#f!adaar

Her head had tilted ever so slightly, magnificent horns arcing towards the cloudy sky. He could just see the edge of her cheekbone, a splash of red vitaar, and a loose curl of bone white hair. She was looking at the daffodils, he had realised. The pause in her step, her minute moment of hesitation- and then she continued on, leaving the flowers behind her, like so many other things.

“You let her dream of different versions of herself- people she wanted to be, places that she wanted to make. You are her dream now.”

That night, he dreamt of a never ending field of yellow daffodils. Ira was there, her familiar armoured back bare and her tight bun let loose, waves of white tumbling down her shoulders. He watched, enraptured, as her fingers caressed the flowers that seemed to glow against her slate grey skin, as if she was standing on the sun. They fit her beautifully. When The Iron Bull finally worked up the courage to call out to her, and she turned those deep, dark brown eyes to his, he woke up to a yell from outside of his tent- a call to battle.

He was back in his body, back in his life, and a pressure was building behind his heart.

The Iron Bull looked down at Cole from the small bar counter, the spirit-boy in question on the floor with his knees to his chest. He couldn’t see his face past the massive hat he still wore after all these years, but he knew he was trying to help. He was always trying to help. The Iron Bull grunted, leaning his chin onto his hand, looking back out to the court of Halamshiral, Ira still in the second meeting of the week, probably frustrated and tired. Though no one would be able to tell apart from him.

“I know, kid. I know.”

“You shouldn’t be scared- she won’t make you be her dream. She loves you as you are.”

“I know.”

Ira, in the three years they had been together, had never brought up the idea of marriage with him. She knew there was no marriage in the Qun, that it wasn’t necessary, knew that every day he chose her to be his kadan- loved her. When she had asked yesterday, it felt like his heart had dropped into his nut-suck. Not because she wanted to get married, but because she wanted to do it now, of all times. His instincts were raging at him that something was wrong, that something was coming at him from the horizon but he couldn’t see it. But when he told that beautiful woman that he would do whatever she wanted, ring, suit and all, she looked so openly and deeply happy that he couldn’t bear breaking that with his hungry questions.

“White, yellow and gold. If she could, she would be buried like that.”

Cole was gone before The Iron Bull could grab him and drag him up to see his face, nearly throwing himself over the bar, with the questions fit to burst from his lips. His heart thundered in his ears as he sat back, quietly but desperately rushing through his memory for her tells, anything that she did or said that would tell him that she needed help, that she was in trouble- that she needed him. When he was called to arm up, and they all stepped through the mirror, it suddenly clicked in his head as he stared at her strong, broad back. He hadn’t seen her body- or her hand- for well over a month now.

And she’s made no move to change that.

~

She was dying.

As she fell to the floor, clutching her left arm that seemed to have a will of its own, pain ravaging her, he knew she was dying. She knew it too. Stoic, accepting, unbreakable, she had stared it in the face all alone. Something that he both admired and despised in that moment.

He should’ve married her before all this shit. White dress, gold ring, daffodil bouquet. He should’ve made her the bride she’s always wanted to be.

Ira had cupped his cheek with her only working hand, her smile gentle, soothing and soul-breaking.

“Whatever happens, I wouldn’t trade the years we had together for anything. I love you.”

The Iron Bull felt like shattering into little pieces, so a piece of him could go with her when she goes.

“Love you too, kadan.” He hoped his voice was strong enough for her.

She would be breath-taking in white, he knew. White flowing dress and trail, trimmed with gold from her horns to her ankles, with yellow flowers in her hands and hair. She would walk down the aisle to him, barefoot and free, with a smile to hurt her cheeks and set alight those lovely dark eyes, and she would take someone like him as a husband and he would get to tell the world that she was his wife.

For the first time in a very, very long time, he wanted to cry- but the tears wouldn’t come, not when his kadan was being so brave, so insurmountable. 

I also received the following 3 smut-fics: 

Dangerous Things (Merrill/Maraas, Rated E, 1,800 words): 

Summary: Left on her own in Kirkwall for years after betraying Hawke in the Fade, Merrill has come to rely on a mercenary with curiously reasonable rates. Now that the two have fought a demon and her clan to find a way to fix the eluvian, it seems even he is having second thoughts about her. 

All for a Friend (Arishok/Merrill, Rated E, 2,351 words): 

Summary: Merrill approaches the Arishok with an offer he can't refuse: her sexy services for a year in exchange for destroying Isabela’s former employers. She's starting to wonder if she got the better end of the deal. 

Also features voyeurism (from the rest of the Qunari in the Compound), and the use of a wooden phallus. 

A horny predicament (Arishok/Merrill/Qunari, Rated E, 4,069 words): 

PLEASE MIND THE TAGS AND WARNINGS ON THIS ONE. See below. 

Summary: Merrill gets lost one night in Kirkwall, finding herself in the Qunari Compound. Little did she know that they’ve waited for someone that can take the tension out of the Arishok’s men... and the Arishok himself. 

Tags/warnings on this fic as follows: