@people who congratulate fat runners: Listen, I know your intentions might feel benign, but you're actually being pretty patronizing. Sometimes I'm going slow and breathing hard because I'm finishing my fourth mile, you stupid twit. You absolute tit. Let me feel inconspicuous like every other jogger and cyclist. Just let me exist.

I've been going to the gym semi regularly for a few months now and I'm trying really hard not to focus on weight loss. But I'm debating making one of my goals this: be able to fit on all the rides at Hershey Park again. I've been comparing my current body to the body I had four years ago, when I was playing soccer. I know four years is a long time and bodies change! But I also know that my body can achieve that weight, and not in an unhealthy way. Just in a very very athletic way, which could fit into my lifestyle if I made it so. Because of this I'm trying very hard to get on local softball/soccer teams so that exercise (even intense exercise) is fun again. Right now my exercise is mainly treadmill walking and weight lifting which is fine, albeit boring. Even having a fun fitness partner would make things brighter, but that's not happening either. I know summer is approaching and for the first time in my life(???) I'm anxious about wearing shorts. Mental health is weird y'all. Just wanted to update you on my thoughts! Feel free to chime in or message me if you're dealing with the same stuff. Your support keeps me going ❤️

So I'm getting back into doing some p90x videos to supplement my gym days. It's the worst weather right now so it's helpful to be able to stay inside on some nights. So I did the yoga x video yesterday and the arms video today. My arms are killing me already. I bike a lot at the gym, I want to run soon because it's the BEST EXERCISE but, I'm pretty fat right now and don't think it would be the best thing for my feet! Plantar fasciitis makes that worse too.