Chanyeol made clear that he wanted to be friends again, but you were clueless how he would do it. Half of your heart was expecting him to say that just because he felt bad and not give it attention, but the other half was expecting him to come around and make effort. Do what he promised, at least once.  

Jude was always on your mind before her father finally decided to show up and prove you that he was sticking to his words, a few days later. You thought it would feel like being thrown back at the moment that Meri told you about her pregnancy but it felt nothing like that at all. 

When Minseok came knocking your door, telling you that Chanyeol was there, you took the longest you could, mentally preparing yourself. What would you both even talk about? About those years apart? Maybe something random?  Each subjecting terrifying you even more. You didn’t even know him anymore, just like he didn’t know you. 

Arriving at the living room, you regretted wasting so much time locked up in that room. Sitting beside Chanyeol on the sofa was Jongdae. Your friend, that was not that friendly to you anymore, but still was there.

“Dae?” The surprise is clear in your voice. He only nods at you, still upset but not enough to ignore you. 

You were relieved. If Chanyeol managed to bring Jongdae to your apartment, that could only mean that there was a chance of fixing things in your friendship. Knowing Jongdae for so long, you knew he was stubborn. Way too stubborn. Once he made up his mind, no one else could change it, it didn’t matter that the person proved him wrong, it would actually make everything worse.  

“Let’s go?” He asked the other friend, still not looking in your eyes. “The others are waiting, already”. 

It was not enough, you still felt too distant from him, but it was a beginning. At that moment, you decided to not let it affect you even more than it was already doing, and instead of focusing on dealing with Chanyeol, you would worry only about saving your old friendships. That would be your goal before leaving again and a good distraction.

When you arrived at the pizza place, a smile took over your face when you saw Yixing sitting there, chatting with Baekhyun and Sehun, alongside a woman, dressed formally. 

“That is Yixing’s girlfriend.” Chanyeol murmurs, walking to the table. 

“And what about Liao?” You remember his girlfriend, that moved with him from China when he exchanged places with Minseok, ten years ago. Something that was supposed to happen for only a year, but turned out better for both. 

“They broke up years ago, a little after they came. It was bad.” Jongdae starts, forgetting for a moment that he’s not talking to you. “He’s dating Karlie for… I don’t know, maybe six, seven years now. I think he will propose after Junmyeon’s marriage, at least that’s what I picked on our bet”. 

“I see.” You decide to make a joke. “I guess you forgot to mention it in our calls”. 

He stops walking, making Chanyeol and you, that were behind him, stop too. 

“It’s not like you were sharing news too”. 

You stay quiet, not really knowing how to answer that. You felt red in the face. Chanyeol gives you a wink, encouraging you to not let Jongdae intimidate you. Your heart aches when you remember that he would always do that when you felt insecure. Maybe they were the same, after all. 

Dealing with Jongdae would be harder than Chanyeol, you realize. 

“Hey, finally!” Sehun was the first to notice your arrival. “We’re over here”. 

Everyone got up and started to greet each other, and Yixing introduced you to Karlie, his new long-term girlfriend. 

“What took so long?” Baekhyun question Jongdae. “We’ve been feeling like a third-wheel over here”. 

“We can finally chat, Y/N.” Yixing started, ignoring the other one. “How was your trip?” 

You shrug. 

“I don’t really remember. When I realized, the plane was already landing, I slept through it all.” Except for Jongdae, they all chuckle and the conversation change topics. 

After the first slice is served, you stare your old friend, unable to eat. He was talking to everyone else, normally, even laughing, but no word directed to you. You never expected Jongdae to be so childish. 

“We gotta go now.” The lawyer announces before you could finish the second slice, with Karlie by his side, already saying bye. “I have a trial tomorrow morning”. 

“And I need to bring you safe, or else Minseok will kill me.” Chanyeol jokes with you. “Not that he doesn’t want me dead, already. It would just legitimate him to do it”. 

You chuckle, hiding your mouth. 

Baekhyun shrugs at him. “He’s just waiting for a good reason to punch your face again”. 

“Again?” Your question is ignored in the middle of laughs. 

You can see the interest in Jongdae’s eyes change suddenly. Oh no. He’s looking, back and forth, from Baekhyun to you. 

You know you’re in more trouble. 

“Do you all want to leave already?” Chanyeol breaks the silence, looking unsure. “It’s still soon”. 

