CotD - Nov 21, 2018
Deck: The Faeriesā Oracle (artist Brian Froud)
Card: 64 - Gawtcha
Keywords: Surprise, trepidation, denial, shaken awake, the unexpected
It has been over two YEARS since I updated this blog with a Card of the Day. And dude, SO MUCH has happened since then. I began seminary shortly after the last Card of the Day entry, and since then Iāve been studying to become a Unitarian Universalist minister. One of my mentors is a minister and also a priestess in Stone Circle Wicca, and Iāve learned I want to go a similar route and take up the double mantle of minister and initiated priestess as well (although to what extent that was a choice, I still wonder). In the wider world, we in the US affirmed our worst authoritarian and fascistic tendencies by electing a grossly incompetent, sexist, racist, vile faux-strongman of a President, and coming into my own as a progressive faith leader has all been done with that as the backdrop. This whole time I havenāt stopped working with the cards (many decks worth) for personal use, but Iāve been offering readings more as impromptu gifts to others than for personal illumination, because weāve all got to keep going somehow.
Just recently, however, I had a health crisis: a routine laparoscopic gallbladder removal surgery turned into something far more complicated that resulted in a second full open surgery within the week. All told, I spent 12 days in the hospital and Iām still recovering, which means I will have missed out on an entire month of work at my parish internship. But the important thing is, Iām here and Iām alive and my whole experience was a physical ordeal that Iāve been interpreting as a kind of uninvited initiation. Shortly after the big surgery, I had dreams about discovering my āessential Fae natureā and wondered a lot about what that might mean, and my mentor suggested I work a bit with this deck. My husband luckily had it on hand because weāre big Froud fans in this house, and Alanās relationship with the Good Neighbors is far more explicit than my own; I respect them, but Iāve been reluctant to work with them because I prefer my spirit experiences to be at least *slightly* more predictable and interpretable. But I guess Iām being asked to cultivate comfort with the chaos and the mess of working with the Fae, soā¦ here we are. As I get to know the Faeriesā Oracle, and as I get back into the practice of writing post-surgery, Iām hoping to do a card-a-day thing with them. So here we go. Expect these readings to be less systematic and more freewheeling and intuitive than traditional tarot, because thatās the nature of this deck.
An androgynous, humanoid faerie sits in a closed posture with legs crossed and drawn up to their chest; their three-fingered hands obscure their face, and one penetrating eye peeps between the fingers directly at the viewer. They have small wings on their back, unengaged. Their hair is tangled and short, bare branches stick out the top; their ears are pointed and also stick out of their mane of hair.
On its own, this card is hard to interpret. The instructions for the Faeriesā Oracle suggest āfinding oneās own meaningsā before looking to the book for interpretation. The first thing I see in this card is hiding and surprise; the name āGawtchaā suggests catching someone out. I can see that this faerie is a truth-seer from the direct gaze of that one visible eye, but doesnāt want to be seen themself. I donāt think heās confrontational per se (heās suggesting I use āheā pronouns), but heās a revealer of truth while also revealing little of himself. The masked identity is important to him, more a tool to reveal other peopleās Stuff than something that says something about himself. Thereās a playfulness to the card, like a child playing peek-a-boo; thereās no malice here, just the spirit of joking that happens when someone behaves according to their old, destructive or unhealthy patterns and someoneās like āyou know youāre doing that THING, right?ā
Well, yup. Of course. Now that youāve SAID it, I canāt pretend itās not a thing.
In ministry training, we do this thing called CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education), and it usually involves going into a setting like a hospital, nursing home, or prison to learn how to do chaplaincy. We have a supervisor and a student cohort, and a huge part of CPE is noticingāand calling outāone anotherās shit. So is Gawtcha here basically the CPE faerie? God, I hope not. I like to think heād be a bit more fair than my supervisor was sometimes. So where, I guess, do I need to get shaken out of my patterns?
During my training, one of my big areas of interest has been the Enneagram of Personality. My mentorās done some study on it and it was she who pointed me at my correct type (Type 1, which I had previously convinced myself I couldnāt possibly be, because Iām not THAT uptight and inflexible and perfectionistic and rules-abiding, am I?). The Enneagram materials talk a lot about being āentrancedā by the personality rather than having an attitude of openness and fluidity that allows for growth and development to a healthy direction. The time I spent in the hospital really made me double down on the more unhealthy parts of the 1 type, and on the behaviors associated with my stress direction as well. Ideally, when Iām developing healthily, Iām supposed to become more open to spontaneity, joy, and the fun side of life, and there hasnāt been a lot of opportunity for that.
The bookās interpretation isnāt too far off from my own here; thereās an emphasis on random happenstance and unexpected shocks, with the reminder that sometimes shit just happens, but when it does and it shakes you up entirely, thereās little sense in trying to cram the busted pieces back where they were; instead, you might use the opportunity to figure out where to grow and how. Itās very much reminding me of being shaken out of the āpersonality trance.ā Now that Iāve had this experience, and now that Iām trying to understand whatever an āessential Fae natureā is (let alone MY essential Fae nature), what growth might facilitate that kind of discovery?
