#exploded badger primary

Confused? Pretty sure this was sent to a different blog? @wisteria-lodge had a lot of asks to answer and asked for some help from the SHC community, so I’ll be answering a few they sent my way!

I’m gonna run by this real fast on this one, but standard reminder that like unburning, unexploding almost always starts with getting yourself into a position where you’re safe enough to do so and working on what caused it. And in exploded Badger Primary especially, the chances are high that what’s around you contributed to that mindset.

But this seems to be more about looking for coping strategies or ways to help, not a full reversal. I’ll be honest, fighting the exploded bits of my Primary is something I’ve struggled with a lot -- even more than the burned parts, I think. I can offer some experience, and some conjecture, but it’s something that I’m still working out as well, so if anyone else who’s dealt with or is dealing with it has thoughts, I’d love to hear them added on.

Also I can offer a lot of sympathy and an open askbox, but that’s another story.

Some things that have done me good personally or that I believe would be helpful:

Note: Future-me popping back after the rest of the post to say that as a lot of this is from personal experience, some of it drifted into mental illness-adjacent topics and emotions that, for me, go strongly hand-in-hand with my exploded Badger. Nothing’s gone too deep into that area, but I thought it’d be good to shove in a head’s up for anyone who’s not up for that.

For context @wisteria-lodge has asked members of the SHC community to help with answering asks. I am a lion primary with a badger model and a bird secondary with a badger model.

This is the million dollar question anon! It's very hard to differentiate a lion with badger values from a badger primary! And as a lion with badger values I will say that I sometimes react to situations the way a badger primary would. I think the key way to differentiate is why they believe serving other people is the highest form of goodness. Does this belief stem from their community (eg I get a lot of joy/comfort in serving the people in [insert community here]) or does it stem from an ideal (for example, my badger-like beliefs stem from the concept of dharma and duty to other people). Is the act itself what drives your friend to serve other people, or are they driven by abstract concepts related to service like duty or morality? From the way you have phrased this ask I'm guessing it's the latter (lion modeling exploded badger)

As for the secondary part what you're describing definitely sounds like exploded badger secondary or an exploded badger model.

Can you please tell me if I’m a Lion or a Snake Primary? I thought I was a Burned Lion for sure but now I’m questioning it. I’m not completely sure about my secondary. I have a really hard time because despite trying to be as objective as possible, I find myself wording things in a way that points in one direction when really I could do that for any house.

So the reason I think I’m a Burned Lion is that I fit the description really well. I go to my SO and my best friend for advice because I never feel confident in what I should do. I’ll be looking at a decision and my mind just keeps going in circles

This could be Burned Lion (it could also be Exploded Bird, or Exploded Badger.) 

none of the options feel right. I get sucked into causes (and I’m definitely vulnerable to propaganda so I have to double check everything now after bad experiences) and once I’m in, it’s all or nothing. 

So what I’m hearing is that trusting your gut instincts got you into trouble in the past, and now you’re a little gun-shy. Definitely could be Burnt Lion. 

I think I started modeling Bird in high school but it’s possible I’m taking it for granted and just exploded in high school and started modeling Lion? I can’t remember anything really Bird-sounding from my childhood unless it counts that a friend convinced me to pray to Aphrodite, I did, then my dog suddenly died, and I was TERRIFIED and decided God was real and I better watch out. 

That’s honestly really funny. And yeah, it does sound pretty bird. Like even the phrase “decided God was real” (because of evidence) is … not something I can really picture a Lion primary saying. 

I was very focused on things being “right” but that is probably either a secondary thing or baggage from my overbearing, critical double Badger dad.

Hmm. I do call young Birds “Black-and-White Birds” for a reason. But this can be a young Badger (or a young badger model) thing too, especially considering that your dad is an Authoritarian Badger.

But in high school I was really badly bullied and only one person stood up for me and I kind of latched onto him and adopted his morality.

