#executive dysfunction adhd

I can do magic tricks

I shall now turn around

Abracadabra!

That thing there? It disappeared

Not only do I no longer see it, I no longer think of it

It has gone from existence

Stupid is a word that we unfortunately hear and use way too often. Every time we say something that we didn’t think through, do something impulsively or write something that is wrong because of a lack of knowledge, we “are stupid”. At least that’s what others or even ourselves would say. And if you make quite a lot of impulsive mistakes or don’t learn enough for your tests it seems to be justified that you are stupid. Every bad grade, every wrong answer and every imprudent action manifests this even more. Meaning that especially with ADHD you get called/call yourself stupid a lot.

But are you really stupid? Stupid literally means “having or showing a great lack of intelligence or common sense”. Intelligence means “the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills”. Common sense is “good sense and sound judgment in practical matters”. If you didn’t study for a test and get a bad great, it shows that you didn’t acquired the knowledge that was needed to get a good grade. Or you just failed a test because of the inability to concentrate on the tasks and therefore you just overlooked important aspects or made careless mistakes. What it doesn’t show is your ABILITY to acquire and apply knowledge. If you’re executive dysfunction made studying, concentrating, etc. impossible it has nothing to do with stupidity.

No one would call someone who is long-sighted stupid because he was not able to read the questions on his/her assignment and therefore getting everything wrong. Nobody would call someone with a broken hand stupid because he couldn’t write an answer to a difficult question.

ADHD is literally a disorder that affects your executive functions. Activation, Focus, Effort, Emotion, Memory and Action are impaired. What is not impaired is your ability to „acquire and apply knowledge and skills“. But you’re executive functions just don’t work as they are supposed to. This often hinders and blocks you to use your abilities and potential. You HAVE the abilities and you ARE intelligent. You just have a problem accessing that in some situations.

It is true that some disorders (down syndrome for example) affect your intelligence. This of course doesn’t deprive those people of their value, yet it still is a fact. However ADHD hinders you mentally but NOT in a way that affects your intelligence.

Some days are harder than others. Some days our executive functioning abilities are at rock bottom and we struggle. It's hard, we have no motivation, we can't focus on what we need to, we can't get up, we can't do the thing...

We just...

Can't.

During these times, do you sit there and think "I can do this, it's easy, just do it. Go! Move!"

Stop.

It's okay.

You are neurodivergent. You are not a failure.

Society isn't built for brains like ours. We think and act differently and sometimes we will struggle to do even the basic of tasks. And that is okay.

It is okay to have an unproductive day. Tomorrow might be better. Just because you could do it yesterday, doesn't mean you can do it today. But that also means that just because you can't do it today, it doesn't mean you won't be able to tomorrow.

It's more encouraging to accept that you will have days of severe executive dysfunction than to tell yourself to just do it, then fail. Don't set yourself impossible standards. So what if you can't do that thing today? Your brain is amazing and can do so many things other brains can't.

You click to open a new browser window, but it's so slow nothing happens. So you click it again. Nothing. Click. Click click click. Click click click click click click click.

One of two things then happen:

The whole computer crashes from trying too hard and not only have you not opened a new window, all the other ones have shut down as well

All of a sudden many many new windows fill the screen and you didn't mean to do that, you were just being impatient. That's too many windows! Please stop! How do I close them all?

ADHD affects every moment of my every day with everything I'm doing. It's a disorder and I struggle to do things the typical way. That's not my fault and I need to be easier on myself. It's okay to ask for help, it's okay to not be able to do things at all, as well, or as fast as others.

And

Appearing that I'm using ADHD as an excuse for not being able to do even the simplest of tasks despite how bad my executive dysfunction is that day.

Going almost 3 decades knowing you're struggling through life more than your peers and that you're very different from them, but not understanding the reason for it

Seeing yourself struggle with a disability and being so consciously aware of it

Sometimes I just want to be neurotypical for 5 minutes.

Don't get me wrong, I love my quirks, I have abilities others don't have thanks to my ADHD, and both medication and cognitive behavioural therapy are useful tools to help.

I sat on the floor in the same position Googling wombats thinking:

"Why am I still here?

Why am I getting so distracted?

Why am I procrastinating so much?

It's not that hard!

My hair is gross and I don't want it to be. I want clean hair! Showers feel nice.

I have headphones on but haven't been listening to anything. For hours!

My legs hurt from being in the same position for too long.

I turned down the offer of icecream for dessert because I was about to go have a shower so I'll get some after.

Why am I not moving?"

I finally forced myself to get up and shower at 8:30pm. After some dancing in the mirror, I got in the shower at 9pm. I was in the there for 10 minutes.

At 10pm I finally dried my hair after looking up the differences between the different Canadian political parties, dripping water on the carpet.

The executive dysfunction was strong tonight. Yes, we are aware of when it happens and no, we can't "just do it" even if that's what we tell ourselves in frustration. It's not laziness, it's a disorder.

But despite it being a small victory,