#failendis

When you two did spend any time together at those events and dinners, Vanifinwë, while she was never cold, was clearly skeptical of you. Not as warm and invested in you as she had been with the significant others amongst your partners brothers. Though she was still very kind and polite, and not in a honeyed venom kind of way. So that much was a relief to know that you were somewhat in her good graces. 

“Have you ever sculpted before?” Her soft and lilt voice suddenly spoke up, pulling you from your thoughts as a basin of water was set next to you, and her rose perfume wafted into your face. You looked up at the Princess who held a neutral look on her face, hard to tell if she was pleased to be here or not. Or what it was she felt for you, but slowly you began to shake your head. 

“No I can’t say that I have, this would be a first for me.” You answered her in earnest, and you watched this time as a faint smile found her lips and she nodded her head. Walking around the table to sit across from you as she set her basin of water down next to the clay, rolling up her sleeves to her stained tunic and you began to mirror her seeing if the professional artist was doing it… well there must be some basis for why. 

“Perfect, hopefully you will find enjoyment in it.” She smiled to you, and you gave her a half-hearted smile in return, feeling a little nervous now. As you wanted to make a good and last impression on Vanifinwë as she seemed to be the only Fëanorian whose approval you didn’t know you had or not. 

“What are we going to do exactly with it?” You asked her, referring to the lump of clay,

“Sculpt anything you like, it can be a figure or an object if you wish it. I would’ve done pottery wheels… But I think this would be much easier for you to do. My only I suppose rule for this is try and add lots of detail.” She explained to you, still with that more charming smile, one that almost nerve-wracking reminded you of Feanaro and even Curufinwe. She was certainly her father’s daughter, and you suspected there was an ulterior motive to why you two were spending time together. Though you hoped it was because she wanted to get to know you personally. 

“Alright I think I can do that.” You answered her with some confidence, and without another word the two of you began to dive into your lumps of clay and began to sculpt away. A silence falling over the two of you, and you couldn’t tell if it was just your nerves getting the best of you, creating an imaginary tension or if there was a tension there between the two of you. 

Quietly you began to mull over what you wanted to make as you manipulated the clay between your fingers and hands, deciding that something simple would be more ideal. Perhaps a holder of some kind where spare quills or charcoal pencils could be stored, for Carnistir on his desk. With lots of little detail, but you honestly hadn’t the slightest clue how you’d put it together. 

But you weren’t going to let that stop you as you began to roll out some of your clay hoping to create a panel for the bottom. Then hoping to move on to create sides… Though you would need help for sure on putting it together. You were in your own world, focused on the clay panels you were creating that you forgot that Vanifinwë was even there in the room with you. 

She didn’t seem to be paying you any mind either, at least that was what you could assume until she finally opened her mouth to speak. 

“Y/N,” Her soft voice spoke up suddenly pulling you from your thoughts and you peered up to look at her, seeing how she was focused on the indiscernible object before her 

“How is it you and my brother came to court one another? I’m afraid I don’t remember or wasn’t present when it was told.” Being the last and youngest Fëanorian did have it’s drawbacks in the fact that sometimes she was forgotten or assumed to be present for all things in family matters or private speakings. Carnistir had never told her, and she assumed that he would’ve done so when he was ready, but he never did. Meaning everyone else but her knew and everyone assumed she knew. 

Piercing blue eyes peered up from the clay and looked over at you, and you could see the sparkle of curiosity in her eyes as she looked at you. Letting some of that impenetrable wall down in front of you, putting you a little more at ease to see her so relaxed with you. 

“Well…” You began with a fond sigh, picking up one of the clay tools in front of you that was to be shared between the two of you. 

“It came after one of the festivals that King Finwe hosted, we were out in the gardens when Carnistir pulled us somewhere secluded,” You began to smile as you worked, “He gently held my hand and asked me if I would court him. It was so sweet and endearing in the way he asked.” You tried not to gush and giving her the straightforward answer, you watched the way Vanifinwë seemed to smile some at your words. 

“Was it romantic? Or was he just his straightforward self?” She asked with more curiosity in her tone, and it certainly soothed you to hear her so curious in what it was you were talking about. Let alone about you as well, 

“It was more romantic, he… held my hands and brought them up to kiss. His voice was really soft and he stood really close and then he kissed me when I said yes. I was so nervous in that moment, but everything just felt so right and perfect.” You continued to gush more, and you watched as Vanifinwë seemed to wear some surprise at your description. 

“You are surprised?” You asked with your own confusion, wondering why it was she would be when Carnistir was a perfect gentleman with you. Romantic too especially when you two were in private with one another. Vanifinwë released a soft breath of amusement, as she paused in her work for a moment, leaning back on the stool and shifting to get more comfortable on it. 

“Yes, I am.” She answered you honestly, “Carnistir is usually so guarded and protective over how he feels, it is honestly hard for me to imagine him having such low walls with anyone else. Even with a romantic partner.” Now that was hard for you to imagine him being so guarded and protective in front of you, granted he wasn’t always the most forthcoming verbally, but he didn’t hide his emotions from you when you were present with him. 

“It is strange for me to hear you say that as I feel like he is always open with me about how he feels.” You said, your fingers gently cutting out square panels to be able to put on the bottom piece of clay to form your little miscellaneous holder. You watched as a fond smile found Vanifinwë’s lips at your words, unbeknownst to you Vanifinwë felt some relief to know that Carnistir trusted you so immensely. 

In truth she feared that you were just out to use Carnistir like many other elves had tried to do with before. Though he had thwarted them all, part of her could see what you meant to him and feared that you were no better than everyone else, she still had questions though before she’d make her final decision in how it was she felt about you. 

Nonetheless she already felt reassured by the words you were telling her, it was good to know her most guarded yet sensitive brother felt so good to be with you. She only hoped that you too felt the same way about him. Let alone the biggest trial which was dealing with his anger. As it ran off most other elves who finally got a taste of his wrath even if it wasn’t directed at them. 

“That is good that he trusts you so immensely to share his feelings with you, Y/N.” She said, offering you another smile as she began to continue working on her little sculpture before her. 

“Do you feel the same way? Like you can trust him with your feelings?” 

“If I am being honest, yes I do. I know if I tell him how I am feeling Carnistir will listen to me and support me in however I need it.” Your answer was reassuring to Vanifinwë, to know that it was reciprocal. She kept it to herself how many potential suitors couldn’t even answer that honestly, or how they’d immediately laugh out how they wouldn’t share such things with him. Or that it was foolish to attempt to do so. 

“I am relieved to hear it, if I am being honest with you.” Vanifinwë said to you as she continued to sculpt away, with another comfortable silence falling over the two of you for a moment while you two worked. But it didn’t last long as Vanifinwë opened her mouth to speak again. 

“What do you think of my brother?” She asked you, again there was a note of curiosity in her voice and for this you were excited to answer her, as you loved Carnistir and you loved being able to gush over him. You smiled widely as you looked to Vanifinwë and you watched as she seemed to soften tremendously at your expression. 

“I think he is wonderful, he is kind to me and such a gentleman.” You began, “I appreciate his kindness, I enjoy hearing his thoughts about things and he’s quite creative with some of the things he says. I think he is clever and I love to find a topic that gets him really passionate when he speaks.” You grinned widely with a fond sigh falling off your lips. 

“I love the way his face lights up when he gets to speaking about his favorite subjects. Though if I am being honest, I love the way his face reddens when he does something sweet and romantic.” Vanifinwë began to chuckle at your words, enthused to hear you speak so highly of Carnistir and that he had such a loving and adoring partner. It helped put her mind a lot at ease knowing that he had you. 

Vanifinwë was starting to feel silly that she had been so skeptical as Carnistir had always been so good at vetting those that didn’t care much about him. She should’ve trusted her brother on the matter, then again it was good to have confirmation for herself and having this talk and time to spend with one another. Though she had one final and important question for you:

“His temper, what do you think of it?” You were silent as her question, almost afraid to give your honest answer, it was becoming clear to you that Vanifinwë wanted to know what it was you thought of her brother. And if you were good enough for him and this question she posed made you concerned with the fact that it was hard not to be scared by Carnistir’s anger. Especially at its worst, you’d be lying if you said that it didn’t scare you. 

“It… intimidates me.” That was putting it lightly, “I have heard how bad it can get and I have seen it on occasion.” You answered her truthfully, you didn’t see a point in trying to hide it from her. There was the possibility that one day you could be siblings and you didn’t want to lie to her. It just wasn’t in your nature either. 

Vanifinwë nodded her head as she paused again in her work, and honestly you did too as the two of you looked at one another. There was a look of sympathy on her face as she hummed, 

“I understand entirely that his anger is intimidating.” She said to you in earnest and it brought relief that she too understood what that was like. If anything it surprised you too, because shouldn’t she be used to it? Vanifinwë did live with him and should be accustomed to all of his habits and outbursts. 

“Forgive me for asking… But shouldn’t you be used to it?” You asked with hesitation, but you watched as she began to chuckle at your question. Shaking her head no, making her long black ponytail swish at the motion, 

“Believe it or not no, I’ve never really… gotten used to his anger and wrath, and I don’t blame you for being intimidated by it. Though it says much that you would stay despite how intense it can be. But I hope he never aims it at you.” She said to you, and quickly you shook your head, holding your hands out as you did the motion, frantic to clear any of that up. 

“No! Eru no! Carnistir never aims it at me, it mostly seems to be at your brothers or other people who have gotten under his skin.” You answered her, and again Vanifinwë began to laugh softly at your reaction, with another sigh of relief leaving her lips. Nodding her head at what you told her, good she was glad that he didn’t direct his anger at you. 

“Good, I am glad for it. I am glad Carnistir cares so much about you Y/N and that you care about him.” Vanifinwë paused for a moment, and you didn’t speak, seeing as it appeared she might have something else to add. Your suspicions were confirmed a moment later, 

“I must confess, and must ask for your forgiveness, but I was… skeptical of you Y/N.” Her honesty surprised you and you couldn’t help but wear it on your face as you stared back at her. Vanifinwë gave you a more sheepish look, but she kept going. 

“It is just, Carnistir has had so many others view him for just his status or what he can do for them. Granted he has run them all off himself, I feared when he felt so strongly about you that he might be… blinded by his feelings for you I didn’t want him to get hurt. But I can see that is clearly not the case.” You were silent, and you felt an ache in your chest to know that Carnistir had been used before you. 

That so many had overlooked just how wonderful of a ner he was, and how gentle and loving he could be. Part of you, of course, grateful that none of it worked out, but you knew it must have hurt for him to have gone through those trials. 

