As someone who grew up in a home that repressed any action or thought of being a āchildā, I can positively say that I feel like a nobody. I was unable to express myself as I would have liked to do, like the other kids my age. At home I sat still because I didnāt know how other children acted. To āgrow upā, I learned to mind my manners, to cook, to clean, the esscentials in life.
At social outings I was told to āgrow upā and act civil. So I would sit at the table with all the adults and stare after the other children in longing but Iād criticize them in jealousy. A freedom to express themselves well within resonable limits.
With a mindset like that I was unable to make a single friend until 7th grade, when I finally discovered my own voice and sense of longing for my own self. I still find it very hard to be truthful to both myself and others, Iām still unable to find out anything about myself. Iāll jump at any chance to find something thatāll truly interest me and give me a sense of enthusiasm because the mask can only get me so far in life.
Iāve hidden behind my manners, the acceptable image of being civil and sociable for too long. I can only hope for salvation. Someone whoāll help me become a somebody. Or perhaps a sign of Living instead of whatever it is that this hollow cast tries to convey to express life.
