#finally!!!!!!

!!!!! omg omg omg

the whole family structure is ofc so oppressive to and for sarah for basically her and jack's entire relationship, right back to the start (or at least, as far back to her moving in with him ← which she never wanted btw for fear of domestic/parental labour And which he heavily pressured her into ) ... But it is mad how specifically, interpersonally oppressive, forceful, and noticeably controlling he starts to be from later 94 onwards (soon after victoria is born)... Likee he does everything he possibly can to stop her from looking for and taking a job, apart from Literally interfering, through obvious pointed reluctance, and general dissuasion, disapproval, disdain.. all in the hopes to put her off, guilt her into stopping. Even though she's impressed upon him how important this is to her, her sense of self, peace of mind, and her goals in life .. she literally took victoria and left just a few weeks before bc of not feeling like she had anything of her own, that she was just a Wife !! ← not to mention that she was always soooo clear, right from the beginning, that she never wanted to be a farmer's wife... and he's Stillll getting 'surprised' by that, offended, irritated. So sure was he in being able to 'persuade' (coerce) and change her mind, fit her into that role, as all sugden women have before her..... and then ofc once she has the job (which he barely congratulates her on) starts the berating and deriding her over any (however minor) 'mishap' (aka anything He decides he doesn't like) that has any connection to her job or more broadly, her independence, her autonomy.....like victoria being taken to the woolpack with her babysitter who works there, bc sarah is a bit late one night. or sarah not immediately having dinner ready, as soon as jack gets home. Or her arranging to go out with a friend without telling him straight away. it's sooooo patriarchydale in full force.. especially in the way that jack so often goes to the other farmer working nearby, ned glover, and moans to him about sarah not being subservient enough (despite her still doing everything again, on top of her new job) with Ned ofc agreeing, and them misogynybonding over it and how it was better in the Old days when everyone knew their place..... Anddd we're years and yearssss from her trying to leave him again. my miserable tragic beautiful sarah ☹️☹️

I finally have the stupid piece of paper I need to start therapy to start transitioning I am DOING IT baby!!!!!