I've been thinking about this lately, and I'm curious to know what you think: By definition, systems like sorting hat chats put something relatively simple (their structure) on something incredibly complicated and ever-changing (life). How do you use it to your advantage without ignoring the many pitfalls?
This is a really fascinating question to discuss, although slightly removed for me because I find that most of my interest in this system is still in discussing its uses for fiction. (Like, I don't mind discussing actual application, but I'm much more comfortable discussing characters!) So a lot of those pitfalls are less relevant for me personally; while I've had some of the people close to me take the test and I remember their sorting, it's one of the last things to come to mind when I try to think about their behavior.
That said, I really, truly believe the key here is flexibility.
As much as we might love this system and feel like it explain things to us, remembering that life is extremely complicated and that it's never going to 1:1 to any description we try to use for it is important. Essentially, we are playing here. And that is not putting the system down at all; instead, that opens up an enormous amount of freedom. No potential boss is going to ask you for your Primary and Secondary and lock into whether or not they're going to hire you based on that. No one's going to look at your type and your best friend's type and try to tell you you're incompatible.
And if you've got that kind of freedom, you've also got the freedom to be wrong about things. Because really, I think that's how you avoid the biggest pitfall of using it to try and judge real life: You accept that you might be wrong, and don't try to cling to a view on somebody after you've got good reason to change to it, just because, well, I thought you were this, and I refuse to believe now that you're not.
(This is also why I will die on the hill of a core sorting changing being possible. If you view these labels not as immutable things, but as words we use to try to explain ourselves and others, you have to have the freedom to allow people to describe themselves and the way their personality shifts in whatever way they feel most comfortable with.)
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I'd be fascinated to know how anxiety plays into primaries and secondaries, if people with anxiety burn more easily and if they model certain things.
Confused? Pretty sure this was sent to a different blog? @wisteria-lodge had a lot of asks to answer and asked for some help from the SHC community, so Iāll be answering a few they sent my way!
How much more easily I can't personally say, but hoo boy, anxiety is definitely one way to burn a House to a crisp. How it affects houses in general... I feel like thatās going to be so different by person I canāt say very specifically. But anxietyās going to make it hard to trust yourself, and I personally theorize that lack of trust in yourself is one of the fastest routes to burning. (Especially a secondary -- but lacking trust in your ability to know whatās good/right/important can also mess up a primary pretty fast.)
I would not be surprised if people with anxiety tend to model a lot, because theyāre trying to make up for that nervousness. However, personal experience is going to play into that so heavily, between what theyāre anxious about specifically, what their influences are, and how their houses play into each other, I donāt think thereās going to be anything specifically that gets modelled across the board -- though I would be surprised if a lot of people model Snake Secondary specifically for anxiety reasons?
I would not be surprised if at least certain kinds of anxiety lead to modelling Bird Secondary specifically, because of planning and double-checking, but I donāt think thatās universal! (I know my Bird Sec is the target of my anxiety way more than itās a relief to it, personally.) I also wouldnāt be surprised if people with anxiety who havenāt burned their Primary have had a lot of checks built into it, and otherwise put it through a lot of testing just to make sure theyāre not going astray -- though this is probably more noticeable with some primaries than others, depending on what they use as a check.
Also, this one is entirely anecdotal, but... anxiety definitely leads to me doubting my sorting a lot. Does a single other sorting feel at all applicable when I go looking through it again? Not really -- but what if I am wrong about that, I ask myself, taking the quiz again for the fourth time this month. So, I wouldnāt be surprised if it takes people with some kind of anxiety longer to settle on a sorting, because thatās definitely my experience!
Iām curious about your thoughts on burned secondaries. Is it possible to completely burn away and replace secondary? What about a model and can a model come back? And what to all the different burned secondaries look like?
Confused? Pretty sure this was sent to a different blog? @wisteria-lodge had a lot of asks to answer and asked for some help from the SHC community, so Iāll be answering a few they sent my way!
Is it possible to completely burn away and replace secondary?
My personal view on this is that yes, itās possible; or at least, this is a reasonable way of describing things. This possibility was always mentioned for the system with fictional characters specifically -- the basics still discuss characters who have thoroughly and completely burned their secondaries; as I remember the breakdown, or possibly lost posts, previously discussed these characters also building a new one. Burning a secondary completely probably isnāt something that happens easily or to most people. I think most people retain at least enough of their secondary to point them in a direction, even if that pointingās being done by feeling like you really particularly lack that particular skill set because your trust in your abilities is so far gone. But that doesnāt mean that it doesnāt happen sometimes.
