#exdancer

how I've survived being an ex-dancer.

(more content to come in later posts but we’ll begin here)

I don’t know where to start describing this beginning. I also don’t know what the theme of this blog is going to be. Not going to stress myself over it. all I know is my thoughts, convictions, and ideas are mainly what will be here.... this will probably be the longest post.

who I’ve been: (guess i’ll start here) in my short life thus far, I have defined myself by many things. Encompassing most of my life I was a dancer. I still am, of course, but not in the same means. for 15 years I trained in ballet (and all the other dance categories but ballet was my core). and let me tell ya, from being completely involved in ballet and planning my future upon it, to stopping it all together was a struggle. I cannot tell you how long it took me to surrender to God regarding his plan for my life. Ballet was everything to me. It became apart of me. Now, I put this under “who I've been” because I held the difficult habit of letting dance define me. Someone would ask what I do and I would reply with “oh I’m a dancer.” of course there’s no harm in doing this, but for myself it made dance an idol in my life. it took me a long time to realize that too.

one thing about being a dancer is the constant active lifestyle. going from training 5-6 times a week for hours + rehearsals for hours and then stopping, took a toll on my body. I had to find ways of being active and working out so I wouldn’t go crazy. fitness became my friend. I amerced myself in this new world of fitness and started doing research and looking for regimes specifically for my body, all that jazz. changing my diet I found necessary too. so I started workouts and fitness plans. if there is any advice I can give to a person who has stopped training in dance and decided to do something else with there life, it is this: keeping your body active in ways other than dance itself will help physically, emotionally, and spiritually. because if you are taking care of your body, then you will feel better. of course, your body will change due to the difference between the dancing muscles used and normal people workout muscles. that you will just have to accept. but yeah.

who I am: First and foremost, I am a Christian. I am a servant of God. He is my strength and my salvation. I proclaim this with no shame. Letting God lead my life is the least I can do. I love him with all my heart and I strive for my life to reflect that. Anything I have overcome is because of God. Any goal I've reached, any accomplishments are all blessings, and I hope to take none of them for granted. I still consider myself a dancer and a very artistic person, but instead of it being my life, it is another way of my worship for God. all about interpretation.

a hat: I wear a teacher hat proudly. I have been teaching/choreographing ballet for many years. adding to that I work with a high school drama co, as their choreographer. I have found that from stopping ballet, having an artistic outlet is so important. and working with this school it such a blessing.

another hat I wear is being a full time student. I graduated a year early from HS and went straight to college. that has some major bonuses. but the downfall is what all this change had done to me spiritually. I went from being in high school and training for my future career in the ballet world to not pursuing one at all and schooling instead. the friends I was constantly surrounded by, who became my sisters, I no longer had much contact with at all. I was no longer in my church youth group being out of HS (I instead joined our college group). all the positive people I was surrounded by, I unintentionally left there lives. throughout my first semester of college I went through cycles of depression stemming from my loneliness. I questioned my decision on stopping dance, I questioned myself as a person. I struggled to find my identity because for so long I found it through ballet.