#faux concern

🧠 BLACKSITE SCROLLTRAP --

THE KAREN CHECKLIST: HOW TO IDENTIFY YOURSELF OR OTHERS

🧍‍♀️ “How dare that man walk his dog through this area… …while I’m alone with my poodle?”

📋 “Does he not know that I’m here? That I am a woman — and therefore all surrounding oxygen belongs to me until I exit the perimeter?”

👮‍♀️ “Does he even live here? Has he signed the Constitution of My Feelings™? Has he shown me his papers?”

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✨ Let me introduce myself:

I am the Karen. 🔹 Mayor of Nowhere. 🔹 Supervisor of Vapor. 🔹 Sentinel of Bullshit and Misery.

I wear fleece vests like armor. I wield my iPhone like Excalibur. I broadcast every stranger's behavior as a terrorist threat against my peace of mind.

And if you challenge me?

⚠️ I will cry. ⚠️ I will record. ⚠️ I will escalate.

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I am the self-appointed security force of Whole Foods parking lots.

I stalk dog walkers like they’re casing the block for war crimes. I patrol public parks like I’m Auditor General of the Menace Vibes Division.

And yes -- I do feel personally violated when a man has the audacity to:

🛑 Exist 🛑 Walk 🛑 Breathe 🛑 Without making direct eye contact and submitting a public apology for entering my line of sight

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You don’t understand the weight I carry.

Every morning, I wake up and declare:

“I shall wander the Earth with a squint, and make strangers feel like trespassers in their own lives.”

And I do.

THE KAREN CHECKLIST™

Use this to identify yourself… or others.

☑️ Do you treat every strange man as a criminal until proven otherwise? ☑️ Do you give dirty looks to joggers who didn’t sign your emotional terms of service? ☑️ Do you demand identification from people walking their own dogs? ☑️ Do you call the HOA because someone’s landscaping isn’t “neat enough”? ☑️ Do you feel entitled to ask “Who are you visiting?” at random? ☑️ Do you film people of color and narrate like you're on National Geographic? ☑️ Do you weaponize safety concerns that mysteriously only activate when you feel irrelevant? ☑️ Do you say “I’m not racist, I’m just vigilant”? ☑️ Do you mistake public sidewalks for your personal runway? ☑️ Do you approach teenage boys at the skatepark with a clipboard and a threat? ☑️ Do you report smiles as aggression? ☑️ Do you weaponize your voice in frequencies reserved for smoke detectors and banshees? ☑️ Do you question others, but scream harassment when questioned in return?

If you checked 3 or more… You are the problem. If you checked 7 or more… You are the Karen. If you checked all… You are likely composing a Facebook post about this right now. And your hair is shaped like a passive-aggressive crescent moon.

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Let’s be clear.

I’m not confused. I know what I am.

I’m not a victim. I’m a hall monitor cosplaying as neighborhood royalty.

I dance on the razor’s edge between concerned citizen and civil harassment.

I film people for “safety,” but disable comments on every post because the truth hurts. I smile at cops, then cry wolf to dispatch if a man wears a hoodie near a bench.

I wield anxiety as a badge, and call my comfort zone a jurisdiction.

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Don’t ask me why I act like this.

I have no self-awareness. I have no inner monologue. Just a constant, low-grade suspicion that everyone but me is up to something.

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I demand your backstory in public. I require your explanation. And if you refuse?

I’ll say:

“Wow. Just trying to be safe!”

As if my paranoia is your obligation. As if your location is a privilege I can revoke.

I am the Karen. I believe I am law.

📢 And don’t you dare question me.

Because if you do?

I will scream. I will cry. I will become the victim.

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Read more scrolltrap diagnostics and psychological dissections at: 👉 https://www.patreon.com/TheMostHumble

Warning: You might recognize someone… and it might be you.

I hate to have to mini-blog it out...but y'all are making me do it.

First, let me commend all of the Animal Behaviorists that exist on social media. Bravo to your ability to be incognito for so long...you sly dogs, you.

Second, even though I do not have the animal training and education that some of you have, I do read a lot, and stay up with current events. I do recall reading a lot of material concerning 'normally sweet, controlled, old, etc etc etc' animals in captivity tearing people's throats out, mauling them, tearing off arms, legs, etc. etc.

Animals are meant to be in the wild, regardless if they are endangered or not; a zoo is not their 'home'. They know the difference. Because their natural habitat is the wild. Their behavior is NEVER predictable.

Ask Roy. Ask the Zookeepers in West Palm Beach. Ask the 'trainers' at Sea World. Ask elephant trainers with the circus (which I HATE a circus...but I digress...).

And quit acting like this gorilla was your mama. I just read where a girl died from a botched circumcision in Egypt. Because that's still a thing. That's a thing that happens in various places all over the world; females being mutilated.

But make this your cause-of-the-week now, convenient 'activists'.

The bottom line is that boy, in the next second, could have been seriously hurt or killed. That's a fact. And if that had happened, all of you social media avengers would be bitching because they didn't kill the gorilla. Also a fact.

And stop the parent-blaming. You weren't there, were you? You have a first hand account of what transpired before the fall? You keep your eyes on your kid every second of every day? Ever 'lost' your kid in a store for a minute? Ever got distracted and the next thing you know, your kid is doing a flip off the couch? Your kid ever fell in your presence? Ever buckle your kid in wrong in a car seat? Ever make any mistakes as a parent? If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, and have judged this mother...congratulations, you are a hypocrite. And if you don't have kids and have been Judgey McJudgerson, well, I've got words for you that aren't social media appropriate.

So anyway, that's my take on this whole 'life altering issue'. I hope to quit seeing crap about it soon, which I will, because like all MAJOR social media issues, people will tire of their faux concern and it will fade into viral obscurity (there should be a club for that). I am sorry because of an accident, an animal had to lose its life. I am happy that the boy's life was saved. And as always, I am unhappy with people on the Internet.