#false self

As people with schizoid dynamics we often find ourselves navigating a world that demands social interaction, while our true desire leans toward keeping our distance from others. This creates a disconnect between what others expect and how we actually feel. One of the ways we manage this tension is by wearing a social mask; putting on a facade of friendliness helps us avoid discomfort, judgment, or confrontation.

When we choose not to smile or engage in typical social cues, we may inadvertently give off an impression of being hostile, rude, or stuck-up. This lack of expression can be misinterpreted by others as disinterest or even arrogance, leading them to form negative perceptions about us. These misunderstandings can invite negative reactions, which further reinforce our desire to withdraw. Ironically, the very effort to maintain distance and avoid discomfort can sometimes trigger the very conflict or confrontation we seek to avoid.

The "schizoid smile" isn't a reflection of genuine happiness or warmth. Instead, it's a survival tactic. It allows us to move through social situations without drawing unwanted attention, but deep down, it doesn't represent a desire for connection or making friends. For many of us, the act of smiling or appearing friendly is a conscious choice to meet external expectations. The world sees our smile, but internally, we maintain a psychological distance, shielding ourselves from the deeper nature of interpersonal interaction.

The challenge arises when people misinterpret this friendliness as an invitation to get to know us better. What they perceive as a sign of interest or connection is often just our protective mechanism doing its thing. This can lead to frustration on both sides, as others expect closeness that we aren't prepared to offer. It’s common to become dismissive when our smile invites further engagement, which is the opposite of what we desire. We are often misunderstood, trapped between appearing approachable and needing to maintain our distance.

Starting in infancy, humans instinctively use their senses and minds to make "sense" of their local and larger worlds. "Reality" is our current perception of what is true or real.

People raised in low-nurturance childhoods usually develop a protective "false self" to survive. A common false-self strategy and trait is to mis-perceive reality by denying, repressing, rationalising, exaggerating, idealising, minimising, projecting, intellectualising, catastrophising, and assuming.

The master false-self distortion is denying these - "I'm not distorting reality!" Reality distortion is one of six wide-spread wounds in typical survivors of early-childhood neglect.