“I need to get going too. I have a flight early in the morning”. 

“You gotta solve that contract?” Jongdae wonders, looking at Sehun, that just nod, but you know his focus is not totally on the youngest. 

“Which one?” Chanyeol seemed interested, and so did Yixing. You were bored, not even knowing what they’ve been working now. 

“That beach house. The owner is just giving me headaches. Always changing his prices and… Now even his daughter is involved.” He looks at you, not saying any other word. Was that a secret? You felt left out. 

“Sehun was hired to mediate a sale, but since its value increased so much these last months, the owner is always increasing its price too” Chanyeol explained to you, seeing how confused you were. 

“If it’s too high, just don’t buy it. Costumers make the price”. 

“The thing is… " Sehun started explaining, very quickly. “That’s the only house left in that block, and they need that space”. 

So pay what they are asking, you wanted to say, but you hold your tongue back, not allowing to show how ignorant about this topic you were. You barely knew how to calculate the taxes, Minseok would always help you when it came that time. 

“It looks like they don’t want to sell it, they are just wasting your time. Probably testing how long is your patience.” The moment you said it, you could see Sehun’s face turning red. Being so young, you could imagine how many times people didn’t take him seriously. 

Chanyeol’s attention changed, looking at his cellphone like it was the only thing in the room. Baekhyun got closer to him, trying to sneak peek. 

“Uh, I need to go to Junmyeon’s before going home.” He murmurs, more to himself than to you. “Dae, do you mind taking Y/N?” 

Oh. No. 

“No problem.” He crossed his arms, but he seemed worried about Chanyeol too, letting his childish behavior go for a second. “Something happened?” 

“Yeah. I mean, no. That’s Kyungsoo. He needs help with something”. 

“I thought you said you need to see Junmyeon?” You can’t help yourself. If he was ditching you, at least do it properly. 

You feel how tense he was, but you don’t let this pass. Why can’t they just tell what’s wrong? Even Yixing and his girlfriend seemed to be worried, and for the little, you know the lawyer, he’s way too calm. 

“I did? Uh. That’s because I do need to pass there, and then I’ll go to Kyungsoo”. 

You were not satisfied with that answer, something felt off, everyone was tense. You were being excluded by your friends. But you let it go, there was no use to ask about something they didn’t want to share. Especially with Jongdae and Chanyeol. And your friendship wasn’t strong enough to push both. You didn’t have a place in their life to do it. 

“Can we leave, Dae?” 

You knew Chanyeol was feeling conflicted on letting you leave like that, but you couldn’t care less. You hated feeling outside, especially around people that were supposed to be friends with you. 

Jongdae and you went silent to the car. His mind was going wild, a lot of things going on, you could see that by the way he gesticulated his hands, talking to himself. 

“Dae?” You call him, suddenly, when he stops at a sign. “What was that when we were leaving?” 

“With Kyungsoo?” 

You nod, waiting for him to kill your curiosity. These years you spent away, Jongdae has become more and more silent, holding back information, sharing only what he thought that was interesting to you, or worthy saying, at least that’s what you thought. You felt his change, but you wished that he wouldn’t do the same when in front of you.  

He seemed… Like he was doing the same you did before. He didn’t trust you like you didn’t trust him. 

“It’s just. Chanyeol did something, years ago, something that wasn’t really legal… Something really bad. We all kinda did.”

 “What? He tried drugs?” You interrupt him, joking, but regret the same moment, seeing his face. That look he gave you, it chilled you. “Why is Kyungsoo taking care of it instead of Yixing or Minseok?” 

You hoped that Minseok wasn’t denying help because of you. 

“It’s a mess. As long as we can take care of it without lawyers, it’s better. Believe me. ” His grip on the wheel got tighter. You could see how white his knuckles got. “Let’s not talk about what happened, it doesn’t matter, we can’t go back. Focus on now. Someone knows what happened.” He starts gesticulating while driving. “If this person spills the beans, she will get in trouble too, but nothing compared to what Chanyeol could face. Kyungsoo was negotiating with her. Chanyeol is going there to know the news”. 

You wonder who she could be. A lover that now changed her mind? That made you sick, still jealous of a man who did not belong to you. 

“So, someone is blackmailing Chanyeol?” 