You are using deliberately Burnt Lion language, yes. But you’re not giving me any details! What did adopting this guys morality look like? What did you use it for? Have you switched to something else, or is it the same highschool morality? If you did switch, what did the switching look like? 

it's not necessarily a permanent status to be one--people can change--but my deeply held instinct is that once you have done something monstrous you will always be a person who has been a monster by your own choices, and that it's your duty to learn how to accept that while still living your life, and act accordingly from thereon out. you have to reconcile that you are a person with the fact that some doors are closed to you now, and it's up to you to decide what you do from there.

just. like. even when i hate someone and as far as i'm concerned they can go fuck themself, even in the multiple Heavily Badger social environments i've been in over the course of my life--church, progressive circles, the way the structure of the internet kind of just affects you in general--even on occasions where i've gotten swept away and given in to the pressure to dehumanize (or perform it) for a minute, there's always, always been a voice in the back of my head saying this is a person. this is a person. this is a person. this isn't right.

unintentional dehumanization sets off my '...should we really be doing this? we are getting into not good territory here, it's time to pull up and start questioning' alarms. explicit, intentional, purposeful dehumanization sets off the whole ass tornado sirens. if people on my side are doing it it's enough to throw me into a system-destabilizing crisis, because NO NO NO I WANT TO GET OFF THIS RIDE, I WANT NO PART OF THESE PEOPLE'S MORAL SYSTEM, I FEEL UNCLEAN. it's a good way to make sure i will never, ever, ever trust someone again.

things that are Really Really Badger, off the top of my head (after the cut because Long and trauma talk):

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-i've always loved playing adoptable games, pet simulators, etc? any game with randomly generated characters that are Yours Now and a Community, in a deeply badgery way. including games where they can die (the satisfying part is making sure they don't). except that, no matter how much fun the gameplay is, if it gets to the point where they start feeling disposable, and the only way to really keep playing is to stop humanizing them, i lose interest. it's super fucking depressing. it feels like part of me dying inside a little. i don't like it at all.

-i've always been drawn to fandoms and roleplaying communities. i was fiercely loyal to, and proud of, my first rp community on dragoncave as a 13-year-old. when my abusive mom found out about it and completely isolated me for half a year, the promise of being able to make it back to them--just sneakier this time--kept me going; when i finally got back and the group had drifted apart in my absence, it.... was absolutely devastating. i never really recovered from it. even then, i spent years trying to get the group back together every now and then, until i finally gave up.

-i am always keenly, painfully aware of the life cycle of a community. every time i hear the sentiment 'you guys are all great and i love this group' my stomach drops, because i know it's only a matter of time before things go sour or the group dissolves. rp groups, skype chats/discord servers, fandoms, you name it, i am always bracing myself or staying away entirely to avoid the inevitable and it hurts. and it hurts to see people taking part in a community i don't dare be part of, which makes lurking in fandoms... really rough. frankly, it takes me a lot of courage every time i express my appreciation for the shc community because i've been burned so many times.

-on that note: i went through some really traumatic stuff at the end of 2020 that completely turned my life upside down, and i was doing bad until i stumbled across the shc community. the moment i started engaging, it was a huge boost to my mental health, and my ability to cope with circumstances under which i was about to break down spectacularly. and it has been ever since! contributing to The Group Project and seeing other folks being friendly with each other gives me the happy feelings.

-i used to go out of my way to build and run spaces, mainly fandom and rp spaces, and took a lot of pride in engineering them so that they Functioned Well. unfortunately it wore me the hell down over the years for Burnt Badger Reasons, and now i'm too jaded, bitter, and exhausted to give a shit about being a mod/community leader anymore because of it lmao

-among those burnt badger things i relate HARD to the Red Ledger narrative. hoo boy.

-i wish i could find it again, but there was an mlp comic i saw once which went into luna's observations of what each element of harmony Means. with the element of friendship, she says that twilight has a massive amount of love to give; right now it's all focused on celestia, but when she learns to expand it outward she'll have grown into her full potential as a person, and she'll change the world. that struck a chord with how i used to feel, hard, and it's really stuck with me ever since. (hello, unhealthy snake model)

-emphasis on 'used to feel,' lmao

-got super invested in a really toxic '''mental health''' community at a low point in my life; exploded HARD trying to help everyone i could; got into vicious, protracted fights with the shitty mods for years about the harmful way they ran their community until i finally managed to go 'fuck this it's not getting better' and leave.

-had to numb myself emotionally to the people around me for a long time once i really started learning about mental health and trauma stuff, because now i was seeing signs of their pain and baggage everywhere i looked, and i couldn't handle not being able to help.

-the imagery with which i think about my bird primary is overwhelmingly negative. whether it's my actual primary or a model, i uh. i feel like a healthy relationship to one's primary doesn't involve associating it with gore.

