Shout-out to neurodivergent people who never did good in school.
Shout-out to neurodivergent people who have felt stupid and inferior intellectually.
Shout-out to the neurodivergent people who were in support classes for the kids falling behind.
Shout-out to the neurodivergent people who were in separate programs, classes or schools designed for kids with learning disabilities.
Shout-out to the neurodivergent people who got held back a grade or failed out of classes.
Shout-out to the neurodivergent people who didn't enjoy or even successfully read books because they were too difficult.
You often hear that it's a "universal neurodivergent experience" to be formally gifted or super bookish as a kid, but that wasn't the case for everyone. A lot of us did poorly in school because of our neurodivergence. We never got the chance to feel smart or gifted. And speaking for myself it was really disheartening to feel unintelligent and weird my entire school career, only to try to connect with other neurodivergent people online when I got older and still feeling unintelligent and weird comparatively. So this one is specifically for those of us whose neurodivergence always made school hard, we are just as much a part of the community as anyone else.
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i've heard MANY opinions on this fic but i think its time to form my own --
i, a schizophrenic who also is a massive MCR fan, will be reading ASOTM and giving feedback on here in the year 2026. this will be my 1st time reading it and i know close to nothing about it, so. we'll see!
So I'm a bit behind but I finally am caught up on the show Yellowjackets and I'm very intrigued by their depiction of a character with schizophrenia.
Spoilers for the entire show (first 3 seasons as of now) under the cut:
I was pleasantly surprised by how they depicted Lottie's schizophrenia throughout the show. Even with the element of possible supernatural forces, if you see it as really magical, or just the characters losing grip on reality while isolated and traumatized, either way I don't personally find Lottie to be an offensive character.
I was a little suspicious of the scene early on when they did a seance and she started speaking French and broke a window with her head. But I also believe that could just be how the others saw it in their emotionally vulnerable state. Also Lottie might have played into it as a way of showing the others her perceived connection to supernatural forces.
The one thing that trips me up is the bear scene, ain't no way of trying to explain that with altered states of mind. And if that is there to prove that the magic is real, does that mean that the show is implying that Lottie isn't actually schizophrenic but just super spiritual? I'm unsure, but hopefully not.
I'm happy they didn't make her the most violent or sadistic one by any stretch of the imagination. The only time we saw her kill someone was after she had witnessed many of them kill and eat others. Lottie also could've reasonably done it from fear, since that was the first outsider they saw in over a year. I also find it interesting that although she seems insistent on having hunts as a sacrifice, she never partakes herself until the modern timeline. She isn't shown to take pleasure from killing like Shauna, or have times where she's totally out of control like Tiassa.
The one moment that made me roll my eyes was the reveal that her modern day psychiatrist was a hallucination (which I predicted right away). This is what I would consider a "stereotypical schizophrenic person hallucinating" scene. It's hard to believe that someone disconnected enough from reality to believe they are speaking to a real person who isn't there, would also be able to run a cult without anyone noticing.
I did like the blood in the honey hallucination scene, that felt realistic to my experience. I also like how her hallucinations seem to glitch in and out, that was a nice touch.
I appreciate the fact that in flashbacks they showed her displaying symptoms at an early age, and having already been prescribed (presumably) antipsychotics at the time of the plane crash. This would be considered childhood schizophrenia, an earlier onset of psychotic symptoms. But besides that she seemed to be doing well in highschool and just like any of the others when she had her medication. I think this is good to show, that schizophrenia can be detected and treated early, and she was just like any of the other girls on the team.
I also appreciate that her cult wasn't as horrendous as I originally thought. Yes, any cult that controls your finances and cuts you off from the rest of the world is bad. But, I thought the cult would be way more involved in the horrors happening for the other survivors in the modern timeline. I originally assumed the cult would partake in human hunting and cannibalism. But it seemed like it was just your standard "health, wellness and sustainable living" cult, which isn't as bad comparatively. They did kidnap Natalie (to stop her from ending her life), but honestly that's not as bad as the other shit the other yellowjackets were doing without dedicated followers.