“I can understand why you were skeptical hearing you say that… Poor Carnistir. That must have been difficult and painful for him to have gone through.” You watched Vanifinwë nod again with a more solemn and serious expression, her hands coming across the table to reach for yours that was sitting there. 

“Yes it was, but he has you. I shouldn’t have doubted you or his judgment. I hope that you are not upset with me, though I would understand if you were.” Gently you took her hand in yours to hold, and you watched as Vanifinwë gave you a warm smile at the returned platonic affection. You shook your head, 

“No, I am not upset, I understand. I would do the same for any of my siblings.” You said to her honestly and you felt her slender hand give yours a squeeze, and you smiled back at her. 

“I am relieved to hear you say that, Y/N-” As she spoke both of your eyes went to the square container you were making, only watching as the top began to cave in at the top of it and fold in on itself. The two of you snorted at the sight, interrupting Vanifinwë. 

“Now, let me help you with your project.” She laughed out, and you grinned nervously pulling your hand away to rub the back of your neck. 

“That would.. Be nice. I am pretty bad at this.” You mused to her, as Vanifinwë picked up her stool and walked it around the table to sit next to you. You scooted your stool some out of the way as she took her place next to you. 

“That is alright, I will help you.” Vanifinwë smiled at you, more warmly and friendlier, 

“Now here’s how we can fix this.” She began starting to show you what to do, and you couldn’t help but be relieved all that weird tension was gone. That she understood you better, so you tuned back into what she was telling you. Happy to spend this time with Vanifinwë, bonding with one another. 

* * * 

It had been something Carnistir had thrown together as just sewing practice, never intending for it to become Vanifinwe’s comfort item. Yet it had been her most precious possession, and now he was gone. So Carnistir had taken it upon himself to create a new Sir Rabbit. 

One that was much nicer than the scrap fabric one. Especially seeing her so sad and even heartbroken over the loss of her toy. Nothing so far could replace Sir Rabbit, their parents- try as they might- offered up toys of all kinds to soothe her. Yet it just wasn’t the same for the elfling, rejecting all of them no matter how soft and beautiful that they were. No matter how many rabbits or even bears…. And little stuffed animal doggies were an absolute no for now. 

Vanifinwe wouldn’t even see Huan, distressed by any dog that got near her and what dolls she would play with. Even if Huan wasn’t responsible, the damage had been done. Tyelkormo had even been making efforts to try and soothe Vanifinwe and entertain her feeling guilty that it had been one of his pups that had gotten ahold of Sir Rabbit. 

No one knew how to fix it, save maybe Carnistir. Who had made this stuffed animal rabbit, look strikingly like Sir Rabbit, save he was made from exquisitely soft velveteen. What fabric bits and glass eyes and nose was left over, Carnistir was able to fashion them to the rabbit. Hoping it would offer her comfort and familiarity. 

He even remembered Sir Rabbit’s proportions. Which at the time had seemed so foolish that he remembered something as silly as a stuffed animal's proportions. But never had he been more grateful that he had until now. 

No one, save Curvo, had known that he had decided to take on the task of trying to recreate Sir Rabbit. Having spent weeks on making sure he was just right, and even making little prototypes he could give to her later as well if she was receptive to this one. Though he wasn’t wholly optimistic of what the outcome would be, and naturally Curvo hadn’t been much for reassurance either. 

Telling him that it was a waste of time seeing as Vanifinwe was just going to reject it just as she had every other stuffed animal that had been given to her. Going on to add that even if there was a slim possibility that she would take it… It was far too nice and she’d just destroy the beauty of the rabbit. This one was incredibly nice. A labor of love, as others would say describing things they’ve created. 

But Carnistir didn’t care if it would drug through the mud by the elfling, he just wanted to see his sister happy again. Who had been incredibly difficult in these last few weeks without her comfort item. Only Atya could console her and even then she wasn’t wholly cooperative for him either, still putting up a weak fight and getting teary eyed and only going to sleep if it was with him and on him. 

Their Amme and Atya’s bed had surely been crowded over the last couple weeks, and she would only stay up all night if she was left to her own devices in her room. Making her a mighty terror the following morning and day. Her behavior was completely uncharacteristic and it didn’t seem like she was getting over the loss any time soon. 

Everyone needed a break from Vanifinwe, and Vanifinwe needed a break from her very big emotions for someone so little. 

Gently Carnistir ran his thumb across the reddish brown velveteen, looking into those little glass blue eyes that were chipped with a tooth mark or two and its little button nose. His hand squeezed making sure Sir Rabbit was fluffy enough, coming down to its feet where he had sewn a patchwork of the old scraps onto them. With a little star on the bottom in fine gold embroidery. 

Nothing like the Feanorian star, just something simple that he knew little Vanifinwe would enjoy once she saw it. He sighed out, before standing from his sewing table. Knowing he wouldn’t be fully satisfied until he knew whether or not his little sister was satisfied with the new Sir Rabbit. 

Leaving his room, Carnistir began to make his way through the hallways. Passing by maids and servants, ner and nis who were there for reasons Carnistir didn’t care about. So he paid them no mind, save for when they greeted him, he tried to at least nod in their direction. To have a semblance of courtesy towards them, though today that was not his sole focus. 

It was the sounds of Vanifinwe’s disgruntled voice that began to fill the hallway. Her little foot stamping down onto the floor and Carnistir could hear the pout on her lips as she spoke to Tyelkormo in a sad tone. Quietly he crept to the door of her room, passing by Huan who lay loyally outside the door even if Vanifinwe wouldn’t let him in. Only to find Tyelkormo dressed… interestingly…

A small satin cap was around his neck, and his platinum hair were in an array of numerous pigtails sticking off all around his head. Carnistir curled his lips inwards to see him, trying not to smile or laugh to see him in such a manner. It only added to the hilarity as he jingled when he moved, holding a doll in one hand with other hand on his hip, dressed with bangles on each wrist and jewelry draping from his neck. 

From what he could see there was red lipstick smeared across his face, and his eyes were hastily done with lots and lots of blush… In fact almost his whole face was pink. He really had been trying to do anything to make things better for their baby sister. Carnistir would certainly credit him with that much at least. Any other time he’d have a slew of insults and would laugh at him, but Tyelkormo spoke next;

“Vani, you are clearly tired. You need a nap.” Tyelkormo said in a firm but exasperated voice, but the little elfling only humphed out folding her arms even tighter across her wrinkled red dress. 

“I want Atya.” She rebutted in a sad voice, her little lip poking out and quivering slightly. Making Tyelkormo sigh out again, trying to reason with an elfling who had their mind set on something was impossible. Especially one with a will like their father’s. 

“Vani… Atya is busy working, he cannot be here for you today.” Tyelkormo tried to reason despite himself, knowing it was only going to fail. But Vanifinwe only began to sniffle, bringing her hands up to cover her eyes with the heel of her hand. Something she did when she tried not to cry, 

“Vani… Don’t cry…” Tyelkormo said in a surprisingly soft voice, moving to approach her with a little swoosh coming from his cape, Carnistir watched as he kneeled down and brought his hands to her shoulders. Trying to pull her into him for a hug, but he was met with resistance. Vanifinwe immediately began to pull away from Tyelko.

“I want Atya! I don’t want you!” The elfling rebutted in a weepy voice, Carnistir watched as his hasty tempered brother was quickly losing his patience and he found it was his cue to step in. Before Tyelkormo couldn’t handle anymore, seeing as he had been the sole person to spend time with her in an effort to make up for what his pup had done to Sir Rabbit. He knew when his brother was at his breaking point and Vanifinwe was quickly driving him there. 

“Vani-” But before he could say anything else, Vanifinwe was already there hugging his leg sniffling. 

“Moryo, tell Tyelko I don’t him, I want Atya.” He heard Tyelkormo groan and when Carnistir looked up at him he couldn’t tell if his face was reddened with frustration or not. For the love of Eru… Generous with the makeup had been an understatement of what was going on with his face. 

Regardless Carnistir began to squat down and held one arm out to coax her into a hug, and though she was reluctant Vanifinwe went into his arm immediately. Bringing Tyelkormo to both feel frustration that it was so easy for Carnistir, and relieved that she wanted someone other than him. Everyone had certainly shouldered some of the blame onto him, even if they hadn’t said it directly. 

So he went and sat down at one of the tiny chairs in the room, resting his head in his hand and watching Carnistir and Vanifinwe interact. 

“I know Vani, but Atya said he was busy today.” Carnistir said in a gentle voice, and he could hear her whimper out. Before burying her face into his chest, she was exhausted and it was clear in the way that she acted and from what he had seen on her face too. He only wrapped his arm a little tighter around her shoulders and hugging her close. 

For a long moment the pair stayed like this, with his arm wrapped around her letting her keep her face buried into his chest. She was unmoving from her spot, and after sometime Carnistir and Tyelkormo both shared a look, both wondering if she had finally fallen asleep before he felt her shift in his hold. Starting to fidget and bring her arms up to hug his neck, her little fingers fiddling with the collar of his tunic. 

“Vani, I have something for you.” Carnistir said softly, feeling her only continue to hold him for a long moment, before she finally pulled away. Her hand coming to gently wipe away the tears that wet her lashes, 

“You do?” She asked sniffling still, and Tyelkormo shot him a look telling him no. Due to the fact he knew where this was going, Tyelkormo didn’t want to deal with a full blown meltdown because the stuffed animal didn’t work out. He vigorously shook his head at Carnistir’s words in an effort to deter him. But it was too late. 

“I made this for you.” Carnistir answered, looking at his little sister who looked up at him with big blue eyes watching him with sleepy curiosity. Quietly bringing out the new floppy velveteen rabbit out from behind his back. For a moment there was silence as her big eyes moved to land on the rabbit that he was holding out to her. 

Like all the others for a moment she brought her hands up to her eyes, before Carnistir watched her peek out from behind them looking back at the floppy rabbit again. All was still as they both held their breath waiting to see how Vanifinwe would react to the rabbit, even Tyelkormo had to do a double take seeing as it looked strikingly similar to the last rabbit. 

But after a moment, Vanifinwe pulled her hands away from her eyes and gently reached out for the rabbit. Quietly she held the rabbit in her hands, looking down at it’s glass eyes before she began to grow emotional. Not because she hated it, because it was just like Sir Rabbit, except he was brown instead of blue and gray. 

