#eruptodon

Fuck this dragon in particular. I have never been so irrationally angry at a children's show. I needed to actually go outside, touch grass, and snort a line of the day's current fascistic hijinks just to be normal again. The Eruptodon sucks ass and I'm right and I'm gonna tell you why I'm right.

This neckless dipshit makes zero sense from an evolutionary standpoint, unless you think of it as a dead end on a long line of highly-mutated and deformed quakens. If the Defenders of the Wing are to be believed (which we'll come back to them), this joke of nature eats only lava and shits out its brain cells if it doesn't eat enough, causing it to dig into other volcanoes and wake them up if it's close enough. Worse than that, it apparently only lays one egg in its lifetime, which, from a biologistical standpoint, is how species fuckin die. And to top it off, the egg must be nested inside its ancestral home inside the volcano it was born from in order to be hatched...

Couple issues with that:

in S4E9 Mala, Throk, Throk's stupid orange Hostess Zinger haircut, and all of the weeaboo Nordic ninjas on the island call out for help because The Great Defender (who needs quite a lot of defense herself) is weakened after laying her only egg ever. And said egg must be transported to said special chamber deep within the recesses of the volcano. How the hell did this species ever survive without human symbiosis? Did the toasty Night Terrors in the volcanic tunnels do it? Furthermore, there was a hole in the ceiling of said special chamber. Why/how did the ancient members construct this fancy and ultimately pointless bullseye of stone without also finding some way to get attention from someone topside?

The lava that enters said special chamber is the EXACT SAME FUCKIN LAVA FROM THE REST OF THE "rapidly rising" LAVA IN THE CALDERA THEY ENTER. It's not special. And it absolutely consumes the egg at the end of the episode. They could've chucked the egg in the caldera and the [checks notes] highly heat-resistant baby Eruptodon would've been fine.

You know what? Maybe it's just that Mala and company are complete buffoons and they've been casting their people into the volcano for centuries to appease a vomit-slurping, half-tailed, overgrown gravel tadpole that nature has been so desperately trying to assassinate. "The Great Defender was seen staring at you for five seconds longer than it usually does other people. You will summarily be thrown into the lava so its desire for your flesh will be satiated."

Either these imbeciles don't have the first clue how this dragon works, or it really is that big of an ecological mistake. What are you even poaching from this thing? What natural predators would a charred Hot Pocket with wings have? Nobody, not even the earth itself, wants this fuckin sunfish of a dragon, except some half-brained lunatics that need their king to take an arrow to the gut to rule them.

-the buffalord

-the screaming death

-the skrill (i think)

-the eruptodon

If you're still taking requests, I humbly ask for a sleepy eruptodon(or one takin a lava bath, which ever one resonates with you more)

I definitely bit off more than I could chew with this one, but I feel like I’m learning??