The Jerk and the B*tch (With Kai)
genre: enemies to not lovers at all!au, kinda douchey, big dih kai x uptight reader, they're both meanies, hair pulling, kinda bratty reader, praise, fingering, riding, car sex, ok i think i got it all 🤭 summary: your friends come together to celebrate oh sehun's birthday! you like to be home by 1. kai likes to show up at 1.
It’s Oh Sehun’s birthday, and normally, you’d find a way to Irish goodbye by midnight, but Sehun manages to find you every single time. It must be because he’s two heads taller than everyone in here.
For the time being, you were sitting at the booth, sipping on your iced water, pretending it was a very, very watered-down cocktail. You did this to avoid Sehun coming over to you and making you take shots with him. A magician’s best crowd is a drunk audience, isn’t it?
So here you were, waiting for your moment to slip out of the club while you people watch. Soojung and the rest of the girls were dancing together in their own little circle. They had tried to make you stay but knew better that you’d be cranky and moody if you did. Sehun, the birthday boy, was flicking his wrist and dancing with Chanyeol and some other guy whose name you forget.
Sehun makes eye contact with you and raises his glass to you. You false a smile and sigh, taking a sip of your drink with him.
And that’s when your eyes drift off to him.
Kim Jongin. Or “Kai” as he likes to obnoxiously call himself.
Kai was the douchiest, and you mean the absolute worst friend Sehun had to offer. He was the most disrespectful towards everyone’s time, always arriving late to parties and last to leave. He was also the instigator, buying shots for everyone when they clearly needed water instead. And if he wasn’t shoving drinks down people’s throats, he was in women’s throats shoving his own tongue down them. The man disgusted you, no, repulsed you.
Sehun and the boys cheered when their (emphasis on their) friend finally showed up a little past midnight. Although you loathed Kai, you thanked him for this wonderful opportunity to leave while the birthday boy was distracted. You set the glass down on the table and get a move, slipping through the crevices of sweaty people. You’re almost out the door – smelling the fresh air from the exit.
“Irish!!”
The aggravating voice you hate so well catches your attention, unfortunately.
“Shots!” Kai smirks when he spots you in the crowd – he's also a freakishly tall man.
You’re about to leave, choosing to ignore him, when Sehun calls out your name with the drunkest smile splattered on his face. Now you have no choice but to stay just a biiit longer.
“Have I told you how much I fucking loathe you?” You mutter for only Kai to hear, grabbing a shot from the tray.
“You love me?” He leans down and puts a hand to his chest mockingly.
“You know what I said, asshole.”
He chuckles, clinking his shot with the guys and tries to with you. You simply roll your eyes and take the shot, pissed off.
“Sucha bitch.” He mumbles before downing his tequila.
The friend group was used to the two of you bickering, so none of this was out of the ordinary. They just hope you leave them out of it, which you did. At least you try to. You mostly had a problem with it when Kai would purposefully keep you around so you could take care of your shared drunk friends that he got wasted so that he could slip out and hook up with some woman he had just met.
It was now closer to two, and you were growing cranky and crankier as the time went by. You tried to dance with the girls to forget how angry you were with Kai, but they were far too giddy and tipsy for you. You were just not at their level anymore - sober as a judge.
Your eyes find Kai dancing with a girl, his back facing you and think this is your chance. Third time’s a charm, right? You bolt to the door, making sure not to make yourself seen by Sehun either. The fresh air hits your face and you’ve never been so happy to be out alone in the dark.
You take the deepest breath and order an Uber, grinning to yourself at this newfound feeling of freedom.
You walk a bit further when you don’t get matched right away. But ten minutes turn into twenty and you’re seriously debating just giving up and hauling a cab instead.
“Fuck. I should’ve left hours ago.” You complain to no one but the cold night air.
“Irish~” The familiar voice sings behind you. You turn around and find him with a woman at his side. You eye his hand placement on her hip. She’s nestled at his chest, giggling to god knows what. You look in disgust as she pulls open his dress shirt and starts peppering his chest with kisses.
“That’s fucking gross.” You don’t hide the judgement in your face. The woman doesn’t seem to care, stuck in her own little world. “Honey, do you know how many STDs you’re going to get tonight if you sleep with this manwhore?”
That seems to break the spell. You watch as the sparkle in her eyes disappears. You hold back your laugh as she walks back to the club like you pushed the factory reset button on her. The disbelief on Kai’s face as this happens right in front of him is priceless. You snap a picture when he turns to look at you.
“And you’re an uptight cunt who doesn’t know how to let loose.” Kai spits out in pure hatred.
“Awn, was that supposed to hurt my feelings? I’m soooo gonna cry tonight.” You feign hurt, blinking innocently as if you didn’t just ruin his entire night. Payback’s a bitch. Kai’s jaw tenses and you think you’ve won this battle. You chuckle one last time as you’re about to check on your Uber when Kai is suddenly hovering over you.
It takes a second for you to register what’s happening. Your eyes capture every single detail: how he gulps when his fingers lace through your hair, how his cologne was making you go crazy with each breath, how his lips were plump and red from making out with that girl, and how he crashes them onto yours with a passion mixed with hunger and anger.