“No, not him. It’s blackmailing Junmyeon. Everyone. Us all. We knew it. Shit, I even helped. But Chanyeol is this person’s target. He did the ugly part. Metaphorically speaking, he pulled the trigger.” Jongdae sighs, before continuing. He’s getting angry.  You wonder if that was really just a metaphor. “Just please, don’t think too much about it. It’s been so long, doesn’t matter anymore, anyway. We will take care of it”. 

“It seemed like it does matter”. 

“You know what matters?” His grip on the steering wheel got tighter as if that was possible. “Baekhyun seems to know the reason why Minseok was so furious at Chanyeol because of you, and I don’t”. 

“Can’t we leave Chanyeol out of a topic for once? It seems like he’s the only subject we have to talk about.” 

When Jongdae kept silent, you give up ignoring it. 

“Ugh. Baekhyun wasn't supposed to know. Chanyeol probably told him, you know how annoying he can get when he’s curious”. 

“So Chanyeol does know the real reason. What is it?” 

“It’s something that happened so long ago. I never expected Minseok to behave that way. So unnecessary, but it’s my fault. I should have kept silent”. 

You knew that changing the subject was not going to help you, and Jongdae wasn’t going to let you do it, but trying was still an option. Just talking about it made your chest ache, for many different reasons. Jongdae could end up being more angry at you than he already was! Thinking about it all, was so silly. 

He stayed silent, still waiting for your explanation.

“Sorry I lied to you. I do know why Minseok was angry, sorry, Dae.” You pause for a moment, thinking carefully on your next words. “Before Chanyeol and Meri were a thing, things were different”. 

“How different?” You could feel the softness on his voice now. You didn’t have to voice it, he already understood. 

“It was a secret. Chanyeol and I.” Tears were forming on your eyes. All you didn’t cry on your best friend’s shoulder were here now, ready to embarrass you. “For two years”. 

Jongdae kept silent, thinking about what you just confessed. 

You felt relieved. Your best friend was no longer in the shadow, there was no reason to not tell everything now. You felt lighter. Except you wouldn’t tell him everything, just most part of it. 

“When he came to break whatever it was that we had, he was already seeing her. For months. Chanyeol told me that. He didn’t care how I felt about it. He asked me to stay friends with him. And I stayed, for a year.” The tingle sensation got you, remembering that even years later Chanyeol would ask you that. 

After a few minutes staring the road without looking at it, you realize that Jongdae already parked in front of the building. Your heart asked you to tell the whole truth but things were so ugly… You were not ready to have Jongdae knowing this side of you. 

“You’re quiet, but you don’t seem to be shocked”. 

“If we’re being honest here, it’s not really a surprise that something was going on between you two. Baekhyun and I… We kinda knew it, never knowing. We even guessed it once, before he was with Meri.” He pressed his forehead, looking stressed. “I always knew you felt something different when it came to Chanyeol. It was really obvious”. 

You sighed, recognizing the truth in his words. That was absolute truth. Everyone knew. Even kids at school used to joke about it. You always denied, and so did Chanyeol, but deep in your heart, you wanted him to stop kids from joking about your friendship and tell everyone he liked you, so you could finally assume your feelings.

Except he never did that. It felt like you were still expecting it. For years you thought he was just shy about it, but when he declared his love for Meri on his birthday, the truth came. He probably never even realized you had feelings for him. Child’s dream. 

“Baekhyun once mentioned that he thought Chanyeol looked different at you. That he commented something that piqued his interest, but I didn’t really believe. You know how Baekhyun is. Even Junmyeon said something once. Knowing it was true is not really that shocking now”. 

Junmyeon? Your heart raced. That could explain so many things. 

He turned to you, but still not looking into your eyes. 

“But then he made all that scene for Meri. The guys even admitted they were wrong”. 

“You mean Chanyeol confessing his feelings for her at his birthday party? That was when it all started”. 

“What? How? I slept at his house that day”. 

You chuckle at his innocence. He really slept there, so did Baekhyun and Jongin, but not the owner of the house. They stayed for an after-party, that was what they called, and to mend Chanyeol’s broken heart, picking its pieces.

“Boys got so drunk that you all passed away in the living room. He was bored, wide awake, Chanyeol didn’t want to sleep yet, so he came to see if I was still awake. My parents didn’t see him coming in, but they caught him leaving. Didn’t you always wondered why dad still looks weird at Chanyeol?” You try to make a joke, but you only earn a smile from Jongdae. It looked almost like pity. 

