#exutag

nobody escaped the GOT intro unscathed, did they

ryback?

ruidis mentioned

that's so cool, I hate it"

I think I audited the wrong class"

elder dorf!

level 0!

I didn't know that was a thing

dex FOUR??

level No

matt. brennan. it's been fifteen minutes. are you seriously gonna make me cry.

I'm gonna fight brennan in the parking lot

this hallucination is gonna kill me and matt both

brennan child voice

this man has THIRTEEN HIT POINTS

this man has FOUR HIT POINTS

"she isn't a healer, she's a preserver" oh I like that

"it's the 20-sided one" alex

"you want my help this time?" I love Nia

this scene would start just as I sit down with food

"it probably just tastes like ash" "it ALL tastes like ash"

I love everybody in this scene. they're all gonna die so hard.

keph are you okay (no)

alex: would

these level 0 stats give me so much stress

ah, mordAurum. gold dragonborn. I get it.

oh. oh him big. him real big.

him still only got 10 hp

he has an intelligence of 6 he knows what he's doing

"a lost, giant child" :(

brennan is banned from putting children in his games

liam's face

"matt if you would like to have more than 4 hit points -"

ba ba ba, ba barbithrix

that's too many, put some back

liam r u ok

"we understand you have many infirm here" yes that's why it's called the infirmary

druid?? dwarf druid??

growing things!!!

hope symbolism!!

garen is making FRIENDS

the halls of partying

"party punishment?" hey I've seen most of severance that's absolutely a thing

LIGHT FLEAS

INFESTED WITH HOPE

not the lion king 2 "~deception~"

using the cough for good

oops, oversold it

stop! putting! children! in! hell!

alex: would

even evil has standards

"it's SO bad"

just wedge this poor big man in the wall

these dragonborn children are going to kill me

crokas is going to kill me

alex and matt keep giggling at the most sixth-grade things, I love them

"are you sick?" "of this shit? yes."

"like the flower?" "hurhgh?"

I did also think it was the flower originally

"I didn't name me" dskfjhslk

matt sounds like Billy Bones from the beginning of treasure planet

not the tragic sibling keepsake

liam mentioned the dice roll pendulum swing earlier and it is going to swing back SO HARD

bless bugs!

"until someone else's bones caught you" uncalled for

"what's your armor class?"

literally shoot first ask questions later

"what do you do?" "oh, fuck!"

ready for this tpk

"this guard died because his helmet stabbed into his brain"

100 years of frustration behind that swing

fine dwarven crafts

vomit action

"it's bad here"

"I don't think I did that"

oh not the trex rumbles

"it looks like fingers" no thank you!

no wait is it roots

IT'S ROOTS

"sticks." I LOVE HIM

he's old, that happens sometimes

"there's bugs in here."

ah.

what does THAT feel like in stone-sense

there is a god-fight happening upstairs

MEECES

FUCK YEAH MEECES

this is almost definitely stormlord & wildmother v strife emperor

roll that beautiful hammer damage

disabled dragon DISABLED DRAGON

"why'd you do that to your arm" crokas

HAMMER PUNCH

fuck yeah meeces

three what now

rip The Boys

"when it walks Exandria with a purpose"

"I saw him comin'." Can ya hear 'im? Those gears and gyros clickin' and whirrin' like the devil himself??

fuck yeah, apocalypse setting

everything in between gets you individual body parts

rip The Boys

matt stop helping

"are you weakest at the shoulder or the elbow?"

"I'm gonna faint" that's dungeons and dragons baybee

meeces!

they found their cheeses

fuck these six giants in particular

bugbear!!

hugbear!!

I will not get attached to starmian I will not

fuck yeah luck feat

hey in ferelden that cheese is a decent shield

"sorry, vox machina, git gud" liam

"a god's shinguard looking like the statue of liberty"

oregon trail ass checks

ah yes, the mythical rain

found the cannibalism

well I guess the hand-soup was already cannibalism

liam o'brien spellcasting flavor text my beloved

I! Love! Him!

alex

good pinecones

this is what happens when you put "death" in your literal name

brennan do we need this level of detail

I don't. I don't need this level of detail.

matt: I put the team('s rolls) on my back

"yeah, that's what happens when I talk shit"

rip nia

I will not get attached to starmian

this is why I did not get attached to starmian

his job is to be old and die so we can learn and be sad

"…shit"

"will you flee?" "would it help?"