-i saw a conversation recently about how birds think of morality in terms of 'if you can, you should,' and how that's scary for badgers because their definition of 'can' involves destroying yourself for the sake of that 'should,' and... yeah, that's a mood. that's a BIG mood. thinking about bird primary stuff is hard--and i had to pick up my lion model to deal with it--because it's so easy for me to spiral into a self-shredding spiral of other people are counting on you to do the right thing, how dare you pull back for your own health and sanity. how dare you turn your back for even a minute. how dare you rest. the work is never done.

which is... a very exploded badger approach to exploded bird morality. whoops.

-fix-it and time travel fiction in which Everything Went Right This Time and It's Going to Be Okay are one of my very favorite self-indulgent fantasies. i will enjoy putting characters through the wringer in all kinds of creatively horrific ways which may or may not end on a downer note, certainly, i love that shit, but i will also 90% of the time have a backup version of the arc or dynamic that's softer and lighter and Actually Healthy This Time. it's the dichotomy there that really gets me tbh, a story where Everything Ends Happily by default will mmmaybe pull me in? but stories where there's the constant shadow of this could end horribly, it's supposed to end horribly, and we got a happy fucking ending anyway are just... that shit will make me cry, man.

it's also why i kind of really hate stable time loop stories where it initially looks like this is going to be The Good Timeline this time around, but OOPSIE everything went to shit anyway! we're right back where we started, just like it was meant to be all along! it's a tired cliche by this point and an unsatisfying one for me, and it makes me roll my eyes every time.

-this is relevant to the bird vs. badger because like... my gut instinct is to prioritize people over systems. when shit hits the fan, when someone's fallen into the machinery and is about to get hurt, i don't feel right about it if i just let it happen. i'll break the machinery if i have to to keep it away from them; i won't feel great about that, and it might cause problems, but fuck it, we'll figure it out later. throwing people into the gears of a system when i'm convinced it's the only option makes me feel Awful.

-related to the above, another trope that really speaks to me in fiction is when a character defies the rules of reality through sheer force of will. no, this is not happening, i don't give a shit what the limits are supposed to be. i refuse to let this be the way things are. (there's that lion model.)

-i've just kind of... always wanted to be an Everyone Badger. it makes me sad how much of that i've lost over the years as i've gotten more cynical, but it's what i wish i could be.

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Hi! I love the sorting hat system as a tool for better understanding yourself, and ive narrowed down my primary (exploded badger, but working on it) but Im lost on my secondary. I know the question it answers is "how do you do things" but when I try to write down how I do things it doesn't line up with any of the types. It might be badger or bird? But Ill explain it in more detail and I hope you can help narrow it down more.

So firstly my tactics in emergency situations is to follow the plan I have pre-prepared in my head. If I dont have a plan and dont know what to do I panic Badly (but that has only happened like. Once with a physical problem and a few times with Emotional problems). Like once before the pandemic I was in a train and this elderly man, his leg started bleeding really badly. So I know in these situations you have to 

Call 911

Tend to the wound.

Contact the train driver

 Keep others calm. 

And there was one person in the train who was a nurse so she could tend to the wound, two people stood up to check with the driver on both sides of the train, and this other dude was calling 911 but he didnt know much about trains and I Do so I could help by looking up which train we were in and where & when it would stop next so the ambulance knew where to go. 

I mean... okay. I joke about Bird secondaries always writing in with numbered lists... but come ON. Could this be any more Bird? Could this possibly be any more bird. Even solving the problem with existing knowledge of trains...

I’m a Badger. In a situation like that, I’d be keeping others calm. I’d be keeping the patient calm, and seeing if the nurse needed a second pair of hands. You didn’t even mention the emotional mood in that train car. The inside of your head looks neutral to you, of course it does. But to me it looks so Bird. 

Or this other time when I was Tiny and we had soldering lessons, and the teacher told us if we got injured we had to go to him first. So I burned my hand pretty badly, but didnt panic and went to the teacher, waited until he was done explaining things to another student and then said I burned my hand. And he thought it wasnt serious because I was calm but then he saw my hand and panicked and immediately brought me to the tap for the water. And I knew proper burn protocol.

You probably had a numbered list in your head when you were tiny too.

I could have gone to the water myself and sent someone else to fetch the teacher when my hand was cooling, but that wasnt how I was Supposed to do it so I followed protocol.

That’s probably more a function of your primary than your secondary. You’re an Exploded Badger? As a young Badger you probably followed ALL the rules. 