Also, yes, Lottie was psychologicaly hurting people when they were stranded, mainly Akilah and Travis. But it didn't seem to be from a place of malice. It seemed like she was experiencing a lot and wanted to connect with others and have them relate to her. Which obviously wasn't great but I can't blame her too much given the situation they were in and the unique symptoms she experienced as a suddenly unmedicated schizophrenic person in survival mode.
I also appreciate that Lottie wasn't the only person experiencing hallucinations. Like Shauna seeing dead Jackie talk back to her, and Akilah thinking the mouse was alive, and Mari hearing dripping noises. It goes to show that anyone can experience hallucinations in the right circumstances. Obviously anyone going through trauma, starvation, isolation and trying to survive can also experience hallucinations, just maybe not to the same degree and frequency as someone who has a condition making you prone to it.
Overall I think the show did a good job at avoiding obvious stereotypes. Lottie was overall pretty reserved and quiet, which is something I relate to. She wasn't evil or cruel. Her spirituality or possible connection to the supernatural seemed to be genuinely comforting to the other survivors at the time. She felt like a person who had schizophrenia, rather than the usual "schizophrenic character".
Had the most genuine conversation with the most well-meaning person about being scared of letting people know I'm schizospec recently. My concerns are, and always have been, that I will be labeled as evil, broken, wrong, dangerous, or less than. All of these things come attached to the stigma associated with "psychotic" or any word beginning in "schizo"
This good-intentioned individual proposed very sweetly that we look for different words together, different medical terms to describe what I go through so no one will throw out my job applications or treat me like a danger to society.
This is the problem with treating "psychotic" and "schizo" as insults. It leaves no room for us to use our very real and very valid recognized diagnoses or terminology to describe our literal lived experiences. There are no other words. Just these ones. They're ours. We shouldn't be expected to give them up or relocate or rewrite the definition.
The tone difference between talking to a nonpsychotic person and a psychotic person about traditonally scary symptoms is WILD
I tell my psychotic friends about The Cacophony of voices I occasionally hear and get a Lil brief check in before we make jokes and vibe over our shared understanding
I mention the same Cacophony to a nonpsychotic friend or family member and they look at me like I'm already dead?? Absolutely devastated for me?? Screaming and asking God why??
Like I'm loving the energy and the support, but making these experiences out to be inherently horrifying and tragic kind of throws a wrench into coming to peace with being psychotic and others people who experience those symptoms, even if thats not the intent!!
I speak for myself, of course, but I'd much prefer "aw beans, wanna talk about it?" or any other conversational prompt that allows me to choose the tone/mood of the conversation. Sometimes you just wanna vent about The Cacophony without all the mourning!!
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The genuine feeling of betrayal that comes from someone who KNOWS you are psychotic using psychotic as an insult right in front of you hits different
It shows that this person knows what you've been through, somewhat understands it, maybe even has seen you in the midst of it.
Then decides regardless that is ok to throw your experiences under the bus because updating their own use of language is too much work, even though the derogatory use of "psychotic" feeds into a narrative that hurts people just like you.
I think that one of the hardest things about getting better and recovery is relearning yourself.
Sometimes, it turns out you're not who you thought you were inside, or that if you were, you have changed and you're not that person anymore.
That's ok. The confusion and the feelings and the unsteadiness of these growing pains are natural, but so are change and growth. Its the natural state of the universe for things to shift and you are no different.
I dont know if I'm sick or not. I haven't heard voices, seen things, been paranoid. Sure. I got this new medication but I just can't believe that would be the reason. Not to mention I miss the voices. I really do. Now I'm all alone and I'm lonely and sad all the time. I want my normal back but I can't just stop with the injections. That could be bad. And I want to get treatment for other things which I can only get if I'm medicated. Which is unfair but it is what it is.
Idk. Anyone else wanna share their current situation? I'm maybe looking for support and stories.