More to the point, I can see why someone might find it a useful way to describe themselves over time, and since the point of the whole system is to give you a way to describe yourself, I donāt think thereās any reason to rule out that option for someone who wants it. What is essentially the same feeling and thought process could be described as either:
āI was a Lion Secondary but I burned so completely I lost it. Now Iām a Bird Secondary.ā
or
āI burned my Lion Secondary so thoroughly I donāt really feel those instincts anymore. I live in my Bird Secondary Model now, and I feel more comfortable that way; in fact I think Iād feel more strained and unhappy trying to behave like a Lion Secondary.ā
It just depends on what feels right to the person. And the only way to really know for sure which is more accurate is for someone to get pushed to the point of being forced to drop that Bird Model if it is one, and thatās not exactly something you want to make happen.
That said, Iām under the impression my feelings on this one are less popular, and a lot of the SHC community doesnāt think changing your houses is possible. If anyone else wants to jump in with an alternate view, please do!
What about a model and can a model come back?Ā
Models can burn, models can return! Models can change much more freely and easily than core houses even if, like me, you do believe core sortings can change. While itās possible that a model could just be dropped when unnecessary without burning, itās also absolutely possible for something to happen to damage whatever benefit you were getting from your model or make you lose trust in your ability to use it. Youāre using that model because you get something from it, after all, and thereās no reason you canāt be disillusioned towards that even if it isnāt your first instinct.
That might be temporary to begin with -- something like a depressive episode might thoroughly burn all your secondary states, core and model, in a way that recedes when that particular episode ends. Or you might have liked your model enough that you work on unburning it so you can use it, either consciously or not, the same way you might with your core secondary if itās burned. But you can definitely get a model back, even if it burns on you; you might just need to clean out the muck of where things went bad.
And what to all the different burned secondaries look like?
To be honest, Iām not sure I can answer this any better than the basics post and the quiz already do. A fully and completely burned secondary looks like doing things without any real comfort, joy, or even preference for how itās getting done. If thereās enough left of the secondary in there to sort out which it is, itās probably in the form of wanting to use those skills, but feeling like theyāre not capable of it, or like itād be nice to be able to do things that way in a perfect world, but that wonāt work.
From the outside, it can look very similar no matter whatās below. Thorough burning with no models is someone who just does, no preferred method. Someone with models and a burned enough secondary probably looks like their model, but in their own head might be beating themselves up a bit for not being able to do it the better way. A less-thorough burning without models is harder to pin down, because people deal with burning in different ways: it might also look like no preferred method, it might be that they second-guess that instinct so much it makes the act look clumsy or they end up self-defeating their attempt, or it might just involve shrugging it off as not good enough no matter how much it looks like theyāre using their house fine from the outside.
With two days left til The Umbrella Academy season 3, letās lay down some completely baseless predictions for the new Hargreeves crew.
Spoiler status: This is going off the official trailer + the one clip of them training from the Geeked Week panel + the promo pictures and videos being posted on the official social media. I have not read any reviews, spoilery or not, hence the ācompletely baselessā part mentioned above. This is just shooting at random based on first impressions. So I may be totally wrong here, but hey, itās fun to speculate, and nothing to lose by throwing some ideas out there, right?
Marcus: My first thought was Marcus is gonna be the Double Lion that Reginald always wanted from Luther -- but as the promo materials have started rolling out, especially with his advising them to be careful in the training scene and even his reaction to Viktorās boast/threat, Iām kind of getting a built Secondary vibe now? Still thinking inspirational primary, though. Maybe Lion/Bird or Lion/Badger? Iām holding out hope for Badger/Bird at this point, but thatās also my bias showing. XD
Ben: I still like the idea of Umbrella-Ben being Lion/Bird -- though I get the feeling this version is modelling Lion Secondary a lot harder. Iām gonna stick with that for now, but I think this is going to have the potential to vary depending on whether you take Umbrella-Ben into account or try to sort them as totally different characters.
Fei: Clearly a Double Bird, right? Okay, obvious joke over. Not much to go on, I think sheās had the least dialogue so far. Iām gonna take a stab and say sheāll mirror Allison as another Snake/Bird number three. That, or Lion/Badger, giving us possibly an entire Lion/builtsec 1/2/3 combo.
Alphonso: Another one that Iād really like to see mirror his Umbrella counterpart, as another Double Snake number four. It seems like itād fit with the glimpses we have so far, so Iām gonna stick with that one.
Sloane: Pretty sure sheās had the second-least dialogue so far, so also not a lot to go on there. Iām gonna say Badger Primary, entirely based on her looking kind of ashamed or disappointed in herself for two seconds in the training scene. Maybe Lion Secondary? I get improvisational vibes.