"that is what strength is for"

vestige?? crokas get vestige???

"belt."

HOW many hours??

BABIES

I have no idea what's happening, I just looked up & saw sam's kids

oh, apparently sam's youngest is a they? good for them

y'all are gonna make matt cry

pullover hoodies my behated

give me zippers or give me death

"big."

"what else am I supposed to say about that"

matt who u textin

child? stabbed child??

"maybe she just hasn't slept in a century" mood

"oh you were homeschooled"

well that's one way to do it I GUESS

brb changing my bsky name to A Woman With A Ruined Vibe

A Cube of A Woman

"I know I cannot hear you but please hear me" :(

"keep faith in a god far away"

"strength starts now" bless crokas

the noise alex made about celia's unreadable dice

I have been tempted to title every single one of these posts Please Read Edda-Earth but like. please read edda-earth.

"she watches elton john perform in vasselheim"

"why do I call you boss when you're my mom"

crokas developed an existential crisis

well okay crokas has probably been having a crisis for a while, he just got 6 int and a month on a boat to put words to it

liam spent an entire campaign having a conniption every time sam refused to reroll a 1 and devoted his life to harassing halfling players

are you there key it's me fiedra

wait I'm only half paying attention are we sure it's him

okay yeah it's him

brennan should grade on a curve

if that's the last thing crokas ever says to fiedra he's going to throw himself into the ocean

"it's the perfect episode to kill people"

liam

well

WELL

giant monk shit GIANT MONK SHIT

THERE ARE NUMBERS BESIDES THOSE

THERE ARE. NUMBERS. BETWEEN. THOSE. TWO.

well.

this is SO EARLY for a break

I keep getting pulled away from my computer kdfjslk

garen in color??

crokas ready to just tear the city down

and he's valid

"don't clench so much" made me unclench my jaw dksjfslk

"laura bailey would be so proud of you"

near-death experience will do that to you

(let's play "did crokas mean 'boss' as a 'that's what I call my mom now' or did crokas mean 'boss' as 'too little too late, the status quo persists'")

(cooldown is the only thing tempting me into a beacon sub)

I Desire Updated Art

AGAIN? FUCKING AGAIN?

flashbacks to pike's stealth checks

MAP

I'm crokas and I can breathe in space

no plan survives contact with a -3 dex

"question about invisibility" "can you see it"

matt making a hallway rq

alex no you're not a vampire anymore

oh NOW a fly speed of 30 is awesome, matt

"I DON'T LIKE THIS [SHIELD]"

THE DEVIL? FROM THE BIBLE?

you can take liam out of orym -

brennan: please give me literally any reason to Exalt your vestiges

"I got to shut the fuck up"

STOP FIDGETING

liam's face is my face

"you have a better relationship with a key"

plot twist the kid is asmodeus

matt just had the same idea I did

okay but: if you know there's a chance the kid is The Devil, From The Bible, but you don't know for sure, do you still help the kid on the basis of That's A Kid

(I know they don't know but)

"I ignore hardness. With the hammer."

remove the pillar from the board

NOT THE GAREN V PILLAR MAP CAM

OIL CAN

not the godzilla laser down the gullet

aw, he did mean it as "that's what I call my mom now"

KEY

THE DEVIL

FROM THE BIBLE

"I don't care" is such a badass thing to say to The Devil, From The Bible

"I need to know what I don't know, right now" time to watch 400 hours of d&d content

can't bullshit a bullshitter

"YOU'RE A FUCKIN MACGUFFIN"

"add timothy to your inventory"

"I have an Exalted Timothy?"

his last act was trying to save garen

you can't make me not ship it

matt's not helping me not ship it

"in draconic, that erro taught him" lays in the floor

(they keep calling him "erros", that means something else, stop that)

"I lied 8D"

quietly passing alex a tissue

"don't fuck it up"

kephkedriel cult one-shot when

crokas walking the earth comic when

alright, who had Crokas Cobalt Soul

bend? swamp? stilben?

