#fanfiic

there are so many elements to keep track of and i have to hit specific narrative points in the chapter so i had to simulate multiple scenarios for it while jumbling those many elements to keep track of and select ones that were most optimal sometimes working backwards from the desired outcome and trying to bridge that with how i already gamed out the start for it and still make minor sacrifices on narrative discover errors that threatened to undo ALL THAT WORK but thankfully discovered easy fixes for them

and i am

ALMOST

done with it just need to game out one last round and i got past the most difficult segment

but this will be worth it i am sure because the game became a microcosm for some of the themes in my story owing to how much character psychology gets to shine through it

this was originally just a stray thought it was supposed to be a stray thought an absentminded consideration to be discarded instead its now about ten pages worth of hand written simulated rounds and player stats sprawled on my table

looking a little something like

R-3L/2S/T,SP,R P-2L/2S/R,J,SP Z-2L/2S/R,J,Sh G-2L/2S/J,SP,J J-2L/2S/T,Sh,R 9. J-SP/T (D) 10. R-J/T (L) -1

i have purposely obscured the data just a little bit because no spoilers but the gist is essentially the same

i will have to clean all of this up once i am done and i will release the full game log separately after i complete the au because i am not letting all this work go to waste the chapter will be the main pay off but the game log by itself will make for nice bonus material

work on this au story has gone back to looking like conspiracy theory crafting

Daryl and Dallas’s relationship unfolded with time, years. they were friends and then they had a deep talk, which ended in Daryl risking everything to confide in Dallas about his sexuality. you know how things were back then. Dallas’s reaction was the first time in Daryl’s life that he wasn’t met with a cold sneer or a strike of a damn belt. Dallas accepted him for who he was and made it known that he never saw Daryl as a lesser person. this eventually led to them holding hands.

slowly, their relationship became more romantic. stolen glances both in public and private. in secret, they held one another, kissed each other’s cheek, and then on the lips. they’d talk about anything and nothing, Daryl mostly listened since he loved to hear Dallas. Dallas equally adored Daryl. he’d always help Daryl look after himself, he just couldn’t help it. Daryl would often grunt about it but never shook Dallas off. can you imagine Dallas’s reaction to Daryl’s back ? he hugs him tight and cries for him, Daryl was never much of a crier (due to his deadbeat father Will).

they loved each other. it took Dallas a while to gather the courage to say those three words to Daryl. Daryl wanted to say it back because he knew he loved Dallas—but he couldn’t bring himself to say it. Dallas understood perfectly why without Daryl even telling him, and he never held it against Daryl. Dallas can see how much Daryl cared for and loved him, and he was happy with that.

when Daryl was 19, he finally walked away from Will and the hell he had to live in for all his life. he and Dallas moved into a little apartment two towns away. they kept up appearances as roommates.

things were going great. when they first moved in, that was the first time they’ve done it in an actual bed. past times were on a worn out mattress in Dallas’s old shed (Dallas would tell to his folks that he and Daryl were gonna go hunting and excuse the long hunt with a white lie), on a blanket deep in the woods, or in Will’s beat up truck whenever Daryl took it. they held up quite a domestic life with each other, which ultimately contrasted what Daryl saw between his parents growing up.

they were happy.

and then Merle was discharged three years later. things changed for the couple the moment their telephone rang. Merle was able to reach them because Merle had talked to Dalls’s uncle who thought that Dallas must know about Daryl (they don’t know that Daryl was living with Dallas). Merle and the other man knew each other from drug dealing. Merle didn’t know who Dallas was, but thought he’d give it a try. a day or two later, Merle called again and Dallas gave the telephone to Daryl. after years of not talking due to circumstances, the brothers talk again. Merle wanted Daryl to accompany him like old times. Daryl said he’ll let him know.

things went from one to another, Daryl pondered for a long time. Merle wasn’t as open-minded about many things. Daryl remembers many times when Merle and some others would jump guys who they thought was gay and not “normal”. suddenly, Daryl remembers that Merle offered to drop by Dallas’s place to pick him up. Daryl looked around and it was undeniable that Daryl didn’t just crash here and there.

