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Late sts question today(night), are there any particular metaphors or emotional indicators you find yourself using a lot? For instance, I use how a character is holding their shoulders to do that, quite often, actually.
STS always welcome!
Hmm...I feel like their eyes? Well, I suppose, for like when the character is sad. I tend to use how easily they cry to show how they express or don't express emotions.
Juni, Kai, and Ishnar all tend to get numb with their emotions when overwhelmed. So with these three, they are more likely to 'feel their eyes burn' wanting to cry, but not quite being able to. Or sometimes feeling nothing at all.
I wouldn't say that Azrail is numb, but he definitely doesn't cry often. He's more likely to have his eyes burn slightly too, but instead of crying he'll work harder and make less wise decisions as he gets more desperate. Juni, Kai, and Ishnar are similar to this too, but there's a layer of apathy that Azrail doesn't have. There's also a level of practicality that Azrail doesn't have.
Ray is overly emotional, so he actually cries quite frequently. His emotions are all scattered sharp fragments that pierce him painfully. He is more likely to cry heavily than my other characters, having breakdowns.
Min is the type that hardly notices he's upset, until he gets drunk, and has his own meltdown. He tends to cry long and hard, because he doesn't do it often. Though he does go through a period after Poisonous Medicine that he cries silently in his room quite often. Showing that he's releasing long pent up emotion from the entire book and even pre-book.
Ellen cries quite easily over other people, for example Min, but she rarely cries about herself in front of others.
Lee is a 'pretty crier' crying when it suits him, and it can get him what he wants. He appears more childlike through his tears.
Lao is a silent crier. In his scenes, he'll often be stoic, holding back tears until he's all alone.
Verity is more of an angry crier. She gets mad and cries. She can shut it off like the others, but when things are too unfair, she starts to break down more easily. This is largely due to the intense pressure that is put upon her.
Anyway, I feel like I try to show a character's emotional maturity based on how they cry or how they don't cry. I have a pretty serious and heavy WIP, so there's plenty of opportunities to showcase this.
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Paintings and sculptures under the abstract expressionism movement are so interesting. When I was younger and I just started appreciating art, I hated the abstract expressionism movement. It was so weird, I would tell myself. Why is this even a thing?
The minimalist movement was way better. It was splashes of color and paint on an unassuming canvas that didnât know what it would be in the end. It was unfiltered and raw. It was what it wanted to be. It seemed like it had a mind of its own.
If I were being honest, abstract expressionism came across as something like an activity kids will enjoy. With its random strokes of color and uneven form, for the longest time I would always think that I could have done that.
Abstract expressionism was a whirlwind of emotion. | Photo by Anni Roenkae from Pexels
But the more I looked at abstract expressionism, the more I realized that the feelings Iâm getting from the paintings werenât mine. They were the artistâs. This is what they were feeling at the moment they were making this. This was a physical manifestation of their feelings and not mine. They bring their emotions to the canvas and preserve it.
In 1959, Frank Stella unveiled Black Paintings series at the Museum of Modern Art. The series had people and critics shocked. It veered away from the usual spontaneous emotions of abstract expressionism and was more mechanical. It confused people. This was minimalism.
The usual flair of human emotion was devoid of this series and people were wondering. Where is the anguish? Where is the imagery? What am I looking at? My younger self would agree to all these questions.
[title not known] by Frank Stella
I look at Frank Stellaâs painting and I wonder, what was he feeling? What is he trying to say? What does it mean? It was difficult to pinpoint with all the lines and the structure. Is this a commentary on the way we live our lives today? Is this how he saw the future of humanity? I kept asking myself what he was thinking until I realized, I never asked myself how I felt about the painting.
How did this piece make me feel? People would always say that the reason a painting can be sold for over $1 Million is because when they saw the painting, something inside them was lit. Something inside of them came alive. Itâs like when youâre inside a dream and you want to move so badly, but you canât so you do everything to get that art piece, even if it would cost you a lot of money.
When I look at Frank Stellaâs minimalist paintings, I feel anxious. This is not the type of anxious energy I get when Iâm about to speak on stage. It is the type of anxious energy I get from having someone trying to catch me. I fear that someone is trying to catch me. I fear that someone is watching me and that at any time I will be caught.
I wonder why. Maybe itâs because of the lines. They look like theyâre moving and that at any time theyâll escape the canvas. Maybe itâs how straight the composition of the work is. It unnerves me. How do Frank Stellaâs works make you feel? I sometimes feel like Iâm alone in these feelings. It makes me lonely and I feel that my mental health is affected because of this.
That is until I saw my first Rothko painting. It was so confusing. It wasnât something my brain could easily get. I felt like something primal was awoken inside of me. Rothkoâs paintings made me feel raw and emotional. How can something so simple looking bring back emotions I thought Iâve forgotten. I came back to loving abstract expressionism all over again.
Purple Brown by Mark Rothko
I knew when I looked at the painting that this wasnât a fleeting thing like some food trend. This was something that would haunt me in my waking days. I often look up at the sky and wonder how things are. How are my friends? Are they okay? Do they miss me? I surely miss them.
I look at Rothkoâs paintings and it makes me want to cry. The color choices he makes is like a manifestation of my emotions on canvas. While Rothko must have felt something while he was making his art, I have my own interpretation and I think that itâs so potent when a color can evoke emotion from you.
We associate all these sensory details with memories. The beauty of Rothkoâs expressionism is that itâs our emotions that are the forefront of meaning. Iâm not trying to make sense of what he means, but I am able to ask, how does this make me feel?
Mark Rothkoâs paintings for me don't have a life of its own like most paintings would. For me, I give it its meaning and its purpose. I think thatâs beautiful.
When we feel alone, we have things that we attach ourselves to to make us feel better. For me itâs Rothkoâs paintings. I canât explain how or where these emotions are coming from, but Iâm happy that Rothkoâs art can capture it.
Maybe thatâs the magic of art, we can be brought together or we can also be broken apart. Itâs so unassuming. It can have a direct meaning, but it can also be based on what the viewer thinks. It is this freedom that I like about art.
When I walk around a field of flowers, alone, and barefoot, I feel a commune with nature. I feel free. I feel like Iâm not alone even when in reality I am. Thatâs how I feel about abstract expressionism. I feel like Iâm not alone in this world. That at least someone in this big world maybe felt what I felt and thatâs just beautiful.
How about you? How do paintings make you feel? Does it remind you of memories youâve buried? Because if it does, youâre not alone. You have people that understand what youâre going through.
(lost in the unpublished archives, September 3, 2019, the pre-virus days)
Iâm beginning to realize competency is a bit of a curse. When you demonstrate quality work, people usually end up asking you to do more of it. Thatâs fine and dandy if youâre engaged in something you love, but if you happen to be trying to earn a few extra travel bucks in, oh letâs say a shitty kitchen or something,âŚ