matt's been over here writing poetry this whole time

HA

matt like "the fuck are you doing now"

old 👏 man 👏 yaoi

ART

"gotcha :)"

dramatic tissue toss

ART 2X COMBO

"this world that you created"

if there's one thing liam's gonna do it's go straight for the emotional weak points

brennan just sitting back with popcorn almonds

liam's show now

if this is legit the last game set in exandria I'm gonna break down crying six weeks from now when they announce it

First time doing this in notepad++ bc Fuck All That Noise, let's see how that goes

(context is microsoft is putting notepad behind a paywall)

the way it's going is I managed to get pulled away from my computer for the EXACT length of the ads lmao

yk I guess I could have used Sublime Text. ah well, I'm here now

one-shot of keph's cult when

oh celia's top is Nice

so is alex's

SO IS LIAM'S EVERYBODY STOP BEING PRETTY (don't actually)

otto no

this is just the mafia. this is how mafias start.

fiedra hugging their knees

"DON'T LOOK AT ME" mood

you can't make me cry about the kids fifteen minutes in, it's illegal

the colors in nia's art are so tasty

like a claddagh but a locket?

knowing mentor? not knowing mistress? am I misremembering something?

crokas is her kid now. joint custody with fiedra

you can't make me cry about the mom twenty minutes in, it's illegal

fiedra

AH knowing mentor same thing, interchangable god name

(I have not read Explorer's Guide to Wildemount)

okay but fast forward twenty years and torm's hill has a guard force called the seven swords

garen be nice

erro puts the team on his back

turn into goldfish and throw yourselves off

you're (mostly) level one, you're practically gods, it'll be fine

skeleton crab bucket??

"bones."

she's little, she's hard to see

"DANGIT"

"you're all under arrest"

why do I drink things while watching this, I inevitably choke-laugh

garen be nice

CAPTAIN GUBBLING

captain gubbling one-shot when

I am the snow guardian, guardian of the snow

"with our crosSBOWS"

"who doesn't like joy? you sort of have to"

GOD I wish I liked D20, brennan's NPCs are some of my favorite NPCs

"he left a boot"

"or drag a hoe" BE STRONG CELIA

(one time my brother and I got sent away from the table bc my dad kept talking about a "broken hoe" and we could not. stop. giggling.)

"is this the sea"

what is liam doing to his character's parents this time

dead parents AND dead spouse, he's going for a hat trick

crokas no

"you can't breathe down there"

crokas rushes in

if the only fire is a candle, the meal was cooked long ago

thee shield

"there has never been a week like this week"

liam

nat 20 to stealth into the trap

I'M SORRY WHOMST

YELLS

crokas solve puzzle

gee crokas how come mom lets you have TWO vestiges

patia counts, shut up

meanwhile nia gets thrown off the mountain

liana throws herself off the mountain

I was joking

I was JOKING

I stepped away, is the moonweaver hiding in liana?

oh, moonweaver WAS liana

please read edda-earth

OH nia is the proof of concept for clerics!!

moon bone cheek light bone hook hand car door man

"yeah! yeah we will!"

my roommate's been playing avowed and at one point I just turned around and went "is that fuCKING MERCER"

I just remembered that the moonweaver canonically tried to murder artagan for being a fuckhead

you broke crokas

did the orb give him an int point

it gave him SIX points!! it DOUBLED!!

can't wait for them to need those 20s later

ORB OF AVALIR

I didn't even clock the wis bump!!

no shut the fuck up immediately I will cry on you

HE MADE IT

I WILL CRY ON YOU

I STILL want someone to play cerrit's great-great-whatever descendant

"boarding a ship" shut the fuck your mouth

"I'm gonna end up carrying that, aren't I"

crokas is getting used to knowing things

"I don't know if I like smart crokas. he scares me."

does matt realize he's still "holding" the hammer

"I just realized how weird kephkedriel is"

is anyone here old enough to remember when windows would ask you Where Would You Like To Go Today when you turned the computer on

still no respect for crokas

them's ents

"would you like some magic nuts" BE STRONG ALEX

LIAM

alex fought so hard and liam just dove straight for the low-hanging nuts fruit

aw, I was wondering if he'd take draconic from the thing, I also like this better

they had to get at least one

"that's for the theatre people at home" "I'm right here" "go home"

ah yes, the magic 8 ball spell

not. what I was expecting.

