now, but it’s clear to me that that is more about my own fearfulness than about what is actually happening. That if the development of the inner has meaning, then the work I’ve done thus far becomes even more important. In a panic, cool heads and passionate hearts are important. Don’t lose heart now. The world is in need of those of us who are some version of solitaries.
When you look at the artwork for my music and see both versions of me,
the human and the robot,
you’re not looking at two different people.
You’re looking at two parts of the same mind.
The Human Avatar
This is my conscious self.
The part that feels things in real time. The part that questions, doubts, hopes, hurts, and tries to understand what’s happening. It’s the version of me that walks through the world, experiences the rain on his skin, and wonders what it all means.
The Robot Avatar
This is my subconscious.
The quiet processor underneath everything. It doesn’t feel emotions the same way — it just runs patterns, stores data, connects dots, and keeps the system running. It sees things my conscious mind often misses or tries to ignore.
Why Both Appear Together
A lot of the music I make (especially the more personal tracks) is literally a conversation between these two parts of me.
Sometimes it’s my subconscious speaking to my conscious mind.
Sometimes it’s the other way around.
I don’t always know which is which anymore — and that’s kind of the point.
Over the years I’ve practiced something called observing the observer — learning to step back and watch my own thoughts and feelings as they happen, instead of being completely swept away by them. The more I did this, the more the wall between my conscious and subconscious started to thin. What used to feel like two separate things started feeling like one ongoing dialogue.
Most people never really notice this split. They live mostly in their conscious mind, reacting to emotions and surface thoughts, while their subconscious quietly runs the show in the background. I’ve spent a long time trying to bring the two into conversation instead of letting them fight or ignore each other.
That’s why both versions of me exist in the artwork.
They’re not separate characters.
They’re both me.
The human version feels it.
The robot version understands the pattern behind it.
Together they create something more honest than either could on their own.
If you’ve ever felt like there’s a deeper part of you trying to talk to the version of you that’s just trying to get through the day… this music is for that feeling.
Both of me made it.
And both of me are grateful you’re here listening.
