#explained badly

Vlad: No. I'm saying your ghost half ripped out my host half and merged with it to form a completely new entity.

Danny:

Dark Souls: Local Zombie tries to leave poorly funded mental Hospital, kills God, gets set on fire.

Dark Souls 2: Local Zombie is unwillingly elected President King of Detroit.

Dark Souls 3: Local Zombie and Blind Angel Kill God and don’t set themselves on fire.

Bloodborne: You just wanted to stab furries and then things got weird.

Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice: Naruto cosplayer destroys nation to make God cry and make child die.

I present to you, the whole plot of the Lois Lowry’s “The Giver” in stock photos

(as told for Western Audiences who've never seen a Xianxia drama before.)

Demonic wizard Wei Wuxian dies in Lava City during a huge battle and sixteen years later Mo Xuanyu, outcast wizard turned local madman, performs a sacrificial summoning spell to summon Wei Wuxian body and soul to exact revenge against Mo Xuanyu's abusive trash-bag family.

Only Wei Wuxian, Demonic Wizard, is a super cute chaotic muffin of goodness and not the hell lord he was portrayed as in the opening scene.

Wei Wuxian sorta helps some baby undead-hunting sword-wizards stop a Bad Time at Mo Manor before the babies realise they need a Real Adult and call in Wei Wuxian's ex, Lan Wangji. Since the last time they saw each other didn't end well for Wei Wuxian, he peaces out and steals a donkey for a road trip.

Which leads him straight to more baby sword-wizards, including the same ones he just left and they fight a statue before Wei Wuxian's angry brother shows up and we begin the 30ish episode flash back of that time in sword-wizard school when Wei Wuxian was so dense he didn't notice his boyfriend's giant crush on him or the time they got married in a cave before they went off on their quest to stop a war by finding magic Plot Devices.

Spoiler alert, they don't stop the war and everything is bad and Wei Wuxian gets yeeted into a giant unmarked graveyard and comes out rocking the demonic-wizard vibes and he wins the war.

Then this guy in gold (who didn't even help fight the evil bad guy from the war and belongs on a sex offender's registry) decides he wants Wei Wuxian's cool demon-wizard Plot Device and turns the sword-wizard community against him.

Wei Wuxian peaces out to become a farmer until guy in gold's nephew fucks everything up for everyone and gets people killed, which means the farming community of old people and one child have to die, so Wei Wuxian goes to lava city and things go bad and he dies.

The characters of the phoenix Wright games based on the random encounters musical and that one game theory episode

Phoenix Wright is a detective like sherlock but he yells more. He's always right (hence the name) also like sherlock. Because of this, he has a monstrous ego and seems to care more about that than the justice system being...well just. He also likes to yell "OBJECTION!"

His best friend is Larry butz. I don't know why that's his name. He doesn't do much. I think he's a bit thick.

Maya Fey is kinda cute. She can summon demons?? Idk what spirit channelling is supposed to be but it sounds creepy af. Other than that she seems harmless enough.

Miles Edgeworth is an enjoyable dick. I think he switches sides at some point? He also has a sister who whips people for some reason and calls them fools. Who allowed her to have a whip in the courtroom?

Also if they're siblings shouldn't they have the same last name?

The judge complains a lot.

No one likes Wendy oldbag. And frankly I don't blame them.

Winston Payne fails at everything. He's a real Payne ayyyy

ACT ONE

Prologue—Sing at a Person With a Mic!

Me, Who Am I?—“Pirate King” But the Prince is Being Self-Deprecating

In My Own Little Corner—Play Pretend to Attempt to Cure Your Depression

Little Corner (Reprise)—Oh Hey, They’re Both Depressed (aka Parallels™️)

Your Majesty—I Forgot This Song Existed

The Prince is Giving a Ball—Out of ALL of the Prince’s Middle Names, “Herman” is the One That Surprises You?

Now is the Time/The Prince is Giving a Ball—We Don’t Care That You’re Trying to Start a Revolution, THE PRINCE IS GIVING A FRICKIN’ BALL!

In My Own Little Corner (Reprise)—StOp MaKiNg FuN oF mE, MaRiE

Impossible—I Bamboozled You, Now Let’s Get Your Pumpkin Carriage and Furry Footman

Ten Minutes Ago—It’s Literally Been Ten Minutes Since I Met You and I’m in Love With You

ACT TWO

Stepsister’s Lament—Throwing Shoes Because WHY WOULD A FELLOW WANT A GIRL LIKE HER?!

The Pursuit—Dancing the Macarena to “Impossible” Backstage and Behind Trees

He Was Tall—Post-Coital Ball Reminiscing

Driving Through the Moonlight—Now, I Wasn’t at the Ball, BUUUT, it Was Lit, Fam!

Lovely Night—“DaHRLing, I LOve YoU!”

Loneliness of Evening—Prince Pouts About Ella at 4 AM

Announcing the Banquet—Princey Won’t Rest Until He Finds Ella

There’s Music in You—The Inspirational Song™️

Do I Love You Because You’re Beautiful?—Am I Crazy or Are You the Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread? Everyone Else: YOU’RE CRAZY!

Finale—These Two Have Known Each Other For Less Than a Week and They’re Getting Married. This is Like Romeo and Juliet Levels of Falling in Love Stupidly Fast... (Alternatively titled “Ok But For Real Though, Who Has a Wedding at Midnight?”)

Also woefully unincluded,

THE SHOE

DOES NOT

FIT