"matt's running up to his bedroom"

yeet a tree onto the field

yeet a bunch of fire onto the field

matt just made me remember 311, I will be crumbling into dust presently

guys you're still only level one please

YOU'RE LEVEL ONE

GAREN ISN'T EVEN THAT

we love a tail attack

he remembered!!

BRENNAN THEY'RE LEVEL ONE

matthew

alex is in suffering

(matt and liam are having the time of their lives)

"laura bailey would be so proud"

do not say "mouthful of nut", do not say "mouthful of nut" -

dear The Dice please let him pull this off

shove IS a bonus action

aw, he can count now

"pelvically"

awakened shield!

"what time is it?" "it's clobberin' time"

dagger dagger dagger

well. crossbow dagger dagger

fuck yeah unicorns

these fucking nerds

I ship these old men so badly

thousand burning suns, etc

"flecked with white stone" I WILL CRY ON YOU

"I will cry as much as I am asked" "usually you have to pay good money for that" matthew

"I'm not carrying it"

ofc they made this silly moment heartwarming/breaking

alex you have to stop quoting stuff under your breath. I understand, I am that person. but also.

this is what breaks garen

big "ELVES CAME FROM SPIRITS" energy

"by road's end" BRENNAN

armley

his house is named sleevely

bc you keep your armleies in y- [giant hook yanks me off stage]

key's cursed

key punned, yeet the key

this is the lockpick thing merle had in balance

"I wish I was still dumb"

quick get fiedra a ukelele so she can apologize properly

MAH BOI

[elderly stammering]

garen get on that fucking boat so help me

GAREN GET ON THE BOAT

insight check the key

cross-examine the parrot

pfft calling themselves out for the marathon ad read

the dragonbjorn

"this is where the belt goes"

A PAPER

either they have backups ready for when these guys die or they somehow survive

"crokas is a creature of legend" correct

I'm torn on the split screen bc I like being able to see their expressions but I miss seeing everybody else's expressions

"you don't have to worry about me" "s'my job" I love him

tall people privilege

liam getting to experience the full spectrum of dice rolls

FIVE?

roll for pneumonia

crokaaaaaaas

not to get distracted from everybody dying to death but matt looks really good in that shirt

"unless you're throwing something at us" always a possibility

gond :(

LIAM

"SIX :D"

brennan don't DO that

not the letter opener

what did brennan do to liam's backstory

he made liam's backstory a refugee camp

I mean even the slapdash medical training nia has would probably be a godsend

…no pun intended

"that one I can stop. I can't stop this." listen I'm already emotionally compromised you can't make me cry

I need art of this hobgoblin immediately

I need art of both of them

"miracles abound. we're all about to die!"

"we can put her on a shelf!" wild robot vibes

"you are family to us" what did I just say about making me cry

is brennan mean enough to kill the mom and make those crokas' kids now

every word that comes out of everyone's mouth is a death flag

"fiedra thinks she might have died and this is the line to get into hell"

"in which case she would also be looking for the other members of her gang"

not the fever hallucinations

"the ill-advised kindness of strangers"

fiedra goes in the overhead compartment

"unfortunately that pillow's a rock"

who's siri went off

oh god it feels like home

what did I JUST SAY

lmao the hunt for the booze

the dice said get fucked up

dwarf thanksgiving

where's grog

YEAH roll for meat

matt who u textin

wild how after one episode I'm more deeply invested in these characters than I was after 50+ episodes with bells hells (or whenever I quit watching)

(the crown keeper members don't count, I loved them already)

erro :(

crokas :(

"or if it simply clarifies a gift he already had"

go find fiedra, she needs protein

TIGER TABAXI

idk what non-copyrighted name they came up with for tabaxi, they're tabaxi

oh right I forgot about his arm

"just an old drunk" "well I LOVE this old drunk"

roll to prevent a riot

"congratulations, you didn't die!"

can you use ale to sterilize? is that a thing?

"let's not think too hard about that"

brb I have to go fight alex for his mug

…..is Nez's name a play on "pince nez"?

crokas is a Good Boy

fiedra threatening bitches with a boozy scalpel

medical dagger

"what?"

oh no it's cute

THE BOYS

not all the boys?

