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Assembled all my fun dialogues for Fantastic Beasts
Enjoy :)
Rolf: Grandma, before you met grandpa… was there any other man you liked?
Tina: Well, there was one, yes… he was considering to ask me out, before dissapearing for a long time…
Rolf: Oh…
Tina: And then we got to the situation most stories you’ve heard from us start with.
Newt Scamander appeared, and everything went differently.
*
Newt: I don’t like it when people start their sentences with “Mr. Scamander”… it’s usually either a complaint or something about my brother.
Theseus: (to everyone sitting around him) In case you’re wondering, this is a third of my working life.
*
Newt: (quietly) Would you like to visit me in London?Tina: Huh?
Theseus: (in the background) He said “Would you like to live with me in London".
Newt: Shut up!
Queenie: Heard that too!
Newt: I didn’t say that!
Queenie: Ah, no… sorry, my bad, you thought it.
Newt: Bloody …
*
Newt: (before starting to realize a plan) Theseus … can you remind the ministry that it needs me?
Theseus: (pinching the bridge of his nose, nodding)
*
Random official: Mr. Scamander, you’re completely insane!
Newt: And, by Merlin, I’m enjoying every second of it!
*
Jacob: So, yes, he got us both out of that situation at the bank … and he actually wanted to take care of me all alone, but Tina took us home …
Theseus: Ah yeah… nothing unusual so far, but … he then took you to his case after only having known you for a day?
Jacob: Yes… he just asked me to feed some creatures after I was better … but I guess that’s not that weird…
Theseus: Actually… forget it, go on.
(…)
Jacob: After he had caught that Erumpent … I thought it was about time…
Theseus: For what?
Jacob: To switch to first names…
Theseus: (stills for a moment, then surpresses a laugh) Alright… go on, please.
(…)
Jacob: And then I stepped out into the rain … poor guys, they were all crying …
Theseus: Newt was… crying? When you were leaving them?
Jacob: Yes… almost as bad as Queenie…
(…)
Jacob: Anyway, I could only open my bakery because he left me that suitcase full over occamy egg shells, with that letter saying it was from a well-wisher… I would have preferred “friend”, but… words are just words, we were from the beginning, I think.
Theseus: Very well… then I suppose it’s time.
Jacob: For what?
Theseus: (streches out hand) First names.
*
Tina: So, after I saw him using magic openly at the bank, I of course had to take action.
Theseus: So, your first official meeting was when you … arrested him. (heavily surpresses laughter) Go on.
(…)
Tina: Then I took him to my office instead…
Theseus: And he didn’t resist all the way from the bank? Not even a bit?
Tina: No… I didn’t even have to use shackles. just held his arm… is that unusual?
Theseus: It’s interesting …
(…)
Tina: And when I entered the room, the beds were empty.
Theseus: Ah, classic Newt.
Tina: And there was dust by the end of the bedsheet … I suspect he didn’t take his shoes off…
Theseus: That… is new, I assure you.
Tina: I suppose because we were strangers…
Theseus: Were, ah…
(…)
Tina: And then he called that we needed an insect and a teapot…
Theseus: Ah yes, he likes that combination.
(…)
Theseus: He… took your hand? Touched you?
Tina: Yes, I guess because I was in shock… but he did try to wipe some mustard from my lip before, and at the port he… (blushes) … not important.
Theseus: (smirks) Tina … such a small name…
*
Years later…
Newt (stay at home dad at this point) comes to pick up Tina from the department after work.
Auror: Scamander, you’re wife’s here!
Tina: (leaves her office and comes over to him with a broad smile) Wife!
Newt: Hello, husband. (kisses her, beaming)
Tina: (chuckles and takes his hand as they walk away)
Other auror: Forget it man, these two are invincible. And crazy … and very happy - it’s all very frustrating.
*
Rio: Watching full-grown Chupacabra nearby while Newt approaches it
Nagini: What is that?
Jacob: He’d have a name for it…
Theseus: He’d have a first name for it.
Newt: (notices a pattern on it’s left leg - beams) Antonio!
Everyone: (raspberries)
Tina: (chuckling) Shh!
*
Theseus: I thought you had actually switched sides … why else would you use my face to get into the ministry?
Newt: Because you keep on hairing onto me?
Theseus: … what?
Newt: Yes, everytime you hug me, you loose them like an old Doxy. Whenever I need to use polyjuice, all I have to do is check my shoulders …
Theseus: (stills) … what do you mean “whenever”?