“You made this for me?” Vanifinwe asked tearfully, slowly beginning to bring the rabbit up to clutch tightly to her chest in a hug. Carnistir began to nod at her words, letting a little smile come to his lips seeing that she was so accepting of the stuffed rabbit. Tyelkormo threw his head back, sighing in relief as he leaned back in the little chair. Finally the reign of terror from the inconsolable elfling was over. 

“Thank you hanyo, I loves hims so much.” She began in a weepy voice, starting to cry as she moved back in to hug Carnistir. Even hugging the rabbit, felt just like Sir Rabbit. Carnistir came and brought both of his arms around her, picking her up from the floor as she rested her head against his shoulder. Still tightly clutching the new rabbit. 

“Thank Eru Iluvatar.” Tyelkormo breathed out, relieved that finally someone had come up with something to soothe her. He didn’t even have the heart to chastise Carnistir for taking so long, just glad that it had finally been done. 

It took hardly any time for Vanifinwe to grow comfortable on her brother's shoulder, closing her eyes as the tears finally quelled themselves and growing limp in his hold as she fell asleep in his arms. Carnistir simply held her close before the pair looked at one another, 

“Don’t say it.” Tyelkormo said defensively, seeing the faint smirk on Carnistir’s lips. Knowing that he was going to tell him how he looked like shit, and that was perhaps the understatement of the century. Tyelkormo rose to his feet, his pigtails flopping about from the force in which he stood, ready to defend himself from his brother. 

“You look like shit.” Carnistir said it anyways and Tyelkormo shot Carnistir a glare, 

“I know. But what was I supposed to do, tell her no after what happened?” He grumbled out, folding his arms over his chest. Vanifinwe only stirred slightly in his hold, taking in a deep and shaky breath, squeezing the new rabbit in her hold even tighter to her. Both ner grew quiet for a moment, watching her on baited breath a little fearful she would wake up. 

“I am taking a break. To get this-” Tyelkormo began to wave and motion to his face that was slathered in makeup, “Off my pretty face.” Carnistir snorted at Tyelkormo’s words, 

“I don’t know, I think it is just better hiding what’s under there.” 

“ Watch it. ” Tyelkormo growled out angrily, coming to undo the tie on the little cape around his neck, making Carnistir release a breathy chuckle. Happy to see him so riled up and upset for once, rather than causing Carnistir to be so upset. 

Tyelkormo grumbled out, snatching the little cape from around his neck and setting it on the table, before he began to walk out of the room. While Carnistir began to move to the bed to sit on while Vanifinwe napped against him, he supposed he could take some time to cuddle with her. It wasn’t often Vanifinwe wanted anyone to cuddle with her while she slept- except Atya recently. 

Tyelkormo paused at the threshold of the door for a moment, debating on what he should say. 

“Thanks, I guess.” He said turning to look at Carnistir, who looked back at Tyelkormo as if he had grown a second and third head. Did he just thank him? For giving Vani her new toy? Or was it because it had spared him from having to argue with the elfling?

“Don’t look at me like that. And don’t get used to it, it’s the only thanks you’re getting.” Tyelkormo said in a temperamental tone, before he stormed out of the room with Huan right on his heels following him. Carnistir only leaned back against the headboard of the bed and closed his eyes, holding his little sister. Wondering if he too would be partial for a little nap with her. 

* * *

“I misseded you so much!” Vanifinwë said to her Pityo before pulling away from him and leaning towards Telufinwë, who reached to take her from Pityafinwë. Her arms also came around his neck to hug him close to her, and Telufinwë rubbed her back tenderly as he held her. 

They had been gone on a hunting excursion for the last couple of weeks, missing out on a lot of the excitement that was going on in the household. So had Tyelkormo but Vanifinwë had seen her Tyelko already, who promised her that Pityo and Telvo would play with her when they got home. 

“Will you guys play with me?” Vanifinwë asked, Nelyafinwë was busy with their grandfather and Atya. Makalaure was gone for a recital today, and Carnistir was particularly in a mood now that Tyelkormo was back. And Curvo… Well Curvo never wanted to play with Vanifinwë. At least, not in the ways she wanted to play. 

“Of course we will nesa! We will have lots of fun together and everything!” Pityafinwë said not thinking about what she might have up her sleeve, and they both watched as a big and happy grin spread across her face at the idea that they were going to come and play with her. 

“YAY!” Vanifinwë squealed out, clapping her hands together and the twins began to chuckle at her reaction. The little one began to wiggle out of Telufinwë’s hold, forcing him to set her down and she was quick to grab both of their hands and begin to try and drag them along. 

“What are we going to play, Vani?” Telufinwë asked her and Vanifinwë thought for a long moment as they began their trek through the halls to her bedroom. Where there the games could begin and Vanifinwë had the perfect game in mind. She needed their help with talking to Tyelkormo and she was going to make them extra pretty for the occasion. 

“It’s a secret.” She whispered out to him, as she continued to drag them down the halls, the pair only exchanged a look between one another. They had an inkling as to where this was going and she didn’t want to get rejected. Both of them sighed out softly knowing that makeup was going to be involved undoubtedly. 

They only silently continued their trek through the hallway, both of them deciding it was best not to argue with her whims and desires seeing as she had been without them for so long. Before the finally came to her bedroom door, for it to open and there they saw chaos in her room. Stuffing was everywhere, dolls were torn apart, it looked as though her room had been ransacked, and the only thing that seemed to be safe was King Rabbit that she had Nelyo put up high when she left the room this morning. Knowing this was going to happen. 

“Vani? What happened to your room?” Pityafinwë asked as she continued to lead them in before letting go of their hands and pointing to the chairs for them to sit in. Both brothers exchanged another glance between one another and sighed out moving to pick up the knocked over chairs and sitting down in them. While Vanifinwë came over to her dresser to start pulling makeup out of it, before she came over to them with a palette in hand and stopped in front of them. 

“I needs to make you pretty, so you can talk to Tyelko.” Vanifinwë said beginning her explanation as she dug her finger into a copper shade on the palette and came to Telufinwë to smear it all over his eyelids. 

“And why do we need to talk to Tyelko? What does it have to do with your room?” Telufinwë asked her as she continued- generously- applying copper eyeshadow to his lids. Vanifinwë paused and sighed as Telufinwë opened his eyes, 

“Because his puppies keeps getting in here and tearing up my stuffs.” She said to him, before she moved over to Pityafinwë and dug her finger around in a deep chocolate brown shade and Pityo closed his eyes. 

“Have you tried talking to him about it Vani?” Pityafinwë asked her and Vanifinwë began to nod her head as she drug her finger over his eyelids and smearing the brown around wildly over his eyelids. Telufinwë only began to snort at the mess she was making on his twins face, at least now people would be able to tell them apart for a short period of time, 

“Yes, and he says I should just keeps my door closed. But Amme won’t let me close my doors ‘cause I can’ts open it by myself.” Vanifinwë said to him, and pulled away to march right back to her dresser indignantly, Pityafinwë shot Telufinwë a glare for his snorting. But it didn’t last long as he began to crack up at the copper bits all over his face too. At least he wasn’t the only one who looked crazy. 

Vanifinwë marched back over with a blush brush in hand and a palette of blush… or maybe bronzer as Amme had called it before. They knew enough about makeup now thanks to Vanifinwë and what little bit their Amme used, 

“Well that’s not very fair.” Telufinwë said with a frown as he watched Vanifinwë swirl the brush into the bronzer before she started on Pityafinwë’s cheeks, applying a heavy orangey brown to his cheeks, and jaw and temple. None of it blended in so he just had spots of “tan” applied to his face. Telufinwë grinned at the sight of him and his now orange face, oh this was just too good. Even if he knew he was next, it was hilarious to see what happened to his brother at Vanifinwë’s hands. 

“How do I look, Vani?” Pityafinwë asked her, and Vanifinwë paused to admire her work for a moment. 

“Very tan.” She said simply marching back to the dresser and pulling out a different palette of blush, this time it was absolutely a true orange. Telufinwë pulled his lips into a thin line as she dipped her brush in it and approached him and it was Pityafinwë’s turn to begin chuckling at the sight of what was about to happen. 

“Why thank you, are you going to make Telvo tan?” Pityafinwë asked, and Vanifinwë shrugged dragging the brush across his nose and cheeks. 

“No just blushes. But will you guys talk to Tyelko for me? Please?” She asked as she pulled the brush away from his face and looked up at him with big pleading eyes. Telufinwë felt his heart swell before he looked to Pityafinwë and they both began to nod. 

“Yes Vani, we will talk to Tyelko for you.” Telufinwë answered for both of them, and they both watched the way that she began to smile and jump up and down with excitement. 

“Thank you hanyo’s!” She squeaked out and they both began to laugh at her excitement, and probably relief that an adult was going to speak with him. Even if they only had eighty years on her, they were still indeed older than she. Vanifinwë hurried to go and put the blush away, before she began to dig around for jewelry in another drawer. 

Both twins held still as she attached clip on earrings and put necklaces over their head, layering so many that their necks felt heavy before she hurried off to her toy bin. Still they didn’t move, simply waiting to see what she would do, before she came out with a cape in each hand.

“Here put these on.” She directed firmly and they both took a black cape from her hands. A cape that was only Vanifinwë sized, but that didn’t stop them from doing as she said.Tying the cape around their necks and making sure the little bit of it draped down their backs. 

“How do we look, Vani?” Telufinwë asked, and Vanifinwë looked at them for a moment and hummed, placing a hand on her chin as her finger tapped her cheek. Her frilly pink gown swaying as she did so, 

“Beautiful! You looks amazing!” Vanifinwë finally decided bouncing in place for a moment, before she ran over to grab their hands and pull them up out of the chairs. The twins got up from their seats and let her pull them along out of the room and down the hallway. Vanifinwë didn’t say anything as she stood between them, holding each of their hands as they began to try and search for Tyelkormo. 

It was no secret to those that worked on the estate that the Feanorian brothers were an absolute sucker for their littlest sister and let her draw all over their faces very… um well creatively. But all they did was smile and snicker as they passed them by, or got the occasional awe from the lady servants who found it so cute that they’d indulge their little sister. It really was an endearing sight even despite how crazy and ridiculous the makeup looks might be. 

Finally Vanifinwë could hear Tyelkormo talking to someone and she hurriedly began to pull them along with her right in his direction. There he stood talking to Curufinwë, his back to them but Curufinwë’s eyes landed on Ambarussa and began to look them up and down, biting back the sneer at their appearance. 