Jayme: Almost solely based on not having guessed it for anyone else, Iām gonna say Bird Primary -- also, I canāt tell whether sheās meant to mirror original!Ben (as number six), Five, or both, but I feel like a Bird Primary would mirror their very-birdy-feeling-but-never-entirely-there vibes interestingly. Secondary... Snake? Based on... nothing, but you knew that clicking into this post.
Christopher: Clearly number seven is yet again the one true Double Lion of the family! Or its Double Badger heart and caretaker, but itās definitely one or the other.
I know you have stuff for burned Lion to help unburn about what do I think could help the other primaries unburn? Like would a snake unburn just by going out a making friends? But like talking to people can be scary and it takes time to make friends... And I suppose Badgers could maybe join new communities I suppose. I have no idea what Bird would do other then make/fix their system but I have no clue how one would go about doing that.
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Not to get too serious here, but I think it's important to note this anyway: The first steps to unburning are the same for everyone, and it's getting yourself in a position where you can unburn, and working on what caused that damage. Something hurt you in a very important place. You need to get away from the thing that hurt you, and it's entirely possible there's going to be something you need to deal with about it before you can fully fix it. You might be able to get a little better, even if that's not immediately possible, but at its core, unburning is more about being able to deal with what caused you to burn than it is anything else.
But, if that's a road you can get on, there's likely to be things you can do along the way. I canāt tell you how to let people in, join new communities, or build a system, not the least because thatās gonna depend on your person who, what, and how too much for me to say generally. Also, I donāt see that as the process so much as both the consequence -- as you unburn, youāll probably be able to figure out how to connect to these things in a way you had trouble doing when burnt -- and the eventual endgame. There are baby steps to go through first.
What I can offer is some generalities, and make some educated guesses at how theyāll apply to Snake and Bird Primaries, and some slightly more informed guesses from my position as a Burned Badger, but if anyone else -- any actual Snakes and Birds in particular -- have some insight on things that helped them or thoughts on what they think might do so, I'd love to hear it. Under the bump, because this post grew kinda long:
ā¢ Engage with fiction and media that feeds your primary.
Snakes can try attaching to characters; Birds can think about the rules underpinning a different life or universe; Badgers can borrow that found family feel from media to feed that need. Look up characters that share your primary, and think about how their stories make you feel. Make a playlist and stick songs that make your primary hum on it. Start keeping a document full of quotes or a bookmark folder full of images that hit your brain in that way.
You donāt need to be able to explain why you feel that way, especially not immediately. Get as tenuous and weird with those connections as you want! But spend some time listening for what your primary clicks with. From there you might want to dissect the why, or you might just want to wallow in it -- thatās probably a secondary thing, really -- but either way, the stockpile can be useful.
ā¢ Find low-impact things that feed your primary.
Which may not be the best phrasing, so let me give you an example: as a Badger whoās burned and a little hesitant about actively engaging in community, one of the things that really soothes that need for connection for me is livestreams. I donāt even read along the chats on most of them, but having that sense that other people are participating in the same thing I am gives me the warm fuzzies and makes me feel like a part of something. Timed challenges can do it too -- I like to participate in things like NaNoWriMo and NaPoWriMo, because thereās a sense that everyoneās in it together. These donāt require me to directly tackle the burn -- Iām not fully engaging, and nobody ever has to know Iām there, but it still feeds that part of me and keeps me attached to it.
I gotta admit for this one I donāt know necessarily what this might look like for Birds and Snakes -- I donāt even know if the things that work for me here would work for other Badgers! But if you can find something that stirs those feelings, while being non-important enough that you still can engage, hold on to it, make a note of it, and try to set aside time for it as best you can.
ā¢ Talk about important things with people who share your primary.
This might work better for some than others, but for me, being part of the SHC community has been a big help in helping me feel like my Badger could someday get healthier. Seeing other Badgers say things and going āoh! yeah! I get that!ā feels really good. Now, maybe this is a Badger-community-seeking thing, so if any Birds/Snakes feel differently and want to chime in, go for it -- or it might look differently there! for Birds it might involve healthy debate, for Snakes listening to other Snakes gush about their loved ones -- but it may be worth giving a try.
And narrowing down the broad topic of healing specifically aimed at your primary, these are easier said than done, but the applicable ones probably need doing nonetheless:
ā£ Accept that unburnt you may interact with your primary differently than memories you might have of pre-burnt you.
ā£ Forgive yourself and donāt beat yourself up for being burned.
ā£ When you do feel your primary stirring, learn not to doubt and shout it back down.
But as I said, these are just my thoughts as a Badger whoās still working on trying to unburn, so -- anyone else out there have suggestions or things that worked for them?
