#faetality.xia

        𝔟𝔦𝔱𝔠𝔥 𝔤𝔬𝔡𝔡𝔢𝔰𝔰                🏮                𝔟𝔞𝔰𝔱𝔞𝔯𝔡 𝔭𝔯𝔦𝔫𝔠𝔢

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Fair Warning : Get your rabies shot before you contact me. Do not republish or share my personal media. Blog contains mild NSFW, sex & kink positivity & uncensored heavy political rants INCL. media criticism, academic racism, race- & gender-based C/SA, massacres & state violence. Centering Asian and Austronesian sapphics. NO FLIRTING.

Always learning. Please DM me if something I share goes against the safe space I wish to curate for marginalised persons. Anons are not preferred for such matters as they do not allow for a neutral and open conversation.

Yellow-Brown, Chinese-Austronesian, Migrant-Indigenous

#faetality.intro — all introductory posts as tagged.

Your consumption, your responsibility. ⛓️

🥩𓏶། ྀིྀ⠀ ⠀@theleatherandgoldbar — ButchFemmeStudStemme. 🩸

🀄️𓏶། ྀིྀ⠀ ⠀@this-is-sinophobia-orientalism — Asian Activism. 🩸

🏮𓏶། ྀིྀ⠀⠀ @this-is-sinosexism — Asian Activism. 🩸

🦷𓏶། ྀིྀ⠀ ⠀@uzmacchiato — banner png credits. 🩸

I am SEAsian-Chinese-Austronesian, Peranakan Baba-Nyonya, fully Asian, racially and reclaimed Yellow-Brown. I am a first generation migrant, ethnic minority and a descendant of a long line of migrants, refugees, warriors, land cultivators, slaves, labourers, and survivors belonging to land and sea nomadic tribes.

I am native-born and indigenous to my homelands in SEA, in opposition to the Bumi supremacies. My ancestral lands of Fujian & Guangdong lie in presently-called South China, and my ancestral waters surrounding and enveined through it.

My Minyue ancestors claim to be descendants of snakes and dragons of the East Sea & the Pacific. I carry their Yang sun-shot will with me, and I live in the pulse of their Yin moon-bled heart. My grief and joys are connected with my transcontinental blood & chosen kin spread across the globe. I have unshakeable faith in my peoples’ proven power and potential for change, compassion, synchronicity and justice.

I am a GNC trans genderfluid & sexually-fluid gender anarchist, gender exhibitionist. A High Femme, Fem, Masc, Lesbi and more.

Most importantly I may at times, embody and host the Xia 侠 gender I have individually coined and founded, inextricably rooted in my ethnoculture, its language, its philosophical consciousness, the times and places I have been born into and move through.

To my SEAsian community I am more than happy to identify as a 女生 (woman), “Ah Girl”, to a tomboy woman, to even a boy, and it fits. The way I am generally treated by my SEAsian-dominant communities via the way they see me, does not conflict with me.

Those closest to me who are SEAsian-Chinese can even treat me as a 小姑娘 (little “precious”/classy lady) or a 小/阿 妹/姐 (junior/senior fem), and it even means something different regionally and per class. To be called that by a rich man I don’t know regardless of race, is creepy.

To be called it by a vendor uncle at the night market, is appropriate. To be called this by my Dad’s brothers is weird because we do not have a relationship where they have shown me casual affection. And they’ve only known the industrialised city all their life, so it doesn’t have the same village farmhand banter connotation that comes with it.

But to be called it tongue-in-cheek affectionately by my Mom’s brothers is funny and endearing. But if I’m called this by their sons (my cousins) I will be swinging because I’ve grown up roughhousing and being a rascal around them.

I am gendered as a sister and a daughter and a granddaughter and a niece and an auntie, and none of these I mind nor even have a question about. It fits me.

And apparently they call me SKINNY CHICKEN IN HAKKA??? WHAT DA HELL. I ALWAYS THOUGHT IT JUST MEANT SOMETHING LIKE “SCRUNKLY”…

To the EAsian I fluctuate between being “niang” (feminine) to tomboyish, so again it varies person-by-person.

But to the Westerner, I’m usually already cornered as something else the moment they see me. Objectified and racialised into the infantile, delicate and fragile, doused in benevolent sexism and the desire to possess/own without my permission, the built dynamics based on intimate trust, behaviours and vulnerability I gift on my terms—punished when I refuse to perform these “roles”, and that makes me feel extremely dysphoric.

My own cultures have troves of identities (and their cultural contexts and histories) I haven’t even explored yet nor fully felt nor understood of my relation and relevance to. I am a transient, transgressive person in a lot of ways, including weird gender, weird multi-national being, weird multi-ethnic and multi-racial being (except on any textbook knowledge, I’m not), weird migrant-indigenous being, weird generational-nomad being, weird virtual space being, weird linguistic being, weird sexual being, weird attraction being. Genuinely freaky shit beyond even my comprehension even though I have vague feeling of going somewhere meaningful with my current self-reflections.

And I’m still crafting my own and realising how much growing distance there is between me and communities I once took for granted (something something the more you learn, the more you realise how little you know), and yet broader and “fuzzier” sense of reflection with many others but still not central belonging nor even seeing myself reflected in the history (especially Anglosphere history).

I can’t expect any collective label to represent me to the degree I want (match me like a fingerprint with my biometric points met), and I’m not using labels for this reason.

There is only one way I’d ever get close enough to that sense of reflection, belonging and feeling central to… a conceptual space. To feel “exactly located” and familiar in my positioning and navigation of the carefully constructed, ever-growing map of the cultures I come from. And that is if I’m designing my own personal “configuration” of identity and gender in the first place that has not been captured by Western conception nor linguistic maps.

No. As with all identities it’s something you’d have to select for yourself. While I understand the Virago label, it’s just not something I claim for myself this minute. I want to understand 4i fully before I even claim it, and it’s not something I’d feel comfortable “just getting” by reading romance novels. I am SEAsian Chinese, not Chinese-Chinese, there is a whole cultural context there to even resolve.

I am a GNC Femme and even then I’ve had big problems with the Butch/Femme community especially its Anglocentrism. I do not broadly claim the woman or non-binary label for myself either, even though I do have experiences that would be similar/overlap with these groups, I hold contentions with those. Bisexual was my first label, and one of the labels, but even then, it’s a lesbian-bisexual thing and I hold a LOT of problem with the bisexual label in the first place ( not against bisexuals/people who identify with it, but the term ) because of how it was created and imposed on non-monosexual lesbians. As you can see all of these labels come with my personal caveats.

I’m exploring my own gender constructions right now (coining my own as a one-man-show) . To me, my relationship with any labels I have identified with/identify with now, are each a journey, not the destination. I don’t wish to go on a tangential journey right now while I’m already on a helluva ride with this one, involving race, immigrant identity, indigenous identity, my mother tongue languages and dialects, and gender maps in my heritages.