“Tyelko!” Vanifinwë said, bringing the ner to swivel around on the ball of his foot and look at his siblings, with a grin spreading across his face. Laughing at the sight of the “well dressed” twins, and Vanifinwë the little ring leader in the middle. Oh this had worked out better than he thought it would by talking Vanifinwë into asking them to play with her. 

After all those weeks of being at her mercy it was nice to see that someone else was at her mercy for a change. His scalp felt relief at the sight of them, as did his face without having to wear anymore makeup. 

“My oh my Vanifinwë who do you have here?” He chuckled folding his arms over his chest as Curufinwë took his place next to Tyelkormo. Vanifinwë didn’t smile though, she pursed her lips and scowled some at him. Making him quirk a brow up at her reaction. 

“These are my neragotiatorers.” She said seriously, and it made Pityafinwë and Telufinwë begin to chuckle at her words. Trying to look serious as they cleared their throats and stood tall, nodding their heads in unison and in agreement of the little lady. 

“Negotiators? For what? To talk to me?” Tyelkormo asked with some surprise, seeing that they were going along with it. They only waited for Vanifinwë to nod her head again, 

“Yes, and theys can tell you why.” She said matter-of-factly folding her arms over her chest, and the twins looked down at her before looking back to Tyelkormo. 

“Well?” He asked, 

“We have come to negotiate on behalf of the Lady Vanifinwë, and her bedroom.” Telufinwë was the first to speak up as he oh so delicately steepled his fingers together. Pointing them in Tyelkormo’s direction, but he only raised his brows and began to shrug, 

“Allow me to elaborate, your.. Creatures.. Are wreaking havoc on the young Lady’s room.” Pityafinwë said and then it clicked for Tyelkormo, they were talking about his dogs getting into her room. Tyelkormo began to shrug his shoulders at her “negotiators” words. 

“So close the door Vani.” But Vani only stamped her foot down angrily and looked up at him in anger, but Telufinwë placed a hand on her shoulder. 

“The Lady’s mother has prohibited her from shutting the bedroom door as it is too hard for the Lady to open it.” Telufinwë said and Tyelkormo sighed out as he looked down at Vanifinwë who was staring intensely back at him. 

“I see, that is a problem.” Tyelkormo said nonchalantly, which only seemed to get a rise further out of Vanifinwë, but the twins kept her calm and relaxed. There was an air of reassurance that they were going to handle everything. That she’d be okay and alright to not have to worry about whether or not Tyelkormo would agree or not. 

“Yes it is, and you should help out by agreeing to keep the creatures at bay. We don’t need to lose King Rabbit.” At the mention of Vanifinwë’s new stuffed animal that had saved him all those weeks ago from being at her mercy his face dropped. Recognizing immediately where this could go wrong, like he needed another one of his pups to destroy that Rabbit. Carnistir would kill him too if his hard work was torn up and their sister heartbroken again. 

“Ah a favor for not only Lady Vanifinwë but for King Rabbit too? Well why didn’t you say so? I suppose I can take extra care to make sure that the pups are confined to a certain part of the estate grounds and keep you and King Rabbit safe.” Tyelkormo said to Vanifinwë who seemed to heave out a heavy sigh of relief at his words to know that she’d not have to worry about the dogs anymore. 

“Thank you hanyo.” Vanifinwë said in her relieved voice making everyone smile, though Curufinwë’s eyes were on Ambarussa still and not their littlest sibling. He didn’t and couldn’t understand how Vanifinwë could manage to rope them into playing such games with her. 

“Just one more final thing for negotiations, you should have to help pick up her room with our help of course… To make up for the atrocities.” Telufinwë added, and Vanifinwë perked up tremendously and unfolded her arms to go and grab Tyelkormo’s hand. Who didn’t look enthused, 

“Yes! I need help! Please hanyo?” She asked with big blue eyes, and Tyelkormo sighed out heavily and relented. 

“Alright, alright. Fine. I’ll help.” Vanifinwë released a shriek of a yay and began to pull Tyelkormo along quickly, practically running and making him speedwalk. Ambarussa only laughed and then playfully bowed to Curufinwë who began to scoff, 

“Why do you even let her bother? You two look ridiculous.” Curufinwë asked, almost looking down his nose at Ambarussa in their ridiculous makeup and costumes. But it was there turn to wear a darker expression on their faces, always was he making some underhanded comment about Vanifinwë dressing them up. Neither understood why it mattered to him, 

“And? She’s happy and that’s what matters.” Pityafinwë responded defensively, and Curufinwë shrugged at his words. Pocketing a small book that he usually kept on his person, a frown still on his lips as he looked his twin brothers over and their ridiculous makeup and costume. 

“Well I can say with confidence she’s never going to ensnare me in these childish games you all indulge her.” He said with a snort, before he brushed past the both of them. Telufinwë ground his teeth at his words, before looking over at Pityo. 

“I say we find a way to change that.” Telvo said in a soft voice as Curufinwë grew out of earshot. Pityafinwë turned his head to look at his brother with a smile at this, oh that was a perfect idea. 

“Let’s bring it up with Tyelko. After we help clean up the room as promised.” Pityafinwë said, beginning to formulate a plan in his head. They’d have to talk to him when they were alone, if not Vanifinwë would proverbially spill the beans about the whole thing and ruin their chance to get back at Curvo. 

****

Nerdanel smiled, with a soft laughter leaving her lips, as the elfling ran away with her little red dress flouncing with her bouncing steps and her curly hair bouncing and flowing in the gentle breeze of Manwe. Maitimo making gentle threats of how he was going to capture her, which only further delighted the toddler to squeal out peels of laughter.

Yet despite it all a stress was looming over Nerdanel’s head. Even as she watched her carefree youngest and only daughter play with her big brother. The sight should’ve eased all of her worries and concerns but it didn’t.

Foresight had paid it’s visit to Nerdanel finally regarding Vanifinwë.

Showing that it was time to pick an amilesse- a mothers name- for her daughter. Yet despite all the joy that was here currently, Nerdanel was met with strife and conflict, a long and daunting future for her little girl. One that came in flashes in her minds eye when she had been resting. It scared her for her daughter.

The sight of swords and fire, unfamiliar forests, with energetic stress that had consumed her before peace finally made itself present with rich waterfalls and elven architecture. One that was so far in the distant future… It felt as though it took ages in her sleep to get to that point.

Vanifinwë had a long future ahead of her, a fate tha was unavoidable despite how many times Nerdanel tried to take the reins in the dream and control what came next. To try and tamper with fate, to see what she could do differently to change what could happen to her sweet little girl. It was a heavy burden, and felt equally as heavy when she had tried to name Amrod, Umbarto. Much to Fëanaro’s heavy distress until he convinced her to change his name.

At least with that the next dream that had visited her regarding Amrod it was eased with the name change. Yet try as she mull over less prophetic names for her daughter, the dreams were always the same.

Fire and smoke, swords of steel under a starry sky, untamed wild lands, before intermittent peace here or there before finally the waterfalls and elven architecture ended her dreams. It never changed, no matter how hard or how many names Nerdanel went through to give Vanifinwë something meaningful something that Fëanaro would approve of.

Yet all that came to mind was Anamartindë.

Long Fated Woman.

Fëanaro was going to hate it, it was going to be an argument no doubt. Their darling daughter didn’t deserve such a heavy and prophetic name such as Anamartindë, but the more Nerdanel thought on it. The more it stuck in her mind. This time there was no winning and Fëanaro wasn’t going to get his way, as much as Nerdanel would love to give into the whim of giving her a name that wasn’t that.

She sighed heavily letting worry crinkle on her brows, before she gave a soft smile as Vanifinwë began to laugh hysterically as Maitimo lifted her up. Pressing his lips to her belly and blowing a raspberry that tickled her littlest one. For now she would focus on the good seeing this image of her two children hundreds of years apart, play and be blissfully unaware of the future to come.

* * *

Dinner came and went, the night had been full of talk and fun. Her sons indulging her with grand stories about their hunts, or her tempering arguments with her most sensitive children, hearing the talks of music and politics. Equally as important how her husband fawned and doted on their youngest as he fixated on helping her eat her meal offering her a break to spend time with their eldest children.

Especially before Vanifinwë would steal her attention for bath and bedtime.

Which had gone surprisingly smooth, as the little elfling was positively exhausted from her afternoon play with Maitimo and having missed her nap. Nerdanel hardly sat in the rocking chair, when Vanifinwë closed her heavy eyes, laying against her mother in exhaustion. Nonetheless she still rocked her baby knowing that time was a thief from these moments.

Before finally she relinquished her to her bed, tucking her in and pressing a kiss to her head. Knowing now she must tell Fëanaro of the amilesse she had chosen for her daughter. Despite knowing he would be upset, it didn’t deter her even as she quietly walked down the hallways to their shared chambers. His wrath and distress was no match for her never ending patience.

She sighed out as she shut the bedroom door behind her, watching as Fëanaro came out of the washroom, dripping wet and his hips wrapped in a towel. Another was drying his long black hair before his intense silver eyes landed on her figure. There was a look of concern there that found his face when he saw that she seemed stressed.

“Is everything alright my dear?” He asked moving towards his dresser to fetch a comfortable and lounging pair of trousers. Nerdanel offered him up a weak smile as she came to the bench that sat at the foot of their bed.

“Vani didn’t give you too much trouble did she? I could have helped.” Fëanaro said, making Nerdanel’s smile grow for a moment knowing that he had such a soft spot for their daughter. Probably a bigger one for her than he did their sons, though she knew he wouldn’t admit to that. Not wanting to cause any strife about favoritism issues- though it was clear to everyone that his favorite was Atarinke. Vanifinwë was surely coming quickly into second place, bringing Atarinke to try and father her too. Much to Vanifinwë’s annoyance already despite her young age.

“Oh no, if anything she was calm and easy going tonight for bath and bed.” Nerdanel answered as she began to untie her boots and slip them from her feet. For a moment there was silence between the pair of them and it was tenser than Fëanaro hoped or imagined it should be for such an easy going bedtime routine with their youngest.

He said nothing for the moment as he dressed into those loose lounging trousers, ones that hung from his hips loosely even despite being tied. Usually this would be tantalizing to Nerdanel to see her husband in such a manner she found almost provocative but the amilesse just returned to her mind over and over again.

Fëanaro turned to see his wife sitting here with her head hanging low and her shoulders slackened. Looking far from the confident nis he was used to seeing, quietly he padded across the floor and kneeled down in front of her, between her legs. His hands gently coming to cup her face, his thumbs tenderly stroking her ruddy and freckled face. Watching the small smile that pulled at her lips as she closed her eyes to savor his affections.