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Could you tell us more about wearing different houses and how we could use this to our 'sorting advantage'?
Confused? Pretty sure this was sent to a different blog? @wisteria-lodge had a lot of asks to answer and asked for some help from the SHC community, so Iāll be answering a few they sent my way!
And in relation to that, anon, if this is in reference to something mentioned previously on Wisteria's blog, I cannot find the original context! However, performing houses is something I'm particularly interested in, so let's talk about it. Without potential context, Iām not sure what exactly you mean by sorting advantage, so hereās my thoughts on two possible interpretations:
How can we use performances to our advantage in figuring out our sorting?
Try to break down how it feels when you try to perform other houses.
Does it feel like youāre fundamentally going against something you should be doing? Okay, then itās time to sit with that feeling. Figure out what part of you is objecting, and try to follow that line -- it may not lead to a glowing neon sign saying ācongrats youāre a [x]!ā, but it can get you in the ballpark.
Does it feel good? Okay, sit with that. What part of that feels good? Is there something right or natural about it? Can you try to filter to what that is? Maybe youāve tried to put on something you are deep down. Maybe youāve put on something that aligns on a particular axis, and can work your way from there to what your core is.
How can we use performances to help bolster our actual houses?
Oh boy, how canāt we?!
I see the benefits of performances as very similar to the benefits of models. Primary performances give you possible ways to check your primary, because all of the primaries have their areas where they need it now and again, and can help you figure out what to do when your primary doesnāt really have an opinion on the subject. Similarly, secondary performances can give you something familiar to fall back on when your secondary is unsuited to the task or the situation. They can give you something to lean on if your core house is currently struggling, to try not to tax it to the point of burning/exploding. They can just be fun to play with, especially secondaries. They can help you to write or act characters that match that performance, by giving you something to lean on in figuring them out.
Models are more rooted, so theyāre going to be easier to use for most of these purposes -- itās going to feel much more natural to do so. But performances are going to be easy to leave behind. Youāre not going to get trapped between a performance and a core house, while it is definitely possible to find yourself trapped between a model and a core house, even if the core is likely to win out in the end.
Itās also helpful in understanding other people. No, a performance isnāt going to give you the same experience as living that core house -- but it can give you some inkling of it, and sometimes that can make a lot of difference.
an exploded badger here who'd like to, you know.. find healthier ways to function. do you have any ideas?
Confused? Pretty sure this was sent to a different blog? @wisteria-lodge had a lot of asks to answer and asked for some help from the SHC community, so Iāll be answering a few they sent my way!
Iām gonna run by this real fast on this one, but standard reminder that like unburning, unexploding almost always starts with getting yourself into a position where youāre safe enough to do so and working on what caused it. And in exploded Badger Primary especially, the chances are high that whatās around you contributed to that mindset.
But this seems to be more about looking for coping strategies or ways to help, not a full reversal. Iāll be honest, fighting the exploded bits of my Primary is something Iāve struggled with a lot -- even more than the burned parts, I think. I can offer some experience, and some conjecture, but itās something that Iām still working out as well, so if anyone else whoās dealt with or is dealing with it has thoughts, Iād love to hear them added on.
Also I can offer a lot of sympathy and an open askbox, but thatās another story.
Some things that have done me good personally or that I believe would be helpful:
Note: Future-me popping back after the rest of the post to say that as a lot of this is from personal experience, some of it drifted into mental illness-adjacent topics and emotions that, for me, go strongly hand-in-hand with my exploded Badger. Nothingās gone too deep into that area, but I thought itād be good to shove in a headās up for anyone whoās not up for that.
ā¢ Make friends that will nudge you to prioritize yourself. And if your exploding is largely focused on a community, having them be outside that community is helpful. My (Snake Primary) best friend is the greatest help in trying to head off an exploded Badger tailspin; sheās the one who will tell me that itās okay if I donāt actually run myself ragged for everyone else, over and over again, when I need to be reminded. This is probably the #1 most helpful thing for me personally -- itās so hard to hear past my own feelings that I should be doing more that it really takes the voice of someone else that I trust to give me that permission.
ā¢ Practice asking for help and setting boundaries in places where you can. If thereās any communities that manage not to hit that exploded Badger need in you as strongly -- maybe youāre more detached and not as invested in them, which is totally fine even if your primary sometimes argues about that --Ā or where whatās going on is unimportant enough that you can convince yourself itās okay, try to practice there. My exploded Badger does not want me to say no or ask for assistance, even when itās not a big deal; itās easier to try to get used to it where it isnāt a big deal, before the important moments come around.
