#theadhdfeeling

We're forced to learn a second language in school. French, Spanish, whatever.

But in most schools...

Learning your country's native sign language is not mandatory.

This is not okay!

D/deaf people aren't only ones who would benefit from this. Hard-of-hearing or Hearing Impaired people, CODA or those in the Deaf community who's first language is signed, those with Auditory Processing Disorders, those with verbal disabilities, and many many others NEED this to be more widely taught.

We can't force them to speak our language, but we are privileged enough that we can learn theirs. And rejecting this is an insult. It's ableist.

Auditory and verbal disorders also sometimes are comorbid with other disorders and disabilities such as Autism and ADHD.

But if you want a more selfish excuse to learn, consider this:

You can communicate in loud environments

You can communicate in places you're expected to remain quiet

You can communicate under water

You can communicate across a room without having to yell

You broaden your friendship circle by being more inclusive

It's hecking fun to learn!

More job opportunities are available to you

For someone with ADHD, procrastination isn't always what you think it is.

Many times it's something we WANT to see the results of, or something know we NEED to do.

Hate the feeling of greasy hair? Love the feeling of a warm shower? We still struggle to take that shower no matter how much we want it.

And we don't just procrastinate with boring projects like house cleaning or laundry.

We will procrastinate peeing. Eating. Moving out of an uncomfortable position.

Executive dysfunction isn't a choice, it isn't just us being lazy, it's a struggle, and it's not us just putting something off until later because we can.

During hyperfocusing, our nervous system doesn't even signal to our brains that we need to do those things. So we don't. But boy do we feel the effects of it after! Usually pain....

And many times we fail to connect a feeling to a solution. For example, we can be hungry, but it doesn't come to mind that eating food will solve that hunger.

I can do magic tricks

I shall now turn around

Abracadabra!

That thing there? It disappeared

Not only do I no longer see it, I no longer think of it

It has gone from existence

Me: *Responds appropriately*

Them: Did you hear what I said?

Me: Yes

Them: Can you repeat back to me what I said?

Me: ................ No.

My brain knows which facial expressions fit, which yes or no responses could fit, and can even continue the conversation briefly, but it can't always take in the actual words being said well enough to consciously process them.

Choice Paralysis

Choice paralysis is struggling to make a decision

This can be seen as a symptom of many disorders. Anxiety, and all disorders that come with anxiety. Depression. ADHD. Autism. BPD. And more.

ADHD also comes with the struggle to understand object permanence. We get the concept, we know that logically what we don't see still exists, but working memory is run by executive functioning, a major thing that those with ADHD struggle with. When our attention is taken away from a hidden object, that object ceases to exist. This is why we forget what is put in drawers or cupboards. Why we forget to text a person first. Why when we tidy up and find something we haven't seen for a while, we go "Oh I remember this!" and sit and play with it for half an hour.

Okay, that might just be the distracted, difficultly regulating attention part of ADHD....

When we are asked to chose something such as "What would you like for dinner", it is incredibly difficult to make that choice.

Are you annoyed when your friends or partners say "I don't know, whatever is fine" and then reject your suggestion? They probably aren't just doing that to be a brat.

When given a choice with infinite (or feels like it) possibilities, it's very difficult for us to make a decision. The options aren't right in front of us. Object permanence gets in the way.

How can you help?

Give us a list of things to choose from. Now we can visualize our options and it's far easier to pick one. It's like me asking you what colour I should paint my nails today. You don't know what colours I own, so how could you possibly choose? I need to give you a list of (over 300) choices.

(I recently threw out 100 bottles so 300+ is pretty good for me. Hush, I have a passion.)

Another way to help, and to help ourselves, is to make things visible. Use shelves and pinboards. Hang clothes up. Use a whiteboard. If we can see it, we know what we have to work with.

Sometimes our anxiety gets in the way, and even though we have options to choose from, even if it's just 2, we still struggle to make that decision. What if it's not the option you would have picked? What if you wanted the other one and you're too nice to tell us? Even if you don't mind, you still may have had a preference. With ADHD and anxiety, Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria can make us feel as though us making the wrong decision can cause you to like us as a person less, and consequently, we've hurt our relationship, potentially for good. It may sound extreme, but that's RSD for you.

How can you help?

Make the decision for us. Seriously. Please. Understand that it's not our fault, reassure us that we're still very loved by you, and make that decision so we don't have to. If we really really don't like that choice, we will tell you. This is where the "Anything is fine.... Except that" comes in. Please be patient. We're trying to be honest, as well as struggling to choose.

And sometimes, we really don't know what do decide. A or B. No idea. Can't choose. Really can't choose. Even if it only affects us and social pressure isn't involved.

How can you help?

Make the decision for us. But this time, we can tell if we are excited or disappointed by your choice. Your decision shows us what we really wanted this whole time. And if that doesn't work, well thank you for making the decision for us.

Some days are harder than others. Some days our executive functioning abilities are at rock bottom and we struggle. It's hard, we have no motivation, we can't focus on what we need to, we can't get up, we can't do the thing...

We just...

Can't.

During these times, do you sit there and think "I can do this, it's easy, just do it. Go! Move!"

Stop.

It's okay.

You are neurodivergent. You are not a failure.

Society isn't built for brains like ours. We think and act differently and sometimes we will struggle to do even the basic of tasks. And that is okay.

It is okay to have an unproductive day. Tomorrow might be better. Just because you could do it yesterday, doesn't mean you can do it today. But that also means that just because you can't do it today, it doesn't mean you won't be able to tomorrow.

It's more encouraging to accept that you will have days of severe executive dysfunction than to tell yourself to just do it, then fail. Don't set yourself impossible standards. So what if you can't do that thing today? Your brain is amazing and can do so many things other brains can't.

To a neurotypical brain, it might be 3 steps.

To a neurodivergent one, it might be 15.

Let's make a cup of coffee, Keurig style!

Neurotypical:

Fill water dispenser

Put mug on the little tray

Insert pod of choice

Select size and press start

Wait

Remove old pod and enjoy your coffee

My ADHD brain:

Lift dispenser off machine

Open lid

Turn on tap

Fill dispenser

Turn off tap

Put lid back on

Put dispenser back on machine

Lift lid to pod section

Remove old pod that you forgot to take out last time

Open cupboard

Struggle to choose a flavour

Eventually pick up pod

Put pod in machine

Close lid to pod section

Struggle to choose a mug

Eventually pick up mug and put on the little tray

Select a size and press start

Wait. And get distracted and forget you're making coffee at all.

If you come back to it, take mug from machine, forget to remove and throw out the used pod

Open microwave door

Place now cold mug of coffee in microwave

Close door

Select time and press start

Wait. And get distracted.

Sometimes I get to drink the coffee, but 2/3 of the time it's because I'm reminded by someone else that I have it. And then I still forget to finish it because unless I'm actively holding the mug, I don't remember it's even there.

Many times the list of steps is so long and overwhelming I decide not to even try. And this is just making coffee! Imagine the executive dysfunction struggle when it comes to other tasks.