And there must be something in the air tonight that makes Kai seem irresistible because you kiss him back. His hands find their way around your waist and he’s pulling you in closer to feel your body on his. His tongue swipes your bottom lip and you moan when you let him in to let your tongues wrestle.
Your arms are around him, resting on his shoulders as you fight each other to be the dominant one in the kiss. You whimper when his lips leave yours. He steals your phone and cancels your Uber that’s clearly not coming anytime soon.
“Hey!” You scold.
“My car’s a block away.” Kai mutters against your lips, giving them a peck before he’s dragging you in that direction.
“Who says I’m coming home with you?” You don’t stop, letting him pull you away.
“Consider it your apology.” You can hear the smirk on his obnoxious face.
“Apology? You should be apologizing to me! Fuck you, Kai.”
“Ah, that’s what I’m trying to do. Get in.” Kai sits down in the driver’s seat, already putting his seat down and making space for you to get on top of him. He’s staring up at you expectantly, like he knows you’re gonna break.
The pressure in your stomach grows and you feel yourself clench around nothing. Your body is desperately pleading for you to sink on his member and ride him into oblivion. Your mind is telling you to run, run girl.
You take the deepest breath and quickly straddle him in small space. Kai grins as he closes the door for you. He doesn’t give you time to adjust and get comfortable, kissing you like he’s been starving for you. He has one hand caressing the back of your neck as you make out while the other pushes your panties to the side and plays with your cunt, spreading your wetness and circling your clit like it’s his job. And fuck, was he doing a good job. You wouldn’t let him know that though.
“Is that it?”
Kai laughs as you try to act tough. But the truth is your question comes out breathy and shakily.
“Yeah, motherfucker?” He practically spits out, grabbing a fistful of your hair and pulling it, exposing your neck. He licks a long stride across your neck to your earlobe where he nibbles it a bit. He times it perfectly so his fingers start fucking you when you moan and eventually gasp instead. His pace is ruthless when he finds the spot that has you crying for more.
“Is that it?” He mocks, his lips tickling the skin on your neck. He’s sucking on your neck like you’re in high school. You attempt to stop him from giving you a hickie but the grip he has on your hair tightens and he has you creaming all over his fingers. “How’s that?”
He’s smiling at you as you try to gain your composure. He bites his lip when he feels your heat pulse around his fingers, wanting and needing more.
“That better have not left a mark, you fucking dick.” You say, one hand rubbing on your neck while the other takes out his hardened member out of his pants. You hate to stroke his ego, but it bounces out of there like a challenge.
“You’re drooling.” Kai chuckles, taking his tongue out to lick the shiny saliva off your lips. “What? Think you can’t take it?”
You laugh it off, lining his member up with your entrance. Kai leans back with his hands behind his head, watching you do all the work. You tease him, rubbing his tip across your wet folds that he so generously made happen. He rolls his eyes when he thinks you’re trying to tease him. He tries to sit up, but you push him down roughly and leave a hand on his chest to keep him there.
“This is nothing.” You lie. Kai hums, knowing what full of shit you are. You sink down on his cock slowly, feeling it stretch you in a way no one has ever truly done before. Your eyes shut and you bite your bottom lip at how filled you’ve become. Kai’s hands are at your hips, rubbing you up and down.
“Take your time with it.” He encourages. You don’t realize you’re blushing until Kai cups your cheek.
His hips thrust up into you slowly. You steady yourself on his shoulders as you try to move with him, bouncing on his dick at the same rhythm he was pushing himself into you.
“That’s it. Not so bad, huh?” The frown on your face from the discomfort transforms into one of pleasure as you adjust to his size. You’ve never felt so fucking filled before. And to think Kai was the one to do it for you. Fuck. Life sure was a funny thing, wasn’t it?
You’re a moaning mess above him, hopping on his dick like you were an olympian and this was your sport.
“Fuckfuckfuckfuck.” You swear when you feel that pit in your stomach begin to tighten again. Kai has your forehead against his, holding you close to kiss you whenever he wants - or honestly, to shut you up. His grip on your waist is strong enough to leave marks. He needs this release as much as you do.
“Shit, please, Y/N cum for me. I’m close.” His voice has never sounded so beautiful. Before you knew it, you were clenching around his member, screaming at the top of your lungs. You feel his warm release inside you fill the condom. He cums with a sigh, head falling onto your chest. Your hand finds comfort in his hair, stroking it in mindless circles.
His dick twitches inside you whenever your pussy can’t help but clench around him. It hits that spot that gets you yelling for more.
“I... Do you wanna come over?” You can’t ask him to his face, letting him stay near your breasts where you feel him smiling.
“Put your address in.” He hands you his phone without so much as looking up at you.
It’s quiet as you input your address in.
“After tonight, this is never happening again...” You pause.
“Keep typing.”
chananyeol bong: here you go @unconditionallove4jeonghan!! i dont usually do requests but you asked so nicely hehe 🤭💕💘 i hope you like it!! i hate writing mean kai 😂😂 it hurts me inside hahahahha. also i forgot to say but they wore a condom. y/n isn't taking any chancesss 🙅🏻♀️😤😠 request: "jongin x reader enemies to enemies but they are both jerks car sex..?"
