"I think keph might be like 200 years old"

keph joined a cult?

"we simply left"

"he's still out there" "don't say that. makes me feel bad."

crokas making sure nobody trusts that motherfucker

"your coterie" immediately looks at alex

"this fucking guy"

alex does such great faces

I hope this guy gets eaten

why couldn't he get fantasy pneumonia

fucking carpetbagger

quality ink and paper you say

"you say anything and I'm on him. that's my whole job."

"fuck! that! fucking! guy!"

I love when brennan says a lore thing and matt just nods approvingly

PHRASING, brennan

apocalypse lesbians

oh no, she's a bitch

"we thought it was the right thing to do, so we done it!"

bluray, got it

I mean if you've already been branded for it you might as well own to it

not the battlefield earth reference

"don't just give 'em to your friends!"

"the oxen are in it with us!"

he rolls like a beast when hammers are involved

marlath I don't know what you're doing but I know you need to fuck off

"he cheered too hard! he passed out!"

great now I'm crying about the bugbear

well. shit.

VOMIT WEAPON

MAP

everybody being so excited for their minis brings me such joy

he's old, it happens

"one of the kids" alex no

fuck yeah shovel guy

I need an anime-style crokas Battle Activating

yesssss put that shit in my VEINS

yes use the mug as crokas' mini

"he gives excellent piggyback rides"

"grotesque. I love it." matt gets me

how. how many hitpoints does erro have.

kenku!!

I'm love

"when they drop get their shit!!"

"kill that dick! take his sword!"

emotion-based power incontinence my beloved

GODZILLA BREATH

double it bc he's wearing metal armor

the godzilla laser charge noise

alex's dragon noises my beloved

THOR HAMMER THOR HAMMER

"we'll unpack this later!"

they get color art when they get their first level AHHHHH

"what do tens look like?!"

"nia is the ten!"

BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD

god I missed enjoying critical role

"miracles, when they touch the real world, get dirty"

nia you're a cleric now, fix him

kiri no

erro no

brennan he's not deAD YET

LIAM YOU'RE NOT DEAD YET

STAB YOUR WAY INTO YOUR FIRST LEVEL

RIP THE LEVEL OUT OF HIS GUTS

crokas saw fiedra do a stab and just sat straight up out of the dirt

MONK?

I did not see that coming. absolutely thought he was going barb

BITE HIS FACE OFF

roll chomp damage

"get karate chopped by godzilla"

I am pleased that the "guest gets hdywtdt" trend continues with all three of them

stonks

"be made again"

"that's what I get for getting cocky"

"he gets a plus three" "for why?!"

(I am not satisfied with that "they're soldiers", BRENNAN)

hey if we could stop this that would be great

ranger!!

"what's a spell?!"

vex'ahlia whispers across the eons: "hunter's mark"

tail attack TAIL ATTACK

MATT

CELIA

liam o'brien spellcasting flair my beloved

the way the skyrim level-up sound played from behind me just as nia came back up

otto!!

"I will never be brave again. that's the last time."

luz :(

I mean I love the narrative but. luz :(

matt.

crokas rumbling the water

(please look up alligators rumbling the water it's wild)

fiedra get your boy

what is on alex's cup that he can't have it on the table

or is it just Big

CROKAS

"…..WHAT."

the kids!

the kids have names!

celwyn and celdria!

what did I say about the crying

that's his mom now

"it means you saved us"

I was okay until I saw alex tearing up

(that's a lie, I've been a mess the whole time)

MARLATH

marlath over here trying to invent organized crime

they're gonna kick his ass

marlath

celia's little stabbing motions under the table

"it's too heavy to flip"

you can't flip The Table matt

I take it back matt flip the table

is liam gonna find a way to romance matt again

fiedra hatched him?!

nia don't do that

"don't let her leave"

garen's secret stash sdfjslk

tail-slap marlath

"gigantic monk shiiiiit"

well crokas and marlath don't have lips, so

matt don't punch brennan just bc he's being marlath

the stabbing with the pencil

not standing on the tail

FUCK YEAH FIEDRA

fiedra said cut capitalists' tongue out

"you should get that looked at"

smother capitalism in the cradle

"well. you're very frightening."

garen level??

alex settling in for Matt Storytime