“Nerdanel.. What in Eru’s name is on your mind to have you so distressed, my love?” He watched as her pale blue eyes flickered up to meet his and he could see hesitation. Knowing her well enough by now, after so many hundreds of years together, eight children together, seven pregnancies, and traveling and tons of life experience… The look in her eyes was undeniable. There was something ailing her and she was afraid to tell him.

“You can tell me anything, Nerdanel.” He assured her with conviction, and she sighed out again. Fëanaro watched the way she seemed to close her eyes again and sit up straighter. Trying to bolster her confidence, he didn’t rush her despite his growing impatience to know what was on her mind. Nerdanel took his hands from her face and brought it to hold in hers in her lap. Before she looked him in the eyes,

“I have an amilesse for Vani.” Nerdanel confessed with her own conviction and firmness, and she watched the way that a smile seemed to find his lips. Thrilled to hear that it finally happened! It seemed as though it would never come and she’d be well into her majority before Nerdanel would be able to choose one for her.

“That is wonderful news! What is it?” Fëanaro asked with eagerness to know what perfectly beautiful name his wife would’ve chosen for their perfect daughter. But Nerdanel nonetheless braced herself, for her next words she predicted would upset him.

“Anamartndë.”

The meaning took no time to fill the linguist in Fëanaro in on the implications of such a name. Long Fate Woman… Meaning their daughter would be subjected to trials and tribulations. This was just as bad as when she tried to name Amrod Umbarto.

“No.” Fëanaro said firmly as a frown found his lips, and he went to stand. No, he wasn’t naming his innocent daughter Long Fate Woman. Never in a million years, as long as he lived and breathed there was no way in creation that he’d accept that would be her name and let this prophecy come into fruition.

“Absolutely not, Nerdanel we are not doing this again.” Fëanaro said firmly and loudly, angrily. He hated it, but Nerdanel didn’t seem unchanging in the sense that she was going to back down. If anything it seemed to bolster her confidence to fight against his words.

“Yes Fëanaro, that is her name.”

“It is not! I will not let you do this again!” Fëanaro stated as he stood to his feet beginning to pace back and forth in their room. But Nerdanel huffed out through her nose,

“I understand you are upset-“

“Upset? I am furious! To think you are prophesizing such terrible things onto our child! Our only daughter no less! Was Pitayfinwe not enough? Now Vani?” Fëanaro argued back, his anger seeping through the cracks of his firm and stoic façade, growing quickly emotional at whatever it was she dreamt of this time.

“I understand Fëanaro, I am not pleased by it either.” Nerdanel told him with confidence, confiding to him about her own displeasure for the name.

“Then you will name her something else!” Fëanaro said staunchly, meaning every single word and giving Nerdanel no room to budge on the matter. He feared it would be just as Pityafinwe’s fate. Ended cruelly in fire and smoke, at least that was what the last dream implicated for the pair of them. Which he had hoped that by having Nerdanel change his name, it changed his course and fate for something a little more hopeful.

“I have tried, I have mulled over anything else than Anamartndë.”

“Then you have not tried hard enough!” Fëanaro snapped bitterly,

“I have, Naro. No amount of mulling over, or name change has changed the dreams I have. The foresight is all the same, Anamartndë is her mother name.” Nerdanel professed, setting it into stone now at this, and Fëanaro’s face turned beat red. Rivaling her ruddy complexion, he was livid at the idea someone so innocent would have so many trials to face. Even if he didn’t know what the dreams were about he wanted his daughter to have a good and happy life. One that was just as carefree as her brothers.

“It is not! What else have you come up with? We will pick from those.” Fëanaro argued back, but he knew the power of having spoken her name twice now would supersede whatever Nerdanel threw out there. If she even did so. To his distress, Nerdanel shook her head no.

“No, Fëanaro her name is Anamartndë and that is final.” Nerdanel argued back snappishly, not budging like she had before. Not when the foresight was all the same, unlike Pityafinwe’s. There was no changing Vanifinwë’s course. Eru meant it was definitive, and that it was going to happen no matter what they named her.

Anamartndë fit her best for what was to come.

“It can’t be!” There was a lament in his loud and angry voice, and Nerdanel felt for her husband at the sound of his voice.

“I don’t want it to be either, but Eru and even Irmo has a course set for our daughter that is long and arduous before she is met with peace.” Fëanaro tsked at his wife’s words, folding his arms over his chest with a tick in his jaw, not looking at her.

There was a heavy silence that fell over the two of them. No one moved, no one said a thing for a long moment. Nerdanel simply letting Fëanaro mull over the fact he couldn’t rectify or change anything. Not this time. Until finally Nerdanel opened her mouth to speak,

“The vision always starts the same, in flashes. There is fire and smoke. The sky is dark but glittering with stars, with silver swords and icy winds. She meets peace once or twice, but the feeling of doom during those times until the fire and smoke start again with overwhelming sense of stress.” Fëanaro didn’t say anything as Nerdanel spoke, simply turning his head to hide his face as he ground his teeth, biting back the wetness that met his long lashes.

He didn’t want that for her.

Would she ever know true peace? How did he protect her from those things? Would the bliss of childhood be tainted with those things? He had so many questions, not enough answers, and Irmo was ever a cryptic bastard so he couldn’t be sure if it would start soon or later. Not unless his wife had an idea.

“When?” He asked, did it feel soon? Later? In the present?

“Sometime in her future. It is distant.”

“Then there is ample opportunity to shelter her, and protect her from those things. From whatever it is fate is trying to d-“

“I have thought the same thing, but it doesn’t change. There is no recourse no matter the plan I set, no matter the name change, no matter whom I withhold her from or let her see. It never changes. This is her future.” Yet Fëanaro didn’t look appeased or quelled by Nerdanel’s words.

“Her future should not be filled with such doom and stress, it is a trick of Irmo. Melkor has perhaps spent too much time in Irmo’s Gardens and tainted the Lord of Dreams and Rest.” Fëanaro snarked bitterly, refusing to bend to the will of the Irmo and the twisted foresight that was granted to Nerdanel. Refusing to even acknowledge them as visions, but now even as dreams.

“Naro-“

“No! You are not naming her Anamartndë I will not allow it!” He yelled loudly and over Nerdanel trying to reason with him. Not his darling baby girl. No little one should have to worry about such a future or their parents worry about it. It was sickening.

“I have already started calling her Anamartndë.” Nerdanel said firmly in retort, standing from her spot at the bench.

“You will call her something else!” He yelled again,

“I will not! She is Anamartndë! That is her name-“

“Never will that be her name! You’ve gone mad-“

“Do not disregard your daughters-“

There was a creak that froze the pair who were in a bitter battle of wills against one another, and the sound of sniffling that met their ears. Both turning quickly to look to find that the toddler had escaped her bed now standing in the threshold of the doorway in her nightgown. Wiping her eyes, Fëanaro was the first to sigh out in frustration and defeat. Though it would not be for long, they’d speak more on it later.

“Vani, why are you up vanimelda?” Fëanaro said trying to usher a softer and more loving voice as he began to approach her. His heart melting and burning as she held out her arms for him to pick her up, but the toddler didn’t say anything as her father scooped her up off the ground.

“Ana..” Nerdanel cooed coming over to the pair, and to Fëanaro’s dismay he watched how responsive she was to the affectionate nickname for Anamartndë. But he bit his tongue he didn’t want to distress her further.

“Did you have a bad dream?” Nerdanel asked, and slowly Vanifinwë nodded her head against Fëanaro’s shoulder.

“Come now Nerdanel… We probably woke her.” He relinquished with some guilt knowing her room was only a few paces from their bedroom door. To which Vanifinwë only nodded again. There was a collective sigh,

“Here do you want to get into bed with me?” Nerdanel asked holding out her hands, but she watched the way Vanifinwë frowned and curled closer into Fëanaro. Despite the sting of rejection she only smiled that she wanted Fëanaro,

“No.” She grumpily stated, and Fëanaro chuckled softly. Rubbing her little back and kissing her head.

“Does my favorite girl want her Atya?” There was a softness in his voice as he spoke moving away to walk around the bed and move to sit on it, with Vanifinwë still snuggled into his chest. Feeling her nod her little head, tangling her curly hair further that stuck up wildly on the back of her head. Both knew that they wouldn’t get further into this conversation.

For now they’d rest and come back to the topic of conversation at a later date, when little Vani was distracted. No one was winning, it was a losing battle of wills and now it all boiled down to Vanifinwë and whether she’d take on the moniker.

“Well then, while you two cuddle I am going to bathe I am covered in dust and clay.” Nerdanel said with a sigh, but she smiled looking over the sight of her husband cuddled up with their last toddler. This would be the last time they’d do stuff like this with littles and it was a little bittersweet. The sight was so soft and gentle, it was easy to set aside the argument. Fëanaro smiled softly and nodded,

“We will be here meldanya.” Fëanaro reassured her as he continued to rub Vanifinwë’s back who was starting to snore. With that Nerdanel made her way to the washroom leaving behind father, daughter and the argument. 

* * *

For now at least. The smell of breakfast met his nose before he heard Vanifinwë’s little stomach begin to growl. 

“I’m hungry hanyo.” She complained with a frown on her lips, and Tyelkormo huffed out in amusement. 

“Perhaps next time, breakfast first and then beauty parlor.” Tyelkormo said, for once giving sound and reasonable advice to someone in the family. Even if it were just his baby sister, usually giving her advice to break all the rules- to which she never did. 

Tyelkormo opened the door to find their Amme and Atya down at the head of the table, and Nerdanel sitting to his right. Both were distracted in conversation with one another and before Tyelkormo could say anything in greeting- with his brothers trailing in behind him- Vanifinwë began to wriggle in his hold to get down. 

“Put me down please!” She said trying to use her manners in an impatient and almost whiny voice, and so Tyelkormo did just that. Setting the little elfling down who went bounding across the room at full speed to their Atya’s side. 

“Good morning Atya!” She said in a chipper voice as she arrived just at his side, looking up at him with big blue eyes. 

“Can I sit with you please Atya?” Little Vanifinwë asked holding out her arms for him to pick her up, and Fëanaro turned his head to look down at his daughter. A soft smile pulled at his lips before he scooted his chair out and reached down to pick her up plopping her in his lap. 

“Good morn anelya.” Fëanaro shot back, kissing the top of her head and wrapping an arm around her waist as she sat on his knee. Collectively her plate was passed down the long table before it got to Maedhros for him to hand to Fëanaro, who moved his plate more towards Nerdanel to make room for Vanifinwë’s food. 