Newt: Erm… never for directly illegal purposes… (blushes)
Theseus: How many times?
Newt: (thinks … a few moments pass as he slightly nods a few times)
Theseus: Are you honestly … counting?
Newt: Hope I can…
Theseus: (covers his face in his hands with a groan)
Tina: (shakes her head) I think we can consider “frequently”…
Theseus: (nods into his hands)
*
Travis: You want an end to the ban on you traveling internationally. Why?
Newt: (whispers) She has salamander eyes…
Travis: Pardon?
Newt: There are creatures out there I’d… like to supervise!
*
Mrs. Esposito: (calls upstairs) Tina? There is a Mr. Scamander for you here!
Tina: …… tell him I do not want to see him!
Theseus: Don’t worry, I get that all the time …
Tina: … (slowly walks out the door to the top of the stairs)
Theseus: (smiles) Hey Teenie.
Tina: (runs down the stairs into his arms, hugs him tightly)
Mrs. Esposito: (stares)
Tina: Don’t worry, we’re taking a walk outside.
Theseus: Absolutely.
Mrs. Esposito: Very well… but be careful!
Theseus: Don’t worry, I know not to mess with her … (chuckles)
Tina: (laughs) He does…
(they leave)
*
Newt releases three full grown dragons against Grindelwald’s followers in the ministry’s atrium
Travis: … Scamander, how is that better?!
Newt: Well, it can’t get any worse now, sir.
Tina: (looks at Theseus help-searchingly)
Theseus: Hey, you insisted on marrying him.
*
Queenie: We stand as one, united, against the puritan ...
Tina: (joins in) We draw our inspiration from good witch Morrigan ...
Newt: (accepts challenge) Our heads could do with filling, with some interesting stuff!
Theseus: (joins) For now they're bare and full of air, dead flies and bits of fluff!
Bunty: (joins too) So teach us things worth knowing...
Jacob: (joins Tina and Queenie as they start screaming) WE CHO-CHOOSE IT!
Newt, Theseus and Bunty: JUST DO YOUR BEST, WE'LL DO THE REST!
Tina, Queenie and Jacob: THE CASTLE WALLS THAT KEPT US SAFE...
Hogwarts: AND LEARN UNTIL OUR BRAINS ALL ROT!!! Illvermorny: YOU TAUGHT US ALL OUR MAGIC, AND NOW ONE THINGS QUITE CLEAR
Illvermorny: WHERE'VE ROAM, WHERE'VE ROAM, OUR ONE TRUE HOME, OUR ONE AND OWN, IS
Hogwarts: YOUNG WITH SCABBY KNEES
*
British auror: So how did you and Newt Scamander meet?
Tina: I arrested him.
Entire divison: 🤣
*
Theseus: (taking Newt’s testimony) Alright…
Newt: Any more questions?
Theseus: Most should be covered, but there’s one thing I’m still … trying to understand…
Newt: Yes?
Theseus: (lets down the quill magically and folds his hands on the table, looking at him for a few moments) Several pedestrians in Paris witnessed something strange, right after you arrived - we thought it was gossip, but Jacob confirmed it. (sighs) Newt… why did you lick the street?
Newt: Ah, that … that was research? There had been creatures in this area, and then I found this puddle … I do realize-
Theseus: A puddle? … you licked rain water off a street?
Newt: Not exactly. It was saliva.
Theseus: ………………… 😐
Newt: (sighs) Spit.
Theseus: I know.
Newt: Good. It was the Zou-Ou’s. That’s what brought me onto it’s tracks.
Theseus: You licked the saliva of a creature off a sidewalk in Paris? Is that accurate?
Newt: Yes. (thinks a moment, then chuckles) Have fun writing that down.
Theseus: We’ll scratch that. Travis would have you admitted. (sighs again, massages the bridge of his nose) Did it taste well?
Newt: … it was saliva, off a city sidewalk!
Theseus: (chuckles in painful)
Newt: … reminded me of your fashion sense, to be honest …
Theseus: Yeah right, stoplight …
Newt: (joins in chuckling) …. you need a vacation, right?
Theseus: Like I’m ever that lucky…
*
Percival: I've been seeing the same story for years ... young aspiring auror shows up, outstands everyone, career is going steadily towards the top - and then some wretched guy shows up and ruins her life.
Newt: Oh boy, did I!
Tina: Oh boy, did you!
Everyone else: OH BOY, DID HE!!! (cheer)
*
Tina: (packing her file bag in the almost empty office)
Theseus: (calls through the office, semi offended) Goldstein!
