#fchwpo

Alas, we are here - beginning our triumphant passage into November.

Oh how fast has October scurried away - too fast to witness and echo testaments to its existence.

"When I listened to her, I understood: You have to hold out to see how your life unfolds, because it is most likely beyond what you can imagine. It is not a question of if you will survive this, but what beautiful things await you when you do." - Chanel Miller, Know My Name

"Good things come to those who wait" - Hermes, Hadestown

These quotes remind us not to dwell incessantly among things that don't really matter - all the things we cannot change from our present world. Although life is a bitter thing, it's important to look beyond and at the bigger picture.

As I write this, I prepare to take a major interview that could very well affect the trajectory of my life. Oh how the small steps really do lead into the big ones?

As a child, I'd always been someone to dream big - someone who believed that passion and progress would lead to eventual success. In some ways that passion died and progress was hindered.

Despite all that, I've attempted to find myself again - through all the hardships of life. And I feel that I am supremely lucky to have the opportunity to interview for this specific position.

"You are allowed to be cautious, but you don't always have to be afraid" - Channel Miller, "Know My Name"

This is a quote that I feel I truly need as we transcend into this lovely season of Fall, and the Winter blues slowly begins to wither its way into our hearts. Remaining strong and steadfast, against the frigid, cold of winter is the way to go!

Next week I'll be starting my midterms. Lo and behold, I am not ready at all. I'm stuck in this horrid pattern of saying 'I'll do it' or 'I'll improve myself'. This constant cycle of schedules, agendas and shortcomings. Failures to achieve, despite having everything planned out. Simply being unmotivated when I am physically able. And motivated when I am physically drained.

I hate who I have become within the past month.

A shell of my former being.

I'm not even that far too deep into the term, and I fear I have already started to succumb to misery. I can't let the next two days slip past me when I have way too much content to still go through. I've got to stop being my own enemy, and instead fueling myself towards victory. I've got to stop letting other people gain ahold of myself, and instead allow myself success.

Yesterday, I realize that I am a good reason for my failures. I internally 'reject' myself from opportunities, thinking that I am not good enough compared to everyone else. My mom brought up a similar idea as the iconic Elle Woods:

"What? Like It's Hard" - Elle Woods, Legally Blonde

"Wait, am I on glue, or did we not get into the same law school?" - Elle Woods, Legally Blonde

It's time to step it up. I hope that I can own up to my mistakes, and do so much more with the time that I have left this year.

October brings about new days - new chances to have new beginnings.

And here we are, allowing ourselves to succumb to the beauty of the journey at large.

It's a chance to move forward, and instill ourselves the spirit of Autumn - quietly nurturing ourselves and preparing ourselves for the storm to come.

I decide what I am capable of. Whenever I am underestimated, I think, you mistake my quietness for weakness. If you can't imagine me on a stage, I'll get on one. - Chanel Miller, Know My Name

I absolutely adore Chanel Miller. Her strength to convey her story, despite and in spite of all the animosity is absolutely admirable. And the way she articulates is so poetic. I learned a lot by reading her story, and I feel it continues to give me strength when I read through it. That's why I love pulling up her quotes in my daily reflections - there's a lot of thought behind her words.

Autumn breezes filter through the kaleidoscope of trees and swerve in and about, from the tips of my hair and into my very soul. I am enamored by the beauty that is so very unsurprising this time of year.

And how about my academic pursuits? Not promising at all, unless I allow myself to be comfortable with change. I fear myself being too far occupied with the incessant algorithms designed to instigate us, common humans. I find myself preoccupied with scrolling; the constant drags of down to up, down to up - my finger tips adjoined with an led matrix; my eyes glued to their ghastly and vivid blinks.

As poetic as it gets - it clearly is not. I'm not willing to lose my sanity nor the progress that I made last term. September has clearly been a very off month for me. I might need some help, but clearly no one can help me so long as I refuse to help myself. This is what October is about - learning, discipline, and achieving goals. Although I may feel uncomfortable - this is necessary so that I change, and so that I can definitely achieve my goals.

This month I'm focusing on:

internship

consistency - learning course content in terms of the schedule

working on personal projects

October, here we come!

Well then friends... It is time to start over

Unfortunately... we've just been off to a bad start in general

But hopefully we can push forward through it all..

"But living is an incredible thing, just to have been here, to have felt, if only briefly, the volume and depth of others' empathy." - Know My Name by Chanel Miller

It's important not to be let down by my own shortcomings... and instead to rise to the occasion!

Today's focus is to complete some of many impending labs, and to focus on actively learning concepts!

But I think that more than that.. it is important that I work towards building a schedule that will allow me to succeed this term!

WELCOME BACK!

A new era has sprung. It is time to commit to real progress and invest in the future.

"Never fight to injure, fight to uplift. Fight because you know that in this life, you deserve safety, joy, and freedom. Fight because it is your life. Not anyone else's. I did it, I am here. Looking back, all the ones who doubted or hurt or nearly conquered me faded away, and I am the only one standing. So now, the time has come. I dust myself off, and go on." - Chanel Miller, Know My Name

During this Fall term, I aspire to work on the following goals:

Optimized note-taking -> such that going to lectures don't waste time, but lead to continuous learning

Join a design team -> where I can do embedded/hardware dev

Get a job within this month

Maintain around 80 avg

This term, I'm taking the following courses:

Statistics

Computer Networks

Databases

Computer Architecture

and an additional project-based course

On paper, it doesn't seem too bad. Hopefully this will translate into my grades!

Anyways.. also just wanted to share a tid bit of a song that lowkey we're all going crazy over this week... might be fun to look back on and wonder, wow this was the vibe back then?

Anyways..... as they say FCHWPO

and let's maintain consistency this term and commit to becoming the best version of ourselves. Chop wood, carry water and peace out

"It is not a question of if you will survive this, but what beautiful things await you when you do" - Chanel Miller, Know My Name

Today marks the day prior to my third final on Digital Hardware Systems!

Crazy ain't it?

I consistently feel super underprepared, regardless of whether I am given time or not... Anyways, given that this is the last day, I definitely should not let it go to waste. Imma try to be as productive as I can!

Let's do this! I know I can <3