There was a collective sound of snorting and giggling from those in the room, all eyes but Fëanaro’s were falling onto Tyelkormo and Makalaurë. Tyelkormo simply humphed as he turned his nose up at his brother’s snickering, while Makalaurë simply took in stride having known that his makeover was going to elicit such a reaction. Though it was nothing compared to Tyelkormo’s bold smeared green and red look. 

Nerdanel paused in her eating to look at her third eldest, blinking quietly and she only watched as he turned to look at her. Flashing her a smile, making Nerdanel begin to choke some on her food. Prompting Fëanaro to look at his wife, while Vanifinwë began to eat the food on her plate, happily swinging her feet. 

“Arimelda? Are you alright?” He asked with concern, furrowing his brows as he watched her, his hand dropping his fork to bring it to her shoulder. Leaning over in her direction, while Nerdanel nodded doing her best to clear her throat as she went for the goblet of water that was jus next to her plate. 

“Amme you okay?” Vanifinwë piped up, before putting a piece of toast in her mouth. Nerdanel nodded at their concern as she took generous swallows of food to dislodge the food she was choking on. Successful before clearing her throat and setting the goblet down on the table again. 

“I am alright, but Vani, what have you been doing this morning?” Nerdanel asked, raising her russet brows and she watched her daughter hurriedly chew before swallowing. The little elfling looked to her Amme with a big and wide smile, 

“Playing beauty parlor with Makalaurë!” She exclaimed happily, and for a moment Tyelkormo frowned opening his mouth to say something, but Nerdanel raised her hand to stop him. Her head turned to look at Makalaurë sitting there with his knotted bun sitting on top of his head and the dark blue glittery eyeshadow that was around his eyes. 

“Just with Makalaurë?” She asked and Vanifinwë began to shake her head now, sending black little curls flouncing about. Fëanaro having to lean back so he didn’t get hit in the face by them, and when she stopped, he began to tuck her hair behind her little pointed ears. 

“Then with who else, anelya?” Fëanaro asked, seeing as he hadn’t had the opportunity to have looked down the table at his sons. Too engrossed in eating his meal, sitting with Vanifinwë and chatting with Nerdanel. 

“Tyelko too! I made him the most beautifullest elf ever Amme and Atya!” She beamed so proudly and Nerdanel smiled, chuckling at the excitement that encapsulated her. Nerdanel knew very well that was a game Tyelkormo never tried to get involved in. Considering he hated frilly and girly things, though like the rest of his brothers, she knew he was a sucker for her. 

“Mhmm I can see that you did.” Nerdanel said, her eyes falling right down on her little hands.  Fëanaro eyes followed his wifes, and now had noticed how her hands were covered in green and red smears. He frowned pausing to reach for his napkin to wipe off her hands, 

“One of you should’ve made sure her hands were washed before she came to the table.” Fëanaro sighed out in disapproval, sometimes it was like he raised animals who forgot to wash hands and not bring muddy boots and the like into the clean eating area. Now they were subjecting Vanifinwë to having the same poor table manners too. Taking the napkin and her little hands to wipe them down. 

“That is not the only thing they should’ve made sure they washed.” Curufinwë snorted out behind his goblet, raising his eyebrows. His sharp eyes cutting over to Tyelkormo who only made a face in return to what he had to say, 

“Tsk, says you.” Tyelkormo argued, not particularly in the mood for Curvo’s snark today. Usually the two were on one another’s side, but not with the mess all over Tyelkormo’s face. Fëanaro sighed, feeling how an argument was set to start if he didn’t intervene. He knew just how brutal they could be against one another, and he’d be damned if they did in front of Vanifinwë. 

She was still recovering from when Carnistir punched Tyelko in the nose. Just now reaching a point where she could be around him again without crying or running away from him in fear. He didn’t need to add Tyelkormo and Curufinwë to the habilitation list for Vanifinwë. 

“Stop, we are not going to-” Fëanaro’s eyes flashed up from his task of wiping the stubborn smears off of Vanifinwë’s hands, looking to Tyelkormo before he looked back down. But he paused before doing a double take to look at his son in bewilderment, their eyes locking before Tyelkormo flashed a big grin. 

Fëanaro blinked for a moment not sure what to say or do, what in Eru’s name happened to his son? What the fuck was he wearing?

“My son, what the he-” Nerdanel elbowed him, stopping him from finishing that sentence so aggressively, but Tyelkormo only kept his smile. “What are you wearing?” He finished winding his arm a little more snug around his daughter. Who began to gasp out with excitement, 

“I am the most beautifullest ever, Atya.” Tyelkormo said with pride, throwing some of his long platinum hair right over his shoulder. Fëanaro furrowed his brows, curling his lips in and narrowing his eyes as he tried to discern what had gotten into his son.

Face and body paints were certainly a thing for Tyelkormo, often wearing them when he went galavanting off with Orome. To which Fëanaro had never said anything after some time seeing as that was just part of hunting with Orome. But his son was wearing makeup. And to make matters worse it looked terrible. 

Bright red lipstick was smeared all up his cheek, under his nose and down his chin. With green eyeshadow smeared all over his face. It wasn’t even all on his eyelids, nor the stuff on his eyelids fully covered his lid, and if he looked hard enough… Fëanaro could see some of it in his hair. Not to mention the bright blush that covered his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, and it was caked on there good. For the love of Eru…

“You are… something.” Fëanaro muttered before his eyes went to Makalaurë, recalling how Vanifinwë said she played with both of them. Though Makalaurë didn’t look nearly as… bold just a “simple” eyeshadow look on his eyes with a bun on his head. That looked tangled painfully tight. It was a wonder it wasn’t pulling his eyes and brows back. 

“Aren’t they beautiful Atya!?” Vanifinwë said excitedly leaning her head back to look up at her father with a big beaming grin. Fëanaro looked down for a moment at her, and he could see how important to her his opinion would be. Especially regarding this… He had never been one to discourage them from their creative endeavors. 

“You did that all by yourself Vani?” He asked, raising his eyebrows, completely avoiding her question and feeling her shift to turn sideways in his lap. Her head craned back to look up at him. 

“I did!” She grinned excitedly, and Fëanaro hummed out still shocked that his little girl could well… do so much damage. But both of his sons seemed to take it in stride, Tyelkormo perhaps wearing it a little too proudly…

“Tell me about Tyelkormo’s dress up.” He pressed,

“Makeover Atya.” Vanifinwë corrected, nothing short of a little attitude in her correction, making Fëanaro snort in amusement. He usually wasn’t one to tolerate such an attitude, no matter how small, but considering she was the expert on the situation… He’d let it slide for now. 

“Forgive me, anelya. Makeover, tell me about Tyelkormo’s makeover.” Fëanaro watched the way her face began to light up, the big grin that pulled at her little lips, the way her big blue eyes sparkled with joy. He could certainly see how her big brothers gave into her whims, including this one regarding makeup and makeovers. 

“Tyelko I thought would looks really pretty with eyes shadows, green is a pretty color on him.” She rambled to him, “And then he needed a lickstips that would match and make him even prettier.” Fëanaro hummed at her words, nodding along as he began to pick back at his breakfast again. 

“And oh! He needed blushes and lots and lots of pretty pearls. And it made him the most beautifullest elf ever!” Vanifinwë said with a higher pitched voice, speaking with her hands while Fëanaro listened, the rest of his sons chattering between one another, half paying attention to her. But Nerdanel was engrossed in what she was telling her father. 

“Beautifullest elf ever?” Nerdanel asked her, and Vanifinwë nodded with certainty. 

“Yes! Don’t you think so Amme and Atya?” She asked, leaving the pair to look between one another and both of them turning to look back at Tyelkormo. Who seemed to be patiently waiting for a confirmation from their parents, that what Vanifinwë said was true. Because of course it was true, and he’d start a fight with anyone who said he wasn’t. 

“Yes, Vani. You did a wonderful job on making Tyelko the beautifullest elf ever.” Nerdanel agreed warmly, and with a smile. Vanifinwë only seemed to grin wider with excitement, but her Atya had not said whether or not Tyelkormo was the beautifullest elf ever. And to Vanifinwë, her Atya’s opinion was incredibly important because she knew how creative he was too. 

“Atya? Don’t you think Tyelko’s the beautifullest elf ever?” She asked, her brows furrowing a bit as she had noticed this was the second time he had danced around her question about Tyelkormo’s beauty. This time she wasn’t going to let him escape it, Fëanaro paused in his chewing looking like he might flounder. 

Everyone at the table began to hold their breath, as his look seemed to become stern and lost in thought. Assuming that he was trying to find a way to gently let her down. As he could do from time to time and they all feared if he did it… It would break her heart. 

In all honesty? His son looked ridiculous, Fëanaro had heard of her makeovers before. But he didn’t ever see what the extent of them was, and now seeing it.. Well… Then again he supposed beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And that beholder was the fifteen year old elfling in his lap, desperately looking for his approval. Even he didn’t have the heart to give her constructive criticism. 

“Vani, anelya…” He began and quietly thought for a moment, while his daughter waited on baited breath for whatever it was he might say. 

“I think you made Tyelkormo, the prettiest, most beautifullest elf in all of Valinor.” Fëanaro said firmly and with conviction, there was a collective sigh of relief from around the table. Everyone had expected him to give his most honest opinion, as he did on occasions regardless of what anyone's ages had ever been. 

“Really!? You think so Atya!?” Vanifinwë said with mirth and excitement, scrambling to sit up on her knees in his lap and hug him. Fëanaro smiled softly as her arms were thrown around his neck, setting his fork down he wrapped an arm around her, holding her close to him. 

“Yes, anelya, I do.” Fëanaro said leaning his head against hers, feeling her little hand pat his back gently before her arms unwound from his neck. But she kept her head rested on his shoulder not moving from her spot. His eyes only went to his son in question who was positively glowing have triple the approval from Amme, Atya and Vani. 

Fëanaro only shook his head at his sons reaction, listening to him begin to brag about his enhanced beauty. He could see how the res of his sons wanted to tell him otherwise but not with Vanifinwë present. 

“Here anelya let us finish our breakfast hm?” He said nudging her softly and Vanifinwë nodded at his words, sliding down to sit back down in his lap. Before they both began to eat again, listening to the chatter around the table. 