Tina: (hides behind her table) Darn it…
Theseus: Where is she? (stops before her table, crosses his arms) Goldstein.
Tina: (rises slowly - one eyebrow then as well though)
Theseus: Did you tell Haystach from Mysteries’ you may be joining us for drinks tonight?
Tina: (puts an hand to her hip - with a slight smirk) Are you denying me my night off, Mr. Scamander?
Theseus: Right, Mr.-Scamander me. I granted you one on Wednesday, didn’t I?
Tina: (sighs) I got my “History of Hogwarts” copy just yesterday!
Theseus: You told me you wanted to meet new people. That’s how it usually happens.
Tina: I think I’ve met plenty already. Why don’t you entertain them tonight?
Theseus: Cause it won’t be fun without you?
Tina: …. fine. Though I think neither of us should get into drinking this often right now.
Theseus: (chuckles) I’ll just take your drink away in time.
Tina: (laughs) I’ll tie you to the bar, mister! And leave you there!
Theseus: Feel free if I should order a third whiskey.
Tina: I will. (packs up a file)
Theseus: (summons her coat, hands it to her with a grin)
Tina: (smirks halfly at him) You’re the worst.
Theseus: You too, Goldy. Come on.
(they walk to the door - yet he falls halfway from a rope stringing him to a table)
Tina: (leans against the doorframe, snickering) It’s time you get a night off too, right?
Theseus: (half-serious) You wouldn’t!
Tina: (walks away) Good night, Mr. Scamander!
Theseus: (sighs, reaches out for the rope, which loosens yet before he can)
Tina: Come on, we’ll be late!
*
Tina: (about Theseus) He needs to control his temper.
Also Tina, narrating: Two months later, after one of working as a legal defendant for your father, I realized this man had the combined patience of this country
Newt: Isn’t much though, right?
Tina: Which was just enough to deal with your father, true…
*
Queenie: (skips through minds around)
Tina: (hums in her head) …. dam dam dam dam … Mr. Scamander, send me a dream …
Queenie: (falls off her chair laughing)
Tina: NOOO
*
Newt: I've had people complain about my aura... but I don't, so...
Tina: (kisses him on the cheek)
*
(a near incorrect quote)
Theseus: You’re mad.
Newt: Thank Goodness for that! Because if I wasn’t, this would probably never work!
*
Newt: Hey, would you like to see a magic trick?
Theseus: Er, sure?
Newt: Tina!
Tina: (in the distance) What?
Newt: Theseus attacked me!
Theseus: Wha- I didn't... (gets tied to chair)
Newt: :D
Theseus: I didn't attack him!
Tina: (peeks through the door) I know.
Newt: (runs away with her, both giggling)
Theseus: You two are ministry officials!
Newt & Tina: mInIsTrY oFfIciAlLs
*
Jacob: Sometimes I wonder how Newt is has his job.
Theseus: Because I’m good at my job.
*
Newt: Darling?
Tina: What?
Newt: Where is my suitcase?
Tina: What?
Newt: Where - is - my - suit - case?
Tina: I, er … put it away.
Newt: Where to?
Tina: Why do you need to know?
Newt: I need it!
Tina: Uh-uh! Don’t you think about getting into trouble today! We’ve been planning this dinner for two months!
Newt: The public is in danger!
Tina: Then you and your case should stay in here, don‘t you think?
Newt: Would you please tell me where my case is, Porpentina? We are talking about the greater good!
*silence*
Tina: *peeks out of the kitchen* “Greater good”, you say?
Newt: Yes…
Tina: *fetches her wand and tosses him the suitcase* Let’s go!
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Feels like a good benchmark. The loose goal for the end of January is 20k words, so we’re a good chunk of the way there. I’m pretty optimistic.
And I’ve decided to change the entire tense of the fic...i must be a masochist.
Y’all had better appreciate this present tense cos the death toll of editing is will be in the thousands.
The temptation to start posting is there, but I want to build up far more of a buffer before I start putting chapters out. I’ve also been jumping around, so a lot of the words are for later in the tale. This year is going to be academically intense, and there’s no telling how much time and energy I will have to dedicate to what is looking like it will be a monster of a fic. Certainly the longest thing I’ve written if it gets completed.
Regardless I look forward to being able to start posting. I might throw up some snippets as a teaser at some point, for you and for me, as a treat. Maybe that’ll be my reward for hitting the 20k goal?
In the wise, wise words of Neil Gaiman, we shall just have to Wait and See.