“Please, don’t look at me like that. I loved him so much that I didn’t care about his silly crush on Meri. It was just it. A crush. We were friends for so long that I never thought he would leave me so easily, breaking my heart. I’m fine now”. 

You expected Jongdae to call you a liar. He didn’t, but you knew he knew. 

His expression wasn’t changing, and anxiety was consummating you. It was hard to breathe, so you tried to open the car’s window, but that wasn’t enough, so you opened the car’s door. 

You turned your whole body for outside, to catch air easily, and felt when his hands were caressing your hair, just like he'd done back then, whenever you needed someone to just… Just be there. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Softness was back at his voice and you felt like going back on time. Maybe he was still the same Jongdae and you were still the same Y/N. 

“He wanted to keep it a secret. Always delaying it. Only when he told me about her that I understood his reasons. He never planned to stay”. 

At this point, there was no reason to hold your tears. You just let them fall, not able to endure the pain in your throat. 

“I guess that’s why it still fucking hurts. I thought that since we were friends, he would care for me”. 

He never planned on staying because his place was by her side. You cried harder, unsure if they were for your first heartbreak or guilty. 

Guilty was consummating you since you got back at the city. Even before that, but now things were worst. You couldn’t walk the street without remembering that she walked that before, too. 

“I know I’m an idiot but, even if I could, I wouldn’t change that. I would change many things that I’ve done, but not loving him. But I hate him. Being friends again is almost killing me, Dae”. 

After calming down, you seat straight again and close the door. 

“I called off my engagement. I had to tell Minseok why I didn’t want Alec here. I like him, but I don’t feel like I deserve him. Not when I still have feelings for someone else”.

“Is that why Minseok was so mad at Chanyeol?”

You wanted to scream the whole truth, but that was enough for now. Not even you understood what happened all those years ago. That would always be your secret. Your and… 

“I had to tell him why to explain what I couldn’t explain to Alec. I just didn’t think he would take it to his heart. Do you think I did wrong?” 

He stood silent, just staring you. 

That was even more difficult than when you told Minseok. Your cousin got really angry at Chanyeol, but that was it. You were spared. Jongdae no. Jongdae was just silent, not showing any reaction. He was almost numb. 

“If you miss him, or think of giving him a real chance, call him. Invite him, so we can meet the guy. You already said you've engaged anyway. You’re worried that you may realize that you don’t like him at all?” Then you finally feel his eyes staring you. “Or you think on trying something with Chanyeol?” 

“I didn’t break up with Alec because of that. I just want to make sure that I’m not doing to him the same that Chanyeol did to me”. 

“Y/N.” Jongdae calls for your attention. “If you feel like that, maybe you like him way more than you think. And people don’t deserve people. We can’t control feelings. If he likes you, there’s no such thing as deserving. Understand your heart and fight for what you love”. 

Yes. Maybe you did like Alec more than you thought.

You entered the apartment, determined. You were going to call Alec and be nice to him. You wouldn’t rush and tell him to come already, but talking to Jongdae made you soften your heart and want to be nicer with him. 

“Were you crying?” Minseok surprises you, when you enter the kitchen, making you even forgot what you were going to pick. 

Your cousin is sitting in front of his laptop, wearing his work glasses. Carla nowhere to be seen. 

“It was nothing. I was talking to Jongdae”. 

“You’re really fine?” 

“Minseok, I think I’m gonna call Alec and tell him that I don’t want to break up with him. At least not yet”. 

The only other time you saw Minseok smiling so big was on his wedding day. Your heart felt warm, maybe you were finally doing things right.

“I’m glad you’re giving it a second thought”. 

You were going back to your room when you remembered. 

"Why did you punch Chanyeol the first time?"

and also, after some time, your hectic schedules got the best of you. suddenly, you saw yourself trapped in an infinity of things to do, showcases to attend, sessions of recording, rehearsals, and everything started to become kinda blurry. a hiatus became inevitable, and even though the headlines called you a hundred different names, you knew all of your fans and team felt every single tear you dropped before falling asleep every single night, for a whole year, as you prayed you got the strength to get back to what you truly loved to do.

in the end, the tears paid off - you got healthy again, took the much needed space from everything and everyone, including sehun. when you announced your comeback, you weren't surprised to receive messages from all of the exo members, including him, to wish you good luck. chanyeol said it was good to have you back, and even offered himself to pay you a meal the next time you two met. kyungsoo said he missed listening to new songs of yours, and that he was happy to see you back on your feet.

sehun only said "fighting!", followed by a string of coloured hearts, just like he used to send you when you two were rookies.

so of course you couldn't believe that he was now saying you two should hang out.