* * * 

“Sir Rabbit you haven’t dranken any of your tea.” She said to Sir Rabbit who only seemed to fall over at her words, making her huff out some as she reached across the blanket to sit him back up. Wishing to chastise him for his poor table manners, but instead she asked;

“Are you tired Sir Rabbit?” She asked, reaching to bring over the large stuffed rabbit to cradle him in her arms as if her were a baby. Her head angling down as if she were listening to him speak to her, nodding her head and bobbing her curls. 

Unaware of the little audience she was gaining from Maitimo who stood in the threshold of the doorway. Smiling as he watched her nod her head and hum along, 

“Okay then you can take a nap.” She said, moving to stand from her place on the blanket and grabbing her comfort blanket that she drug around everywhere, wrapping up Sir Rabbit and going to the couch. 

“What are you doing Vani?” Maitimo asked her, watching her arrange the pillows to make a little “fort” or “house” for Sir Rabbit to sleep in. 

“Helping Sir Rabbit takes his naps hanyo.” She answered him, sticking him haphazardly into the little fort, with the blanket still hanging out from the edge of the couch. It was then she moved the pillow out of the way and leaned over to press a kiss to Sir Rabbits face, before putting the pillow back. 

“I love you.” She whispered to the rabbit with a big smile before turning to her brother, putting a finger over her little lip as she watched him open his mouth to say something. 

“Shhhhh he’s sleeping hanyo.” Vanifinwë continued in a harsh whisper, making Maitimo hum softly at her words, nodding his head. 

“How about we clean up our snack while Sir Rabbit sleeps?” Maitimo asked as he came to kneel down on the blanket to start gathering up the plates, Vanifinwë sighed out clearly not wanting to do it. But the elfling got down on the floor and helped Maitimo picking up plates and snack bits that had to be thrown away or taken down to the kitchens to be put away. 

Her little hands piling it up on the plates that Maitimo held out, before she grabbed their teacups knowing they would need to be washed now that they had been played with and filled with water. 

“You have everything?” Maitimo asked as he stood from the blanket and Vanifinwë did too, nodding her head. 

“Yes hanyo.” She answered him still in a whisper so as not to disturb her “sleeping” companion. Following right behind her big brother as they left the sitting room, leaving the door open as both of their hands were full of things to be taken to the kitchens. 

“Hanyo when we get done can we play dress up?” Vanifinwë asked, turning her head to look up at her elder brother, who only smiled looking down at his littlest sibling with a nod of his head. Seeing as he was the one was given the task to watch over her today, he didn’t see why they couldn't. She had played so well and quietly with herself in the sitting room. 

“Of course we can, onore.” He answered with a soft smile, 

“Yay!!” She said out with excitement in her voice, jumping some in response. Sloshing water onto the floor accidentally but neither of them really seemed to notice as they continued to walk down the hallway. 

“I am going to make you the prettiest elf ever!” She said with glee, and it made Maitimo smile only nodding his head a few servants that passed them by with smiles as they watched the two of them interact. 

“Oh you are? And how will you do that onore?” He asked her with a hum, trying to keep the conversation flowing with her, 

“Yes! I am! I am going to put pretty fabrics on you and lickstips and make up your hair! And give you a crown! And jooleries!” Vanifinwë said with a big smile, bouncing again as they neared their destination, while Maitimo simply sighed. Glad that she was going to be ever so creative when it came to dressing him up. 

“Oh it sounds like I will be the prettiest elf ever, will I be prettier than Tyelko?” Maitimo asked with a grin as they entered the kitchen. The two of them going to the nearest counter to set everything down there, Vanifinwë struggling to reach the counter tops, but Maitimo helped her. Before she answered, Vanifinwë approached him holding up her arms to be picked up and like clockwork, Maitimo reached down to pick her up. 

The elfling brought her hands to his face to hold, gently leaning in to press a kiss to his cheek. Before her little hands gently patted against his cheek, moving in to hug his head, and rest against him as he began to leave the kitchens just as quickly as they came. 

“Yes, even prettierer than Tyelko.” 

“I am so lucky that you are going to make me even prettierer Vani, you are such a wonderful stylist.” Maitimo answered her out simply enough, and Vanifinwë grinned at his words. No sooner than he said that, did the two of them see Tyelko hurrying in their direction, with Huan in tow and a big grin on his face. 

“There you are!” He greeted out, with his arms coming out to reach to take Vanifinwë from Maitimo’s hold. Readily did the elfling reach out to let Tyelkormo take her before he tossed her into the air catching her. With Maitimo watching intensely ready to catch her in the event that he missed. 

Fortunately he did not. 

“You were looking for us?” Maitimo asked, smiling as the little elfling squealed out gleefully before he caught her and hugged her close to him. 

“I have a surprise for Vani.”

“For me!? What is it?” She asked quickly, kicking her feet with excitement and bouncing in his hold. Maitimo only raised a brow as he watched as Tyelkormo began to laugh, shaking his head and swaying his platinum hair at the motion. 

“If I tell you, then it won’t be a surprise. Come let us go see it.” Tyelkormo smiled, and began to take long and quick strides down the hallway. Making Vanifinwë bounce again in his hold and she began to giggle out gleefully, 

“Guess what Tyelko?” She managed in between breaths, 

“What Vani?” He asked with a grin looking at her for a moment.

“I am going to make Maitimo the prettiest elf ever!” Vanifinwë said with great exaggeration as she spoke, throwing her hands up with excitement at the very idea that he was going to be so pretty when she got done with him. But Tyelkormo gasped out slightly, 

“Even prettier than me!?” He rebutted with feigned exaggeration, and Vanifinwë began to laugh, throwing her head back as she giggled. Nodding her head, 

“Yes! Even prettier than you!” She snickered out, looking at her brother with a big bright smile, but Tyelkormo put on a fake frown looking at her. Shaking his head no, 

“I simply won’t let you, my surprise will be so amazing that you won’t want to make Maitimo even prettier than me.” Tyelkormo said to her with a feigned deviousness in his voice, knowing that as soon as she saw what it was, she’d be giddy and excited. Too caught up in playing with them than making Maitimo prettier, Maitimo only sighed out rolling his eyes as he smirked and shook his head at Tyelkormo’s words. 

“Tell me Tyelkooooooo.” She said with another laugh as they began to near the sitting room that her and Maitimo had left to go put away dishes, 

“You’ll just have to wait and see.” He rebutted again with a grin, 

“Pleeeeeeease Tyelko! Tell me, tell me, tellllllll meeeeeeeeeee.” Vanifinwë pleaded pressing her face into the side of his, making both Tyelkormo and Maitimo laugh out at her reaction and her efforts to try and get Tyelkormo to tell her what it was she wanted to know. But he didn’t budge, only shaking his head no. 

“Here, why don’t you go and open the door and find out.” He said putting the little wiggle worm down as she gasped out and hurried over to the door. Moving to open the door handle, while Maitimo and Tyelkormo lingered behind one another, 

“Tyelko, if you’ve done what I think you’ve done… Amme and Atya are going to kill you for getting her a dog.” He muttered to his brother, and Tyelkormo shrugged with a smile. 

“I’ll help take care of it.” Suddenly they heard Vanifinwë gasp out as she entered the room, but her gasp of excitement quickly turned into a shriek. One that didn’t sound like it was full of excitement at all, quite the opposite in fact. Bringing both brothers to hurry over towards the door. 

Inside they found that the pup had stopped in whatever it was doing and had toppled Vanifinwë to the floor, with Vanifinwë beginning to cry even as it licked her, Tyelkormo was the first to rush into the room. Grabbing it by its collar and chest and gently pulling it away from her while Maitimo hurried over to help Vanifinwë up, but the elfling was already to her feet and hurrying away from the dog. 

Both were confused by her sudden aversion to the puppy, she had never been scared of dogs or puppies before. That was until Maitimmo began to look around the room and noticed how there was stuffing everywhere and Vanifinwë began to wail out as she picked something up off the floor. 

“Sir Rabbit!” She cried out in great distress and both brothers felt their heart sink to the depths of their stomach as they connected what had happened. 

Scrap bits of blue and grey were everywhere, two little glass eyes were strewn across the floor… Stuffing filled the room with little tumbles of it strewn across the floor. Even the blanket the rabbit had been wrapped in had been shredded and destroyed and it had taken the pup absolutely no time to have done this… 

“Hanyo!” Vanifinwë cried out in panic, turning to look at her brother with tears running down her face, and in her hands was the last little bit of remaining scraps were put together, while the puppy only began to bark with excitement wagging its tail. 

Tyelkormo only watched with a heavy heart as Vanifinwë sat there in the floor trying to hug the last little pieces of her stuffed animal. Something Moryo had crafted for her a few years ago, that had become quite the fixture in Vanifinwë’s life and her constant companion. 

And in his haste, seeing their stuff in the floor, he hadn’t bothered to have checked for Sir Rabbit to put him away when he had put the pup in the room. Guilt began to weigh heavy on him for what had happened. Feeling utterly responsible for the loss of her treasured possession. 

Maitimo hurriedly went over to Vanifinwë and reached down to pick her up as she sobbed out at the loss of her friend. Throwing herself into his shoulder and wrapping her arms around his neck still clutching on the remnants of Sir Rabbit. 

Both brothers simply looked at one another, unsure of what it was they were going to do. Or how they would even comfort her, even Vanifinwë must’ve known that he wasn’t fixable for she didn’t ask for Moryo and his help. She didn’t plead to take the scraps to him, only able to do one thing- and that was cry at the loss of her closest friend. 

* * *

She knew they had tended to her hroa, surely stitching up gashes that had been long left to fester and stay open. The poking of the needle through her skin was nothing compared to when Morgoth or Sauron had ran their torture devices through her skin, ripping flesh open from her body… It was more of an annoyance that she had simply slept through. Though her mind wandered back to her hand… Thoughtlessly she reached across her abdomen to touch at the bandaged nub that was there. 

Not even flinching despite the searing pain that ripped through her at the graze done by her own volition. Reminding her again of what was lost. Her previous self would have mourned the loss of it, for her love to create would be impeded. But Vanifinwe felt no desire nor love nor want for such things anymore, the will for song and dance had been stamped out long ago. The desire to paint and sketch was long lost. Her inspiration and hope sucked right out of her fea at Sauron and Morgoth hands alone. 

She winced as the thought of Sauron’s tool scraping against her skin flashed into her mind, the sounds of his maniacal laughter filled her ears. It was all so realistic it made the hairs on her body stand. Prompting her to sit up quickly, even despite the ache that ran through her body at the motion, reaching up to loosen the collar of her gown further in hopes to reduce the pressure she felt around her throat. Trying not to remember the large hands that could engulf it in one go and would squeeze until she lost her breath.

