#escapetoreality

If you love someone,

are you really willing to let them go?

If a girl has her heart broken but she doesn't tell anyone,

does she still feel the pain?

If you finally give up on a hopeless cause,

does that make you cowardly or courageous?

Well...

If nobody ever reads this blog,

I've decided I'm very selfish.

No,

not the way you're thinking.

Though it seems I have been doing a lot of thinking lately

and this is my conclusion.

I don't want to share you with anyone,

ever.

If you really love someone,

you will let them go.

I love you more than you will ever know,

beyond any meaning that words can give.

Even when I want to bash your brains in for being stupid.

Even when I feel like I'm not good enough.

Even when I have to watch you interact with other pretty girls,

because that just reminds me that I am selfish.

I feel both blessed and cursed.

Blessed because you are so wonderful,

I have never met someone 

with a gentler touch

and a kinder heart

who loves me, despite all my crazy.

Without you here to laugh at my stupid

and be stupid with me,

my life would be so much darker.

Cursed because you are so wonderful,

losing you scares me.

Losing your love and your best friend together?

That's a lot of heartbreak.

And I wonder why pouring my heart onto paper

makes me a little bit braver,

but I think I know.

Each flick of the pencil,

every word that I create makes me a little more vulnerable.

And I feel brave.

I've always wanted someone to read my thoughts,

but the personal thoughts,

the deep thoughts,

are the only ones worth sharing.

That's another reason I'm selfish.

I hide from so many,

hiding everything I write down from everybody except you.

So I have to keep you,

because keeping you is keeping me too,

if that makes any sense.

So I'll keep us like a book.

We will add more stories,

Sometimes the guilt overwhelms me.

All I want is for him to be happy

but I never would have thought his happiness

would put a demand on my soul.

I don't want to see it

I don't want to touch it

I really don't want it in my mouth.

Why am I the only girl that seems to have a problem with it?

I'm just not ready but I feel pressured.

I try so hard her doesn't realize

how anxious I feel.

I fee like I'll vomit sometimes

so I'll make an excuse

and put it off another day.

Phew.

I don't want to have sex

I don't want to be sexual

I want to be fifteen not twenty five.

This is wrong

I'm all wrong.

I'm not ready 

I'm scared

stop 

stop

stop

I didn't sign up for this.

The guilt is there either way

I feel guilty if I don't

I feel guilty if I do.

Help!

I'm being crushed .

What have I done?

I love him so much!

Really?

Yes.