[yourusename]: um... may i ask why?

it was also ridiculous how fast he read your text and started to type back.

[oohsehun]: i mean, if you're not busy of course.

[oohsehun]: there must be a lot of things for you to do, right?

[yourusername]: ...that didn't answer my question??

your hair stylist hummed a song as she fixed your hair. you knew it was almost time to get up on stage for the first time in a year and a half, but screw that - your stomach was now flipping in anticipation because of oh sehun, not because of your comeback.

and god, it took him time to reply you - actually it took only seven minutes -, and the more the "typing..." indicator showed on your screen, the more you felt like throwing up and ruining your perfect makeup.

[oohsehun]: yeah, you see... it's been a while since the last time we got to talk and be out together.

[oohsehun]: it was kinda simple back then, right? we didn't need to worry about anything. but then i got super busy, and you got super busy, and i'm so glad we both made it.

[oohsehun]: but i also regret not celebrating with you, all of the things we conquered. so i guess i wanna do that now. i should be there for you, we were best friends before and i'm sorry i didn't support you properly, especially on your hiatus.

that wasn't true though. your manager told you about all the times she met sehun throughout the year, and how he always asked about you every single time; asked if you were okay, if you needed anything, when were you gonna come back. it was his way of taking care of you from afar, you knew it.

still... the way he mentioned you two being best friends made your heart sink. sehun was your best friend, but you wished for him to be so much more than that to you.

[yourusername]: so you only wanna see me because you miss being friends?

you typed and sent the message way faster than your brain could function, heart taking control of your actions. by the time you realized, he was replying.

[oohsehun]: did we ever stop being friends? 🥺

at that, you chuckled. you could imagine him facing his phone with that exact face.

[yourusername]: no, we didn't. you'll always have a special place in my heart, you know that.

[oohsehun]: that's cheesy af.

[oohsehun]: but i'll take it, because maybe i missed you...

[oohsehun]: and as we're friends, can you please help me with something?

[yourusername]: what?

you heard a tiny 'done' and, as you looked up, you saw your hairstylist smile at you. the last thing you needed to finally come back was now finished, and you were probably minutes away from entering the stage.

still, you held your phone in both hands as your life depended on it - and maybe it did.

[oohsehun]: baekhyun hyung and someone else made a bet with our manager. they said i wouldn't have the balls to ask you out on a date after so long 🙄

[oohsehun]: can you please say yes to my invitation so he can lose the bet?

[yourusername]: ...date?

"is y/n ready?", you heard your manager asking as she walked into the room. your hairstylist answered, but you couldn't quite follow the entire conversation.

[oohsehun]: oh yeah, my bad. we're gonna go out on a date this weekend 👍

[oohsehun]: please dress comfortably and be ready to eat and laugh a lot.

[oohsehun]: and to catch up... i have some gossip to tell you 👀

[yourusername]: sehun, that sounds exactly like what we used to do back in the day...

[oohsehun]: and it is. but, as a date, i get a free pass to hold your hand and maybe show my other side to you, don't i?

[yourusername]: ???

[yourusername]: what other side?

"y/n, we gotta go", your manager gently grabbed your arm, making you look at her. "we have 10 minutes."

you nodded, even though your heart was racing and your throat was dry.

"i... i-i just gotta finish this", you said, lifting your phone.

"what happened?", she asked, clearly worried.

you chuckled. "oh sehun happened."

your phone buzzed with a new notification.

[oohsehun]: my romantic side, of course. i got one, you know? 🤭

"sehun-ah? why?"

"i think... i-i think he just asked me out."

[oohsehun]: i just saw you're next at music bank. i'm watching it live!! please be careful on stage and have fun. you'll do great, fighting! 🧡🧡🧡

[oohsehun]: i'll call you later to talk about our date 😌

"shit...", your manager mumbled, reading the messages beside you and hearing you squeal. "i owe his manager some money.

"you what?!", you looked at her.