The room was quiet, deafeningly so missing only the sounds of whipping winds to rip and tear at her exposed flesh. Nor was it filled with the sounds of snarling from orcs or screams from other thralls that had fallen victim to Morgoth’s hand. All the silence did was make her wary of what could possibly happen… What if someone else came to hurt her? Or return her back to Morgoth’s hands? What if Morgoth came and attacked?

Would her brothers be able to stop them this time? 

She doubted it, she had seen the might and power of Morgoth, having been subjected to it for Eru only knew how long. Being at his mercy and Sauron’s. It had been a miserable existence, yet this one away from it all hadn’t felt much different so far, now she just felt as if she was prolonging what was yet to come. 

Vanifinwe was a fool for taking the Oath… She couldn’t believe she had managed to let Maitimo and Makalaure convince her to take it. All for what? For rocks? Stupid shining fucking rocks. It made anger boil in her blood, she should’ve said no. Risked whatever consequences would’ve come with not taking the Oath from her father and be separated from her brothers. She doubts that he would’ve let her come with them at that rate… But it would’ve been better than hanging from a cliff face for thirty years. 

Suddenly the sound of the door creaking open pulled her from her bitter thoughts, a feeling she had been well.. Feeling.. Since her capture at Morgoth’s hands. She watched as swaths of red and black began to flood the room all sighing in relief as they saw that she was awake. Vanifinwe should’ve been relieved to see her brothers, but there was only the reminder that they too were bound to the Oath that lingered over her head. 

She sighed as they all filed in, Makalaure being who came to take his seat next to her side of the bed, Maitimo at the foot of her bed and the rest dispersed. Vanifinwe tensed at the feeling of Makalaure’s hands coming to her back, and she couldn’t lift her eyes to look at any of them. She was just filled with shame and discomfort right now, for looking and being so physically weak and vulnerable. Nothing like what she had been before, now she was but skin and bones. If that. 

“How are you feeling, nesa?” Makalaure asked in his soft and gentle voice, for a moment Vanifinwe thought on his words. What was she supposed to say? That she was feeling better? When her body still ached and the core of her fea felt broken and maybe even corrupted if she dared to take it that far. So all she could do was shrug for a moment as she continued to think, before finally she opened her mouth to speak. 

“I don’t know…” Vanifinwe answered lowly, keeping her gaze on her hand and wrist. She felt empty, cold, distant. Was that what he wanted her to say? But she didn’t iterate those thoughts and feelings to him. Or was he concerned about her physical being? He didn’t specify nor state, and the look on his face didn’t help either as she glanced up and saw the crinkling of worry find his face. There is a long and awkward silence and she can feel all their gazes on her, and it makes her uncomfortable. 

Maitimo has yet to say anything, but she feels his hand reach for hers. Watches how his big one engulfs her frailer and thinner one, and Vanifinwe wonders what might be on his mind. But again it is Makalaure who speaks up, feeling his hand card through her matts in her hair. Uncombable heavy thick mats from where her hair had been whipped around by Manwe’s winds, and the fact that the back of her had been pressed against the cliff face. Tangling it further, leaving it to mat… 

“How about I cut your hair? I do not think you wish for me to try and brush it.” He asks softly, and she was glad he came to the obvious conclusion about how she didn’t want her hair to be brushed. There was nothing about it that she wanted to save. So Vanifinwe nods quietly prompting Makalaure to get to his feet, but Curvo had been quicker in searching for shears. Finding them quickly before he handed them off to him, as Makalaure had cut all of their hair at some point when they had been little. 

As she sits there, quietly she looks up again at Maitimo. His pale blue eyes finding hers, and she can see regret and guilt swimming in his eyes. It was on the tip of his tongue to say something in regards to it, but for the moment he said nothing and Vanifinwe only held still as she heard and felt the snipping of hair coming loose off her head. 

Maitimo looks over his sister, who is gaunt and frail.. Skin and bones quite literally. The scars that litter what skin that does show through her nightgown, but he had seen how extensive they were. Having hovered and assisted in bandaging her up, the fact that she had to lose her hand. The dominant one in which she held paint brushes, chisels, and plucked harp strings with. It was his fault, for believing that there could’ve been any negotiating with Morgoth for the Silmarils. That he had let his baby sister come along with him, it should’ve been him in this position. Who was scarred up and having been rescued from a cliff face… Not her. It should’ve been him that was captured…

“Vani… I am sorry.” He breathes out, and he watches the way her jaw tenses at his words. Maitimo wonders if she is bitter about what he caused for her- or at least what he feels he has caused for her. By leaving her to have been kidnapped by Morgoth… He could’ve done more right?

“Don’t.” She says firmly, she doesn’t want regretful apologies, it was her choice to have joined him to meet Morgoth. The only resentment she feels is perhaps towards herself that he had convinced her to take the Oath. That she let him do it. It would’ve taken nothing to have said no, yet in that moment of still shellshockedness of seeing Grandfather crushed in the foyer… Vanifinwe felt compelled by her brothers pressing to say yes. 

“If I hadn’t convinced you take the Oath-”

“I don’t want to hear about the Oath.” Vanifinwe responds sharply, closing her eyes. Anything but the Oath, for the love of merciful Iluvatar. She doesn’t want to hear about the Oath or to think about it anymore than what she already was. Was it not enough that she suffered because of it? Now they were bringing it up. 

She can hear Curvo scoff across the room, but she chooses to ignore it. Though not for long as of course Atya’s favored son would have something to say about her response. 

“You took the Oath the same as us, it is best if you get used to hearing about it again for we are all bound to it.” Vanifinwe felt her temper flare at his words, and her eyes grew dark as she shot a scathing glare over at Curufinwe. Maitimo brought a hand to her shoulder, his hand rubbing while Makalaure still continued to cut through her thick hair in sections to free the mat on the back of her head. 

“I don’t want to hear about the fucking Oath!” She said, raising her voice, one that was raw and raspy. From being dry as she had been without water for so long and so hoarse from all the screaming from torture. Vanifinwe watched how the familiar chilling scowl found Curufinwe’s face. But it didn’t deter her, she had faced Morgoth himself and Sauron too, the haunting face of her father was nothing to her any longer. It elicited no fear, just rage. 

“Have I not paid enough for it!? Was thirty years on Thangorodrim’s cliff face not enough about the Oath!? What of the years of torture!?” Vanifinwe said, her voice wavering, and the tears welled in her eyes for the first time in a long time. The silence was deafening, she didn’t care if she was bound to it, Vanifinwe wanted nothing more to do with it. 

“All for what? For fucking rocks?” It came out weakly despite her best efforts for it not too, she sounded vulnerable and weak. She hated it. Even if it were in front of her brothers, she didn’t want to be so weak anymore… Makalaure had stopped cutting, Curufinwe’s rebuttal died on his lips as they merely parted but nothing came out. Maitimo simply pulled her into him for an embrace and Vanifinwe tensely went with the motions, resting her forehead against his shoulder.

Fighting back the tears she didn’t want to shed. She had shed enough over this ordeal in Angband, on Thangorodrim… When Findekano had cut her hand from her wrist. She didn’t want to cry anymore, yet her body had other plans in mind as the tears came out in a deluge and Vanifinwe felt terrible. Everything ached and she was tired of aching- physically, mentally, emotionally. It would’ve been kinder if Findekano had just let her be the second victim to the Oath and have killed her. 

Curse Manwe’s kindness to have listened to Findekano’s plight. But she was simply too much of a coward to let herself fade, for she feared being sent to the Void as she didn’t fulfill the Oath if she had died. Instead of the comforts and healing halls of Mandos… And if she would be so lucky to go to Mandos’ she didn’t want to see their father. 

She hated him. 

“We don’t have to talk about it… You don’t have too, nesa.” Maitimo said softly, his big hand coming to her back to rub gently. Especially not now, Maitimo didn’t know how avoidable it would be for her… But he wouldn’t pressure her right now in recovery. Not now, not ever if he could help it. If there was anyone who could figure out how to break the Oath and be free of it… Vanifinwe would somehow figure it out… Right?

He should have never pressured her, in the depths of his fea he knew that the Oath would take. He knew there would be horrendous repercussions, he knew that all of them would be at the mercy of it. Just not to this extent, not in the way that Vani had or the way that Amrod had when he had burnt up in the ships… Or the way their father burnt up in his own death. Even if it was somewhat of a blessing to stop him in his madness.

Slowly she nodded her head, listening to the sound of his heart beating, the sound so familiar and comforting. Reminding her of all the times Maitimo had held her when she had been hurting the most, and for a moment a pulse of comfort ran through her. It was the first time in too long she had felt it, closing her eyes and trying to relax as all was still and silent. 

Taking some deep breaths to stop the tears, walling herself back up, before slowly she pulled away. Maitimo letting his arms fall from her slowly, mindful of where his hands fell so it wasn’t on her injured wrist and hand. Vanifinwe nodded her head, knowing all had been waiting to do anything and react. It was only then that Makalaure brought the shears back and cut her hair again. 

The weight of the mat was steadily becoming lighter, and more free. Stray hair that came up to her ears fell forward and she caught glimpses of white strands… It had been some time since she had seen her hair as most of it had been tucked and tangled behind her head. Vanifinwe knew the stress had been immense, it was just didn’t expect for it to have outwardly shown despite how taxing it had been. 

Finally her head was free of the mat as she felt it roll down her back before Makalaure picked it up. Tossing it in a bin, before he moved to take his seat right back next to her again. His own hand coming to hold hers now that it was free, and she looked to him. 

“We will help you get through this Vanifinwe.” Makalaure said with optimism and encouragement, and for a moment she could believe that he was telling the truth. But without having access to Mandos or the Gardens of Lorien, Vanifinwe was skeptical. When these trauma’s were all new to them and the Healers, it was unlike anything they had experience in to help. 

“It is a long way to go but we will be here every step of the way.” He said, and slowly she nodded. That she did believe, that they’d all be there for her as they all always operated as one giant unit together. Again that small pulse of comfort ran through her, and as uncomfortable as it made her… She simply accepted it. 

“Thank you.” She only answered weakly, it was a long way to go. And she was sure she’d never be the same again, but… perhaps there was hope there’d be something worthwhile after this ordeal. Even if it were simply breaking her Oath somehow.

All Vanifinwe could do was sigh, deciding to put some of her care into her brothers hands and hope that Eru would be forgiving and willing to help out of this mess. For she feared of what was to come and how much worse this could get. 

* * *