#fanapt

I don't know if I can last til Friday's appointment. But... I don't have any other options...?

This is the worst manic episode in years (that I can recall).

I asked Michael, and he said this is the worst he's ever seen me, hands down, no contest (and we met nearly fifteen years ago).

I don't know. What's the point of this post? Who knows? I'm hanging on by a thread, I guess. Send help, or good vibes, I could use them...

Oh also! My endo flared up Sunday night, five days before it was supposed to, and I can't take anything for it, including ibuprofen, until all these other meds are cleared out of my system, so that's fun for me!!

x + x

I saw a FANAPT commercial (a medicine for Bipolar disorder) that had an anime style, of all things, while I was watch Comedy Central.

And like...it was kinda weirdly authentic? Like more than other productions that try to do an anime style.

But then of course ENT gets cancelled literally two hours before it started, it triggers a manic episode (okay, to be fair, I was manic before it got cancelled, I guess...), I start the carbamazepine, and of course, have a terrible reaction.

And what a fucking WEEK to have a terrible reaction to it.

I tried to give it a couple days, but, I couldn't even walk up the stairs unassisted, so on Tuesday night Michael was just like, you gotta call your psych, and I was just like, so defeated... like, are my options to either be depressed or a zombie?! Because this is exactly what happened with the caplyta last fall. Except I gave that med three and a half weeks of being a zombie before I gave up on it and went back on vraylar. So I've spent over a fucking YEAR being depressed and ragey. And that's not fair to my girls...

So, I stop the carbamazepine, and, this morning, wake up feeling not great, but I wasn't falling off the treadmill like the last few days at least?? I was able to drive Peanut to the dentist and to school, which, I HAD to, so that's good? And I got home, and took the fanapt, and then got in the shower and semi blow-dried my hair and then... could barely keep my eyes open and fell down the stairs.

And then googled fanapt and discovered it causes sedation and drowsiness and could barely make it to the sidewalk when Lil's bus got home.

EMBARRASSING.

So I guess we'll see how it goes. I'm supposed to take another one this evening 😭 And increase the dosage tomorrow, and the next day, and the next...

Maybe I'm just doomed to be depressed forever?? Idk. Things are not looking good.

Akathisia sucks. I developed it at 11 after being put on Risperdal. Luckily it's mild.

This is actually one of my favorite pharmacutical ad campaigns.

I like how it highlights a common side effect.

Keep in mind ANY antipsychotic can cause akathisia.