Cigarettes, contrasting colours, good movies, and floral prints.
Sincere faces, false hope, and loving words.
I realized that I'm not healthy enough to wander outside.
I thought I could get up, sip my coffee, mingle with mediocre looking strangers (not implying that I'm any better looking), and inhale my preferred bit of poison.
I can't do those things. I mean, I can. By myself. Not in the company of others whom I'm not all too familiar with. I get nervous.
I sit in that chair, the chair that I guess everyone wants because people stare at me. The time that is real seems to disappear and I lost all perception .
Days are becoming hours, and hours are becoming shorter, the numbers from hours are becoming foreign.
My ability to stand up straight is lacking in reinforcement and I just can't seem to build up my fake stamina.
My legs get weaker and knobbly from the cold air, but my face get's all hot and red when I'm in a warm room surrounded by people.
I'm so confused with what I want. I want nothing. I want everything. I don't need anything.