knowing how violent and ill thinking Merle could get, he never wanted to put Dallas in a terrible situation. Daryl loved him too much to let anything happen to him. but something else was clawing at the back his head, his loyalty to his older brother.

eventually, Daryl had to choose between his brother Merle and his beloved Dallas. Daryl knew that if he chose not to go back with Merle, Merle wouldn’t stop popping up again and there would be a constant danger for Dallas. he also knew that if he chose his brother, he wouldn’t be able to live knowing that the pursuit of his and Dallas’s dreams had gone one sided.

at age 22, Daryl leaves. he couldn’t even face Dallas when he said goodbye. he feared that he’d accidentally kiss Dallas dumb in front of Merle who waited in his old, stolen truck. Dallas watched the truck go down the road.

Daryl found himself pressing the heels of his palms against his eyes.

in the present time, Daryl and Carol sit next to each other near a makeshift fire. Daryl had confided in her about the love of his life.

for more than 20 years, Daryl lived without any real reason and even more regrets.

💗 Fast forward a month, a few outings to the local pub and a couple of cosy film nights at Van's  (and plenty of hugs) and you'd admitted your feelings to one another.

💗 And the hugs just kept coming...

💗 Van can't keep his hands to himself, he always likes to be touching you. He likes to feel that physical connection.

💗 He always feels warm even when it's cold outside. It comes in handy in winter... it's like having your own personal hot water bottle on hand.

💗 But his hands aren't always warm as you find out when he tries to slip them under your jumper to warm them up!

💗 His hugs are never rushed, even when you're late for work and in a rush to leave the house in the morning he won't let you go until you've had your hug and kiss goodbye.

💗 When he's leaving for tour he'll hug you a little tighter and a little longer and you close your eyes, taking everything in, the vibrations of his heartbeat, the scent of his cologne, the way his arms feel wrapped around you. You want to remember it clearly for those lonely nights when you’re apart.

💗 He's just the right height for cuddling... you feel like pieces of a perfect puzzle fitting together.

💗 Hugs from behind, often when you're least expecting it. He wraps his arms around you tight, engulfing you in his warmth, his face buried into your hair or neck.

💗 Neck nuzzling... it's ticklish but when his lips find that sensitive spot you're like putty in his hands.

💗 Morning hugs lying in bed with you as the little spoon, naked limbs entwined whilst he scatters sweet kisses all over every bit of exposed skin he can find.

💗 You especially like this when it's cold and gloomy outside, the rain lashing down on your windows. You can just shut out the rest of the world and get lost in each other.

💗 The best hugs are the ones where you've been apart and you've missed each other so much. It just feels so right being back in each other's arms.

💗 He wraps his arms around you and pulls you in so close and he's breathing in the scent of your hair and you feel like you're positively gonna pop if he squeezes you any tighter!

💗 "Van I'm gonna burst in a minute! You're gonna have to let me go!" He loosens his grip a little but still doesn't let go. "Sorry love, I'm just in my happy place... don't ever wanna let you go. I've missed ya so much."

💗 Airport hugs where he'll drop his luggage in an instant to pick you up and whirl you around, showering you with kisses. You cling to him like a koala bear, legs wrapped around his waist! You don't care if you're in a public place.

💗 Did I already mention he smells good? (Apart from straight after a gig!)

💗 But you still love sweaty post-gig hugs, he's hyper and pumped up on adrenaline and it's such a turn on seeing him on stage that those hugs more often than not end up leading on to more...

💗 And there's definitely a hug for every occasion... Feeling sad? Comforting hugs where he holds you close and gently strokes your hair. Feeling tired? Sleepy hugs where you lie on his chest and the steady sound of his heartbeat lulls you. Feeling horny? Steamy hugs where hot, wet kisses are pressed to your neck whilst he grips your hips and grinds against you. Feeling crampy and hormonal? Caring hugs where you'll lie on the sofa with him behind, rubbing soothing touches on your belly.

💗 There's nothing that makes your feel safer or more secure than when you're enveloped in his warm embrace.