One time things went badly was when I was sailing with friends, and the wind was blowing pretty strong, and I know Nothing about sailing, and my only job was Sit in the boat and Move to the correct side when turning. But on a big turn water got in the boat, and I didnt understand how much water could get in the boat before it sank, and how diagonal we could go before we drowned, and then I completely shut down and only responded when people explicitly Told Me What To Do because I didnt know what was happening.

Panic responses happen. I’ve been so scared before that suddenly I’m just hiding behind a couch and at no point was conscious thought involved. Not my finest hour, I wish it hadn’t happened that way. But the whole thing is just a much older part of your brain. Nothing to do with your secondary. 

This doesnt mean I cant improvise! I can improvise pretty well, and if I start working on something without a plan it usually turns out great! I just have a lot of Base Knowledge that I can apply to those improvisation situations.

You are the definition of a Rapid-Fire Bird. 

The other question I've seen associated with secondaries is "how do you learn new stuff"? I usually learn stuff by starting to do it, failing, getting frustrated, stopping the thing and taking a break, and when I have calmed down Continuing The Thing until I am done. 

That’s just... an excellent strategy. And I think a Badger secondary would be WAY more tempted to just push though the pain. 

Which is really funny to write down because now I realize that my problem with a lot of my university work is that I started something, failed, and didnt pick it up again until just before the deadline because I was afraid for more failure or that I was too Inherently Flawed to successfully finish the thing, instead of taking a quick break and then Continuing.

That’s the language of an exploded Badger primary. 

Which all leaves me a bit confused about secondaries. The first part seems bird to me since I collect methods and apply them to situations, but the second part more badger since that's the hard work and when you fail work more bit. 

The ability to pick yourself up when you fail is probably more a primary thing, since it’s tied to motivation. 

Or maybe the first part is lion because I have a Plan and I will complete that Plan in the exact same way as I want and if I cannot do that I get unhappy.

See, I think you are so much a Bird, and so loudly a bird, that you conceptualize the other Secondaries as... Bird. Slightly different flavors of Bird maybe, but Bird. You’re comparing the battering ram nature of a Lion secondary to a Bird who wants to go down their checklist, when checklists make Lion secondaries anxious, constricted, and ineffectual. 

Thanks in advance for your time! Your blog is great and really interesting and it's a great way to figure out your own thoughts!

So I was thinking about Exploded Primaries in general and Nico di Angelo (from the Percy Jackson books) in particular, and it seems to me that fictional Exploded Lions and Snakes are likely to be at least somewhat antagonistic, Exploded Birds can go either way, but Exploded Badgers are more likely to be protagonists.

Exploded Lions are likely to trample over other people in their haste to do stuff for their Cause, which tends to make them disliked by the fandom even if they’re mostly meant to be “good guys” (e.g. Dumbledore).

Exploded Snakes tend to have that creepy stalker obsessiveness with their People (e.g. Snape) which also tends to make them disliked, although now that I’m rereading @swearingintengwar’s initial post about exploded houses it doesn’t mention obsession, just us-versus-them mentality

An Exploded Bird who is stuck in inertia probably isn’t doing much plot-wise, but I could see a Bird Primary sinking into inertia and then getting out of it as part of either a redemption arc or a fall into darkness. A Javert-style Exploded Bird who refuses to rethink their worldview is probably an antagonist for similar reasons to an Exploded Lion.

Exploded Badgers, on the other hand, seem to mostly be (unhealthy) protagonists, probably because “giving too much to other people” is something society usually considers good albeit misguided. E.g. the aforementioned Nico is definitely an Exploded Badger during House of Hades and Blood of Olympus, although he seems to have healed his primary between Blood of Olympus and the Trials of Apollo series (thank you, Will). I’m sure an author could write an antagonist who dehumanizes large groups of people and then puts too much of themselves into antagonistic causes, but that seems a lot less common.

But maybe this is me being biased (being a Badger myself) or just because I’m not thinking of counterexamples? Was wondering what you thought.

So what I’m hearing it that you are a Burnt Lion who modeled Exploded Badger which... ow. That is one hell of a combination. Glad you’re doing better. 

It’s very, very easy for Burnt Lions to start looking like other houses. They’ve lost track of their own inner compass, so they’re just looking for something, anything, to point them in the right direction. Burnt Lions modeling some unhealthy version of Badger is something you actually see a lot. 

From the outside, a Burnt Badger and Burnt Snake can look extremely similar: here’s someone who intensely loyal to a small group of people. Usually, a Burnt Badger will have a little tribe of people, while a Burnt Snake will have... maybe one, probably no one at all. What unites them is their unwillingness to add anybody else.