ā¢ This is not super helpful as a general statement, but without specifics itās all I can say: try actively practicing and making time for self care. Since how that works is different for everyone, I canāt tell you how to deal with it, and god is it hard, but since so much of exploded Badger can be putting others over yourself, itās also important to try and remember that youāre allowed to have things that will help you even if theyāre not necessarily your active necessities. Time for you beyond obligations is important.
ā¢ A subset of the above, but work on giving yourself something thatās yours, specifically. I donāt know how universal this is but when my exploded Badger is at its loudest, I keep putting off thing I want to try -- hobbies, media, places to go, all of it -- because Iām waiting to not be doing it alone. Finally trying to get out of that mindset has felt weird and awkward and lonely at times, but has also done a lot of good already. Find solo projects and hobbies. Get into a show or a podcast no one else you know is into. Find a place that visually appeals to you and go on walks by yourself. Itās great to share things with people, itās even fine if you share most things with people -- but try to get better at being okay with not sharing, too.
ā¢ This is another one that may or may not be a problem for you, but I also find when I get in that ādo all things for othersā place, itās very easy for my opinions on anything, from the trivial to the important, to get easily steamrolled the second someone else speaks theirs, which I see as tied into that exploded Badger primary mindset. If thatās a problem for you: document how you think and feel about things. Publicly or privately. Babble into the abyss on tumblr as you watch a thing so that you donāt forget your opinion when someone else tells you theirs. Start a journal and write down your feelings on important issues before you find yourself ping-ponging around between others. Heck, start a journal and write down what foods you liked before you convince yourself you actually like something better the way someone else makes it. Iām not saying youāre writing these things in stone -- you are allowed to change your mind, thereās nothing wrong with that. But I find it hard to pull out of that urge to put other people first to the point where I feel like their opinions override mine. If you get that way too, writing it down, with reasons and details if you can, can at least help you see when youāre doing it and try to figure out whether your opinion is genuinely changing or youād just shoved it aside.
ā¢ If the community youāre currently in isnāt entirely toxic, which is a different story altogether, remind yourself of things you love about your communities. That may sound counter-intuitive, but itās a form of individualism -- trying to reshape the thought from āIām here because Iām usefulā to āIām here because I like itā, and hopefully even āIām here because I get this out of itā. Itās a way to remind yourself that itās not supposed to be all one-sided. Also, I find that the exploded Badger mindset can sour me on places I do genuinely love when that isnāt ruling my brain, so itās a way to try and pull out of that downslide.
ā¢ On the flip side, another possibility: take a break from your communities now and then to try and reset yourself. This obviously only works in some communities, and also only in ones that arenāt trying to push your exploded Badger, just ones where you find yourself exploding at them nonetheless. And mileage may vary depending on other things -- I actually try not to do this because my combo of executive dysfunction and anxiety means if I get out of the habit of keeping up with a community, itās extremely difficult for me to jump back in. But if you donāt struggle with that, stepping back may help, both to disentangle yourself from that mindset and so that you can come back and see that theyāll be okay even if youāre not doing everything. Donāt isolate yourself completely, but if you find yourself getting deeply into exploded primary patterns in an area, itās worth a try.
ā¢ Celebrate small victories. Iām sort of stealing this from this addition to my earlier unburning post, but itās good advice in this situation, too. This stuff is hard. Even if youāre just trying to compensate or lessen the shouting and not fully reverse it right now, itās hard. When you manage it, celebrate it. And if you can celebrate it with others who will encourage it, even better, for Badger in particular.
What would burning look like in a Badger who is more focused on culture/traditions than actual people?
Confused? Pretty sure this was sent to a different blog? Wisteria had a lot of asks to answer and asked for some help from the SHC community, so I'll be answering a few they sent my way!
The same attitudes and feelings as most Burned Bagers, I think, but directed more at the traditions and the general sense of belonging than the actual groups of people. In my experience, that probably means either:
- deep wistfulness and yearning -- I just wish I could connect to things; I wish I had traditions but I'm not sure where to start; I had this once and can't stop thinking about how nice it felt but I can't figure out how to get it back.
- mistrust born out of fear -- following traditions or immersing yourself in community trappings is opening yourself up to getting hurt.
- or, maybe the most often, a mix of both -- I just don't think that stuff's for me (but I can't stop dancing around the edge of it/thinking about it); metaphorically pressing your face against the glass of the idea, but not letting yourself go after it or not feeling like you're allowed.
I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of burned Badgers deal with both the feeling of disconnection from people and traditions -- I know it's something I've struggled with. I suspect in someone who's solely or primarily focused on the sense of tradition or the community feeling as opposed to people is going to sound the same, they're just going to leave the people out of it when they talk about it.
